In Memory of Mavens Dropkick

[Nam Dekan]

this is taken from jasonrivera.com...long read but I found it amusing

FACTS YOU PROBABLY DID NOT KNOW ABOUT MAVEN’S DROPKICK.

1) Although people find Chris Nowinski intelligent, Maven's Dropkick graduated from Harvard, then from Yale, speaks five languages and invented Dual Shock technology which is used in videogame console controllers.

2) Maven's Dropkick can beat Super Mario Bros using the U-Force.

3) Maven's Dropkick has had sex with Brooke Hogan. Twice.

4) Maven's dropkick was the original choice to play A.C Slater in Saved By The Bell but had to pull out at the last minute leaving Mario Lopez a very happy man.

5) Maven's Dropkick, when it was discovered by Al Snow & Tazz accidentally, actually killed Tough Enough 1 Darrell, however WWE was able to use high-end computer technology to refilm most of Tough Enough 1 and cover up Darrell's death by making him the first person cut. Since then they have hired a Darrell impersonator to pose as Darrell to fool his friends and family.

The real Darrell is buried in a shallow grave behind the WWE Building.

6) Not even Maven's dropkick is mighty enough to disinfect Scary Mary's vagina.

7) Maven was practicing his dropkick somewhere in Asia. Unfortunately he was at the beach and fell into the water during his dropkick. The result is the Tsunami Disaster of Thailand.

8) Maven's dropkick once built a working helicopter out of used pizza boxes and lawn clippings.

9) Maven's dropkick was responsible for the death of Natalee Holloway.

10) The Maven Dropkick is so powerful that when it hit Spider-Man it purged his superpowers and turned him back into a normal man. These are the events prior to Peter Parker's powers not working in the movie Spider-Man 2.

11 )Maven's dropkick's human form is Vin Diesel.

12) "in the 1980s Big Tobacco decided to include the secret to Maven's dropkick in packs of cigarettes. This was abolished by the US government."

13) "In April, the Brooklyn Brawler chose (poorly) to spar with Maven. One dropkick later and we're introduced to the Boston Brawler."

14) Contrary to popular belief, Maven was never actually delivered by doctors when he was born. He dropkicked his way out of his mother's womb.

15) Maven's dropkick is incredibly busy at the moment. It's sold out five straight arenas in the UK. It's regularly seen on VH1's Best Week Ever. It has its on radio show on XM..."

16) The side effect of the Maven Dropkick is baldness. Just ask Bob Holly.

17) The Simon System does not involve body cream or fitno-powder. In actuality it involves Maven dropkicking the fat off of people as they sleep. it is for this reason Maven and Simon Dean are a tag team.

18) "Who pulled up the briefcase in Steve Austin's ladder match against the McMahons?
Maven's dropkick, that's who."

19) Maven's dropkick caused Matt Morgan's stuttering problem.

20) Edge is just a patsy. Maven's dropkick is Lita's real lover.

21) It's said that if Maven's dropkick sees it's shadow in February, the world will end.

22) The World Trade Center explosion involved planes? I call bullshit. Maven's dropkick was hijacked by Al-Qaeda members and flown through the buildings. And yes, it did take 23 hijackers to just get one dropkick.

23) Maven shot you with 1 dropkick. You died.

24) The PS3 will feature support for seven controllers. Why not 8? Because Maven's dropkick exclusively has rights over being player 8 in any game you play as it sees fit.

25) Nintendo's Revolution will be fully compatible with Maven's Dropkick.

[Nam Dekan]

6) There is a third unannounced tier to the X-Box Live service, exclusive only to those that think they can challenge Maven's Dropkick. Reports say that it may cost your soul just for one round of play.

27) The 2005 RAW Diva Search winner is already chosen - Maven's Dropkick.

28) There's a great urban legend that states that President Bush got an advisory notice from Al Snow, telling him to be on the lookout for Maven's Dropkick. Bush ignored this; that is why Maven's Dropkick runs wild to this day.

29) Maven's Dropkick caused the fall of ECW.

