WEST 1. Infinite Truth vs 12. Kaybi vs 4. Cereal Killer

Mac Flow · 10-11-2004, 02:04 PM

RSTL TOURNAMENT
Round Three

DUE DATES

VERSES DUE Thursday 10:00pm PACIFIC/1:00am EST/

VOTES DUE Sunday 10:00am PACIFIC/1:00pm EST

TOPICS

Round 3 / League 10 - 17 october TOPICS

LINE LIMIT

4 lines - NO SHOWS
16 lines - MINIMUM
60 lines - MAXIMUM

VOTING

No payback votes
No 2nd Chance Votes

YOU MUST MUST MUST
POST YOUR URL'S OF ALL THE BATTLES YOU VOTED ON HERE IN YOUR OWN THREAD..

YOU MUST VOTE ON 6 BATTLES
for every vote you fail to submit and post a link for you will be deducted 1

if you win by no-show u are encouraged to vote still in other matches!!!!

Go Forth and Produce

Cereal_Killer · 10-12-2004, 09:55 PM

im in

good luck

votes:

tek vs ed

dic vs buster vs talent

ask vs ana

HV vs Trap

pest vs khoi

ss vs niq

tek vs omen

Infinite Truth · 10-13-2004, 01:01 AM

here .

pz .

10-13-2004, 04:16 PM

VoTeZ:

NORTH 3. Tekneek vs 7. Edward Lake
NORTH 9. Nique vs 5. ssenlli
EAST 4. Anaphora vs 9. A.S.K.
SOUTH 11. BusterHymen vs. 7 Dicenyaeye vs 2. Tha Talent
WEST 2. Trap vs 6. Headless Verseman
SOUTH 9. Ashen Horse vs 4. Khoi

_

10-14-2004, 09:48 PM

"Never interrupt your enemy when he's making a mistake..."

The Field...

The sun hasn't risen above the horizon yet but the sky glistened
He quietly listened, on his knees wishing for his father's wisdom
He missed him, but the legacy pushed him to fulfill his vision
He finally rose and kissed his father's cross like a good christian
He looked at his pistol, shiny with an engraving, saying
"To Commander Louis, a great man for whom we're all praying"
He took out his sabre, as beautiful as described in pirate fables
Sharp enough to cut the stars out of their cosmic cradles
He glanced at his watch, and suddenly his heart started thumping
Louis turned to a young man behind and said "Sound the trumpet".....

The Tent...

The three captains looked at the map, the pieces were all set
The oldest one, slow with respect, chewing on his cigarette
Looked at the Commander and asked, "Have you and ... Your son met?"
"Unconditional... And he's not my son anymore, he's regret."
"I apologize sir, especially for the path he has taken.
Your soul must feel vacant, but know that we all stand adjacent,
And will give our lives and our heads below the axe for you"
"Don't hurry to die captain, today I have a great task for you...
We are outnumbered, our ammunition is rusty, our men poorly trained
But I'm not pained, not concerned, I believe we'll prevail..
Besides... twelve years ago today..... anyway....
WE must execute flawless, with malice and boldness..

The Hannibal Manuever...

"I will lead the first battalion, Captain Smith, you're behind me
We both launch with light infantry forward, but dont grind me
Stay well back, only foot soldiers forward but save your agility
Cover us from behind, with some accurate shots of artillery
Count ten minutes then retreat all the way to the river
Over the hill, and that's when we make them shiver
The rest of your artillery will be set up by this bend
And hopefully a siege of that magnitude will send
Them to attack, taking pressure off me and you, Smith
Parker's cavalry will be hidden in this forest and spread in width
Parker will charge them as they reach the top of the hill
And then you charge... Ranger... up-front... you know the deal
Hopefully we'll have them surrounded, their core in the middle
My son was blessed with charm... but he'll be played like a fiddle
Alright gentlemen, raise your head, count your blessings
Today is the day that we shine... any questions?...."

The Line...

He stepped slowly but surely, along the line of high-raised chins
Meeting eyes and grins, his blood boiling and preparing to win
He stopped, looked at the sky as if he was swallowing clouds
The silence was cut by his thoughts now appearing out-loud...
"Men.... no not boys... MEN.. Decide if this life is worth living
If those who condemned us, walk on this earth unforgiven.
I breathe today the air, that's as fresh as the day i was born
Because I truly believe in the cause to which all of us sworn
For one another, test your soul, and test how sharp is your knife
March with me, perhaps toward death, but so strong toward life..."

