WEST 2. Trap vs 6. Headless Verseman

Mac Flow · 10-11-2004, 02:03 PM

RSTL TOURNAMENT
Round Three

DUE DATES

VERSES DUE Thursday 10:00pm PACIFIC/1:00am EST/

VOTES DUE Sunday 10:00am PACIFIC/1:00pm EST

TOPICS

Round 3 / League 10 - 17 october TOPICS

LINE LIMIT

4 lines - NO SHOWS
16 lines - MINIMUM
60 lines - MAXIMUM

VOTING

No payback votes
No 2nd Chance Votes

YOU MUST MUST MUST
POST YOUR URL'S OF ALL THE BATTLES YOU VOTED ON HERE IN YOUR OWN THREAD..

YOU MUST VOTE ON 6 BATTLES
for every vote you fail to submit and post a link for you will be deducted 1

if you win by no-show u are encouraged to vote still in other matches!!!!

Go Forth and Produce

TRAP. · 10-11-2004, 02:51 PM

sup, i'm here.
don't worry i'll post.
pce.

headless verseman · 10-12-2004, 06:54 PM

headless verseman · 10-14-2004, 08:44 PM

inspired by the suburban, half horror, half corny Dr. Frankenfooter, lmfao

im tired of serious topics, and if u cant find teh humor, fuck yall

It was hot as fuck, middle of the week, in the dead of July
No breakfast, deader than die, its better I try
To get something to eat before im out the door again
Open up the fridge and I swore it was abreast
To the rottenest food, Brussels sprouts and broccoli
When all of a sudden it rustled sounds and shot at me
“Eat me motherfucka, in this state Im still intoxicating
Oh, you that type of n.igga, lookin at a box of candy?
Well, this day is different, your gonna eat me or else
“What if I just go and squuuuuuueeeeeeze you until…”
“Until what mofucka, (his hand opened at once)
Im tired of your ass leaving us alone up at lunch”
“This isn’t really happening; I got heat stroke, im crazy to think”
“And all the times your fat ass let us float in the sink,
When the water was stopped, and mom exploded my seeds
But I guess you wouldn’t understand, open the freeeeeze
-er bag”, “why am I even thinking what im thinking is real
Next time, forget even holding you, ill leave u in their sealed
So you can’t breathe, and get rotted, nobody willing to part
To the point you lose your taste, shrivel and start”
“It’d never happen, my worth is amazing”, “till worms are basting”
“You couldn’t do it to us, get drunk with our fermentation
And on top of that, you like women right, im better indeed
Then chocolate, have her sit back and have us fed to your queen
One by one, run your hand from her stomach to chest
I think I paint the picture well, no need to sum up the rest”
“That’s your worth? sorry…im not Romeo, im thugg’d out”
“You’re 32 and living at home; you’re basically a scrub pal
And should your quake geek ass ever get a date, think business
Fancy dinner, maybe Italian….now what you gonna drink with it?
Water says your cheap, soda makes you look stupid
Beer is too tacky, what will you do Mitch?”
“I’d order a glass of…” “Go on, first date, can’t order a cocktail”
“I was going to say Wine”, “of course, should I keep going or stop there?
“You’re right, ill put you down, ill follow your stuff”
“To make me useful don’t let me sit, chew and swallow me up”

It was a beautiful thing, seeing man and fruit live in harmony
He ate the grape, then opened the freezer and saw an old jar of peas

He quickly shut the door…..but to this day, the pea’s are on the lookout

TRAP. · 10-14-2004, 09:59 PM

Talk Through the eyes of a natural disaster.

i was born,
as an angel in disguise,
through shattered eyes and tattered skies,
but who knew,
my own birth would be my own demise.
i grew up as "that one kid",
caught in the division,
of a horrible childhood,
yet,
found i was losing my religion.
and i was abusing my decision ..
.. to one day "save myself".
i blamed myself,
my parents blamed themselves,
for my dwindiling health.
i was always sick,
from infancy to childhood,
my parent's smiles should,
brighten my life,
but it did no damn good.
once a became a teen,
i headed on a path of destruction,
one of corruption,
if it wasn't sex and drugs,
it was nothing.
my bodily functions ..
basically wouldn't stay with me,
sustained negativity,
my sickness was maintaining to drain me.
all my sexual partners,
and through the years of the abuse,
came to a sudden halt,
as i was saddened with the bad news.
i was a walking disease,
everyone was capturing the rapture.
of me,
a sexual predator,
with aids,
a natural disaster.

