WEST - 15. spacenerd 2039 vs. 2. TRAP.

[Tha Talent]

RSTL TOURNAMENT
Round One


DUE DATES


VERSES DUE Thursday 10:00pm PACIFIC/1:00am EST/

VOTES DUE Sunday 10:00am PACIFIC/1:00pm EST


TOPICS

Round 1 Tournament Topics

LINE LIMIT

4 lines - NO SHOWS
16 lines - MINIMUM
60 lines - MAXIMUM


VOTING

No payback votes
No 2nd Chance Votes


YOU MUST MUST MUST
POST YOUR URL'S OF ALL THE BATTLES YOU VOTED ON HERE IN YOUR OWN THREAD..

YOU MUST VOTE ON 6 BATTLES
for every vote you fail to submit and post a link for you will be deducted 1



if you win by no-show u are encouraged to vote still in other matches!!!!



Go Forth and Produce

[TRAP.]

hey. here.
pce.


http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...0#post10092890
http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...7#post10092907
http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...3#post10092953

[space nerd 2039]

hi trap. <3

[space nerd 2039]

Finger tapping patterns, sitting here battling daydreams
That are attacking me from all angles,
But I can’t stop telling my self, “you can’t blink,
Sit still”, cuz all I can do is listen and stare
While my mind is whispering sweet innocence in my ear
Nothing occurred, or so they tell me, as if I was never even there
I can’t but.. give in, the truth is known since
I trust every word that enters my mind, they are my only friends
Over and over again, those pressures surface when the public’s
Nervousness of my presence, makes me the puppet to there services
That lead to death in the end, this just can’t be happening now
Blacked out, just woke up back in my house…
Masking these frowns, searching the mirror
seeing the same puzzled looks, the only time it gets clearer
is when I let the thoughts in my brain run amuk…


…All my family is now gone, how come?
I hear another voice saying something like
tell them you never had your hands on that gun
I close my eyes for the first time, or so it felt
Images I’ve never seen before, surrounded by my own living hell
I open my eyes, surrounded by suits and ties
Where am I now?
A whisper grows stronger, I see a mouth moving
I’m trying to make out the sound
people of the jury…
I noticed this place was not that same as my house
today I am here to prove beyond a reasonable doubt..
What’s going on here, what is this man speaking about
that the defendant, Thomas J. Harris, murdered in cold blood
I don’t think I know of such circumstances
His parents, Peter and Lora…



The insanity plea, courts blessed me with anonymity....


I was confident the voices left, but still loathing the death
Of the ones who made me, but life owes me no regrets
The wind blows in the distance, the ocean crashes
Those subtle sounds, I now hear
Are just overcasts of my once known habits
I have grown from tragic events that I still can’t forget
It wasn’t until I turned nineteen, I heard those voices again
It’s poison in my head, they must’ve never noticed I left
I have to approach this with fear
No. I’ll be stoic instead
Laying alone in my bed, knowing the past has passed
And oneday soon I know I will be dead.

[TRAP.]

6. Staring at your reflection, it starts to talk to you.


the water's edge, a crest to the shore,
another morning,
and i'm feeling the same as i did before.
we met two year ago upon this lakes grandeur,
so many walks,
i laughed and smiled, infatuated with your candor.
remember the first time we met?
i never asked for your number - i just masked regret.
but next night when i seemed disturbed,
my heart pattered,
in the distance was a vision of nerves.
see i was nervous the first time, and yet the second,
was calming,
it's like you were a mirror image reflected.
the moonlight casted a night of friendship,
later in life,
it casted distain, thinking how can i mend shit.
i can't defend wit - i had a knack for lying,
i couldn't stop your crying,
because i proved your heart was dying.
at the end of the road things fell apart,
i shoved the pain away,
and put it towards a brand-new start.
but not with you boo,
i said i went out with the guys,
with no surprise,
you could see lies through the reflection in my eyes.
you knew about the affair & goddamn it hurts,
because i broke your heart,
while your own heart was really beating it's last spurts.
we knew you were dying inside & i made it tenfold,
no more walks to that lake together,
i killed your damn soul.
and baby, your death i took so fucking hard,
i disowned my friends,
& it took me to that first night in the park.
we were meant for each other and on this cold december,
i made it known,
that we were meant to be together.
i looked up to the stars,
gave you one last kiss on earth.
as the moonlight shined on my own rebirth.

it was an echoing shot in the dark,
and with that gun,
it was destiny with that shot to my heart.

i'm so sorry.

