WEST - 3. Atheist vs. 14. Yung Impression

Tha Talent · 09-26-2004, 08:59 PM

RSTL TOURNAMENT
Round One

DUE DATES

VERSES DUE Thursday 10:00pm PACIFIC/1:00am EST/

VOTES DUE Sunday 10:00am PACIFIC/1:00pm EST

TOPICS

Round 1 Tournament Topics

LINE LIMIT

4 lines - NO SHOWS
16 lines - MINIMUM
60 lines - MAXIMUM

VOTING

No payback votes
No 2nd Chance Votes

YOU MUST MUST MUST
POST YOUR URL'S OF ALL THE BATTLES YOU VOTED ON HERE IN YOUR OWN THREAD..

YOU MUST VOTE ON 6 BATTLES
for every vote you fail to submit and post a link for you will be deducted 1

if you win by no-show u are encouraged to vote still in other matches!!!!

Go Forth and Produce

Atheist · 09-27-2004, 03:43 AM

yup.

good luck.

Yung Impression · 09-29-2004, 02:59 PM

g'luck to you

3)The Beast

*Edit lines here*

Atheist · 09-30-2004, 04:36 PM

even with all the great topics to chose from, i couldn't write my best. i just didn't feel up for it.

i guess it all started when i opened my eyes, hoping to find
a little bit of hope that wasn't broken inside
but only in time would i learn that i'd be lonely for life
while trying to battle a voice that always gloats in my mind

see people told me i was crazy but i weren't listening,
i never was
instead i followed the voices in my head -
i'm sure you've got them too, doesn't everyone?
they told me i was better than this, they told me "crazy" wasn't a sin
they told me to do what i wanted as long as i listened to them
so that's what i did, i mean, who was i too argue with the voices?
cause after i listened to them
i soon enough believed in their noises

it all started when i was young, playing with bows and arrows
honing in on the evil that would grow from shadows
and alone in battle, i would hunt for food and lust its taste
clutch its pain, smell its fear and touch its face
the animal instincts kicked in, all that was on my mind was survival
and eventually i abandoned the arrows, started clinching a rifle
surviving was all that mattered to me, nothing else
but its sensation was a thorn in my side
like the rifle that clutched my belt

see i'm the man who goes to war to become a patriot
but i'm the same man who's so afraid that he walks away from it
i'm the man who invented the car for its thunderous feel
but i'm the same man who's lying dead under its wheel
i'm the man in the white house that you all see as sickening
but i'm the same man who was ruined by monica lewinsky
i'm the man who put his boot on the moon and saw the universe
but i'm the same man who dreamt of those stars but never returned
and the list goes on...

cause my name is glorified, i swept the sea and torched the skies
and when tears poured at night -
the next morning i'd love myself more than life
but i'm sure in time i will be gone because i worship myself
and my father always told me i shouldn't break the commandments
so i guess i'm going to hell
cause i'm that man who grew up with love
but was consumed by hate
so forgive father for i am sin, the human race

the day i found myself.

Yung Impression · 09-30-2004, 05:56 PM

nice shit^^

Yung Impression · 09-30-2004, 06:52 PM

3)The Beast

it all started gettin off the bus walking the 3 mile dirt road alone
i appeared to a stop, there was no silents but screamin in the home
i was shaking and i was trying to keep myself calm
lookin through the window watching my dad beating my mom
i was screamin and cryin tryin to get my fucking dad to stop
hollering out the door and seeing if there is a sight of cop
there's no one so it was up to me to try to get this harassment thing out
try to grab dad but instead i caught a right jab from him in the mouth

i was on the floor hurting thinkin why Jesus did i ever enter the place
tryin to see dad from a good vision, but see red cuz the blood in my face
hopin i can do something before my mom loses her life
walkin in the kitchen seeing if i could find any kind of knife
i found a knife my hands shakin so i don't know how to react
runnin towards the couch raisin arm and stabin my dad in the back
kept stabing my dad like some kind of pain hiding inside released
still stabbin him, eyes rollin back of my head like im unleashing a "Beast"

my mom was unconsious from the serious beaten she had gotten
all the blood from my dad smelled like his whole body was dried rotten
calling him different name like you bitch, stupid pussy, and fuckin fag
going back in the kitchen so i can hide his dead body in a plastic bag
punchin my dead dad around thinkin about prison and trial cases
going outside digin 4 holes so i can put his body parts in different places
im tryin to stop everything i did that can come back and tryna hurt
put his parts on the ground and then throwing them in the dirt
after im finished buring my dad mom and i can put the house up for leases
burin dads parts seperate, writtin on cardboard paper " rest in pieces"
knowin that the "beast" inside of me was just tryna put out more rave
instead of doing that i just unziped my pants and pissed on his grave

Yung Impression · 09-30-2004, 07:06 PM

uppin

Anaphora · 09-30-2004, 08:04 PM

Atheist: Personifying the human race eh... a bit of a wide goal to emcompass, and for not feeling like giving your all to writing you did a fucking good ass job. The verse was a bit misleading, which is good in this case, because it never goes off topic... flow was fucking nice as shit, really was diggin the flow, wound up nicely, a solid verse...

