EAST 4. Anaphora vs 9. A.S.K.

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Old 10-11-2004, 02:05 PM   #1 (permalink)
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EAST 4. Anaphora vs 9. A.S.K.




RSTL TOURNAMENT
Round Three



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Old 10-12-2004, 01:36 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Anaphora takes it up the butt!
yeah... I'm in, g/l ask
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Old 10-12-2004, 03:07 AM   #3 (permalink)
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im in this......gona try and come hard with this 1 as ive never got this far b4
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so how many deaths were caused in the name of Our Lord
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Old 10-12-2004, 03:43 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Anaphora takes it up the butt!
I've got my verse done, so whenever you're ready homeslice.
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This isn't a place for people to improve. This is a support group, where everybody just pats each other on the back and give words of encouragement. -predicate on the poetry realm
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Old 10-13-2004, 05:23 AM   #5 (permalink)
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aight im working on mine now

proberly post tonight 1
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For years in Europe, Christianity was law
so how many deaths were caused in the name of Our Lord
Sense would tell me it aint the words on the pages
but the interpretation of it that fuelled the crusaders
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Old 10-13-2004, 05:36 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I wrote this to an eminem beat, cos i wana be like him

Dammmmmnnnn homie, as harlequin i was the man hhhhommmiiiieeee




I blessedly gazed east ways across the bay of Naples
The suns rays danced strange paths of light to the makers
The violent sea surface reflected the calm sky’s coverings
So the dazzling blue ocean met the heavens in sceneries offerings
Down to the towns, the dock of naples echoed sounds of hundreds
Boats rode the surf, swirling in the curved of perfect currents
As people rigged their anchors, families reeled within their happiness
Yet though I describe this scene, it was not me who was having it
So many life’s I’ve touched, yet no love aimed in my particular direction
They bask in my shadow, so glad that I have to stay in this placing
Ever facing and they praise me, yet gave me no name
Till ive grown so impatient, basically im chasing for fame
Dammnit how can you not believe me, I gave up life for these people
They didn’t give a fuck, I swear im gona erupt with anger in deeply
Im angled so steeply, this danger within me is going to destroy
This pitiful land which I gave hope, its death shall bring me no joy

The water trickled, gently tickled the moss infested rock side
Slowly fade to a drip, as the towns water cascaded then died
And I heard the people cries, the stupid and pointlessly useless
Panic and stampede for an exit, and even some guessed they were ending
Some wept and confessed to their sinning, calling any gods name
Hoping he’d save them, but I knew I could bathe them in flame
And as their aqueducts failed, some turned faces to the heavens
Stared in my direction, yet paid no attention, saw no reason for hating
Their panic and mayhem was fuel for my anger, fuel to my furnace
I dreaded to shed my wrath upon their heads, yet hatred was churning
The term letting of steam, seemed so appropriate for my action
As my black wrath raised like a gas, to block out the sun which they bath in
This world which was pleasant, stretching from Naples to Rome
The pine tree’s on my sides, the meadows that bring in the aroma
The creatures that aborde them, I dread their disruption
For my explosion shall show no feeling as I cave in eruption
For now my anger is erupting……
How did I become so ruthless, as my sides boomed with ferocity
And the debris which I carry with me carried on skywards with velocity
My cloud of gas raised through suns rays, hung like gods wraths
As electric pillars of death cracked through clouds and fell to path
And for all thors hammers, the thunder trundleded endlessly
My explosion rose like a mushroom, expanding for all men to see
And the air which mean breath, gave way to my blown seed
As dust feel to the towns, and turned all round a hazy brown
As children fell down, burning sulphur tore at their lungs
Rocks caved in their chest, drawing breath to call for their mums
Ash from my fire fell like heavy snowfall in the torn atmosphere
As the brute force of my pyroclastic explosion lifted buildings clear
I’d so wanted to be accepted, striving in life to be noticed
This seemed so dramatic, but for years people would study me closely
And stare at the brutality, all just a memory and blurred faces
Caskets of stone, people statued forever in their cold cases
I buried two towns in my fury, Herculaneum and Pomipius
And filled the bay of Naples with floating angels and debris
Maybe not all gods’ creation in my kingdom deserved this,
But I turned a ancient period to one of sciences worst nightmares….

For my name is Mt. Vesuivius




i hate researching for my verses, anyways g'luck anaphora

always love readind ye work, so bring it hommmiiieeeee
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For years in Europe, Christianity was law
so how many deaths were caused in the name of Our Lord
Sense would tell me it aint the words on the pages
but the interpretation of it that fuelled the crusaders

Last edited by A.S.K; 10-13-2004 at 05:41 PM.
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Old 10-13-2004, 11:21 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Anaphora takes it up the butt!
One last day passed away as my steps fall silent as the dead
A goodbye should time allow as I continued striding to the dread
It was labor day, fading days of eighteenth years for us both
Around midnight, we'd slipped by the last summer of hope
Hope, that the days would stay and we'd remain together
Hope, that nothing would change, we'd stay in love forever
Hope, that the seasons would stop, and we wouldn't split
Hope, that time would freeze for us, to endlessly revel in it.

It was well weathered, when we met in the light of moon
fell together, grasped in grass, covered in night's dew
Our life soon soaked to the bone, but clothes were thrown
not caring where, we were at last together, that moment alone
Her soft skin slicked with sweat so supple and sensuous
She'd bend to this touch and that, ripple of a feathered kiss
And then her lips, smooth as silk she set them to seal
every broken promise between us scars, and let them heal
We weren't just making love that night in the park by the lake
We were love, we illuminated the air such no darkness might break.
We carved love from the night sky, created our own constellations
We wrote love with our fingertips, composed sonnet sensations.

