26. EternalPath 0-0 vs. 25. AK-D 0-0

TaLi RodrigueZ · 07-05-2005, 04:23 AM

DUE DATES:

VERSES DUE Thursday 10:00pm PACIFIC/1:00am EST

VOTES DUE Sunday 9:00pm PACIFIC/12:00 Midnight EST

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LINE LIMIT:

4 lines - NO SHOWS
14 lines - MINIMUM
60 lines - MAXIMUM

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VOTING:

No payback votes
No 2nd Chance Votes
No hate votes

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YOU MUST VOTE ON 5 BATTLES!

For every vote you fail to submit and post a link for in your own
match, you will be deducted 1 vote.

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No Show Voting Rule

People who win via a no show, MUST vote on two battles in order to recieve credit for the win. If you don't vote on two other matches then your record will be left as it was coming into this week.

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if you win by no-show u are encouraged to vote still in other matches!!!!

!!KICK SOME FUCKING ASS!!

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TOPICS:

This Weeks Topics

Choose a topic from the link posted above.

Eternalpath · 07-05-2005, 08:05 PM

good luck

Eternalpath · 07-05-2005, 09:42 PM

As I stood amazed while the blaze of the fire crackled..
The pain shot down my spine, after effects of being shackled..
Sitting on the backside of the ambulance, while being attended to..
Telling them everything was fine, well at least I pretended to..
Only a blanket wrapped around me..Had more I wish..
My tears dried up, couldn't hide the marks around my wrists..
My clothes probably burned to no remains, inside the apartment..
Even though everything I had on can be found in the lingerie department..
Only thoughts was making my life better just a few improvements..
Flashbacks of my body laying still except some chest movements..
This stranger who I felt I could trust over some lustful moments..
Since the price was paid, I guess he felt my body he owned it..
Me pleasing him was no problem, but leaving me tied..
Him setting that fire as I continuously cried..
WHY! WHY! WHY! ..I screamed..
then the smoke left me in this horrible dream..
Am I facing death? or Was I just rescued from this scam
I awaked in the arms of a fireman, and now here I am...
I was in a bind, needed money fast..just couldn't control this crime
and being on the corner..prostituting..I thought just ONE TIME..

months later....

Sounds of beeps surrounding me..as I lay lifeless..
Another battle before death, why can't I live trifeless..
I can hear everything but see nothing..hearing voices..
Oh how I would rejoice if I was able to change some choices..
I've made..another mistake, flashback on how it happen..
Lights turned off, electric bill never paid..then a tapping..
My eye peeking through the peep hole just to see..
Who could it be?
A black man..bearded, in jeans and a hood sweatshirt..
All I could remember him saying go ahead it won't hurt..
Excuse me, let me continue as I opened the door..
He slid in extra smooth..looking around more and more..
I guess making sure I was alone..of course I always been..
Telling me what he has will make me have friends..
Money on the counter, he didn't even count it, just stashed
Left me the needle, and everything I needed then dashed..
Only thing I remember after that..stick and my body crashed..
Pain raced through my body, then I was gone in a flash..
Awaken in the hospital, at least I believe I'll be fine..
and I figured I would do drugs..at least it was only ONE TIME...

da LAST month

Sitting in a dark room, on a chair with no cares in the world..
Never been the same, since I returned from the hospital..
A lost girl, I am..ceiling fan above me that hasn't moved in a while
My thoughts from me prostituting, doing drugs..and I'm just a child..
Sixteen with a poisonous mind, being left alone parentless..
Its been two years since I have seen or felt there last breath..
Now this..the last two years has been unbearable to deal..
On the table next to me..sits the stainless steel..
I believe its a glock, at least that's what the pawn man said..
I'm no good for anyone alive, I feel I'm better off dead..
Shaking but more like trembling but got my mind made up..
Moonlight shining through the room from the shade being up..
I reached out and grab the glock & pulled....by the next line
You already know its suicide..but at least I know it'll be just
ONE TIME...

and if you didn't know my topic was ONE TIME.....

