NORTH FINAL 9. Nique vs 7. Edward Lake

[Mac Flow]

RSTL TOURNAMENT
Elite 8!


DUE DATES


VERSES DUE Thursday 10:00pm PACIFIC/1:00am EST/

VOTES DUE Sunday 10:00am PACIFIC/1:00pm EST


TOPICS

League/Tournament(round 4) topics

LINE LIMIT

4 lines - NO SHOWS
16 lines - MINIMUM
60 lines - MAXIMUM


VOTING

No payback votes
No 2nd Chance Votes


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for every vote you fail to submit and post a link for you will be deducted 1



if you win by no-show u are encouraged to vote still in other matches!!!!



Go Forth and Produce

[Edward Lake]

Well, I'm here. Good luck girl..

votes:

Tourney:
EAST Final 4. Anaphora vs 2. MC4Sight

League:

5. Retulen Reactus 8-2 vs 6. Unavailable 39-20
11. Lokternal 9-4 vs 12. Khoi 14-5
23. 6ft Deep 1-0 vs 24. Jack Sparrow 1-0
#1 contender's match 3. L Dogg 30-5 vs 4. Noib da Mutt 19-7
29. shadows edge vs 30. noodles vs 31. Dr. Phlow

[Nique...]

Lol@Girl. Good luck boy..

[Edward Lake]

she..

she was a girl i met at the train station
had the blood in my veins racing
frantically trying to keep up with my thoughts about her
so i, walked up to her, talked up to her
and decided to say 'fuck it' to any trains to catch
cause she had the body and the brains to match
in my book, she just became the very basis of my plotline
we smiled, exchanging happy faces
for a change, we laughed for ages
while her blue eyes and auburn hair seemed to stop time
& left me wondering why god turned careless
since he just dropped dimes

& things got serious
in this game of splitting seconds & minutes severed
so we'd usually date and shit
& embrace and kiss, look at an angel's wings
knowing that our fate was written in crimson clouds (thank you, angel)
that could be observed when evening falls
never would we ever have seen it all (love's a drug, baby)
& since i dismissed the essence, it seems losing's my favorite
so i pursued a relationship with a faith that lifted heavens
what would you when the present's that pleasant
would you understand the deeper meanings of love?
switch perspectives to the all-seeing eye that sees from above?
just like you, i just liked her, and failed to get the message
you would've been as confused & as dazed as this, kid

so i went for it, at the same station
and popped the question that kept the blood racing
& she said, 'yea i really like you
and so do my friends, they think you're my type too
and i hate to say it, but i need some time to -
think about it.. and not to make you look lame
but it might be smart for you to do the same'
& i said as the world stopped spinning around me
right, take your time, it's about that time
but inside i died
cant describe the pain i had
thinking 'run, run, run,
girl, you got another train to catch'

not once wondering why she wasn't ready.
not once realizing it wasn't my time yet.

2. Time

[Nique...]

From the beginning, it was created, to make things equal and fair...
Until its cover was blown with currruptive dreams and nightmares..
Its seams was exploited and force to resort to the good and evil..
Its fabric struggled to grasp the good in the people...
It was fooled and feeble, the thought of perfection was destroyed and..
Its two layered frame had to deal with right and wrong choices..
So it was knitted as both, became an addition to it unexpectedly..
Things happened for a reason..it became a victim of humanity..

...