7. You've just fired a gun for the first time...

[Mac Flow]

above no shows

[space nerd 2039]

10. You swear you aren't crazy, but the voices tell you many things...


2. You're on trial for the murder of a family member and you need some crucial evidence to clear your name. Everybody, including all your other family members thinks you did it so they won't help you. what happens?

and sorta tried to add in

1. Someday Soon
7. The Loneliest Hour
10. The Day I Found Myself


I used these topics

[MC4SiGHT]

good battle guys.....

space-your an alias right? anyways this was well wrote your storey progressed well and the dialougue fit good...had good emotion....the ending was no suprise or anything but just what happened...i like it....gave trap a good match

trap-i'm a sucker for the more poetic verses, your imagery and emotion filled this verse, not nearly the best i've read from you but i still really enjoyed this verse. this was a good battle too good stories but i felt traps had more depth and i just liked his style of writing more...

vote-trap

[headless verseman]

wasnt impressed by either of these verses. there was nothing eye catching or memorable. nothing struck me as such.....however, ill preface that by saying for whatever reason everyone so far that ive read has been pretty much the same, bland and mediocre (myself included....for some reason i sat down and wrote about 78 4 bar verses, then scratched em out and started over....who knows)


as for trap, i disagree with 4sights response. i didnt find it all that poetic except in similar form. he said he liked the imagery, i think it lacked...

vision of nerves.- eh....its not all that descriptive or moving


the moonlight casted a night of friendship- that sentence was well wrought, i liked the feel of it....thats a good image and meta.....probably your best this verse

cold december- i think thats poor writing though. i mean, it can be derived that december is cold without the actual word, a bit sloppy.

yea, i didnt see the imagery and descriptiveness that 4 sight saw, i think he might have even over exaggerated for you....not sayin u ask ed him at all, but it looks a little over done.



ok, this verse was just that...ok....which is fine....first round, topics were not the greatest, surely enough to come up with something dope, but they could be called uninspiring. lets see what happens......i take nothing away from you as a writer, but thas what i feel.


space-

Finger tapping patterns, sitting here battling daydreams

this first line creates a nice image..i can relate....not all that great, but a ok start

and thats about the only part of ya story that i felt.....i didnt like the plot, didnt have focus...it was just rather boring.....your writing just didnt let me get into the story, feel for the character or care what was happening



vote trap....


i know its harsh, i think the same about my stuff this round...horrible....was just feeling bleh...and wrote a bleh verse.....luckily my guy no showed

[LDogg The King]

^ that was actually a good breakdown.. i think your being alittle hard on them though.. this isnt school lol..

trap had the better verse. it opened up more and the word choice was much more thought of then space nerds. both did decent.. but in the end traps story just caught my eye more.

vote trap

gl to you both

[Mac Flow]

hmmm

space nerd...didn't you say this was your first topical/story verse? if so, not bad at all....I mean, you missed a whole of things, and to be honest the plot was lacking development, detail, excitement, all of that. You have a good foundation to work with, but you'll need some practice...

trap, by far not one of your better works, but enough to win. The flow was cool, a little diff scheme than you usually have, seemed that way anyways. Nice development, cool ending...nice take on the topic. You had decent imagery and word choice, nothing spectacular. I can see a definite lack of effort and/or inspiration here though.

vote = Trap, good luck kids

[TeKneeK]

spacenerd came great.... some real above avg stuff... content and wordability was thorough... but trap always has this special essence... a special style when he writes that invokes a very unique touch... its hard to say.... his flow and his descriptive details just somehow lifts it another level...


vote -trap

[Mr. Skull]

Space Nerd - Great thoughts displayed in your verse. Your wording and content was above average but I think in your verse you needed to concentrate more on making people relate to your verse and feel like they are in that verse. Good verse though

Trap - I've seen you come way better than this, but the poetic essence in your verse made it stand out more to me. By that, I mean you create a certain aura in your verses through the words that you use to make it stand out...

Vote-Trap

[Tha Talent]

trap wins, and advances.