Yo I itch for cake which states I’m clever at many a party but if ever

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by bagglad, Dec 1, 2014.

  1. bagglad

    bagglad Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2005
    Messages:
    781
    Yo I itch for cake which states I’m clever at many a party but if ever
    Anybody discover my goal it would uncover my soul and I’ll never
    Survive this jive, will be kicked to the curve if I don’t know any slick
    Words, my pride would disappear not good to collide with fear a chick
    Trying to figure me out my ambitions grown bigger no doubt need a fix
    From the sexual standpoint my plan is to anoint her with love words quick
    And this club is like a hardcore bar and what’s more bizaare is her round
    Hips and lips renown I sit down to have sips of beer up in here a pound
    Of butter do exists because her body is lickable and inexplicable yall
    Wanna grab her waist and place her lace on the bed make a phone call
    Got a perfume thist in the universe of love girl bought her purse to the club
    Didn’t give a dern, live and learn to get plenty cake at any rate stay above
    The rim like 2pak this is true art so I keep my head up when I feel misled
    I duck, my punchlines feed cats at lunchtime in the form of chips and bread
    Stuff rip heads open like hospital surgeons, got a bubbly flow and doubly so
    When I drink champayne but a damn shame to get drunk best be sober yo
    My flow stays in those days when spirits were brave and lyrics saved the world
    Wanted to be hurling tragic using MERLIN magic and dragons puffed and whirl-
    Winds of fire appear and caused tons of strife had to run for your life the fire
    Will track you down as it attack the ground and burn grass turn it to ash, hire
    A fire truck
    test
  2. Mr. Taylour

    Mr. Taylour New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2015
    Messages:
    5


    yo that was cool...your structure was a little hard to catch but it was aight. You should try to break your lines up more to make it easier to catch.
    test
  3. bagglad

    bagglad Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2005
    Messages:
    781
    mr taylour tanks folr the props really appreciate that for real but know no other way to write one lol
    test
  4. jollythemadman

    jollythemadman New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2015
    Messages:
    5
    Nice concept. I agree it was hard to catch but still good. Sorta reminded me of common. My flow stays in those days when spirits were brave and lyrics saved the world. Favorite part. Overall a decent verse.
    test
  5. A-Major

    A-Major New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2015
    Messages:
    3
    I would say break up your words. Overall I liked your flow but it was a bit hard to read
    test
  6. MrFlux001

    MrFlux001 Member

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2012
    Messages:
    211
    WHAT THE FUCK.

    YOU NEVER IMPROVE.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    test

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