21. TeKneeK 49-14 ~VS~ 22. KareLess 2-0

[LDogg The King]

DUE DATES:

VERSES DUE Thursday 10:00pm PACIFIC/1:00am EST

VOTES DUE Sunday 9:00pm PACIFIC/12:00 Midnight EST

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LINE LIMIT:

4 lines - NO SHOWS
14 lines - MINIMUM
60 lines - MAXIMUM

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VOTING:

No payback votes
No 2nd Chance Votes
No hate votes

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YOU MUST VOTE ON 5 BATTLES!

For every vote you fail to submit and post a link for in your own
match, you will be deducted 1 vote.

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No Show Voting Rule

People who win via a no show, MUST vote on two battles in order to recieve credit for the win. If you don't vote on two other matches then your record will be left as it was coming into this week.

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if you win by no-show u are encouraged to vote still in other matches!!!!

!!KICK SOME FUCKING ASS!!

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TOPICS:

http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=895102

Choose a topic from the link posted above.

[KareLess]

I' m here. . .

[KareLess]

Just found out your mum's a prostitute...

Me & six friends,
headed out to Europe at the weekend.
We were hell-bent, on having a good time,
but I guess you could say. .
we always headed for deep-end.
& it de-pends, which country. .
you lump me.. with, as my Ticket..
was open to the world.
Meaning; insurance was blessed..
incase anybody nicked it.
So my Fathers tip was to go and sew my oates!
With that in mind, I'd fuck the rent-a-bitches..
rather than the pedillo boates.
Well in someway, I knew I'd do both.
As we are now in the vacinity of Amsterdam.
The legal cannabis capital..
that thoroughly fulfills the dreams of man, and. .
a young guys wonderland.
We dumped our clothes in our cheap-rent hostel,
smoked a blunt in the nearest cafe,
the proceeded to muster up the bottle..
to hit the red light district!!
Now see, I was one to go for the mid'-age..
women. I know what your thinking,
but it was one of THOSE days.
So w/ a 50 Euro bet, and the money placed in my hand,
I was out to find a mid'-aged woman,
that brought upon the impotent brand.
Half hour of tedious observing,
my closest friend screamed, "Found it!".
Revealing a buxem blonde with an age challenge,
that looked like the woman in my Dads walet.
.
.
Pausing for thought, I scowered my memory. .
to what my Father said.
"Your Mother decided to elope,
and could almost, well, PROBABLY dead."
With my closest allies still egging me on,
I couldn't think..
as I thought I thought I knew. .
where my mother made a recluse to,
& the fact. .
. .
that she's a......

Damn.

[TeKneeK]

ill be on this in an hour

[TeKneeK]

Desenuts

VIBED TO: "Loretta" by WILL SMITH.


Compassion inside,
My heart’ll never go cold
You’re the life I confide to till I cease to be told
Within my age old times in the seconds I’ve lived for
I’m all that you’re worth for, I pay then I give for
My feelings comply to every value you came to
I answer your sadness when the world came to hate you
The wicked inside that once became of my own truth
I ate it inside within the grips of my own tooth
Little child of mine,
I’m the path to your peace
I’m the whispers you felt when your comfort was weak
I’m the passage to the end where the bliss is exposed to
And now that this gift that I shown has been known thru
I allow it to flow as it owns you with gladness
You cry for my time when the day you see sadness
The images you find that remind you to fear
Is meant to reinforce you till you’re feelings be clear
You sit alone in confusion,
Amongst the chill from the winds
To come of age in your growth has simply ceased to begin
It’s why my mind portrays a picture of an infant with sin
All alone consumed in grief-stricken times of seeking end
You’re the one who can know me
If your eyes can remain with
The sights that you see thru… where I know you to gain with
The times I be without you, I hold you in mind
To hold a faith in which you prosper to seek and to find
As my cradle will keep you…
To hold and protect to..
May the Father above us oversee you to bless you
Wipe the tears away child, you’re the breath from my lips
You keep my life in your grips, I keep your life in His bliss
We defeat all the sins extracting hate to the world
To have you same as my flesh.. my blood will save you in herald
I bring your vision to light, to see the way as you should…
Don’t let your cries make you blind…


You are mine..

And you’re good.


God bless you child.

[TaLi RodrigueZ]

Kareless

You're piece had a sort of poetic vibe to it. That was cool. The structure was pretty straight forward, nothing flashy. You followed the story perfectly. Unfortunately, that is also part of the problem I had with yours. From the beginning to the end, it was pretty predictable what was going to happen. Predictable isn't bad when there is an unknown twist to reveal which sheds new light on the entire piece. But in this case, what I thought was going to happen happened and that was it. I think if you would have developed the overall story quite a bit more and hadn't jumped straight to seeing your mom then it might not have been as predictable as it ended up being to me.

Tekneek

This was pretty straightfoward as well. Traditional Tekneek style here. I tend to get a little bored with your cadence as it seems to barely ever change from beginning to end. Nevertheless, it is what you do and you do it well. I was feeling the content of this piece. I'm not religious by any means but I could see you as talking about a father or "our father" according to your spiritual beliefs so at least you sort of left it open to be interpreted however one chose.

I have to vote for Tekneek in this here battle. Neither storyline did a whole hell of a lot for me. I just found Kareless' rhyme to be a little too predictable and to the point. I think a little more character or scenic development would have gone a long way to making the overall rhyme a lot better.

[TeKneeK]

coo - 1-0


pz kareless...

