ALT - 5. Wise-Punchlines 1-0 VS 7. MISSKEYdaQUEEN 9-6
This is a discussion on ALT - 5. Wise-Punchlines 1-0 VS 7. MISSKEYdaQUEEN 9-6 within the RapMusic's Storytelling League forums, part of the Text Battle Leagues category; LINE LIMITS: 4 lines NO-SHOW 12 lines MINIMUM 48 lines MAXIMUM 62 lines MAXIMUM - CONTENDERS & TITLE MATCH ONLY! ...
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06-20-2006, 02:27 AM
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#1 (permalink) |
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The Heart & Soul of RMC
 
Join Date: May 1999
Location: L.A. Californ: America's Best
Posts: 26,158
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ALT - 5. Wise-Punchlines 1-0 VS 7. MISSKEYdaQUEEN 9-6
 LINE LIMITS: 4 lines NO-SHOW 12 lines MINIMUM 48 lines MAXIMUM 62 lines MAXIMUM - CONTENDERS & TITLE MATCH ONLY! VERSES DUE: Friday 10:00pm PST/1:00am EST VOTES DUE: Sunday 10:00pm PST/1:00am EST TOPICS: Topics will be provided at the beginning of the week so that everyone has ample time to get involved. VOTING: You must vote on 5 matches and post URL's on your thread of matches u voted for. -You must use the HIDDEN VOTES UBB CODE to conceal your votes. Votes must be hidden! To hide a vote, first thing you type in your reply is a bracket “[“, the word “hide” and end bracket “]”. The last thing you type in your reply is a bracket “[“, a backslash “/”, the word “hide” and end bracket “]”. Unhidden votes will not count. - No HIDDEN CODES? - That vote DOES NOT COUNT - You must vote on another match and use HIDDEN CODES! -FORMER CHAMPS are allowed to vote for any match (but only 3 matches max). -Crew Votes are illegal. -1 vote is taken away for each vote you fail to do. -1 vote is taken away for each URL you fail to post on your thread. -No Show Winners must vote also! - Your thread will be kept open to post URL's. -Tiebreakers will be determined by the Moderators when the week winds down. ALTERNATES: If your opponent NO-SHOWS, and you posted a full verse you will be bumped up appropriately to face the next person in the brackets within your range. If no opponent is available such as if you were in the bottom 20 and the next up no show is in the top 10 then you will be given a win for your efforts. You must still vote on 5 matches accordingly as any failure to vote will result in no win and no progress in the ranks. The only event other than this in which you may take the no show win is if you only did post a no-show verse which consists of 4 rhyming lines. Topics: Your Topics for this week! |
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06-24-2006, 07:44 AM
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#4 (permalink) |
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The Heart & Soul of RMC
Join Date: May 1999
Location: L.A. Californ: America's Best
Posts: 26,158
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MISSKEY'S VERSE:
A 3 year old kid sat at a bus stop by himself crying loudly. You see him from across the street and whispered something to yourself -- the kid heard you. What happened?  I remember these days of solitude feeling alone Not many people even remember what its like, that old But I remember it so clearly, its so hard to believe Wandering the streets of my city at the young age of three So I’m looking at this young girl all by herself Reminded me of all the hard things life had dealt Three, that’s when it all started, I never was one to conform While my mom was too busy with men, I invented my norm Didn’t want to fall asleep to moans and groans I’d rather creep out to my yard and finish bottles of Petrone I had no clue what I was doing at such a tender age Falling victim to the ghetto and all its rage Hiding in alleys just to watch the pimps at their play Seeing junkies shoot dope and watching johns get laid At my age, it all looked like cartoons to me Didn’t realize what I saw a young girl should never see But after years of neglect I’ve lost all sensitivity I’ve numbed myself from all of the possibilities Of feeling real emotion, it all is like a mirage Nothing is pure to me after living a life so hard My mom says I act too grown, if only she knew But she was too busy trying to land her next screw And I knew she did it to feed me but I have no sympathy I’ve watched other girls moms get checks and stamps monthly But my mom’s pride was high although she was low Living her life as the neighborhood weed smoking hoe So when I look across the street at the girl at the bus stop I wonder if I should speak to her or call the cops Cause I don’t want her to go through all that I had to I say to myself “girl go home, that’s what you need to do.” And surprisingly she looks up as if she could here me speak Eyes brown, nose small, and a presence so meek But what was startling is something I tried hard not to see The little girl I was looking at was me, she was me. Visions of my youth lost in the streets. Dissappearence of innocence, just like me |
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06-24-2006, 01:40 PM
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#6 (permalink) |
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Registered User
 Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 192
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Tekneek
Hey your verse was pretty decent, had some good emotion, good imagery, and I like what you did at the end of the verse as well, that lil twist was dope. I Feel you could have been a little more clear on the story coz u fell off a lil half way through but was a decent verse overall, good work  Wise-punchlines- your verse was decent, you kept to the story the whole way through, didnt wonder off on to a different topic, had good use of emotion, good use of words, and I prefered your flow because it was consistent although a few lines were pretty bumpy. I just understood your verse better and the flow carried it along nicely. Was a good drop by both of you's, good work keep it up Overall vote= wise punchlines |
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06-26-2006, 12:09 AM
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#15 (permalink) | |
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The Fuckin Bad Guy
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: In a place where people don't judge me for drinking vodka by the gallon and taking advantage of 18 y/o highschool girls
Posts: 11,347
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