39- I dot Q (1-0) vs 40- Break Point (1-0)

[A.S.K]

DUE DATES


VERSES DUE Thursday 10:00pm PACIFIC/1:00am EST/

VOTES DUE Sunday 10:00am PACIFIC/1:00pm EST


TOPICS

http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...50#post9514550

LINE LIMIT

4 lines - NO SHOWS
16 lines - MINIMAL
60 lines - MAXIMAL


VOTING

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No 2nd Chance Votes


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Go Forth and Produce

[BrEaK-PoInT]

in~ either road rage or girlfriend one.....good luck

Break

votes= http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...544post9553544 http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...41#post9556141

[BrEaK-PoInT]

ight heres a 26 line key.....took 33 min, i wonder why all i can do is key these damn things?...oh well.....good luck

Topice-Relate your last night with your girlfriend in a poem to be read at her funeral.

Who ever thought that last night would be the last night
my eyes dislocated from your heveanly visions and beautiful sights
it happened in the blink of an eye, no time to say goodbye
now im just left crying solo, with my head tucked between my thiegs
as i look up towards the sky, my life seems so bound and useless
getting control of my mind but my heart struggles in fighting through this
all it took was two hits, i never thought he had the power
but after screaming and yelling for an hour it was all bound in turning sour
and if i coulda stoped it i would have, but it seemed to dangerous
cause by trying to stop him it would kill me, leaving only a bag of angel dust
but it didnt happen everytime, and to her family it never did
and as an addict i must admit, he turned into a kid with a power trip
he wanted things his way, always going against the grain of all her ways
crying nights and fighting days, but to me it always happened to appear the same
cause it wasnt me that caused the pain, it was the angel in the dust
creating an exact opposite of me, only anger and sorrow, no love or trust
and i know this is the first for many, family and friends all listening in
right now you probably hate me, honestly i hate me too, deep within
cause on one side i was her dearest friend, on the other a blooming enemy
but i promise to all of you is was only once the angel entered me
and to me its sad to see, the only one i loved dying from my addiction
and soon i'll make it right, if god will just stop, look and listen
theres no need to ask permission, but by taking her you've ended me
throwing her into a loving place and leaving me lost inside an empty sea
and yes im still addicted to my drug of choice, proving only death i bring
now i say in my last breath,"i hope you listen to my plea",
"replace my life with her death",because with this jab into my heart,
it will bring the start of her but prove the end to me..........

Break

[i dot q]

checkin in.... ill post later this week when i got more time, and no one wants to hear the "this is keyed blah blah blah" cause no one is posting something they really think is half assed

[i dot q]

Topic- Revelation

four letters two vowels and two consonants
that have people killing people on seven continents
eleven separate entities with six million enemies
victimless identities to john fitzgerald kennedy
all becoming victims to this victimless struggle
america is in jepordy but we cant see past the daily double
israeli troubles dont affect you and your plaza trip
but once a US flag is burned your like "lets nuke the gaza strip!"
hate is a fire thats fueled by rage
but to you its a just a towel head hidding in caves
hate is something experience will never lessin
its when you need a gun to walk down the street just for protection
hate is spitting in your face wihtout a rebuttal
or cold war politics covered up with space shuttles
is the middle east the riddle to stop the deceased?
its not in the least cause hate is the cousin of peace
marked with the mark of the beast- hate is satanic ritualas
of principals crossed up with a cross of catholic visuals
hate hurts the individual but tears apart the community
crippling each members hopes and chance for oppurtunity
hate is nothing new to me- ive seen it all my life
my own son was killed by hate his name was jesus christ

[Awedishin]

umm

break....I didn't really like too much...it was ehhh....honestly not even holding my interest. I mean the basics were ok as far as writing, but nothing made me wanna finish this verse and it wasn't even that long. Stop "keying" and start writing...if that's what the problem is

I dot Q - ummm, was your topic "hate" or "revelations" lol...cuz it would seem like the first...basically this was ok, I can kinda see the revelations relevance, although it's a stretch. Good topical though had it been more on topic. My only question is, wtf is a "victim of a victimless struggle"....