The Gambit...

CHAAAAAAARGE... Louis never experienced this adrenalin
He knew it was strategic even now as he's back pedaling
His ear was bleeding, Smith tried to meddle in
"Sir you're hit." "Just shrapnell, I'm alive and well.
REEETREEEAT, over the hill Smith... NOW"
An explosion within feet threw a bunch of men up,
And smacked them against the ground
The unbearable whistling cannonballs overlapping, a devilish sound.
This artillery will dig us a grave, Jesus, father give me strength.
His voice gave out, he could only whisper the call....
"Meeeen, reform at the hill in full length."
His eardrum almost popped as he heard a deafening whistle,
And saw a man right behind him, pointing a still-smoking pistol
In agony of battle and anger, he forgot about danger
Charged the man with his sabre, but this man was no stranger...
As his eyes were bloodshot with thirst for death
And every breath, awoke neanderthal feeling in him.
His heart beating his body a terrible rhythm
Away with mind and wisdom, desire to kill is clear crystal
He attempted a stab, he wore a different uniform than him
This meant one of them had to die, and both of their chances were slim
Me or him me or him, he launched forward and pierced his coat
Louis fell on top of him, blood coming out his opponents throat
In his dirtied face he saw his son, he slowly said, smiling...
"Never interrupt your enemy when he's making a mistake..."
Louis cried, tried to give him a shake, it was too late
He turned around and saw an enemy ambush
Out of the woods charging the hill, blocking Smith, massacring him
Louis's heart stood still, he gave out a deafening scream...

The Flashback...

Louis fighting for the same cause as his dad
But he, his son, as well... Couldn't go farther
And the son now laid dead in the lap of his father....

Infinite Truth · 10-14-2004, 10:42 PM

“the mornings after” (pt. 3) - the calm before the store

& he would fold his concern in his arms,
& rest his worries in his blank stare at the television screen.
yea he'd been tired of the same old for quite some time,
but he would try to think beneath the surface,
& he would think..
& he would think..
until he would think everything was as it seemed.
~~~
but see, he knew a remedy was somewhere beyond the churchbell's ring
somewhere beyond the mornings after
somewhere beyond the truths the fortune cookie brings
somewhere beyond the fake poses & crooked smiles the camera captures
~~~
but they would tiptoe the sidewalks,
down past the broke down cony island carnivals..
where wanderers ride the carousel in silence.
& they would tiptoe the sidewalks,
down past the bazaars of plastic pony rides & tarnished •••els..
down past the parts where the ferris wheel is lifeless.
through the parts where it seems everyone is wide awake,
& into a moonshine jungle of razzle-dazzle fluorescence & blackhole hideaways.
& they would tiptoe them sidewalks a thousand times,
down past the muddy banks of the hudson.
& they would hike,
hike towards the train helm above them.
~~~
& they would hike the train tracks,
down past the forests in baretoe..
down past the fields of apples blooming through.
& they would hike the train tracks,
down past the orchards of scarecrows..
through the thicket..
into the wicked caverns a family of jackals moved into.
& they would hike those tracks down past the river's bend through prairies,
& cemeteries,
& everything in between.
& they find something somewhere that never was as it seemed.
somewhere beyond the difference between audacity and chastity..
somewhere beyond the city's safari..
somewhere beyond the city's broken secrecy.
somewhere sorry meant sorry.
~~~
& he would think..
& he would think..
knowing it's all too crooked.
& he would think..
& he would think..
& he would dig himself deep.
& he would think..
& he would think..
knowing it's all to crooked.
& he would think..
& he would think..
until he realized nothing was as it seemed.

Cereal_Killer · 10-15-2004, 01:54 AM

DROP DEAD - GORGIOUS

Have you ever hoped for another chance in life?
Have you ever wished on someone not to be alive?
That they crawl back inside the womb, to choke and die
By their umbilicale cord, still roped around tight
Snapping their spine
Until blood tears float from their eyes.