Get loans and borrow expenses to spend on your college tuition..
Almost fall from the sickness from the cost of bottle prescriptions..
Tension from your boss your rent and your apartment tenants..
Fights and brawls you hop over fences avoiding the law & amendments..
Stick shift stalls on your engine you calling the tow trucking business..
House wall to wall with your infants, while you haul over the kitchen..
In the court halls being convicted as the defendant waits to be sentenced..
You hating this addiction because the scent is keeping you tempted..
The massacre is endless..our Mother Land fighting crisis & famine..
While we watching debates waiting for the deflation of prices & gallons..
People fighting for chances, while our kids still finding their talents..
Finding the answers.....unstable homes still finding their balance..
You frightened & panic, you feeling alone and needing accompany..
While get rich schemes uproot our economy from billion dollar companies..
& blacks still last commonly, whites still number 1 predominently...
And the government promoting free will, but still lacking in honesty..
And honestly..? Why the fuck the hostages ain't been saved yet..?
Teachers making big impacts, but still get the smallest paychecks..
Streets lurking with convicts & rapists..The Law ain't make shit safe yet..
No more virgins...STDs are now more common than safe sex..
No patience...everyday you feeling like your life has been threatened..
No right direction, people in Iraq still getting killed & beheaded..
Superstars seem pathetic; Rape's, scandals, & molestation as a fetish..
Feeling tensed & neglected, so you reduce it with a heroin injection..
Deaths from hoods that you reppin'...it's hectic, but u try to solve 'em..
While its considered common to die from violence than a medical problem..
They don't care that you've fallen..ghetto ran by street communists..
Getting crack, methane, E, & Mary..the demons from the street pharmacists...
They dominant..& in careers, most putting up a tangible fight..
Protesting everything from abortion to Animal Rights..
We an animal in our own mind..clawing our way out of a cage..
But still forced back & tamed..still living life as a slave..
It's like being silent, but in rage...shy, but in pain...
No pride in being saved, so you write what's right on your page..
In this day in age, there's enough change to bring jealousy to a Token..
More chaos, struggle, and order together in a quilt that is woven..
Memories, tragedies, emotions interwined in every color..
Keeping you warm, while in hopes that we'll once unite as Brothers..
Passed down in generations, we add on with a fresh cloth...
Synthetic fibers perfected in hopes to treasure the loss...
Infections, plagues, deceptions, and traps stain it throughout the years..
The shame, the thought of this clout causing doubt and tears..
But we are forced to deal with it...nature & nurture perfectly fits..
As our everyday struggle are held together...perfectly stitched..

7. These are the stitches that hold life together...expand
1. Everyday Struggle

[Mac Flow]

over no shows

Ed, nice emotional story here. the heartfelt sentiments of a proposal that isn't accepted added a realism to it that was interesting, but the content was missing some details of this relationship that would have filled this story and made it more appealing. the flow was cool overal, but a lil hard to follow in some places. I think it was a bit short adn needed more to cover those missing elements in the story.

Nique, the content of this was outstanding. the political views you expressed are definately shared by me and the way you put it all out there was tight and on point with your topic all the way through.

The start got caught my attention, but the content on a whole kept me reading all the way through

Get loans and borrow expenses to spend on your college tuition..
Almost fall from the sickness from the cost of bottle prescriptions..
Tension from your boss your rent and your apartment tenants..
Fights and brawls you hop over fences avoiding the law & amendments..
Stick shift stalls on your engine you calling the tow trucking business..
House wall to wall with your infants, while you haul over the kitchen..
In the court halls being convicted as the defendant waits to be sentenced..
You hating this addiction because the scent is keeping you tempted..
The massacre is endless..our Mother Land fighting crisis & famine..
While we watching debates waiting for the deflation of prices & gallons..
People fighting for chances, while our kids still finding their talents..
Finding the answers.....unstable homes still finding their balance..

that shit was fire and the flames just kept burning from there. great piece


Vote Nique

[TRAP.]

neither verses really caught my attention.

you could see mr. lake didn't wanna write two verses, like i did last week. still he did have a nice verse. i liked how you used the Time topic, being wishing you had all the time in the world for this maybe Soulmate and lady, yet knowing you have to let her go and hope she'll eventually come back. your verse was written better, imo.

nique had a pretty good verse as well. even though i've read this verse a million times before, it was still written well and you kept within the confines of the Stitch topic, and added the Everyday Struggle one, just because .. well .. it fit. the only bad thing with doing the verse you did is that it doesn't really speak on one topic. sure everything basically relates but in a broad sense. i liked the beginning stanza, and the last 2 lines the most, just because that was a slick way of creating that stitched metaphor.

another close one.
i'm sure i'll be in the minority, but i liked ed lake's verse just a tad bit better.

vote = ed lake.
pce.