Yung: Your lines were a little bit stretched here... I thought they were at least... not so much in their length alone, because inner rhymes save long lines, but there weren't any really, and some f the wording made you pause for a sec in the middle of a line... some of the phrasing was a little weird like "try to get this harassment thing out" just didn't make much sense on it's own... and a phrase/line should be able to stand alone and be decipherable.... and some of this just wasn't believable... no insight given to why not only did this guy kill his dad (that's understandable) but then chop him up and bury the pieces in dif places... cuz what he did would be considered self defense, plus, the realization that he just murdered someone, his own dad at that, would stop the adrenaline right there... I dunno, I guess I just didn't buy this piece very much ya know? Then the long lines... not enough to top Atheist here.

Vote: Atheist

Insanity · 09-30-2004, 08:40 PM

Atheist- nice shit, very emotional, descriptive, poetic. Liking it a lot. Really put across a great topical piece.

Yung- You do have a good thought for description. The only thing holding you back is the ability to ellaborate on that, perhaps put it across in a more complex manner. That is what seperates the good from the great in this league. Overall you just got out-written.

Atheist had the better description, rhyme scheme, and better story.

Vote- Atheist

Urban AKA · 10-01-2004, 03:47 AM

Atheist- I liked your shit, you were descriptive, and you write as if you were writting in a book. I likes that. You're creative, I couldnt tell what topic you were on about until I saw at the end. I had little hints in the back of my mind like hmmm, I wonder what topic he's doing, but I can see it now. Flow was on point, rhyme scheme I liked, somewhat similar to mine. You delivered this topic nicely.

Yung Imp- You delivered nicely too, I can somewhat tell what your topic was about just from reading it. But, at first I was like hmmm, is he talking about his dad being the beast, could be, but then I understood where you were coming from. You've got a good storytelling ability, and your descriptiveness is pretty nice, I just think you need to work on your flow and being more creative with your story, add some twists in there, make people try and figure out what your topic is about. You feel me.

Vote- Atheist.. overall just had a better topical.

Mac Flow · 10-01-2004, 05:03 AM

above no shows

MC4SiGHT · 10-01-2004, 02:44 PM

Athiest-brought a more polished and better read to the table, i really loved the way it flowed it borought itself into each line if you get what i'm saying. shouldn't doubt ya work. for a first round verse it was good. enjoyed reading it

Yung-weird u started with it all started lol just like athiest....this wasn't bad, but it wasnt polished as much as athiest is the rhyme scheme was very simplistic and hurt the flow with same repeating syllabbles line after line with basic end ryhme...not a horrible verse....but not a great one either...

vote-athiest

space nerd 2039 · 10-01-2004, 02:50 PM

vote- atheist

he killed it. sick flow, really grappled the topic well sick content guy. its obvious oyu own.

the other guy had stretched lines and really didnt say a whole lot with the toopic he had. needs some re wording and polishing and u will not be too bad.

LDogg The King · 10-02-2004, 03:12 AM

athiest just had the better writers voice in this match.. young doesnt have the experiance athiest does in this league yet.. good effort though man.. ath.. i really liked that shit..keep doin ya thang an youll go far in this tourney

vote athiest

Ashen Horse · 10-02-2004, 10:12 AM

I only had to read both of the verses once...

Athiest... you can personify the human race... everybody is fucked up in their own little way... little fucked up sinners... even though you didn't write your best this verse was extremely deep... all of the technical shit was on point... just an overall good verse...

Yung... I feel sorry for you man... sorry Yung... not that your verse was bad... it was okay... you'll get better... concept was okay... you just need to learn how to develope your thought process a little more within it... get a little bit more descriptive... keep writing though it'll get better...

Vote-Athiest... and thats why I feel sorry for yung... cause Athiest is good.

Atheist · 10-03-2004, 09:04 AM

7-0

Votes:

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.

TeKneeK · 10-03-2004, 09:47 AM

YI's story didnt impact enough to have me feel an emotion nor did it do any to grip me at all..

Atheist u didnt need to come all out..... u did enough..

vote- athiest.