I HAVE

You once hid in the darkness,
Afraid to show your face
Like a duck with a target, trying to dodge its fate.
A bad egg from the market, soaked in pain stains of rape,
Who’s not willing to change its broken mind state of hate.
So you must pay,
They hold you down
I want you to die
I watch them stab you twice as I look you in your eyes
I see your blood trickle and it tickles me inside
You’re still just a kid underneath your suit of lies.
The first drug fused, down your vein line collides
With the truth, that you hide from yourself, in your mind.
The Sodium Penthol has made your body go numb
Just like my daughter when she bathed in your tongue
Leaving her stunned and alone hoping for someone
To come along and re-start her opposed shut lungs.
Not wanting to breathe
I want you to bleed
For her
For me, our family and her farther that had to see
The scene of his daughter tortured and forcefully
Raped, degraded and then inhumanely shamed
Into playing your game.
Can you see our pain
Can you feel her pain
The Vecuronium’s setting in,
Your eyes are glazed
Dazing off, dizzy and confused lost in a maze
Of fortitude,
This new stasis of mental abuse.
I ask what did she do to you?
For you to move your hand upon her fearful flesh
And tear between her legs as you insert your sweat
Right through her hurt and submissive tears of regret.
The Chlorides taken affect
Your eyes have rolled back
You’ve vomited on yourself as your heart relapsed.
Collapsing inside, I wish I could smell life spew
Out of you, as you drown on the hate you’ve ate and chewed
From off of my daughters beauty.

Time ticks

Time tocks

When your body goes limp, my mind still doesn’t stop
You knew she was just ten when you cut her up
How could you do this
She gave you her love and her trust
But that wasn’t enough.
If I could take it all back I would in one swoop
I still wish every day you did die in my womb.

Mac Flow · 10-15-2004, 03:06 AM

over no shows

Edward Lake · 10-15-2004, 08:07 AM

I hate 3-ways..

Kaybi....loved the story...a father killing his son in battle...great shit...story moved along well...only thing I had a problem with, was that some of the rhymes were forced. Other than that, great piece.

Inf Truth....dope piece, once again very poetic...rhyme scheme was easy to follow for me, but well done...seemed very natural..good shit. Props.

CK..whoa...thanks for making this even harder to vote on. Another hot piece, dripping w/ emotion... I had trouble paying attention but that's just because im tired and i have a job interview in 90 mins...but whatever...

so I gotta vote now..damn yall...

vote = Inf Truth

by a hair, I might add.

TeKneeK · 10-16-2004, 11:49 AM

kaybi and ck was the competitive outcome here..

ck was more poetically simple and very easy to understand... that helps it all..

kaybi just had to do what he does best... drop the story and just do his way....

inf truth... please... ur shet is played... its wack.

ed lake.. that was the most favortistic, cockryding vote i ever seen...

kaybi: 91
CK: 88
INF TRUTH: 73 - i do not feel this style at all what soever...

Khôi NguJin · 10-16-2004, 02:49 PM

i'll vote later, but i just have to say- what is that cute little white marshmelllow creature skipping valiantly as your avatar cereal? LoOLOLLOL

Cereal_Killer · 10-16-2004, 02:52 PM

see my title "that’s me" ima cannibal lmao

you see since vern changed my title cause i changed his i have no points left so i have to keep "DRINKS HIS OWN CUM" so i thought i might as well go with it.

10-17-2004, 12:06 AM

1-1-0 uppin lox

Tha Talent · 10-17-2004, 12:26 AM

Kaybi:
you've got a lot of developing skill...in the last couple weeks i've watched you go from a 12 seed to, if we were going to have a tournament any time soon, you'd probably be an eight seed if not higher...you have the skill, but i'm seeing a lot of areas that you could improve in...for instance, the rhyme scheme was very bland...mix it up...also, i think you could use more imagery...instead of focusing on the dialogue and the strategy so much, you could have made the battle scene more graphic...that is a difficult skill to master while keeping rhyme scheme, and it would have greatly impressed me...still, you've definitely improved a lot and this verse was definitely the best i've seen from you.

Infininite Truth:
you're such a unique writer...i'm loving this series...you allow your settings and characters to become so developed...i can picture all your images...and they all hold a lot of sociological weight...you seem to have a great grasp of human nature...i loved the image of a fair of silent people, people who are at this place because it seemed to be the right place to be, not because they really enjoy the carousel...maybe i'm hitting on something you weren't going for, but that's what i found...i loved it.