Anaphora · 10-14-2004, 10:27 PM

Headless: I dunno man... like, the idea's coo, but some of the shit in there, like "deader than die" or "it rustled sounds and shot at me"... just poor diction in places.. could've been a little more clear... the story was pretty funny, plotline, nice ending, but the mechanics were pretty rough, not what I expected from you...

Trap: This was a little too short for my liking...if broken down into normal lines it's only be like 16ish... you could've taken more time talking about the kid's illness, how like, colds and shit even hit him hard, maybe thrown in a transfusion somewhere in the beginning, because if it was something passed on from them, they'd know about it from pre-natal shit... could've gotten more into why he was so for drugs and sex, didn't seem to be enough motivation to have those be the only things he aimed for...

Vote: Headless... this is pretty close but headless' was a bit more fleshed out despite a few knicks in the polishing...

headless verseman · 10-14-2004, 11:38 PM

it was to create that phony, fake gothic horror style

Mac Flow · 10-15-2004, 03:05 AM

over no shows

Edward Lake · 10-15-2004, 07:44 AM

Headless....lol funny shit..im not a fan of comedy verse but this one wasnt bad...little to comment on..

Trap..had a few complaints w/ your piece. With a verse like that, you gotta have a shitload of emotion in it...didnt see that...plus it was way to short...felt like you were basically writing from the twist to the start of the verse, and rushing along the way. this had potential, but you fucked it up..

vote = Headless

Cereal_Killer · 10-15-2004, 09:49 PM

HV:
Very strange, nah I mean extremely weird. I liked it. When people put themselves out there with something new and original I really enjoy it. It was written nice but not just that it kept me entertained the whole way through. The only problem I had with this was you needed to change the colour of the two different characters cause at times it got confusing. Other then that solid verse.

7.7/10

Trap:
Too short and sweet, I was just getting into then -------------- nothing. I needed a lot more. Great flow by the way.

6/10 purely for flow

Vote = Headless Verseman

Omen · 10-16-2004, 04:59 AM

Headless Verseman
That was dope. Pure comedy, because it reminded me of a movie I seen once. It was a really enjoyable read and a nice take on the topic. Creating humour is always a good thing. Dialouge was good and you kept me enthralled the entire read. Very nicely done.

TRAP
Nice lil verse man. It made me think of that Brian White kid you contracted AIDs in Indiana. Iono...good take because most would of figured a tornado or erathquake..some disaster like that would of been done. But I like how you took it a different route. Just wish it could of been slightly longer... regardless I enjoyed the read.

Vote
Headless Verseman

TeKneeK · 10-16-2004, 11:34 AM

HV: 83

TRAP: 84

closer than i thought.

headless verseman · 10-16-2004, 05:16 PM

and im sure that was fairly judged, lmfao

Tha Talent · 10-17-2004, 12:25 AM

headless verseman:
i don't understand why, but i did actually find this to be entertaining...not laugh out loud funny, but it brought a smile to my face...the value of fruit...the writing had its spots where it could have used a little smoothing, but i have a feeling you wrote this quick, and it was well done...good job.

Trap:
let's face it...you didn't put much effort in...not well thoughtout with a corny and played twist at the end...written well enough, but just not what i'm expecting from you.

vote=headless verseman

Nique... · 10-17-2004, 12:27 AM

Eh@This.