[Anaphora]

Ed Lake: Wow. I totally thought this was just a love story at first... then the last two lines really brought it all around. Man, there's sooooo much in there foreshadowing it subtly. This was superbly done, because the foreshadowing agents don't call attention to themselves, and with how many god/heaven-ish references there are, that's a damned good job. I liked how you broke up the rhyme scheme in a few places, just a slight switch up to abba, with the inside lines shorter, so it didn't affect the rhythm of the whole piece, just a slight stutter step. Very very nice piece.

Nique: I liked the line:
Almost fall from the sickness from the cost of bottle prescriptions..
quite a bit... like the idea that getting loans and shit for school, yet having to pay exorbitant fees for medicine actually making you feel more sick than before...
But again I keep seeing a whole bunch of small mistakes... like in line 3, was should be were and should put force in the past tense, then it's not your apartment tenants, because that would mean you're the landlord in the phrasing... it'd be the your apartment's other tenants... then some phrasing is just bad, like, law and amendments.. well, the amendments are either things you are allowed to do, or not allowed to do by the law, ie, laws. then tow trucking business... who says that? It's just a tow truck... the diction and syntax is forced like that in more than just a few places for the rhyme's sake... prices and gallons... we're not waiting for prices AND gallons to go down, it's the prices OF gallons. if the gallons go down, it's another oil crisis, and the prices skyrocket... or needing accompany- needing some company maybe, but you can't need accompany, that's just not how the word works.

Vote: ALthough Nique had some nice points in her topical, this was lacking polish, a lot of the rhymes seemed forced, sacrificing continuity, surfacing maloprops, and bringing down the piece from a writer's perspective. Ed Lake's story was subtle, and very well done, very polished, and took on a whole new life with the twist. I'm going with Ed Lake.

[Nique...]

Smh. Ana, you really need to get out more. You judged a vote by me saying tow trucking business and how prices and gallons? Eh, just like last week eh? Ha. 2-1 Him.

[MC4SiGHT]

ed. lake- i personally enjoyed this verse quite a bit, if you've read my verse's you'd prob. know i got a thing for stories of this sort...though it was short it kept my attention throughout the whole thing, i was spittin it as i went too to this beat i just got the other day and while going through it, it just read smooth to me....flowed nice too....i really liked a lot of your wording...it was in a way simple yet thoughfull....to me this was a very enjoyable verse....good job man

nique-man, you've really come in to this tournament and wrote your all...this verse was no exception...you brought up so many different situations...i mean every line, there was basically no filler, just straight points to make...and you worded it nicely, that opening 8 bars before the whole verse kinda were off to me....the last 4 like didn't flow very well i felt....but the whole verse section was quite impressive to me...although you brought up a lot of ideas that are fairly common to be brought up like abortion, war in iraq, etc. which are pretty common to write about....this was a very good verse....and i strongly suggest going into the league because you do very well.....

but in the end....i took the simpler, more personally pleasing verse to me, which was ed's. this was a very close battle for me to vote on i felt. but ed's style of writing and his overall story was just more along my personal preferance. good battle guys. best of luck to both.

Vote-Edward Lake

just letting you know ill vote tomorrow.. i thought i could vote now but i got a headache so bite me :p

[Tha Talent]

Anaphora is insanely picky in his votes.
anyway...

Vadik:
this was alright...i get what you were going for...i think the metaphor could have been reinforced a little better at the ending, because i didn't pick it up until the third read...i thought the writing was a little slow and lacked some imagery...the characters were also a little too rough...i understand that a lot of this was based on the conceptual aspect of the story, but you've got to be a little more thorough in storytelling...i liked the flow, and i thought you tied in this story well...i liked the train station metaphor...just could have been strengthened a little...you did take a risk here though, as opposed to your league verse...good showing.