vote - break point...it's basically a toss up between the flaws in each one

[i dot q]

lmao! 0-1 are you serious... the relevance of hate and revelations is that im attempting to reveal that hate is waht is the cause of the detrimental society that we live in, further more the final revelation of the narrator being god is on topic. i guess this must have just been over your head

[BlackDef]

sonned

maybe you should dumb down for these herbs

[TRAP.]

i dot q killed this.
his verse literally just got better with every successive line, and although it was based on 85% opinion and 15% fact, i really felt like he got his point across really well .. and from a structure standpoint the last 8-10 lines were really smooth and had a slick flow.

breakpoint had a very emotional verse, imo.
it really didn't go anywhere though. it's really hard to create a twist or something from a topic that just has to be soaked in emotion .. you did that well. it's hard to decide on who i liked better ..

but i have to go with i dot .. just a well-balanced verse, imo.

vote = i dot q.
pce.

[Awedishin]

blackdef and I dot Q

do either of you have 3 RSTL titles? so do you have place to tell me that I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about?

Come see me if you ever make it beyond 20-40

sonned my ass kid....if you don't know who you're talking shit to might I suggest you keep your mouth shut

oh and I got the God thing, I just think it sucked

so now what?

[BlackDef]

lol… conceit is gods gift to little men

Dont let that ego of yours hold you back from admiting your wrong

but I'm not even going to get into it with sombody I could give a shit about. I suggest you stick with running your Userlame fan club and stop making a rancid ass of yourself in this thread.

[Awedishin]

see my hookups thread. That should clarify for your pussies

that's all

[DMeTRIUS]

over no shows

[Tha Talent]

26 lines in 33 minutes is by no means a key
unless you type 5 words a minute.
seriously.
don't bother calling it a "key" unless you're talking at least 2 lines per minute

i dot q
i don't see the relevance that God would be the speaker here
i think you threw it in as a twist
but a twist has to change everything...it has to be well set up and make the reader say "ohhhhh"
this didn'tn even come close to that
however, the writing was smooth enough and there were some good pointsbetter than i expected, honestly

break point
i'm sorry, but this was flat out boring.
you didn't go anywhere with it..
it was written well enough, but think about where you are going with a verse before you write

vote=i dot q

[Ibeechu Farensqure]

I agree with talent...the whole god thing was a twist and I never would've gotten it if you didn't explain it either. the last line was like..."is he callin himself god? is he speakin from the perspective of god?...etc.. anyways...it had me guessin. i just thought u coulda cleared that up a little. Really good piece though, good flow, I liked the political approach.

Break Point- this was okay, pretty straight foward story telling, you didn't really develop ur piece to the point of interest.

vote= i dot q

[i dot q]

3-1 uppin

[Thaumaturge]

breakpoint-eh, story was ight, but then it wasnt that great, i feel like i got the story, but then i dont, its at HER funeral, i know youre trying to do a metaphorical thing, at least i think, like killing her inside, or did you actually kill her, idk, verse was well written though, jus a little confusing

IQ-The topic was revelations, now youre trying to basically reveal stuff thats already been stated a million times or something? wasnt feeling this at all, line by line it was a straight verse, but based on the topic, naw, and the end line...jus no, thats been said too often, stuff like that so it lacked some originality to me

close match, both need to spend more time on their verses and step it up focusing on the topic alot more but...

vote- breakpoint, edged it out, i basically scored it even for storyline, IQ didnt really have much of one ...and yours was even break, so the fact Break's was planned out more and progressed better gave it to .....him?/her,lol

[TeKneeK]

BP - Good narration of everything you told and the emotion you felt but the story didnt flow to a rhythm that syncopates smoothly.. as if you had to think ways to lay your details and the rhyme could've been more revised enough to make it solid in reading...

IDQ - Strong topical narration... good details... woulda been nicer if you broadened your horizons more... not just about the war and everything that's occurring today.... you shouldve came more imagination --- but with rhyme elements.. basically everything was above avg and very lethal


vote - IDQ

[i dot q]

^ neek politically the views i expressed in this piece are contrary to my personal views, i just figured that it be more on topic if i attempted to "reveal" some sort of hidden conspiracry left wing type stuff.

4-2 uppin over no shows

[Sercle]

Ima go with Break Point

he came real complete and nice with this piece sure, flow coulda been helped...bu it was still a lil bit more entertaining to read

vote=break point