Headless was funny, but your wording was...eh...needs work. Did you do that on purpose? I mean, it probably was done on purpose because I do that sometimes, but "deader than die"? I didn't like that. On the other hand, it did catch my attention because it was funny and your imagery was pretty good. Humor and imagery is a good thing...average drop..

Trap, why you drop so short? It was too short, especially with the approach you took...more emotion..more diction...more things would be felt...you didn't really get your point across to me..

Vote-Headless.

headless verseman · 10-17-2004, 12:38 AM

yea, thx for voting

it was done on purpose, i think it keeps the tone consisent with the content...

i dont know if yall see the movie i referenced, but its soooo corny, lol

10-17-2004, 02:01 PM

Weak for both..

Headless lol let me get this straight u got attacked by a broccoli in that?? lmao either way it was entertaining and a good read.. nothin much else to say

Trap.. was nothing special to be honest... some emotion and a lot of cliche phrases... you had to take it from headless with a well developed story with even half assed rhymin but u couldnt do that..

I ejoyed Headless' verse more so im gonna vote for him

Vote- Headles

headless verseman · 10-17-2004, 02:09 PM

Grapes Niccuh

A.S.K · 10-17-2004, 02:40 PM

headless wins

10-11-2004, 02:03 PM	#1 (permalink)
Mac Flow Die Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: The Commonwealth Posts: 24,066	WEST 2. Trap vs 6. Headless Verseman RSTL TOURNAMENT Round Three DUE DATES VERSES DUE Thursday 10:00pm PACIFIC/1:00am EST/ VOTES DUE Sunday 10:00am PACIFIC/1:00pm EST TOPICS Round 3 / League 10 - 17 october TOPICS LINE LIMIT 4 lines - NO SHOWS 16 lines - MINIMUM 60 lines - MAXIMUM VOTING No payback votes No 2nd Chance Votes YOU MUST MUST MUST POST YOUR URL'S OF ALL THE BATTLES YOU VOTED ON HERE IN YOUR OWN THREAD.. YOU MUST VOTE ON 6 BATTLES for every vote you fail to submit and post a link for you will be deducted 1 if you win by no-show u are encouraged to vote still in other matches!!!! Go Forth and Produce __________________ ...The Elite, who else... You run around talkin bout how every dime sucked you, when they don't even speak to you - nevermind fuck you KY's Finest ...DM Forever...

10-11-2004, 02:51 PM	#2 (permalink)
TRAP. i'm soo old school. Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: middle east. Posts: 25,545	sup, i'm here. don't worry i'll post. pce. __________________ whyfebeater #1.

10-12-2004, 06:54 PM	#3 (permalink)
headless verseman Registered User Join Date: Oct 2000 Posts: 16,579	kkkk

10-14-2004, 09:59 PM	#5 (permalink)
TRAP. i'm soo old school. Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: middle east. Posts: 25,545	Talk Through the eyes of a natural disaster. i was born, as an angel in disguise, through shattered eyes and tattered skies, but who knew, my own birth would be my own demise. i grew up as "that one kid", caught in the division, of a horrible childhood, yet, found i was losing my religion. and i was abusing my decision .. .. to one day "save myself". i blamed myself, my parents blamed themselves, for my dwindiling health. i was always sick, from infancy to childhood, my parent's smiles should, brighten my life, but it did no damn good. once a became a teen, i headed on a path of destruction, one of corruption, if it wasn't sex and drugs, it was nothing. my bodily functions .. basically wouldn't stay with me, sustained negativity, my sickness was maintaining to drain me. all my sexual partners, and through the years of the abuse, came to a sudden halt, as i was saddened with the bad news. i was a walking disease, everyone was capturing the rapture. of me, a sexual predator, with aids, a natural disaster. __________________ whyfebeater #1.