good luck AK-D

Ak-D · 07-05-2005, 11:58 PM

checkin in

http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...0#post12277650

Championship 2. L Dogg 40-9 vs. 1. DIC Gets Gully 25-5

16. DJ tactics 2-0 vs. 15. Deprived 4-1

Ak-D · 07-06-2005, 12:46 AM

Art of War

Blood splattered the scenery and flowed down a wretched canvas
Artilery disloged the beauty of the plains that stretcehd through kansas
All set on a background of rockets and explosions, twisiting emotions
Grey blended into the sky mixing the colors pain and devotion such a commotion
A world at erosion corpses paint the hills on which capital was instilled
Prophecys fufilled as atrocities build, all peace is slowly distilled
Innoncent killed revolutionize techniques, souls speak bringing life to a dead brush
In some type of a dread lust the world is drowned in a severe head rush
Watch the blood glush bleed into the easel against lifves approval
The enviroment dissallusional to try and stop this masterpice is simply futile
A rebuttal seems to subtle bystanders just watch as the portrait settles
Strokes form pretzels to trace the paths of hurling metal hardly gentle
No pencils all effects premently etched in a time line of destruction
The seduction of this creation is enough to tempt human production
We can hardly function at suction of a corporate system corrupted
A revival interupted by a constitutional that seems to lie abrupted
All hope is slowly deducted by a government mistrusted in safe keeping
Women and chilldren remain with little fate weeping
And in the center there is a soldier in tears he had no idea what was in store
It is nothing hes ever witnessed before a man lost in the art of war

Kost · 07-07-2005, 12:55 PM

Eternal Path - You really should think of having more emotions in your piece, i enjoyed reading yours to a point, but it didnt make me wonder. Your vocab use was average, you didnt need that much more vocabulary, maybe at some points. Your storyline was easy to follow, and it made me interested. Your length was just right, not to long, and not to short. Overall i think this was average piece, just work on what i have stated above and you will become much better. Thanks for the Read

AK-D - I actually really liked your piece man. Maybe you could of shortened your lines, as they were streched, but other than that i really enjoyed it. Your vocabulary was advanced and easy to understand, which made it a plus in to ways. Your descriptions were very, very detailed, made me think about it. Emotions were strong, and on point. Structure could use a tweak, but other than that i really liked it man. Good job, and thanks for the read

MY vote goes to AK-D

GJ

ProjectEnglish · 07-08-2005, 03:19 AM

eternal- i liked how you used the topic. i really identified with your piece because ive seen those situations before, while similar. I thought emotionally that you ddint speak enough about the narrator feels, but at the same time you left it to my imagination and I felt something for that. Well done. 7.5/10

ak- not much emotion was brought out of me from that piece. the end was perfect, nice finish. It was hard for me to understand it, coherance is a factor. it flows nicely. good vocab and nice rhymes. 8/10

v-ak

DiC GeTs GuLLy · 07-08-2005, 07:19 PM

Eternal, nice piece..... very depressing, but still powerful and interesting. it was easy to follow as well, which was a must to keep reading cuz the flow was very simple and almost nonexistent in most of it. The life of a child prostitute, thought the first two transitioning stanzas were nice, but the last one needed more...although it served it's purpose to breakdown the whole thing. Narrated cool as well.

AK, nice portrayal on your topic here. I liked where you went with this and broke it down. Not really anything creative added really, no emotional outlet in it.... but still nice. I had some issues with the narration cuz there are some grammatical problems in lines that kind of made me go back, read again to clearly understand what you're saying. Very abstract and metaphorical in this approach, but colorful in it's imagery and still nicely presented.

This is hard to vote on with two totally different approaches, one with flow, one without.... both with nice sequences as well.

Vote Eternal for just a more complete verse although with less flow

aeroSOUL · 07-08-2005, 10:44 PM

eternal. your piece was pretty good. flow wasn't imprssive. you showed a nice grasp on story telling skills, but the whole suicide thing is really played out in my eyes. you could've chose something a little more creative then that..

akd. wish you would've went a little deeper or had more of a story line type of drop.. your flow was crazy dope.. content and concepts were fucking great..

vote-akd.. more entertaining, more creative..

Lost Prophet · 07-09-2005, 03:59 PM

Eternal, your piece was decent. A bit lengthy, but nonetheless overall good. Your flow and vocabulary was fair. I liked your imagery most. Your mechanics could use some improvement, but for the most part, you came through lovely.

AK, good writing. I hate reading good pieces, that aren't too long. For what you did have though, you murdered it. Nice flow and content. Your skills are refreshing. I liked what you did with the topic. Great writer's voice. Make it a little longer next time.

