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...scatterboxx rocks.
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: four one three.
Posts: 7,966
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“suicidal failure” - everyday struggle
this is NOT a continuation of my story.
i took a break from it seeing as most of you were probably itching for something different.
laurie, laurie, laurie i need you.
i'm sorry, sorry, so fucking sorry to leave you.
~~~
butcher knives & blank stares & everything i'd do to take it back.
well i remember when times were good.
well i remember, but ain't it too late for that?
~~~
so now i got myself wondering,
why'd i sell my soul to the devil?
i continue to follow a road so disheveled -
even though i know i'm resentful.
i start shit not even an iced molson can settle..
shit's got me stressing & worried.
memories frozen cold, corroding my mental..
god PLEASE, i confess i'm unworthy.
i clutch, grasping a hold on my pencil,
feeling for once that god's message concerns me.
i've been.. so unsuccessful..
hoping to god in the essence of mercy..
it's funny, see.. everything i was born & blessed w/ has hurt me..
shit left me stained w/ a pain that bled through my jersey.
aggressed by both oppression & depression..
i tried to lessen the fury.
my obsession for deception -
it's got me stressing & worried.
unable to decipher w/ reason..
& w/ nothing left to impress i'm a mess & i'm dirty.
my life of deceit is slightly uneven,
hard to believe it was ever once sturdy
see, i thrive as a demon,
so now.. instead of resting i scurry.
& w/ a mind never sleeping,
instead of perfecting i hurry.
~~~
& so now i'm past the point where i feel suicide is an option.
what was once a mind that tried to be cautious -
see, now it's a mind of exhaustion.
i'm frightened & lost & i understand i scarred your internals.
so look, i'm.. sorry i hurt you,
i never should've made you a martyr in virtue.
i'm marking my journal
each thought provoked by my hatred.
i spoke in a language broken by anguish,
but now, i'm hoping to change it.
~~~
my life's a wreck,
just a trifled mess..
i've tried every type of suicide, what's next?
i can't seem to decipher just yet -
why it is i didn't succeed when i sliced my chest.
so i slit my wrist w/ the blade &,
only stayed in the hospital one night just to rest.
sick of the anguish..
gripping a gauge &..
pressing it against the side of my head..
turned out every fucking clip was a blank, shit..
feeling torn & ripped by the hatred,
i figured i'd stick to the basics,
so i attempted a typical hanging..
but, the rope just snapped,
broke in half,
& left my body split on the pavement.
w/ multiple attempts in my past,
i was bent by the facts..
& i was getting a little impatient.
time to get a little creative..
i slit gills in my throat & jumped in the ocean.
i was starting to black out when i felt a sudden thump in a motion.
i awoke on the shore next to some swimmers -
i guess they apparently couldn't understand the message delivered.
feeling a bit weak in both my intestines & liver,
i decided to take advantage &,
so i got home, took some pcp, traced with brandy &,
sat on the sofa,
& i let it waste away at my stomach.
didn't succeed,
wishing indeed that the razorblade had just done it.
so i stuck my face in the oven,
& to my luck, the fire detector was sounded.
the fire department responded to the alarming -
they took me away in a stretcher i wound in.
~~~
two days later i was released from my short-stayed hospital visit,
during which i had thought up a plan..
soon to be another life lost & diminished.
i'm not gonna tell you the plan, see,
you'd try to stop me & consider me psycho inspired.
signed & sincerely, your brother,
michael a. myers
~~~
p.s. laurie, i'm sorry it has to be you..
i'm sorry it has to be you..
i'm so sorry it has to be you.
so this is for all my crayon drawings you crumpled & threw away.
this is for the unspoken truths i found out that have ruined my days.
this is for the all the blank stares & crooked smiles..
this is for the fact that that's all you gave me for christmas..
this is for the fake hugs & the times forgiveness took awhile.
this is for all times your smile left me achin' & wishin'
sorry means sorry.
cuz this is for you laurie..
this one's for you.
based on the halloween movies.
for instance the fact that michael myers never died, & therefore couldn't even kill himself.
yea
holla.
pz.
Last edited by Infinite Truth; 10-21-2004 at 03:23 PM.
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10-18-2004, 03:27 AM
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