30) Hot on the heels of John Cena's album, it's been announced that Maven's Dropkick will also get it's own album. Although the Dropkick itself cannot sing, the problem has been resolved by adding Maven's entrance theme on the same CD 16 times.

31) Keaton always said, "I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of him."
Well, I believe in God -- and the only thing that scares me is Maven's dropkick.

32) Sean Waltman once was asked about Maven's dropkick, and was quoted as saying it's "alright." The Gods punished Waltman for this. That punishment is known as "1 Night in China."

33) I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before Maven dropkicks you. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time... For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars... And yellow leaves, from the maple trees, that lined my street... Or my grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper... And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new Firebird... And Janie... And Janie... And... Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday.

34) Videos have shown that in The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, Link can transform into a werewolf. The original plan was for him to be able to transform into Maven's Dropkick, but the licensing rights were so expensive that it would drive Nintendo straight out of business.

35) Chris Nowinski does not have post-concussion syndrome. His head just hurts from his attempts to figure out and decode the secret of Maven's Dropkick that if he had known it would have allowed him to win the first-ever WWF Tough Enough.

36) You're not the boss of me, Jack. You're not the king of Maven. I'm the boss of me. I'm the king of me. I'm Maven Huffman. I'm the star. It's my dropkick and I say when we roll.

37) In the hit videogame series Street Fighter II, Akuma attacks you with the "Shungokusatsu." The move is never actually SEEN but cannot be blocked and usually kills the enemy. What is Maven's Dropkick called in Japan? Shungokusatsu of course.

38) In the movie Zoolander, Mugatu decided to use Derek Zoolander to assassinate the Prime Minister of Malaysia. Originally Mugatu had called Maven's Dropkick to do the job, but Maven's dropkick could not fit Jacobim Mugatu into it's busy schedule.

36) I've been watching past episodes of Raw, and I just saw Maven's Dropkick. It was so awesome, that it rendered me immobile, and that is why I haven't responded in seven minutes.

37) It is said that if one looks closely enough into Maven's Dropkick, they will be granted all the knowledge in the world. They will also be comatose.

38) Maven's dropkick never had a severe case of tongue thrust as a kid. And as such, Maven's dropkick has no nervous lisp.

39) The 11th Commandment was the one God was the most strict about: Thou Shalt Not blasphemize the Maven Dropkick. Chris Candido did this and dropped dead immediately.

40) What Maven's dropkick is to life, Sonny Siaki's is to death.

41) It is said if Maven's Dropkick wins 10 consecutive World Titles that the furies will become unbalanced and the Earth will merge with Hell itself and cease to exist. It is for this reason Maven has never been allowed a World Title reign.

42) Maven's Dropkick was heavily favored in the race to become Pope, but was not dumb enough to convert to Catholicism.

43) Maven's Dropkick removes red wine without leaving any residue.

44) Any WWE titles featuring Maven will not be applicable for download on the Nintendo Revolution's new game-download service, for current internet speeds can not handle Maven's Dropkick.

45) Joey Matthews (aka Joey Mercury) was NEVER meant to be the third member of MNM. It was originally supposed to be Maven's Dropkick, however Rey Mysterio, in fear for his life in the ring, begged Vince to allow Matthews to replace the Maven Dropkick.

46) No one is exempt from the Draft Lottery. Not even Maven's Dropkick.

47) The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is MAVEN when I lay my dropkick upon thee.

48) A gypsy once told a Young Ric Flair "Atop the turnbuckle lies the secret of Maven's Dropkick." It is for that reason Ric Flair has been attempting to climb the turnbuckle for 30 years even though he NEVER accomplishes anything when he gets there.

49) Snitsky is right. It wasn't his fault. It was Maven's Dropkick's fault.

50) Counter-Strike players PH33R TEH L337ness of Maven's Dropkick.

51) Terri Schiavo's feeding tubes were pulled by Maven's Dropkick.

52) The claims of Christopher Reeve getting paralyzed by falling off of his horse are false; he was paralyzed by Maven's Dropkick.

53) No games will ever be made for the GBA using Maven's Dropkick in the future, for something this small cannot handle something that big.