Vote: AK

Eternalpath · 07-10-2005, 03:36 AM

Only 3 battles to vote on so i did so.....and I guess we won't be getting to many votes..oh well..good verse AK-D

http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...4#post12272114

http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...7#post12272307

http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...0#post12272390

LDogg The King · 07-10-2005, 10:19 PM

eternal.. pretty nice read.. you wrote the story long enough to get into and it was entertaining. I think Ak also had some good shit.. you wrote it in a way that i like, cuz i like seeing people write differnt then the usual structure, an although your lines were long they were connecting with a good vibe.. however, you should have built more onto your piece as i felt it fell short compaired to enternals in the 'where is this going' department.

vote eternalpath

TeKneeK · 07-10-2005, 11:15 PM

agreeably AKD was at best decent.... no real imagery or emotional surge that i felt.... honestly skimmed thru the read and felt that a more structured explanation woulda been best...

EP brought a more overall good thing.... good narration.. good emotional drive and a painted picture of the 1st person story of a suicide....

vote - EP for a more solid overall piece.

ssenlli · 07-11-2005, 05:59 AM

AK-D wins 1-0

eternal loses 0-1

07-05-2005, 04:23 AM	#1 (permalink)
TaLi RodrigueZ Washed Up Rapper... Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Syracuse, NY Posts: 4,544	26. EternalPath 0-0 vs. 25. AK-D 0-0 DUE DATES: VERSES DUE Thursday 10:00pm PACIFIC/1:00am EST VOTES DUE Sunday 9:00pm PACIFIC/12:00 Midnight EST -----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+----- LINE LIMIT: 4 lines - NO SHOWS 14 lines - MINIMUM 60 lines - MAXIMUM -----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+----- VOTING: No payback votes No 2nd Chance Votes No hate votes -----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+----- YOU MUST VOTE ON 5 BATTLES! For every vote you fail to submit and post a link for in your own match, you will be deducted 1 vote. -----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+----- No Show Voting Rule People who win via a no show, MUST vote on two battles in order to recieve credit for the win. If you don't vote on two other matches then your record will be left as it was coming into this week. -----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+----- if you win by no-show u are encouraged to vote still in other matches!!!! !!KICK SOME FUCKING ASS!! -----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+----- TOPICS: This Weeks Topics Choose a topic from the link posted above. __________________ Devoid of Orbit Oursin & TaLi = Ballin' Ass Hombres Shipwrecked Barnacles (Photography)

07-05-2005, 08:05 PM	#2 (permalink)
Eternalpath I am FEMALE!!!! Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Heaven Posts: 1,081	good luck __________________ God's child

07-05-2005, 09:42 PM	#3 (permalink)
Eternalpath I am FEMALE!!!! Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Heaven Posts: 1,081	As I stood amazed while the blaze of the fire crackled.. The pain shot down my spine, after effects of being shackled.. Sitting on the backside of the ambulance, while being attended to.. Telling them everything was fine, well at least I pretended to.. Only a blanket wrapped around me..Had more I wish.. My tears dried up, couldn't hide the marks around my wrists.. My clothes probably burned to no remains, inside the apartment.. Even though everything I had on can be found in the lingerie department.. Only thoughts was making my life better just a few improvements.. Flashbacks of my body laying still except some chest movements.. This stranger who I felt I could trust over some lustful moments.. Since the price was paid, I guess he felt my body he owned it.. Me pleasing him was no problem, but leaving me tied.. Him setting that fire as I continuously cried.. WHY! WHY! WHY! ..I screamed.. then the smoke left me in this horrible dream.. Am I facing death? or Was I just rescued from this scam I awaked in the arms of a fireman, and now here I am... I was in a bind, needed money fast..just couldn't control this crime and being on the corner..prostituting..I thought just ONE TIME.. months later.... Sounds of beeps surrounding me..as I lay lifeless.. Another battle before death, why can't I live trifeless.. I can hear everything but see nothing..hearing voices.. Oh how I would rejoice if I was able to change some choices.. I've made..another mistake, flashback on how it happen.. Lights turned off, electric bill never paid..then a tapping.. My eye peeking through the peep hole just to see.. Who could it be? A black man..bearded, in jeans and a hood sweatshirt.. All I could remember him saying go ahead it won't hurt.. Excuse me, let me continue as I opened the door.. He slid in extra smooth..looking around more and more.. I guess making sure I was alone..of course I always been.. Telling me what he has will make me have friends.. Money on the counter, he didn't even count it, just stashed Left me the needle, and everything I needed then dashed.. Only thing I remember after that..stick and my body crashed.. Pain raced through my body, then I was gone in a flash.. Awaken in the hospital, at least I believe I'll be fine.. and I figured I would do drugs..at least it was only ONE TIME... da LAST month Sitting in a dark room, on a chair with no cares in the world.. Never been the same, since I returned from the hospital.. A lost girl, I am..ceiling fan above me that hasn't moved in a while My thoughts from me prostituting, doing drugs..and I'm just a child.. Sixteen with a poisonous mind, being left alone parentless.. Its been two years since I have seen or felt there last breath.. Now this..the last two years has been unbearable to deal.. On the table next to me..sits the stainless steel.. I believe its a glock, at least that's what the pawn man said.. I'm no good for anyone alive, I feel I'm better off dead.. Shaking but more like trembling but got my mind made up.. Moonlight shining through the room from the shade being up.. I reached out and grab the glock & pulled....by the next line You already know its suicide..but at least I know it'll be just ONE TIME... and if you didn't know my topic was ONE TIME..... good luck AK-D __________________ God's child