[Urizen]

Kareless

your story was kinda straight forward there was nothing special in it for me
I didnt see any lines that really stood out
the concept you took was dope but in my opinion you used it wrong I think you can do much better, if not keep practising
and your ending was to abrupt you couldve done so much more than just say damn
you couldve given your story much more dept if you continued

Tekneek

Your story was better
I liked the way you used your words in the beginning
but you kept doing it and for some reason it became monotonous
but nonetheless the beginning had me
and your story was better

Tekneek get my vote

[Desenut§]

Kareles.. pretty straight foreward.. expected flip.. rhyme scheme was interesting.. but not very complex.. read kinda stream of consciousness.. could've used more detail and description + character development to draw the reader in.. but not a bad drop all in all... just needed some polishing..

Tek-

good wording and use of multi's.. some fire of compassion was missing to truly draw one in.. I've read better from you.. but all in all.. a much more experienced drop.. with better build up.. and follow through to conclusion.. just a more satisfying read..

vote-Tek

[iLLweezy]

Kareless
I wasn't feeling your verse the least bit. It wasn't really a different rhymescheme, you just wrote a generic 20 lines, and hit enter in other places instead. Maybe a bit of a poetic feel to it, but that don't win matches unless you are Tha Talent or someone of that stature. You didn't really have a nice ending twist, or even a nice ending. I knew she was gonna be a hooker, and that's because you followed the storyline too good. Making it longer using details and other shit would've drawn in some more readers, but it was just a generic piece. Keep it up, I sense some potential.

Tekneek
Why Are You In This Forum? Oh well, bully.
Flow was nicely done, and you had a more polished and experienced verse. Although I've read SO MUCH better from you, I understand that you didn't really need to spit flames in this matchup, let alone take more than an hour. Storyline was nice, and I liked how you used that (fuckin' sad) picture to write your verse. Came out with a nice ending.

Vote - Tekneek on an easy margin

-Weez

[TeKneeK]

keep in mind - this was a topical..

as for why im in this forum

the mods are tryin to keep me down cus they said i wasnt sexy enough.

ill come thru..... watch me.

[DiC GeTs GuLLy]

Kareless, the voice of this story wasn't very focused as it bounced through it too quickly without much details placed on any given scene. There wasn't any surprising sequences or great flow to make the read better either so some details of an amerstdam cafe, maybe the cannibus cup or something was really needed to make this more interesting.

Tek, your voice was nice and father like with some horrible grammar, but still read ok. Nothing really struck me as above average in it and it was all as expected as kareless's was, but told much better to go with the pic topic

Vote tek

[Ashen Horse]

Kareless- This wasn't much of a story... to jumpy till you hit the part about your mother being a prositute witch consisted of being about 10 bars and it wasn't even a twist because that was your topic... this verse seemed like you wrote it in 2 minutes... I didn't like it...

Tek... I didn't feel yours that much either... but it had some sort of method... a good scheme... a good bit of emotion... and the verse as a whole was connected... and if I was in your position, I would have wrote something similar... because you didn't have to do much...

vote-Tek

[~!O!~]

~I can't say anything different than what the rest of the voters said. Tek had the better all around verse. It had a good flow and it was very enjoyable. Vote = Tek.~

[God Father]

Kareless. Your rhyme scheme was pretty decent, but it didnt give me anything out of the ordinary. Your story reminded me of my boy shani who was just in amsterdam at the red light district about a week ago lol. too bad he was there not getting any action lol. Anyway, work on conveying your thoughts more and adding more ****e to your rhyme scheme, take a hand at some multis, this read immature.

Tekneek. Your rhyme scheme was nice, your topic didnt call for much lyricsim but i'da liked to see some. You got your thoughts over well, and didnt dwell on setting up anything, you stuck to the basics and got right to the point of the story.

vote = TEKNEEK

[J o o k]

Kareless, Your verse was an okay read but I just didn't feel the strength in the verse. It started off kind of slow and in all acuality it ended the same way. The rhyme scheme was not that strong either. I mean it had its high and its low points. All in all it wasn't to bad of a read it just didn't rank to high above novice.

Tek the story itself was pretty solid. The rhyme scheme was on point also. I definitely feel as if you executed your talents a bit better then Kareless possibly because you are a more developed writer. But when all is said and done the transition, imagery, and plot was just on point and that is what won it for you.

V/ tek

[Ðon Vito]

Kareless...

Good drop, son. I really enjoyed the blunt - no pun intended - imagery you gave. From the description to entering the hostel, and smokin' in the cafe, it all was fitting, even though it wasn't elaborate. Seemed like you rushed it a bit, with the whole picture in the wallet stunt, it seemed that could've used a bit more explaining. It definitely had a poetic vibe to it, 'cause it really didn't flow that well. Nice piece, though.

Tekneek...

Great topic, way to open up and pen somethin' heartfelt. You had a nice structure with your words, they were strong and persuasive. Though the concept was there, it all seemed a little bland. The rhyme scheme got boring, it all got too elementary for my taste. No direspect, at all. Great drop.

Vote = Kareless

[Spacebar]

Going to have to go with Tekneek on this one, overall more developed story, flowed nicely when read aloud, basically Kareless, your piece was just, ....... ( <- ). Your topic was her being a prostitute and you didn't really stray to far off or make something interesting you pretty much just wrote that.. wheres the creativity? From the first 8 bars I knew the story, which kind of spoiled reading. Tekneek, no complaints really. To the point, nice vibe to it, overall good writing with no big twists. I certainly feel you had the better drop.

V0- Tekneek

[TeKneeK]

33. ~!O!~ 0-1 ~VS~ 34. Desenut§ 0-0
9. God Father 9-1 ~VS~ 10. doYen 23-3
17. Adrock 4-1 ~VS~ 18. Spacebar 8-2
11. Pent uP 11-3 ~VS~ 12. L Dogg the King 36-8
15. Retulen Reactus 12-6 ~VS~ 16. DiC GeTs GuLLy 21-6

[ssenlli]

That's all folks!

tek Wins improving to 50-14

KareLess Loses dropping to 2-1