Khôi NguJin · 10-03-2004, 06:45 PM

this was clear who won, so since i'm short on time, i'll keep it short.

v.Atheist cos his verse really captured the essence of finding oneself, but the thing i didn't like and i'ts the only thing is adding the end with sin...didnt' feel that, but other than that you killled every aspect of the verse, and although u feel u didn't put forth a nice effort, it was the best i've seen from u in some time.

props.
vv.Ath.

10-03-2004, 08:10 PM

Atheist.. mad metaphors and ill flow, story of self search written in an ill and involving way

Young.. Flow was on point, and the story was iight, only problem was it was a little cliche and predictable. Emotion in this was spontaneous and sometimes awkward.

Vote= Atheist, took this mostly with originality and emotion, but by a lot.

Mac Flow · 10-03-2004, 09:01 PM

Atheist wins

09-26-2004, 08:59 PM	#1 (permalink)
Tha Talent , Tha Master. Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: in the hall of fame. Posts: 3,588	WEST - 3. Atheist vs. 14. Yung Impression RSTL TOURNAMENT Round One DUE DATES VERSES DUE Thursday 10:00pm PACIFIC/1:00am EST/ VOTES DUE Sunday 10:00am PACIFIC/1:00pm EST TOPICS Round 1 Tournament Topics LINE LIMIT 4 lines - NO SHOWS 16 lines - MINIMUM 60 lines - MAXIMUM VOTING No payback votes No 2nd Chance Votes YOU MUST MUST MUST POST YOUR URL'S OF ALL THE BATTLES YOU VOTED ON HERE IN YOUR OWN THREAD.. YOU MUST VOTE ON 6 BATTLES for every vote you fail to submit and post a link for you will be deducted 1 if you win by no-show u are encouraged to vote still in other matches!!!! Go Forth and Produce

09-27-2004, 03:43 AM	#2 (permalink)
Atheist Storyteller Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 1,700	yup. good luck. __________________ You’ve Got the Fear 4x RSTL Champion.

09-29-2004, 02:59 PM	#3 (permalink)
Yung Impression RBL Finest'..... Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Kolumbus City Posts: 1,204	g'luck to you 3)The Beast Edit lines here __________________ Y. I The Boondocks. Last edited by Yung Impression; 09-30-2004 at 07:08 PM.

09-30-2004, 04:36 PM	#4 (permalink)
Atheist Storyteller Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 1,700	even with all the great topics to chose from, i couldn't write my best. i just didn't feel up for it. i guess it all started when i opened my eyes, hoping to find a little bit of hope that wasn't broken inside but only in time would i learn that i'd be lonely for life while trying to battle a voice that always gloats in my mind see people told me i was crazy but i weren't listening, i never was instead i followed the voices in my head - i'm sure you've got them too, doesn't everyone? they told me i was better than this, they told me "crazy" wasn't a sin they told me to do what i wanted as long as i listened to them so that's what i did, i mean, who was i too argue with the voices? cause after i listened to them i soon enough believed in their noises it all started when i was young, playing with bows and arrows honing in on the evil that would grow from shadows and alone in battle, i would hunt for food and lust its taste clutch its pain, smell its fear and touch its face the animal instincts kicked in, all that was on my mind was survival and eventually i abandoned the arrows, started clinching a rifle surviving was all that mattered to me, nothing else but its sensation was a thorn in my side like the rifle that clutched my belt see i'm the man who goes to war to become a patriot but i'm the same man who's so afraid that he walks away from it i'm the man who invented the car for its thunderous feel but i'm the same man who's lying dead under its wheel i'm the man in the white house that you all see as sickening but i'm the same man who was ruined by monica lewinsky i'm the man who put his boot on the moon and saw the universe but i'm the same man who dreamt of those stars but never returned and the list goes on... cause my name is glorified, i swept the sea and torched the skies and when tears poured at night - the next morning i'd love myself more than life but i'm sure in time i will be gone because i worship myself and my father always told me i shouldn't break the commandments so i guess i'm going to hell cause i'm that man who grew up with love but was consumed by hate so forgive father for i am sin, the human race the day i found myself. __________________ You’ve Got the Fear 4x RSTL Champion.

09-30-2004, 05:56 PM	#5 (permalink)
Yung Impression RBL Finest'..... Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Kolumbus City Posts: 1,204	nice shit^^ __________________ Y. I The Boondocks.