Cereal Killer:
this was great...maybe the best verse you've ever written...i'm seriously thoroughly impressed here...well done...emotion ran through very well...i think you could have brought in a little more of a dissappointing feel...maybe let us know that the rapist was someone the woman knew...would have set up the twist nicely...however, that's really it...maybe add a few internals, but your word choice was great...i'm impressed.

vote=Infinite Truth
i'm going to put it like this..
Cereal, you are a great writer and really developing
i can see how someone would vote for you
however, at the same time, i feel Truth is the RSTL's philosopher
his verses have an impact on my thought process...seriously
not many people in this league can do that.
Kaybi, you are a good writer, and really impressed me
i just feel like, though CK didn't put his all in last week and you managed to tie him
you were a little out of your league in this one.
you managed to present a very good read, i enjoyed it.
great battle guys.

10-17-2004, 12:31 AM

Quote:

you were a little out of your league in this one.

only thing you said i cant help but disagree with..

thanks for the thorough vote im needin that feed

Anaphora · 10-17-2004, 08:51 AM

kaybi: This moved kinda slow for me... took too long describing the strategy, not enough time spent on either the father's feelings, the battle scenes, the important things, and it could've had some nice foreshadowing in there about what was going to happen, and why... some of the lines seemed a little longer than they really were because there wasn't a whole lot of noticable inner rhyme going on...

IT: Some of this was cool, and some not so... I liked the repitition of 'and they would tip toe the sidewalks', and just the third stanza in general... that was very nice, ver descriptive, good imagery, nice atmosphere going... but the first stanza I didn't like a whole lot, but the 'everything's as it seemed' coupled with the end was nice... but there wasn't any semblence of rhyme in the first part, then the second stanza, it was drawn out rhymes, and didn't seem as natural as I'm used to from you... and baretoe? haha, that's not a phrase man... barefoot yea... but baretoe is only in there because it rhymes with scarecrow and you know it. haha. This was pretty cool though over all... I liked it more the second time I read it, and more the third time... just some places the rhyme seemed like you really didn't want to rhyme, but felt it necessary seeing as where you're posting this...

Cereal Killer: Jesus christ man... it's always something out there from you isn't it? Damn... inbred rape and murder... sounds like a story from alabama... oh, you're from florida huh... maybe that's it... haha. The flow was nice in this, it was shocking, and well thought out, nice hints in the beginning about it being the woman's son who did the raping... but was definitely not too much of a give away. Man, this is gonna be tough.

OK... Kaybi's dragged a bit, both in story and flow, didn't have enough imagery for the opportunity given it... IT's is addictive, but some of the rhymes seemed a little unnatural, but goddamn there was some good ass imagery, especially in that third stanza... and CK's was very very emotional, twisted, shocking, but perhaps there wasn't as much in the whole imagery category as there could've been... Fuck you two man, this is tough as shit, I gotta read them both one more time, jus a sec.

OK... I'm gonna... jesus christ... flip a coin. J/k, I might as well, but I'm gonna say CK on this just by a hair... I liked the shocking nature of the subject matter, and the emotion, which you will hardly ever see me put ahead of imagery, and I'm not really putting it ahead of here, but on the same level... man, this was a good ass match up guy, con-fucking-grats.

Cereal_Killer · 10-17-2004, 12:59 PM

thanx bud that was a fcuken awesome reply.

10-11-2004, 02:04 PM	#1 (permalink)
Mac Flow Die Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: The Commonwealth Posts: 24,066	WEST 1. Infinite Truth vs 12. Kaybi vs 4. Cereal Killer RSTL TOURNAMENT Round Three DUE DATES VERSES DUE Thursday 10:00pm PACIFIC/1:00am EST/ VOTES DUE Sunday 10:00am PACIFIC/1:00pm EST TOPICS Round 3 / League 10 - 17 october TOPICS LINE LIMIT 4 lines - NO SHOWS 16 lines - MINIMUM 60 lines - MAXIMUM VOTING No payback votes No 2nd Chance Votes YOU MUST MUST MUST POST YOUR URL'S OF ALL THE BATTLES YOU VOTED ON HERE IN YOUR OWN THREAD.. YOU MUST VOTE ON 6 BATTLES for every vote you fail to submit and post a link for you will be deducted 1 if you win by no-show u are encouraged to vote still in other matches!!!! Go Forth and Produce __________________ ...The Elite, who else... You run around talkin bout how every dime sucked you, when they don't even speak to you - nevermind fuck you KY's Finest ...DM Forever...