10-14-2004, 10:27 PM	#6 (permalink)
Anaphora was here Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 1,694	Headless: I dunno man... like, the idea's coo, but some of the shit in there, like "deader than die" or "it rustled sounds and shot at me"... just poor diction in places.. could've been a little more clear... the story was pretty funny, plotline, nice ending, but the mechanics were pretty rough, not what I expected from you... Trap: This was a little too short for my liking...if broken down into normal lines it's only be like 16ish... you could've taken more time talking about the kid's illness, how like, colds and shit even hit him hard, maybe thrown in a transfusion somewhere in the beginning, because if it was something passed on from them, they'd know about it from pre-natal shit... could've gotten more into why he was so for drugs and sex, didn't seem to be enough motivation to have those be the only things he aimed for... Vote: Headless... this is pretty close but headless' was a bit more fleshed out despite a few knicks in the polishing... __________________ -- -- -- -- "Those who know they are profound strive for clarity. Those who would like to seem profound strive for obscurity." -Nietzsche -- -- -- -- -- -- This isn't a place for people to improve. This is a support group, where everybody just pats each other on the back and give words of encouragement. -predicate* on the poetry realm*

10-14-2004, 08:44 PM	#4 (permalink)
headless verseman Registered User Join Date: Oct 2000 Posts: 16,579	inspired by the suburban, half horror, half corny Dr. Frankenfooter, lmfao im tired of serious topics, and if u cant find teh humor, fuck yall It was hot as fuck, middle of the week, in the dead of July No breakfast, deader than die, its better I try To get something to eat before im out the door again Open up the fridge and I swore it was abreast To the rottenest food, Brussels sprouts and broccoli When all of a sudden it rustled sounds and shot at me “Eat me motherfucka, in this state Im still intoxicating Oh, you that type of n.igga, lookin at a box of candy? Well, this day is different, your gonna eat me or else “What if I just go and squuuuuuueeeeeeze you until…” “Until what mofucka, (his hand opened at once) Im tired of your ass leaving us alone up at lunch” “This isn’t really happening; I got heat stroke, im crazy to think” “And all the times your fat ass let us float in the sink, When the water was stopped, and mom exploded my seeds But I guess you wouldn’t understand, open the freeeeeze -er bag”, “why am I even thinking what im thinking is real Next time, forget even holding you, ill leave u in their sealed So you can’t breathe, and get rotted, nobody willing to part To the point you lose your taste, shrivel and start” “It’d never happen, my worth is amazing”, “till worms are basting” “You couldn’t do it to us, get drunk with our fermentation And on top of that, you like women right, im better indeed Then chocolate, have her sit back and have us fed to your queen One by one, run your hand from her stomach to chest I think I paint the picture well, no need to sum up the rest” “That’s your worth? sorry…im not Romeo, im thugg’d out” “You’re 32 and living at home; you’re basically a scrub pal And should your quake geek ass ever get a date, think business Fancy dinner, maybe Italian….now what you gonna drink with it? Water says your cheap, soda makes you look stupid Beer is too tacky, what will you do Mitch?” “I’d order a glass of…” “Go on, first date, can’t order a cocktail” “I was going to say Wine”, “of course, should I keep going or stop there? “You’re right, ill put you down, ill follow your stuff” “To make me useful don’t let me sit, chew and swallow me up” It was a beautiful thing, seeing man and fruit live in harmony He ate the grape, then opened the freezer and saw an old jar of peas He quickly shut the door…..but to this day, the pea’s are on the lookout

10-14-2004, 11:38 PM	#7 (permalink)
headless verseman Registered User Join Date: Oct 2000 Posts: 16,579	it was to create that phony, fake gothic horror style

10-15-2004, 03:05 AM	#8 (permalink)
Mac Flow Die Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: The Commonwealth Posts: 24,066	over no shows __________________ ...The Elite, who else... You run around talkin bout how every dime sucked you, when they don't even speak to you - nevermind fuck you KY's Finest ...DM Forever...