09-30-2004, 06:52 PM	#6 (permalink)
Yung Impression RBL Finest'..... Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Kolumbus City Posts: 1,204	3)The Beast it all started gettin off the bus walking the 3 mile dirt road alone i appeared to a stop, there was no silents but screamin in the home i was shaking and i was trying to keep myself calm lookin through the window watching my dad beating my mom i was screamin and cryin tryin to get my fucking dad to stop hollering out the door and seeing if there is a sight of cop there's no one so it was up to me to try to get this harassment thing out try to grab dad but instead i caught a right jab from him in the mouth i was on the floor hurting thinkin why Jesus did i ever enter the place tryin to see dad from a good vision, but see red cuz the blood in my face hopin i can do something before my mom loses her life walkin in the kitchen seeing if i could find any kind of knife i found a knife my hands shakin so i don't know how to react runnin towards the couch raisin arm and stabin my dad in the back kept stabing my dad like some kind of pain hiding inside released still stabbin him, eyes rollin back of my head like im unleashing a "Beast" my mom was unconsious from the serious beaten she had gotten all the blood from my dad smelled like his whole body was dried rotten calling him different name like you bitch, stupid pussy, and fuckin fag going back in the kitchen so i can hide his dead body in a plastic bag punchin my dead dad around thinkin about prison and trial cases going outside digin 4 holes so i can put his body parts in different places im tryin to stop everything i did that can come back and tryna hurt put his parts on the ground and then throwing them in the dirt after im finished buring my dad mom and i can put the house up for leases burin dads parts seperate, writtin on cardboard paper " rest in pieces" knowin that the "beast" inside of me was just tryna put out more rave instead of doing that i just unziped my pants and pissed on his grave __________________ Y. I The Boondocks. Last edited by Yung Impression; 09-30-2004 at 07:04 PM.

09-30-2004, 07:06 PM	#7 (permalink)
Yung Impression RBL Finest'..... Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Kolumbus City Posts: 1,204	uppin __________________ Y. I The Boondocks.

09-30-2004, 08:04 PM	#8 (permalink)
Anaphora was here Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 1,694	Atheist: Personifying the human race eh... a bit of a wide goal to emcompass, and for not feeling like giving your all to writing you did a fucking good ass job. The verse was a bit misleading, which is good in this case, because it never goes off topic... flow was fucking nice as shit, really was diggin the flow, wound up nicely, a solid verse... Yung: Your lines were a little bit stretched here... I thought they were at least... not so much in their length alone, because inner rhymes save long lines, but there weren't any really, and some f the wording made you pause for a sec in the middle of a line... some of the phrasing was a little weird like "try to get this harassment thing out" just didn't make much sense on it's own... and a phrase/line should be able to stand alone and be decipherable.... and some of this just wasn't believable... no insight given to why not only did this guy kill his dad (that's understandable) but then chop him up and bury the pieces in dif places... cuz what he did would be considered self defense, plus, the realization that he just murdered someone, his own dad at that, would stop the adrenaline right there... I dunno, I guess I just didn't buy this piece very much ya know? Then the long lines... not enough to top Atheist here. Vote: Atheist __________________ -- -- -- -- "Those who know they are profound strive for clarity. Those who would like to seem profound strive for obscurity." -Nietzsche -- -- -- -- -- -- This isn't a place for people to improve. This is a support group, where everybody just pats each other on the back and give words of encouragement. -predicate* on the poetry realm*

09-30-2004, 08:40 PM	#9 (permalink)
Insanity Retro Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: Who's the great of the Hoosier State? Posts: 5,977	Atheist- nice shit, very emotional, descriptive, poetic. Liking it a lot. Really put across a great topical piece. Yung- You do have a good thought for description. The only thing holding you back is the ability to ellaborate on that, perhaps put it across in a more complex manner. That is what seperates the good from the great in this league. Overall you just got out-written. Atheist had the better description, rhyme scheme, and better story. Vote- Atheist __________________ !ND !NC HOOSIER DADDY

10-01-2004, 03:47 AM	#10 (permalink)
Urban AKA Proper Respect Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Memphis Posts: 373	Atheist- I liked your shit, you were descriptive, and you write as if you were writting in a book. I likes that. You're creative, I couldnt tell what topic you were on about until I saw at the end. I had little hints in the back of my mind like hmmm, I wonder what topic he's doing, but I can see it now. Flow was on point, rhyme scheme I liked, somewhat similar to mine. You delivered this topic nicely. Yung Imp- You delivered nicely too, I can somewhat tell what your topic was about just from reading it. But, at first I was like hmmm, is he talking about his dad being the beast, could be, but then I understood where you were coming from. You've got a good storytelling ability, and your descriptiveness is pretty nice, I just think you need to work on your flow and being more creative with your story, add some twists in there, make people try and figure out what your topic is about. You feel me. Vote- Atheist.. overall just had a better topical. __________________ Music

10-01-2004, 05:03 AM	#11 (permalink)
Mac Flow Die Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: The Commonwealth Posts: 24,066	above no shows __________________ ...The Elite, who else... You run around talkin bout how every dime sucked you, when they don't even speak to you - nevermind fuck you KY's Finest ...DM Forever...