10-12-2004, 09:55 PM	#2 (permalink)
Cereal_Killer California Cornflakes Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: In a tub of gutter glitter Posts: 3,180	im in good luck votes: tek vs ed dic vs buster vs talent ask vs ana HV vs Trap pest vs khoi ss vs niq tek vs omen __________________ :·.·: cocaine, genius, insomnia :·.·: .·.cereal killer . got life . inf truth.·. .. You're not likely to see a green CK Unless you've got a ticket with MDA .. Last edited by Cereal_Killer; 10-16-2004 at 02:46 PM.

10-13-2004, 04:16 PM	#4 (permalink)
Kaybi Guest Posts: n/a	VoTeZ: NORTH 3. Tekneek vs 7. Edward Lake NORTH 9. Nique vs 5. ssenlli EAST 4. Anaphora vs 9. A.S.K. SOUTH 11. BusterHymen vs. 7 Dicenyaeye vs 2. Tha Talent WEST 2. Trap vs 6. Headless Verseman SOUTH 9. Ashen Horse vs 4. Khoi _ Last edited by Kaybi; 10-17-2004 at 02:04 PM.

10-14-2004, 09:48 PM	#5 (permalink)
Kaybi Guest Posts: n/a	"Never interrupt your enemy when he's making a mistake..." The Field... The sun hasn't risen above the horizon yet but the sky glistened He quietly listened, on his knees wishing for his father's wisdom He missed him, but the legacy pushed him to fulfill his vision He finally rose and kissed his father's cross like a good christian He looked at his pistol, shiny with an engraving, saying "To Commander Louis, a great man for whom we're all praying" He took out his sabre, as beautiful as described in pirate fables Sharp enough to cut the stars out of their cosmic cradles He glanced at his watch, and suddenly his heart started thumping Louis turned to a young man behind and said "Sound the trumpet"..... The Tent... The three captains looked at the map, the pieces were all set The oldest one, slow with respect, chewing on his cigarette Looked at the Commander and asked, "Have you and ... Your son met?" "Unconditional... And he's not my son anymore, he's regret." "I apologize sir, especially for the path he has taken. Your soul must feel vacant, but know that we all stand adjacent, And will give our lives and our heads below the axe for you" "Don't hurry to die captain, today I have a great task for you... We are outnumbered, our ammunition is rusty, our men poorly trained But I'm not pained, not concerned, I believe we'll prevail.. Besides... twelve years ago today..... anyway.... WE must execute flawless, with malice and boldness.. The Hannibal Manuever... "I will lead the first battalion, Captain Smith, you're behind me We both launch with light infantry forward, but dont grind me Stay well back, only foot soldiers forward but save your agility Cover us from behind, with some accurate shots of artillery Count ten minutes then retreat all the way to the river Over the hill, and that's when we make them shiver The rest of your artillery will be set up by this bend And hopefully a siege of that magnitude will send Them to attack, taking pressure off me and you, Smith Parker's cavalry will be hidden in this forest and spread in width Parker will charge them as they reach the top of the hill And then you charge... Ranger... up-front... you know the deal Hopefully we'll have them surrounded, their core in the middle My son was blessed with charm... but he'll be played like a fiddle Alright gentlemen, raise your head, count your blessings Today is the day that we shine... any questions?...." The Line... He stepped slowly but surely, along the line of high-raised chins Meeting eyes and grins, his blood boiling and preparing to win He stopped, looked at the sky as if he was swallowing clouds The silence was cut by his thoughts now appearing out-loud... "Men.... no not boys... MEN.. Decide if this life is worth living If those who condemned us, walk on this earth unforgiven. I breathe today the air, that's as fresh as the day i was born Because I truly believe in the cause to which all of us sworn For one another, test your soul, and test how sharp is your knife March with me, perhaps toward death, but so strong toward life..." The Gambit... CHAAAAAAARGE... Louis never experienced this adrenalin He knew it was strategic even now as he's back pedaling His ear was bleeding, Smith tried to meddle in "Sir you're hit." "Just shrapnell, I'm alive and well. REEETREEEAT, over the hill Smith... NOW" An explosion within feet threw a bunch of men up, And smacked them against the ground The unbearable whistling cannonballs overlapping, a devilish sound. This artillery will dig us a grave, Jesus, father give me strength. His voice gave out, he could only whisper the call.... "Meeeen, reform at the hill in full length." His eardrum almost popped as he heard a deafening whistle, And saw a man right behind him, pointing a still-smoking pistol In agony of battle and anger, he forgot about danger Charged the man with his sabre, but this man was no stranger... As his eyes were bloodshot with thirst for death And every breath, awoke neanderthal feeling in him. His heart beating his body a terrible rhythm Away with mind and wisdom, desire to kill is clear crystal He attempted a stab, he wore a different uniform than him This meant one of them had to die, and both of their chances were slim Me or him me or him, he launched forward and pierced his coat Louis fell on top of him, blood coming out his opponents throat In his dirtied face he saw his son, he slowly said, smiling... "Never interrupt your enemy when he's making a mistake..." Louis cried, tried to give him a shake, it was too late He turned around and saw an enemy ambush Out of the woods charging the hill, blocking Smith, massacring him Louis's heart stood still, he gave out a deafening scream... The Flashback... Louis fighting for the same cause as his dad But he, his son, as well... Couldn't go farther And the son now laid dead in the lap of his father.... Last edited by Kaybi; 10-14-2004 at 10:46 PM. Reason: Grammatical errors...