54) Many backstage in the WWE locker room are hoping that there is soon a Maven/Flair match, so that Maven's Dropkick may knock some of the titflab off of Flair

55) On any day when Maven's dropkick points west, any babies born on that day will be strong and healthy.

[Nam Dekan]

56) Shenmue, Lan Di will become ultimate if he gains both mirrors. What are the mirrors the key to? Maven's Dropkick.

57) The only move that Undertaker ever sold? Maven's Dropkick.

58) "In Final Fantasy VI, Sabin was supposed to have a 9th Blitz. The Blitz? You guessed it. Maven's Dropkick."

59) The last person to attempt to uncover it's secrets went MAD. Who was this man? His name was Bob. Bob Holly. He once had a powerful dropkick himself. But not as powerful as Maven's. In anger he now attacks anything that enters the ring with extreme prejudice to prevent anyone else from learning Maven's Dropkick."

60) Maven's Dropkick is so powerful, that it can miss an entire lifetime of Dropkick Facts, and would still be able to kick you ass.

61) -If the Orlando Jordan Afro and Maven's Dropkick were a tag team, they could win the WWE tag titles on both shows, the TNA tag titles, the ROH tag titles...pretty much every tag title made.

62) If you press BLOCK UP UP HIGH PUNCH during Mortal Kombat II when Dan Forden Appears you will face Maven and his Dropkick as an UNDISCOVERED WARRIOR FROM MORTAL KOMBAT.

63) What does the red button do on Darth vader's costume? It summons Maven's Dropkick.

64) Maven's Dropkick is rumored to be an Aeon in Final Fantasy X.

65) The reason Devil May Cry is not called Devil Will Cry is because it lacks the inclusion of Maven's Dropkick as a move in Dante's repertoire.

66) Maven's Dropkick will be singing whatever Japanese theme song they put in Final Fantasy XII.

67) If you turn your Nintendo Gamecube upside down while playing Animal Crossing, Maven's Dropkick will move into your town.

68) Maven's Dropkick knocked the hispanic out of Chavo Guerrero and turned him into Kerwin White. As a result of this behavior, Maven Huffman was released from World Wrestling Entertainment.

69) Maven's Dropkick goes to college.

70) In the future Maven's dropkick is contained within the Autobot Matrix of Leadership. This is the one thing Unicron fears.

71) Maven's Dropkick removed Val Venis' hair.

72) The frosting you occasionally see in the hair of Michael Cole is not frosting. it's the color in his hair actually being blown away because he has just witnessed a Maven Dropkick LIVE somewhere.

73) Maven's Dropkick roughed up the Blue Meanie at ECW One Night Stand. However over the years it has learned to shapeshift and took the form of JBL to do so. Mr. Layfield was framed. That dropkick loves a good rib.

74) There is a book loosely based on the Maven Dropkick. What is it, you ask? Mortals refer to it as "The Bible."

75) Maven's Dropkick killed Danny Tanner's wife, and DJ, Michelle and Stephanie's Mom/Jesse's sister on Full House. It then took the form of an avatar known as "Dave Coulier" to laugh at their tragedy under their own roof.

76) All your Maven's drop kick are belong to us

77) Maven’s dropkick was the inspiration for the hit TV series Walker: Texas Ranger.

78) After seeing Maven's dropkick for the first time, Magic Johnson had the AIDS scared right out of him, thus why he is still alive.

79) What's under the Burger King mask? MAVEN'S DROPKICK.

80) Bruce Lee had a dream about Maven's Dropkick. He is now dead.

81) Many different ideas are floating around about who really killed JFK. It was Maven’s Dropkick.

82) Maven's Dropkick molested Michael Jackson.

83) They say Odin was only defeated once when lightning struck his sword. Historians have found this is not factual; he was defeated twice, the second time by Maven's dropkick.

84) Maven's dropkick cured Mr. T of lymphoma.

85) The reason Serpentor was not a successful leader in GI Joe was because despite having the DNA of the smartest military minds in the world, Cobra was unsuccessful in getting the DNA of Maven Huffman and his dropkick.

86) When Maven goes to the movies, he takes up two seats - one for him, and one for his dropkick.