Nique:
yes, some of the writing mechanics, specifically the grammar, of your verse were off...but that's not a big deal...your points were good...but i didn't like the manner you wrote this in...it was very "you're doing this, while they're doing this"...throughout the entire verse...i would have liked more embellishment on some of the images...give me a picture of a woman bent over from alzehiemers that she can't afford to treat...the flow was pretty nice...word choice was alright, though you used the word "while" too much, giving it a repetative and droning feel...still...good verse...not as good as last week, but good.

vote=Vadik
i'm with trap though, neither verse excited me.
still, i thought his writing was more polished
his idea was more creative
and he got his concept across in a better way

[Khôi NguJin]

edward, nice verse. feeling your take on 'time', very timeless- like you ran out of time with the verse. the trainstation scenario was a little cliche, but you effectively made this very believable and interesting. the end i found was real good. props.

nique, interesting take with your topics. i loved the connection of the everyday struggle being stitched and woven together in a web of life. you're citing everyday struggles were kind of cliche things to say, but you pressed on them well. that teachers line came across funny, cos a lot of them make mass cash with pensions and shit. well, i thought the flow would be horrid but it was actually way above average. i enjoyed this verse.

v.Nique, he has a lot to offer and i'd like to see him drop another.

[Lokternal]

Edward Lake: Not bad, I wasnt too interested in it. But it was well written. The subject matter was pretty cool, and I really liked how your verse flowed so well. It was deep, but I thought it could have been more in-depth. At a few points you kind of stumbled, but overall it was a nice piece.

Favorite lines:

so we'd usually date and shit
& embrace and kiss, look at an angel's wings
knowing that our fate was written in crimson clouds (thank you, angel)
that could be observed when evening falls
never would we ever have seen it all (love's a drug, baby)
& since i dismissed the essence, it seems losing's my favorite
so i pursued a relationship with a faith that lifted heavens
what would you when the present's that pleasant

Just felt the way you wrote that

Nique: You had some pretty nice lines in here. You definitly came correct with what you were saying, and you could tell there was some thought put into this piece. There were parts where I can of wasn't feeling the piece, but overall I feel what you were saying in it.

Favorite lines:

In the court halls being convicted as the defendant waits to be sentenced..
You hating this addiction because the scent is keeping you tempted..
The massacre is endless..our Mother Land fighting crisis & famine..
While we watching debates waiting for the deflation of prices & gallons..
People fighting for chances, while our kids still finding their talents..
Finding the answers.....unstable homes still finding their balance..

Vote: Edward Lake, just felt it more

[Anaphora]

If it was just two things, I'd mention them, but they wouldn't affect my vote, but this was LITERALLY riddled with maloprops, grammatical errors, and just straight up miswordings. If you want, I can break it down like I broke down Eternal Path's and Tek's verses awhile back, line by line pointing out the mistakes, and I promise, I could find a mistake in damned near every line of this. Plus(even besides the whole 'well written' thing), it just wasn't as interesting as Ed's verse, I overlook the technical details moreso if there is a nice plot, or original ideas, but this had neither. It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't particularly interesting. The line I quoted even, the mechanics were pretty bad, but I liked the idea, and saw past the bad writing to comment on the IDEA. But yeah, if you want me to break it down for you I can, it won't be until like wednesday probably.

[Omen]

Edward Lake
Do not take this wrong but this was better then your league verse. You went a different route with this one. Writing with your old style in the league and your new one here. Both are affective however. I enjoyed reading this. It was nice...although I do agree with Talent as to the characters seemd rough in areas. However the metaphor you were getting too was nice, especially the touch with the train. I really enjoyed reading this.

Nique
Your writing has improved a lot since you first joined the RSTL. Its nice to see that though. This was a nice read and you made some solid points during this verse. Flow was good and word choice was nice. Some really good lines in there as well. The only problem I could see was that at times it felt somewhat repitive in areas. Perhaps the oversuse of the word 'while' was linked to that. As Talent stated. Regardless I think you have shown mass improvement as a writer. Overall this was a nice read and a great match.

This match came down to personal preference IMO. Which I think Lake barely took this. Nique is showing that she can compete with the big heads now.

Vote
Edward Lake

[A.S.K]

edward lake advances