SOUTH 9. Ashen Horse vs 4. Khoi

[Mac Flow]

RSTL TOURNAMENT
Round Three


DUE DATES


VERSES DUE Thursday 10:00pm PACIFIC/1:00am EST/

VOTES DUE Sunday 10:00am PACIFIC/1:00pm EST


TOPICS

Round 3 / League 10 - 17 october TOPICS

LINE LIMIT

4 lines - NO SHOWS
16 lines - MINIMUM
60 lines - MAXIMUM


VOTING

No payback votes
No 2nd Chance Votes


YOU MUST MUST MUST
POST YOUR URL'S OF ALL THE BATTLES YOU VOTED ON HERE IN YOUR OWN THREAD..

YOU MUST VOTE ON 6 BATTLES
for every vote you fail to submit and post a link for you will be deducted 1



if you win by no-show u are encouraged to vote still in other matches!!!!



Go Forth and Produce

[pestilence]

NORTH 9. Nique vs 5. ssenlli
EAST 4. Anaphora vs 9. A.S.K.

[DahLohner]

Once again, in here to apologize to Ashen Horse, keep doing ya thing throughout the tourney, you dropped a great verse against me, I jus couldnt combat it. Peace out and g'luck

IMOUT

[pestilence]

Bed of Lies… When you think the Calm is the Storm and the Storm is the Calm… you Storm yourself… In other words... Confusion... Bed of Lies...

Narrated by… Professional Male…



My childhood seduced my woeful soul to insanity…
Questing for leisure time torched the trail for the man in me…
Uncannily Lucifer granted me the curse of a Bachelor’ Degree…
Then Master’s Degree in the midst of my fantasy plea…
All day in the work place in my zone of scary meditation…
Overtaking the Id nation to partake in momentary revelations…
Revolutions, contributions provided by an 8-bit Colossus…
Megaman becomes a lost prophet in my office defeating top bosses…
But all I got is a mugs of JD and a little Vodka tonic…
Lots of sonnets unfinished like this bag of awesome chronic…
All I save for before and after Happy Hour…
Whine in my wine at the bar, purple grapes casted sour…
Yes, I know I can’t muscle back childhood through a digital clock…
Tic and a tock… co-workers suck every individual cock…
I guess I’m just a chicken with my head cut off and sped-
Away from the head I never gave them and run to the bar instead…

Car Starts en route to the bar ladies and gentlemen

Now, I can use my abundance of ‘fuck its’ I’m stuck with…
Me, myself, I, a pipe, and a big bag of nuggets…
Off to Romeo’s Pub, (laughs) like Romeo dying for the love of his youth…
A young! John Wilkes Booth assassinating Lincoln’s to gain Vermuth…
Man, I made love to that pipe until the flame died…
Became fried for my grand entrance through the main side-
Of the bar… they all moan at my importance…
I think? One shot, two, four, I’m more important distorted…
Away from that office, I’m a different person soakin-
In my childhood, damn why doesn’t my record get broken!
That ole’ Megatouch Machine, a great tool for my real skills…
5 shots, Imported beers, 7,8, shots- Pills!
Lazy lounging on a barstool. OOPS! Near fall!
Every night around this time, crowds stare at me, hear calls?
But I don’t know what they say, there’s my main peer Paul…
From back in the day! Football! That kid was sheer balls!
Paul! What the Hell’s up? Give him a yell, but he’s leavin…
Without realzin all the faded memories he’s stealin…
Theif! I shout, the crowd all looked into my eyes…
Oh my, they don’t understand the EVIL! in my life…
Lies! Talk about your Samsonit-nite filled with manuscripts…
And dusiness bocuments grown up big asshole SHIT!
Get off me tarbender. I was drinking here since I was seventeen…
You can’t take that away from me! Childhood… meant to me!…
Love me tender! Love me…

-Abruptly… let me interrupt thee sweet singing of a professional male…
who wails a trail of tears in the years that he has failed-
to comprehend the adulthood age has handed him so soon…
out in a puddle of piss in the alley behind the saloon…[end me]

Who needs you… you jerk yuppies fuckin mothers slackers…
Sleep in your bed of lies Paul you fuckin sucked at middle linebacker…
I’m going home! drink a maptain Corfan, Morgan on the cocks…
With a twist of twist of… oh fuck! Where are my car keys!?…
Car Starts, and we have drunk driving ladies and gentlemen