10-14-2004, 10:42 PM	#6 (permalink)
Infinite Truth ...scatterboxx rocks. Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: four one three. Posts: 7,966	“the mornings after” (pt. 3) - the calm before the store & he would fold his concern in his arms, & rest his worries in his blank stare at the television screen. yea he'd been tired of the same old for quite some time, but he would try to think beneath the surface, & he would think.. & he would think.. until he would think everything was as it seemed. ~~~ but see, he knew a remedy was somewhere beyond the churchbell's ring somewhere beyond the mornings after somewhere beyond the truths the fortune cookie brings somewhere beyond the fake poses & crooked smiles the camera captures ~~~ but they would tiptoe the sidewalks, down past the broke down cony island carnivals.. where wanderers ride the carousel in silence. & they would tiptoe the sidewalks, down past the bazaars of plastic pony rides & tarnished •••els.. down past the parts where the ferris wheel is lifeless. through the parts where it seems everyone is wide awake, & into a moonshine jungle of razzle-dazzle fluorescence & blackhole hideaways. & they would tiptoe them sidewalks a thousand times, down past the muddy banks of the hudson. & they would hike, hike towards the train helm above them. ~~~ & they would hike the train tracks, down past the forests in baretoe.. down past the fields of apples blooming through. & they would hike the train tracks, down past the orchards of scarecrows.. through the thicket.. into the wicked caverns a family of jackals moved into. & they would hike those tracks down past the river's bend through prairies, & cemeteries, & everything in between. & they find something somewhere that never was as it seemed. somewhere beyond the difference between audacity and chastity.. somewhere beyond the city's safari.. somewhere beyond the city's broken secrecy. somewhere sorry meant sorry. ~~~ & he would think.. & he would think.. knowing it's all too crooked. & he would think.. & he would think.. & he would dig himself deep. & he would think.. & he would think.. knowing it's all to crooked. & he would think.. & he would think.. until he realized nothing was as it seemed. Last edited by Infinite Truth; 10-14-2004 at 10:47 PM.

10-13-2004, 01:01 AM	#3 (permalink)
Infinite Truth ...scatterboxx rocks. Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: four one three. Posts: 7,966	here . pz .