10-15-2004, 09:49 PM	#10 (permalink)
Cereal_Killer California Cornflakes Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: In a tub of gutter glitter Posts: 3,180	HV: Very strange, nah I mean extremely weird. I liked it. When people put themselves out there with something new and original I really enjoy it. It was written nice but not just that it kept me entertained the whole way through. The only problem I had with this was you needed to change the colour of the two different characters cause at times it got confusing. Other then that solid verse. 7.7/10 Trap: Too short and sweet, I was just getting into then -------------- nothing. I needed a lot more. Great flow by the way. 6/10 purely for flow Vote = Headless Verseman __________________ :·.·: cocaine, genius, insomnia :·.·: .·.cereal killer . got life . inf truth.·. .. You're not likely to see a green CK Unless you've got a ticket with MDA ..

10-16-2004, 04:59 AM	#11 (permalink)
Omen O Luh Da Kids Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: IND INC Posts: 21,058	Headless Verseman That was dope. Pure comedy, because it reminded me of a movie I seen once. It was a really enjoyable read and a nice take on the topic. Creating humour is always a good thing. Dialouge was good and you kept me enthralled the entire read. Very nicely done. TRAP Nice lil verse man. It made me think of that Brian White kid you contracted AIDs in Indiana. Iono...good take because most would of figured a tornado or erathquake..some disaster like that would of been done. But I like how you took it a different route. Just wish it could of been slightly longer... regardless I enjoyed the read. Vote Headless Verseman __________________ *The Elite* *Starving Artist*

10-16-2004, 11:34 AM	#12 (permalink)
TeKneeK The Heart & Soul of RMC Join Date: May 1999 Location: L.A. Californ: America's Best Posts: 26,158	HV: 83 TRAP: 84 closer than i thought. __________________ .......................

10-16-2004, 05:16 PM	#13 (permalink)
headless verseman Registered User Join Date: Oct 2000 Posts: 16,579	and im sure that was fairly judged, lmfao

10-17-2004, 12:25 AM	#14 (permalink)
Tha Talent , Tha Master. Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: in the hall of fame. Posts: 3,588	headless verseman: i don't understand why, but i did actually find this to be entertaining...not laugh out loud funny, but it brought a smile to my face...the value of fruit...the writing had its spots where it could have used a little smoothing, but i have a feeling you wrote this quick, and it was well done...good job. Trap: let's face it...you didn't put much effort in...not well thoughtout with a corny and played twist at the end...written well enough, but just not what i'm expecting from you. vote=headless verseman

10-17-2004, 12:27 AM	#15 (permalink)
Nique... I hurt feelings. Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: NY Posts: 3,368	Eh@This. Headless was funny, but your wording was...eh...needs work. Did you do that on purpose? I mean, it probably was done on purpose because I do that sometimes, but "deader than die"? I didn't like that. On the other hand, it did catch my attention because it was funny and your imagery was pretty good. Humor and imagery is a good thing...average drop.. Trap, why you drop so short? It was too short, especially with the approach you took...more emotion..more diction...more things would be felt...you didn't really get your point across to me.. Vote-Headless.

10-17-2004, 12:38 AM	#16 (permalink)
headless verseman Registered User Join Date: Oct 2000 Posts: 16,579	yea, thx for voting it was done on purpose, i think it keeps the tone consisent with the content... i dont know if yall see the movie i referenced, but its soooo corny, lol

10-17-2004, 02:40 PM	#19 (permalink)
A.S.K ... Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Some University, UK Posts: 5,003	headless wins __________________ For years in Europe, Christianity was law so how many deaths were caused in the name of Our Lord Sense would tell me it aint the words on the pages but the interpretation of it that fuelled the crusaders

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)

10-17-2004, 02:01 PM	#17 (permalink)
Kaybi Guest Posts: n/a	Weak for both.. Headless lol let me get this straight u got attacked by a broccoli in that?? lmao either way it was entertaining and a good read.. nothin much else to say Trap.. was nothing special to be honest... some emotion and a lot of cliche phrases... you had to take it from headless with a well developed story with even half assed rhymin but u couldnt do that.. I ejoyed Headless' verse more so im gonna vote for him Vote- Headles

10-17-2004, 02:09 PM	#18 (permalink)
headless verseman Registered User Join Date: Oct 2000 Posts: 16,579	Grapes Niccuh