Everybody is beeping, HEY WATCH IT YOU BUDDY!…
Oh what a night, I bet you all of those people love me!
I bet, I bet I laught them a tesson on again youthing a be…
I know how to life live to the bestest pobissility…
I’m still cool and youth young living ly mife bust…
Place the paper in the printer and copy nice breast…
Front door back door Going in my house now!
Glass cow fras boww sumba dumba oust town…

Pass out,bed time for our professional, dead yet he's warm...
yet heated, he’s out cold, neglect to set the alarm…
it’s just another jaded snooze, in a mentally dead end night…
Falling drunk short on his couch, still sleeping in a bed of lies…

In the case of this evolution… It remains to be said… One man could set foot on the Hudson River Bed… net never touch the same river……. Bed of Lies…

[Khôi NguJin]

As I ponder past the piercing truth
Hoping to realize what I fear the most
Trying to tie things together
, but I'm here to soak-
In a pond of sincerity
So bear with me, I'm in my realest form
Here to express and perform,
It's my life, the times on me
Welcome to my eye of the storm
I'm knot what you think I am
, but let me continue without hesitance
Self realization is before you'll be regrettin' it
Time to reveal my revelations on record and
Send a message to the listeners, through this storm
Cold drafts of wind, beating down with thick ice
Something only a few could mourn
The rest are inconsiderate, oblivious to force
A clear cut example is visits to the morgue
Death comes in threes, storms take 3 million
A yearly toll shouldn't add up to these killings
And veryday I wake up, it's a new day- but
I'm bombarded by my own views, hating my guts
Stormy, but immaculate as my eyes are shut
A waterfall impacted them, my cry's about to bust
I see clear for a glimpse of rarity
A presence so fair to me and known
Yet, at the bottom of things- it's scarcity
So when I try to explode, the bottles overflown
I flood the block as tears shed, undoubtedly
I stare cos she's graceful, but never cross the boundary
Something about her, admist this earth torn from defeat
Shimmering from within, but outside her horror is seen
Stricken with grief with no reason to be emotional
I heard each tear that falls an angel will be holding you
And when I cry, I try to provide a perfect photograph
Imprinted in the mind, I wish I could've told her that
, but words seldom release as visions of me
Are welcomed deep, bottomless- imprisoned in sea
And as I try to rise and see all that I can be
I fall again and realize I honestly peak-
At the crevice of the mountain, cos truly
This reflection is disturbing my peace
Insanity, every glimpse- I try to retract
Every look that I've given, I wished I took it back
Dillemas everyday, and I endure so much pain
A look in my eyes is an eternity of rain
Dropping from the skies so delightful when I pray
, but even my morals now have taken that away
Trust me when I say that you won't understand my stance
I clench a fist or grip my hair hoping to advance
Every little remark gives a soaking to my plans
Asundering my aspirations clothing to my hands-
I unleash trenchant attacks, verbal assualts they label me psycho
I try to rewind moments, but press play- you'd think that I'm Michael
Please understand my storm, admist my phony appearance
I don't want to appear to be a sale marked only for clearance
I've been the ugly duckling and I can only stare back
While I ride the escalator cos the stairs always collapse
With every step I take, move I make I want to set the path
Burn it and finally say, I had saved the best for last
Make it clear that my eye of the storm has only-
One fear.......and it's that of regret
I mark this day forward as a turning point-
To rid of my mask....... my true self revealed
A learning void now.........I have fulfilled
I'm beautiful now................grown out like a precious women

Drop Dead Gorgeous.

[Mac Flow]

over no shows

[Edward Lake]

Pestilence...nice tale of a young man failing in life...very vivid...
Khoi...well written...interesting flip of the topic...didnt see that coming..

fuck this ones hard... im going with Khoi...cause I like his style more, but honestly this can go either way...its just a matter of taste here..

vote = Khoi

[Cereal_Killer]

Pest:
I really got into this, I thought they way you set this out was an awesome idea. Flow was crazy the way you brought the audience into the characters shoes by the word. Excellent. I think the break up to when you kick in is the perfect touch to this piece.

8.5/10


Khoi:
Nice emotion piece, written well with a hot flow. The only thing for me is that for awhile your piece was at a stand still as it set the mood, it didn’t move on quick enough. But still a great piece.

I heard each tear that falls an angel will be holding you

I don't want to appear to be a sale marked only for clearance

Best lines right there.