10-15-2004, 01:54 AM	#7 (permalink)
Cereal_Killer California Cornflakes Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: In a tub of gutter glitter Posts: 3,180	DROP DEAD - GORGIOUS Have you ever hoped for another chance in life? Have you ever wished on someone not to be alive? That they crawl back inside the womb, to choke and die By their umbilicale cord, still roped around tight Snapping their spine Until blood tears float from their eyes. I HAVE You once hid in the darkness, Afraid to show your face Like a duck with a target, trying to dodge its fate. A bad egg from the market, soaked in pain stains of rape, Who’s not willing to change its broken mind state of hate. So you must pay, They hold you down I want you to die I watch them stab you twice as I look you in your eyes I see your blood trickle and it tickles me inside You’re still just a kid underneath your suit of lies. The first drug fused, down your vein line collides With the truth, that you hide from yourself, in your mind. The Sodium Penthol has made your body go numb Just like my daughter when she bathed in your tongue Leaving her stunned and alone hoping for someone To come along and re-start her opposed shut lungs. Not wanting to breathe I want you to bleed For her For me, our family and her farther that had to see The scene of his daughter tortured and forcefully Raped, degraded and then inhumanely shamed Into playing your game. Can you see our pain Can you feel her pain The Vecuronium’s setting in, Your eyes are glazed Dazing off, dizzy and confused lost in a maze Of fortitude, This new stasis of mental abuse. I ask what did she do to you? For you to move your hand upon her fearful flesh And tear between her legs as you insert your sweat Right through her hurt and submissive tears of regret. The Chlorides taken affect Your eyes have rolled back You’ve vomited on yourself as your heart relapsed. Collapsing inside, I wish I could smell life spew Out of you, as you drown on the hate you’ve ate and chewed From off of my daughters beauty. Time ticks Time tocks When your body goes limp, my mind still doesn’t stop You knew she was just ten when you cut her up How could you do this She gave you her love and her trust But that wasn’t enough. If I could take it all back I would in one swoop I still wish every day you did die in my womb. __________________ :·.·: cocaine, genius, insomnia :·.·: .·.cereal killer . got life . inf truth.·. .. You're not likely to see a green CK Unless you've got a ticket with MDA .. Last edited by Cereal_Killer; 10-15-2004 at 05:19 AM.

10-15-2004, 03:06 AM	#8 (permalink)
Mac Flow Die Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: The Commonwealth Posts: 24,066	over no shows __________________ ...The Elite, who else... You run around talkin bout how every dime sucked you, when they don't even speak to you - nevermind fuck you KY's Finest ...DM Forever...

10-16-2004, 11:49 AM	#10 (permalink)
TeKneeK The Heart & Soul of RMC Join Date: May 1999 Location: L.A. Californ: America's Best Posts: 26,158	kaybi and ck was the competitive outcome here.. ck was more poetically simple and very easy to understand... that helps it all.. kaybi just had to do what he does best... drop the story and just do his way.... inf truth... please... ur shet is played... its wack. ed lake.. that was the most favortistic, cockryding vote i ever seen... kaybi: 91 CK: 88 INF TRUTH: 73 - i do not feel this style at all what soever... __________________ ....................... Last edited by Mac Flow; 10-16-2004 at 11:16 PM.

10-16-2004, 02:49 PM	#11 (permalink)
Khôi NguJin faith.hope.love Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 639	i'll vote later, but i just have to say- what is that cute little white marshmelllow creature skipping valiantly as your avatar cereal? LoOLOLLOL __________________ "True poets don't write with a pen, they write with the ink that flows from within their hearts" - anon

10-16-2004, 02:52 PM	#12 (permalink)
Cereal_Killer California Cornflakes Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: In a tub of gutter glitter Posts: 3,180	see my title "that’s me" ima cannibal lmao you see since vern changed my title cause i changed his i have no points left so i have to keep "DRINKS HIS OWN CUM" so i thought i might as well go with it. __________________ :·.·: cocaine, genius, insomnia :·.·: .·.cereal killer . got life . inf truth.·. .. You're not likely to see a green CK Unless you've got a ticket with MDA .. Last edited by Cereal_Killer; 10-16-2004 at 02:58 PM.