07-05-2005, 11:58 PM	#4 (permalink)
Ak-D ^Above Reality^ Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 41	checkin in http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...0#post12277650 Championship 2. L Dogg 40-9 vs. 1. DIC Gets Gully 25-5 16. DJ tactics 2-0 vs. 15. Deprived 4-1 __________________ Akeem DA Dream Main cause of Insomniacs They afraid to go to sleep Last edited by Ak-D; 07-10-2005 at 11:59 PM.

07-06-2005, 12:46 AM	#5 (permalink)
Ak-D ^Above Reality^ Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 41	Art of War Blood splattered the scenery and flowed down a wretched canvas Artilery disloged the beauty of the plains that stretcehd through kansas All set on a background of rockets and explosions, twisiting emotions Grey blended into the sky mixing the colors pain and devotion such a commotion A world at erosion corpses paint the hills on which capital was instilled Prophecys fufilled as atrocities build, all peace is slowly distilled Innoncent killed revolutionize techniques, souls speak bringing life to a dead brush In some type of a dread lust the world is drowned in a severe head rush Watch the blood glush bleed into the easel against lifves approval The enviroment dissallusional to try and stop this masterpice is simply futile A rebuttal seems to subtle bystanders just watch as the portrait settles Strokes form pretzels to trace the paths of hurling metal hardly gentle No pencils all effects premently etched in a time line of destruction The seduction of this creation is enough to tempt human production We can hardly function at suction of a corporate system corrupted A revival interupted by a constitutional that seems to lie abrupted All hope is slowly deducted by a government mistrusted in safe keeping Women and chilldren remain with little fate weeping And in the center there is a soldier in tears he had no idea what was in store It is nothing hes ever witnessed before a man lost in the art of war __________________ Akeem DA Dream Main cause of Insomniacs They afraid to go to sleep

07-07-2005, 12:55 PM	#6 (permalink)
Kost Soon to be legendary Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Strong Island Posts: 118	Eternal Path - You really should think of having more emotions in your piece, i enjoyed reading yours to a point, but it didnt make me wonder. Your vocab use was average, you didnt need that much more vocabulary, maybe at some points. Your storyline was easy to follow, and it made me interested. Your length was just right, not to long, and not to short. Overall i think this was average piece, just work on what i have stated above and you will become much better. Thanks for the Read AK-D - I actually really liked your piece man. Maybe you could of shortened your lines, as they were streched, but other than that i really enjoyed it. Your vocabulary was advanced and easy to understand, which made it a plus in to ways. Your descriptions were very, very detailed, made me think about it. Emotions were strong, and on point. Structure could use a tweak, but other than that i really liked it man. Good job, and thanks for the read MY vote goes to AK-D GJ __________________ Soon to be legendary Hustle And Flow y0

07-08-2005, 03:19 AM	#7 (permalink)
ProjectEnglish free beer tomorow Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: call me john lennon the second Posts: 818	eternal- i liked how you used the topic. i really identified with your piece because ive seen those situations before, while similar. I thought emotionally that you ddint speak enough about the narrator feels, but at the same time you left it to my imagination and I felt something for that. Well done. 7.5/10 ak- not much emotion was brought out of me from that piece. the end was perfect, nice finish. It was hard for me to understand it, coherance is a factor. it flows nicely. good vocab and nice rhymes. 8/10 v-ak