87) The original run of JasonRivera, which no longer exists, looked like Maven's Dropkick. The reason it no longer exists is because there can only be one.

88) Rob Van Dam wasn't limited to "Cool" and "Whatever" on the mic. it's just that he once looked at Maven's dropkick so long that it erased his entire vocabulary. He has spent the last three years trying to regain it.

89) Maven's Dropkick, if it hit Jim Ross in the face would cure his Bells Palsy. However, it would also kill him.

90) A Maven dropkick orgasm lasts 30 minutes long.

91) The Maven Dropkick can jump up to 350 times its body length. For a human, that would be equivalent to jumping the length of a entire football field.

92) Maven's dropkick caused poverty and AIDS in Africa.

93) The cure for cancer has been found, it is Maven's dropkick.

94) If Maven’s Dropkick and Vin Diesel both enter the room you are in your head will explode.

95) If you rewind Maven's dropkick, you will undo all of creation by doing so.

96) Maven's Dropkick has broken many laws, however Frank Castle won't attempt to 'punish' Maven's Dropkick for it's crimes because, it's Maven's Dropkick.

97) Maven's Dropkick was contained in the chemicals that made Daredevil blind and at the same time gave him superhuman powers.

98) The reason Jason Rivera and his website are so awesome are because he was born on November 27th. Maven and his dropkick were born on November 26, making Jason Rivera indirectly touched by the awesomeness of Maven's Dropkick by being in astrological proximity.

99) Maven’s Dropkick once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die, it then used it's Jesus like powers to resurrect him and do it all again.

100) Al Snow and Tazz are fighting a bitter custody battle over Maven's Dropkick. Currently Tazz only gets to see it on weekends.

[Nam Dekan]

101) Mayans predicted that Maven’s dropkick will end the world in 2012!

102) Maven's Dropkick can hear what you're thinking. All your doubts and fears, and if you look at Maven's Dropkick in time you'll find the reason it's here. In time all things shall pass away, in time you may come back some day, to live once more, or die once more. But in time your time will be no more.

Maven's Dropkick wrote that for you. It's going to sing it at your funeral.

103) Maven has 87 friends. 1-86 are those clones of Tazz you see in Tazz' titantron. #87 is Maven's dropkick.

104) Maven's dropkick can beat Mike Tyson's Punch Out in less than 7 minutes.

105) Maven’s dropkick is Sin.

106) A deleted scene from Die Hard involves Maven’s Dropkick taking out a room full of terrorists with only a q-tip, rubber band, and scotch tape...this scene was also the inspiration for the show MacGyver.

107) Maven's dropkick can perform oral, anal and vaginal sex, all at the same time.

108) Maven's dropkick is Luke Skywalker's true father.

109) Maven's dropkick directed the Lord of The Rings trilogy.

110) Maven's dropkick holds the record for most scenes in the porn industry.

111) Maven’s Dropkick is not embarrassed to play D&D, in fact Maven’s Dropkiick is able to kill a level 90 red dragon with 90% damage reduction...at level 1 with only a short sword.

112) Maven's dropkick was the one that framed OJ Simpson.

113) You wouldn’t like Maven’s Dropkick when its angry.

114) Maven's dropkick knocked Saddam Hussein in the hole where he was found.

115) Maven's dropkick, wrote, produced and directed Star Wars. George Lucas got credited for it because Maven’s Dropkick was feeling charitable that day.

116) Maven’s Dropkick also had a role in Star Wars. What part you may ask? The Death Star!!!

117) Maven’s Dropkick knows the recipe for the world's greatest meatloaf, but if you ask for it, Maven’s Dropkick will eat your face.

118) Maven's Dropkick caused the Third Impact when it collided with the 1st Angel.

119) Maven's dropkick tore down the Berlin Wall.

120) The Live 8 concert did end famine in Africa but Maven's dropkick knocked it back.

121) Mugatu's Dog obeys Mavens Dropkick.

122) Maven's Dropkick eventually takes over the Universe in all possible dimensions. Just ask "The Watcher."

123) What does the M. in M. Bison stand for? Maven's dropkick of course.