10-01-2004, 02:44 PM	#12 (permalink)
MC4SiGHT JOE COMMiSSO Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: MICHIGAN Posts: 1,767	Athiest-brought a more polished and better read to the table, i really loved the way it flowed it borought itself into each line if you get what i'm saying. shouldn't doubt ya work. for a first round verse it was good. enjoyed reading it Yung-weird u started with it all started lol just like athiest....this wasn't bad, but it wasnt polished as much as athiest is the rhyme scheme was very simplistic and hurt the flow with same repeating syllabbles line after line with basic end ryhme...not a horrible verse....but not a great one either... vote-athiest __________________ THE ELITE 1X RSTL CHAMPION 2004 RSTL TOURNAMENT CHAMPION RSTL League Record 27-9 Overall RSTL Record with tournies. 38-10 MYSPACE

10-01-2004, 02:50 PM	#13 (permalink)
space nerd 2039 Registered User Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 195	vote- atheist he killed it. sick flow, really grappled the topic well sick content guy. its obvious oyu own. the other guy had stretched lines and really didnt say a whole lot with the toopic he had. needs some re wording and polishing and u will not be too bad.

10-02-2004, 03:12 AM	#14 (permalink)
LDogg The King S E A T T L E Join Date: Jan 2000 Location: Seattle Posts: 16,637	athiest just had the better writers voice in this match.. young doesnt have the experiance athiest does in this league yet.. good effort though man.. ath.. i really liked that shit..keep doin ya thang an youll go far in this tourney vote athiest __________________ ELITE motherfuckers www.soundclick.com/downedshadow www.myspace.com/downedshadow I wish the game was reversed and my verse was the beat so you'd listen to me first, and then dance later... I aint dumbing down shit, you don't get it, get a fuckin translator - Bishop Lamont

10-02-2004, 10:12 AM	#15 (permalink)
Ashen Horse Ashen Horse Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 1,142	I only had to read both of the verses once... Athiest... you can personify the human race... everybody is fucked up in their own little way... little fucked up sinners... even though you didn't write your best this verse was extremely deep... all of the technical shit was on point... just an overall good verse... Yung... I feel sorry for you man... sorry Yung... not that your verse was bad... it was okay... you'll get better... concept was okay... you just need to learn how to develope your thought process a little more within it... get a little bit more descriptive... keep writing though it'll get better... Vote-Athiest... and thats why I feel sorry for yung... cause Athiest is good.

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10-03-2004, 09:04 AM	#16 (permalink)
Atheist Storyteller Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 1,700	7-0 Votes: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. __________________ You’ve Got the Fear 4x RSTL Champion.

10-03-2004, 09:47 AM	#17 (permalink)
TeKneeK The Heart & Soul of RMC Join Date: May 1999 Location: L.A. Californ: America's Best Posts: 26,158	YI's story didnt impact enough to have me feel an emotion nor did it do any to grip me at all.. Atheist u didnt need to come all out..... u did enough.. vote- athiest.

10-03-2004, 06:45 PM	#18 (permalink)
Khôi NguJin faith.hope.love Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 639	this was clear who won, so since i'm short on time, i'll keep it short. v.Atheist cos his verse really captured the essence of finding oneself, but the thing i didn't like and i'ts the only thing is adding the end with sin...didnt' feel that, but other than that you killled every aspect of the verse, and although u feel u didn't put forth a nice effort, it was the best i've seen from u in some time. props. vv.Ath. __________________ "True poets don't write with a pen, they write with the ink that flows from within their hearts" - anon

10-03-2004, 08:10 PM	#19 (permalink)
Kaybi Guest Posts: n/a	Atheist.. mad metaphors and ill flow, story of self search written in an ill and involving way Young.. Flow was on point, and the story was iight, only problem was it was a little cliche and predictable. Emotion in this was spontaneous and sometimes awkward. Vote= Atheist, took this mostly with originality and emotion, but by a lot.

10-03-2004, 09:01 PM	#20 (permalink)
Mac Flow Die Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: The Commonwealth Posts: 24,066	Atheist wins __________________ ...The Elite, who else... You run around talkin bout how every dime sucked you, when they don't even speak to you - nevermind fuck you KY's Finest ...DM Forever...