8.3/10

Vote = Ashen Horse

[headless verseman]

yea, i agree...first about khoi


it was hard for me to get into this, dont know why, because it wasnt a bad verse...to me it seemed rush, and again, ill say...short bars dont equal fluidity....i thought the flow was really off in this, i got the scheme but man was that a downer, didnt enjoy the story...thought it as "bleh".....but im a "bleh*NG bleh*le"

ashen horse-

enjoyed it, pest? as in pestilence? hmmmm , had some lines that were poorly written, but as a whole i enjoyed the story, thought the flow was hindering it, didnt help it....just a solid verse


i think i picked khoi in the predictions, so i got an upset

vote ashen

[TeKneeK]

reason: winner had a more fluid emotion... metaphors really set tone for topic... and vibe..


loser was good... but did not woo me enough in comparison




khoi: 87
ash: 85

[pestilence]

not to be an asshole... but Tek... it took you two minutes to read both verses... I can't even read and understand my own writing in two minutes...

vote counts but thats shady

[Tha Talent]

Pestilence:
i love it...you are just a great writer...the creativity of it all...the progression into a drunken state...i actually laughed at the line "and we have drunk driving ladies and gentlemen"...this was such an enjoyable read...so fluid...so insane...so well crafted...the character development was superb...and i never lost track of the story or the imagery...you managed to keep this narration style very smooth and it was just all around a well done verse...way to get into this guys head.

Khoi:
man...everyone's trying this week...it's great...another very dope verse...i thought the way you built this verse really was what stood out...you progressed your thoughts very well...fluid flow throughout...well written...i liked the little tangents that showed that this was, at least partially, stream of consciousness...just an overall strong verse.

vote=Pestilence
honestly, i liked Khoi's a lot
but i thought Pest wrote his a little better
and his concept was much more creative
both were very enjoyabe reads
and i'm very satisfied with both verses
great job.

^^^ thats waCc

anyway... both verses are dizzope

Ashen - Im feelin it.. although the story is not at all special, its interesting to read and follow, and see a certain level of yourself in it... it really got dope toward the end. some parts in the beginning however could have used more effort and polishing

Khoi - hard to understand, very hard to put it all together, poetry at its "abstractest" lol but it doesnt cut it as a well told story... not as envolving but it did include some nice metaphors and poetic elements

close, but Pestilence takes it...

Vote = Ashen

[Omen]

Ashen Horse
Ok first off I want to say its good that someone gave you your name back. Secondly this was a nice read. Especially towards the end when you the words were supposed to be slurred and speech was messed up. Sort of gives you more of an affect of what being drunk is like. Not to mention this is something that some people can relate to. Hard working people hating their job drinking it away. And for some reason whenever I see the word Samsonite (referring to the briefcase) I just think of Dumb and Dumber. Very nicely written and enjoyable read all the way through. The flow was good and the story started of slow but picked up nicely about a quarter of the way in.

Khôi NguJin
Very nice read as well. Enjoyed the emotion that you brought with it and thought the story was nice. At first I was reading it thinking you were using the "Descirbe things through a natural disasters eyes" but in the end you were doing Drop Dead Gorgeous. Very nicely done.. using nature as a way to explain the emotions in the verse. The flow of things to me was nice...and word choice was good. The only thing I guess you can say was that it took a little bit to build things up. It was a really nice verse... and I enjoyed reading it. I think you did a real good job conveying the topic and took a nice route with it.

Vote
Ashen Horse

[Nique...]

Ashen=Came dope. One of the Top verses of the week. Very interesting read about this man disliking is job and then going to a bar to drown his sorrows in liquor.........most people can relate to this. And then, you actually wrote with this slurred, funny, weird type of diction which was creative. I liked it a lot. I could picture this vividly. Good work.

Khoi=Came nice. I see everyone did this topic. I liked the way you approached this..personally, I thought your imagery could of been stronger and your diction chosen a bit better, but HEY, it's just my opinion. That didnt' really take away from your piece though...this was well written.

Unfortunatley, dope beats nice..

Vote=Ashen.

[Infinite Truth]

flow: khoi - brilliantly flow, & with a better-developed scheme, ud be fucking amazing
scheme: ashen - concrete rhyme after rhyme
storyline / concept: ashen - just not something u see everyday in the league
creativity: ashen - this connects with the storyline & also the next piece i'll touch upon
how it was written: ashen - he won it alone on how well his shit was written, creativity, and, although seemingly inspired by some contemporary short story authors, an obvious originality behind every line.. something hard to do. and still, he had the scheme & the concept, as if i backbrace incase he didnt pick it up with how well it was written

definitely smart thinkin'

vote- ashen

[Tha Talent]

despite -4 for only posting 2 links, ashen horse wins.