Our last night together, though we forgot all the same
She'd soon fly east to NYU, I west to UCLA
We knew what would happen, knew what had to be
Yet, I found it hard to believe, her arms clasped to me
Seperately, we'd find our way into this world
She'd find a new guy, and I, a new girl
Hard to accept, with the truth wrapped around you
When you'd built love, yet still the world collapsed all around you
When everything you've known, is tossed to the wind
When thinking you're whole, you're lost all again.
When time tackles you, and drags you down in the mud
Reminding you that you can never 'forever' hold on to what you love.

The wind blew a chill to us finally, reminding me it's time to leave
Leaves wend wistfully in the willowy wind of my defining deceit
Discrete, yet to me it showed the changing of seasons
Fall had come, summer passed as leaves fell teeming with reason
This sensory detail, remends fully the fact that this act is memory
And doesn't end fully, but remains forever in the head for me...
...to access endlessly
When I feel the need, for remembering....
Love.
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Old 10-15-2004, 03:04 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Old 10-15-2004, 07:22 AM   #9 (permalink)
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ASK...felt what you were going for, it was interesting, but it was done too simple..saw it coming with the repeated use of the phrase erupting w/ anger...and that really took away from the story..and with that gone, all you had left was a far-fetched but decently written piece...im sorry.

Anaphora. Theme is common...meeting a lover and having to depart due to greater circumstances. but you told the story very well...little to no complaints..

And then her lips, smooth as silk she set them to seal
every broken promise between us scars, and let them heal
We weren't just making love that night in the park by the lake
We were love, we illuminated the air such no darkness might break.


esp. liked that.. nice shit

vote = Anaphora
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Old 10-15-2004, 07:29 AM   #10 (permalink)
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^^

cheers man

im out of this RSTL ish, i cnat do it at all now
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For years in Europe, Christianity was law
so how many deaths were caused in the name of Our Lord
Sense would tell me it aint the words on the pages
but the interpretation of it that fuelled the crusaders
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Old 10-15-2004, 09:30 PM   #11 (permalink)
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ASK:
I liked this piece it written real well, I thought though written nicely the story was a bit slow to take off. I think when you research verses they comes off nicer, it’s just seemed like it need more power behind it. Good verse nothing to out there though.

7.5/10

Ana:
Story was straight forward but your delivery killed it. Great story telling, I always enjoying reading the detail emotions in your pieces, this was no exception.

7.9/10

Vote = anaphora
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Old 10-16-2004, 11:38 AM   #12 (permalink)
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winner had more interest to me from personal preference...

loser just did not wow me at all... had no interest in getting into detail... a subpar view of a indirect way to depict an emotional rhyme.



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Old 10-16-2004, 01:18 PM   #13 (permalink)
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wow thanx tek

u do love me

1-2
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For years in Europe, Christianity was law
so how many deaths were caused in the name of Our Lord
Sense would tell me it aint the words on the pages
but the interpretation of it that fuelled the crusaders
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Old 10-16-2004, 08:01 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Anaphora takes it up the butt!
LMAO... Tek getting all vindictive again, off the meds there homey?
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Old 10-16-2004, 08:48 PM   #15 (permalink)
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ASK
You don't give yourself enough credit do you. That was a really good verse. I enjoyed reading it the entire way through. Although towards the middle... first bold part... I realized what you were, but I wanted to read to the end in order to find out which Mt. you would portray yourself as. Flow of things was good...story seemed to move along pretty nicely. The only thing I felt is that some of the word choice could of been slightly better...but however imagery was good and emotion was nice.

Anaphora
Verse was full of emotion. Like Lake said the concept is commonly used now. Reminded me of one of my friends tho back home. Story was good and told well, your description of things was amazing. Especially enjoyed that in the first 3 stanzas you had 4 lines with the repeating first word. Sort of added a certain type of feel to the piece.

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Old 10-17-2004, 12:31 AM   #16 (permalink)
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ASK:
i have a great attention span...i read a lot and something as short as a 60 line RSTL verse rarely bores me...this verse did though...it was just so drawn out...so incredibly detailed...and the details really didn't relate to anything...because the story was weak...the concept was weak...i don't know...i just didn't like it...you know how to write, but you haven't figured out how to put that into a strong plot form.

Anaphora:
you really are getting much more poetic recently...one thing i notice though, is that your usage of poetic devices hasn't become natural yet...it seems that you selectively place alliteration, and the internal rhymes you use are preplanned...maybe it's just me, but that's the way reading your verse feels...not that it's a bad thing...i liked the verse, although i thought the content could have been stronger...very well written...you write with such clarity...its a skill, and you probably would be one of the best prosaic writers in this league...good job.

vote=Anaphora.
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Old 10-17-2004, 08:58 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Anaphora takes it up the butt!
I overdid the alliteration a few times. haha. especially the s line, but I was like, ah fuck it, let the soft and sensuous stay. heh

Votes:
WEST 2. Trap vs 6. Headless Verseman
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WEST 1. Infinite Truth vs 12. Kaybi vs 4. Cereal Killer
29. square vs 30. blackgammon!
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21. 6ft Deep vs 22. theme
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-- -- -- -- -- --
This isn't a place for people to improve. This is a support group, where everybody just pats each other on the back and give words of encouragement. -predicate on the poetry realm

Last edited by Anaphora; 10-17-2004 at 09:21 AM.
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Old 10-17-2004, 10:55 AM   #18 (permalink)
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lick my nuts ana.... da fuck is an anaphora...
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Old 10-17-2004, 11:18 AM   #19 (permalink)
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