07-08-2005, 07:19 PM	#8 (permalink)
DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 2,889	Eternal, nice piece..... very depressing, but still powerful and interesting. it was easy to follow as well, which was a must to keep reading cuz the flow was very simple and almost nonexistent in most of it. The life of a child prostitute, thought the first two transitioning stanzas were nice, but the last one needed more...although it served it's purpose to breakdown the whole thing. Narrated cool as well. AK, nice portrayal on your topic here. I liked where you went with this and broke it down. Not really anything creative added really, no emotional outlet in it.... but still nice. I had some issues with the narration cuz there are some grammatical problems in lines that kind of made me go back, read again to clearly understand what you're saying. Very abstract and metaphorical in this approach, but colorful in it's imagery and still nicely presented. This is hard to vote on with two totally different approaches, one with flow, one without.... both with nice sequences as well. Vote Eternal for just a more complete verse although with less flow __________________ 4x PTL Champion 9x RSTL Champion..75~19 4X PTL TOURNAMENT CHAMP 3X RSTL TOURNAMENT CHAMP - THE TOURNAMENT KING OF THIS BITCH - ~{S.M.O.}~

07-08-2005, 10:44 PM	#9 (permalink)
aeroSOUL Skies Will Rott Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Cali Posts: 78	eternal. your piece was pretty good. flow wasn't imprssive. you showed a nice grasp on story telling skills, but the whole suicide thing is really played out in my eyes. you could've chose something a little more creative then that.. akd. wish you would've went a little deeper or had more of a story line type of drop.. your flow was crazy dope.. content and concepts were fucking great.. vote-akd.. more entertaining, more creative.. __________________ runwithscissors birds I view

07-09-2005, 03:59 PM	#10 (permalink)
Lost Prophet They Reminisce Over You Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Across 110th Street Posts: 19,678	Eternal, your piece was decent. A bit lengthy, but nonetheless overall good. Your flow and vocabulary was fair. I liked your imagery most. Your mechanics could use some improvement, but for the most part, you came through lovely. AK, good writing. I hate reading good pieces, that aren't too long. For what you did have though, you murdered it. Nice flow and content. Your skills are refreshing. I liked what you did with the topic. Great writer's voice. Make it a little longer next time. Vote: AK __________________ Flowing Straight From The Survival Scrolls

07-10-2005, 03:36 AM	#11 (permalink)
Eternalpath I am FEMALE!!!! Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Heaven Posts: 1,081	Only 3 battles to vote on so i did so.....and I guess we won't be getting to many votes..oh well..good verse AK-D http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...4#post12272114 http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...7#post12272307 http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...0#post12272390 __________________ God's child

07-10-2005, 10:19 PM	#12 (permalink)
LDogg The King S E A T T L E Join Date: Jan 2000 Location: Seattle Posts: 16,637	eternal.. pretty nice read.. you wrote the story long enough to get into and it was entertaining. I think Ak also had some good shit.. you wrote it in a way that i like, cuz i like seeing people write differnt then the usual structure, an although your lines were long they were connecting with a good vibe.. however, you should have built more onto your piece as i felt it fell short compaired to enternals in the 'where is this going' department. vote eternalpath __________________ ELITE motherfuckers www.soundclick.com/downedshadow www.myspace.com/downedshadow I wish the game was reversed and my verse was the beat so you'd listen to me first, and then dance later... I aint dumbing down shit, you don't get it, get a fuckin translator - Bishop Lamont

07-10-2005, 11:15 PM	#13 (permalink)
TeKneeK The Heart & Soul of RMC Join Date: May 1999 Location: L.A. Californ: America's Best Posts: 26,158	agreeably AKD was at best decent.... no real imagery or emotional surge that i felt.... honestly skimmed thru the read and felt that a more structured explanation woulda been best... EP brought a more overall good thing.... good narration.. good emotional drive and a painted picture of the 1st person story of a suicide.... vote - EP for a more solid overall piece.

07-11-2005, 05:59 AM	#14 (permalink)
ssenlli Just Wrong Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Md Posts: 1,742	AK-D wins 1-0 eternal loses 0-1 __________________ http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=895339

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