124) Maven's Dropkick has been used to knock asteroids on a collision course with the planet earth out of orbit.

125) Chris Masters is only called the Masterpiece because Maven's Dropkick, also known as the "Real Masterpiece" allows it.

126) Maven's dropkick is what turned Nova into Simon Dean in the first place.

127) The secret of Maven's dropkick is hidden away in the End of Time.

128) Maven's Dropkick is the one thing that can truly kill Dracula and prevent Castlevania from re-appearing.

129) In some small countries, Maven's Dropkick is worshipped as a deity.

130) Maven's Dropkick is out of control and capable of releasing itself even when Maven himself attempts to deny it.

131) Maven's Dropkick is going to be Kamala's secretary of defense in 2008.

132) Maven's Dropkick put hair back on Batista's head back when he was bald.

133) Bill Goldberg left WWE in fear of being struck by Maven's Dropkick.

134) Maven's dropkick popped Madonna's cherry.

135) Maven's Dropkick freed General Zod from the Phantom Zone.

136) Maven's dropkick, dropkicked the bus in London and killed 40 people.

137) Just watching Maven's dropkick burns 300 calories.

138) Maven's Dropkick gave Rocky Balboa brain damage.

139) Maven's Dropkick compelled Freddie Blassie to stand up out of his wheelchair once.

140) Maven's Dropkick puts all the fake songs with swirly sounds in it all over Kazaa.

141) Maven's Dropkick + Plutonium = Time Travel.

142) Maven's Dropkick has had sex with all your girlfriends.

143) I caught Maven's Dropkick having sex with one of my girlfriends, I sat and watched, it taught me many things.

144) The movie Tremors was based entirely on the destructive power and cannibalistic nature of Maven's Dropkick.

145) Maven's dropkick will soon have the surgeon generals warning attached to it.

146) Usually you hear that Galactus has heralds. Well Maven's Dropkick wasn't no damn herald. Galcatus was MAVEN'S DROPKICKS herald!

147) Ultra Magnus did not destroy 3/4 of the Autobots ship. Just as he was about to push the button, the ship was hit by Maven's Dropkick.

148) Maven's Dropkick killed Franz Ferdinand, leading to WWI.

149) Maven's Dropkick is the real father of Jesus, this Immaculate Conception thing is a farce. Same goes for Annakin Skywalker.

150) Staring into an eclipse of Maven's Dropkick can cause blindness.

151) Matt Hardy heard about Edge and Lita from Maven's Dropkick.

152) Maven's dropkick distracted tough enough winner Jackie Gayda during her match with Trish Stratus in 2002 resulting in the worst match of all time. The reason, Maven's Dropkick was jealous of the Tough Enough 2 winner's exposure exceeding its own.

153) Maven's dropkick invented the wheel.

154) While Maven was released by WWE this week. Maven's Dropkick remains under contract. The plan for Maven's Dropkick is that it will recieve a monster push starting with a run in during the Hogan-Michaels match at Summerslam which will eventually build to a Maven's Dropkick royal rumble 2006 victory and Winning the World Title at Wrestlemania 22 in a match with Triple H.

155) Maven's Dropkick is more powerful than any finishing move in WWE history, except of course for the pedigree. After being hit with Maven's Dropkick you must job for 14 weeks afterwards due to the lingering physical effects. The pedigree causes 4 years of jobbing (just ask Chris Jericho.)

[Nam Dekan]

156) Upon his callup from OVW, Nick Dinsmore was hit by Maven's Dropkick. The result: Eugene!!

157) Most American's are wrong about the USA saving the British from Germany in WW2, it was actually Maven's dropkick that stopped Hitler and Nazi Germany.

158) Maven's dropkick is the reason why Zack Gowen needed a fake leg.

159) Who are you to doubt El Dandy?
Maven's Dropkick, that's who.

160) Brock left the WWE to pursue the NFL due to fear of Maven's Dropkick. Now that Maven was released, guess who has returned?

161) Maven's Dropkick is undergoing legal procedures to attempt to emancipate itself from being in Maven Huffman's custody.