10-17-2004, 12:06 AM	#13 (permalink)
Kaybi Guest Posts: n/a	1-1-0 uppin lox

10-17-2004, 12:26 AM	#14 (permalink)
Tha Talent , Tha Master. Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: in the hall of fame. Posts: 3,588	Kaybi: you've got a lot of developing skill...in the last couple weeks i've watched you go from a 12 seed to, if we were going to have a tournament any time soon, you'd probably be an eight seed if not higher...you have the skill, but i'm seeing a lot of areas that you could improve in...for instance, the rhyme scheme was very bland...mix it up...also, i think you could use more imagery...instead of focusing on the dialogue and the strategy so much, you could have made the battle scene more graphic...that is a difficult skill to master while keeping rhyme scheme, and it would have greatly impressed me...still, you've definitely improved a lot and this verse was definitely the best i've seen from you. Infininite Truth: you're such a unique writer...i'm loving this series...you allow your settings and characters to become so developed...i can picture all your images...and they all hold a lot of sociological weight...you seem to have a great grasp of human nature...i loved the image of a fair of silent people, people who are at this place because it seemed to be the right place to be, not because they really enjoy the carousel...maybe i'm hitting on something you weren't going for, but that's what i found...i loved it. Cereal Killer: this was great...maybe the best verse you've ever written...i'm seriously thoroughly impressed here...well done...emotion ran through very well...i think you could have brought in a little more of a dissappointing feel...maybe let us know that the rapist was someone the woman knew...would have set up the twist nicely...however, that's really it...maybe add a few internals, but your word choice was great...i'm impressed. vote=Infinite Truth i'm going to put it like this.. Cereal, you are a great writer and really developing i can see how someone would vote for you however, at the same time, i feel Truth is the RSTL's philosopher his verses have an impact on my thought process...seriously not many people in this league can do that. Kaybi, you are a good writer, and really impressed me i just feel like, though CK didn't put his all in last week and you managed to tie him you were a little out of your league in this one. you managed to present a very good read, i enjoyed it. great battle guys.

10-17-2004, 08:51 AM	#16 (permalink)
Anaphora was here Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 1,694	kaybi: This moved kinda slow for me... took too long describing the strategy, not enough time spent on either the father's feelings, the battle scenes, the important things, and it could've had some nice foreshadowing in there about what was going to happen, and why... some of the lines seemed a little longer than they really were because there wasn't a whole lot of noticable inner rhyme going on... IT: Some of this was cool, and some not so... I liked the repitition of 'and they would tip toe the sidewalks', and just the third stanza in general... that was very nice, ver descriptive, good imagery, nice atmosphere going... but the first stanza I didn't like a whole lot, but the 'everything's as it seemed' coupled with the end was nice... but there wasn't any semblence of rhyme in the first part, then the second stanza, it was drawn out rhymes, and didn't seem as natural as I'm used to from you... and baretoe? haha, that's not a phrase man... barefoot yea... but baretoe is only in there because it rhymes with scarecrow and you know it. haha. This was pretty cool though over all... I liked it more the second time I read it, and more the third time... just some places the rhyme seemed like you really didn't want to rhyme, but felt it necessary seeing as where you're posting this... Cereal Killer: Jesus christ man... it's always something out there from you isn't it? Damn... inbred rape and murder... sounds like a story from alabama... oh, you're from florida huh... maybe that's it... haha. The flow was nice in this, it was shocking, and well thought out, nice hints in the beginning about it being the woman's son who did the raping... but was definitely not too much of a give away. Man, this is gonna be tough. OK... Kaybi's dragged a bit, both in story and flow, didn't have enough imagery for the opportunity given it... IT's is addictive, but some of the rhymes seemed a little unnatural, but goddamn there was some good ass imagery, especially in that third stanza... and CK's was very very emotional, twisted, shocking, but perhaps there wasn't as much in the whole imagery category as there could've been... Fuck you two man, this is tough as shit, I gotta read them both one more time, jus a sec. OK... I'm gonna... jesus christ... flip a coin. J/k, I might as well, but I'm gonna say CK on this just by a hair... I liked the shocking nature of the subject matter, and the emotion, which you will hardly ever see me put ahead of imagery, and I'm not really putting it ahead of here, but on the same level... man, this was a good ass match up guy, con-fucking-grats. __________________ -- -- -- -- "Those who know they are profound strive for clarity. Those who would like to seem profound strive for obscurity." -Nietzsche -- -- -- -- -- -- This isn't a place for people to improve. This is a support group, where everybody just pats each other on the back and give words of encouragement. -predicate* on the poetry realm*

10-17-2004, 12:59 PM	#17 (permalink)
Cereal_Killer California Cornflakes Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: In a tub of gutter glitter Posts: 3,180	thanx bud that was a fcuken awesome reply. __________________ :·.·: cocaine, genius, insomnia :·.·: .·.cereal killer . got life . inf truth.·. .. You're not likely to see a green CK Unless you've got a ticket with MDA ..