162) Maven's Dropkick has been all of the Undertaker's druids. At the same time.

163) Maven's Dropkick is Dawn Marie's Baby's Daddy.

164) Maven's Dropkick was so powerful that it split the entire WWE roster in half. We are still suffering it's effects.

165) THE EARTH was far from ready to support human life.

On the second day of creation Maven's Dropkick formed the atmosphere we breathe and the clean blue sky with white clouds that grace the sky above us. It called the atmosphere Heaven. This is the first heaven; the second heaven is all of the universe above the atmosphere and the third heaven is where Maven's Dropkick lives.

Evening and morning passed and Maven's Dropkick, looking at all It had done on that second day of creation, pronounced Its work to be good.

166) Maven's dropkick is strongly against the war in Iraq, hence the reason why Iraq is still on the map today.

167) Maven's dropkick knocked Katie Holmes into Tom Cruise's arms.

168) Maven's Dropkick installed the GPS tracking device on Brooke's car.

169) Maven's Dropkick refuses to recognize the authority of the State supreme court of California.

170) Maven's dropkick is responsible for the fact the leaning tower of Piza is leaning.

171) A homeless man once approached Maven's Dropkick and asked for some change... Maven's Dropkick promptly bitch-slapped that motherfucker and sent him on his way.

172) Maven's Dropkick was Dr. Jack Kevorkian's method of choice for ending the lives of his patients.

173) Maven's Dropkick stole the secret recipe for JR's BBQ sauce.

174) Maven's Dropkick once kidnapped Chavo Guerrero Sr. which caused him to be late for a house show. Guerrero told management he had been kidnapped but no one believed him and thus he was fired. Maven's Dropkick laughs at the misfortune of the Guerrero family to this day, as Maven's Dropkick was also the one who enticed Eddie Guerrero to become a drug addict.

175) Maven’s Dropkick is Dominic Mysterio’s real father.

176) If Maven's Dropkick and Bob Holly's Dropkick were to collide the end result would be the equivalent of 4 hydrogen bombs

177) [06:50] Ninja Marion: 9 total partitions now
[06:52] Ninja Marion: recovery partition, c drive, music drive, video file drive, drive for my downloads to go, drive for all my miscellaneous stuff, ROM and emulator drive, Win 98 drive, and an extra drive.
[06:52] Ninja Marion: i don't know what the extra drive is for.
[06:52] Jason Rivera V1: Maven's Dropkick.

178) Maven's dropkick brings all the boys to the yard. He could teach you but he'd have to charge.

179) Maven's Dropkick covered for Batman the two weeks he had the flu, arresting over a dozen super villains.

180) Maven made his debut doing a run in during the Reagan inauguration. Years later Reagan developed Alzheimers disease.

181) Starting Winter 2005, Maven's Dropkick will headline every action movie made from that point on. Forever.

182) Maven's Dropkick killed Kurt Cobain.

182) Maven's Dropkick knows whats in Edge's briefcase.

184) Maven was hospitalized once. A concerned Al Snow called and asked only if "Maven's Dropkick was OK."

185) When wrestlers die they become one with Maven's Dropkick.

186) In the movie Independence Day, the filmmakers were having a hard time getting the city explosions and firestorms to look realistic. Enter Maven's dropkick.

[Who Kares]

wow...whoever came up with all that is quite sad..whoever reads all of that is even sadder

[vagrant]

^ i know right..

[Hood Rich]

Maven's Dropkick........LOST!

[iconoclast_]

This is exactly like the Vin Diesel fact generator.

[i Luv Da Cock]

um, i dont get it

[Dalawang Samdok]

THATS EFFIN HILARIOUS.lol.too funny.

[Nam Dekan]

Originally Posted by Who Kares

wow...whoever came up with all that is quite sad..whoever reads all of that is even sadder

it was actually a lot of people, it's based on contributions

[Nam Dekan]

Originally Posted by Hood Rich

Maven's Dropkick........LOST!

dropkick

Finally, a way to clean the red wine.

I've heard that Maven's dropkick is so great that if it were added to a store's stock, it'd make the rest of the store look shitty by comparison so the people would never come back.