31- Copywritten Vs 32- Dr. Cause

[Nebz]

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Go Forth and Produce

[Dr.Cause]

dope-on-a-rope

[Dr.Cause]

mad bord i'll be the first one to post
topic-depression

i sit here to day to say my last goodbyes/
at times you made me laugh,they were followed by cryes/
you never gave me a reason why,and it killes me inside/
i hide in the shadows because i don't want to be insite/
god know i tryed...at the end it was just some other shit/
i called you a gift a bliss......./
now i try to forget you even exist,with some slit wirst/
i clinch your name in my bloody fist....../
i just wanted to be face to face with your thin lips/
tell gawd damn i hate this pain,i will never be the same/
im terrifide,why?because im affarid of change/
its irrelivent,cuz nothing ever stays the same/
tell you how you grazed my brain,in to a early grave/
its because no one will ever love you like i do/
just tell me to be a better man,i promise i'll try to/
past the jungles of emotion of disiples/
i'll make good friends,leave my self open to rifles/
but girl don't shed a tear,might smear your pretty face/
thats why im in this possition in the first place/
stressin,for the lessin im messin neglected in your cresents was plesent why you have to end it?/
this is what death is,the sentence,the essence in the presence i said it......now go to sleep precious/


word

[Vern Acular]

RSTL TOPICS

Get Your Topics!!

[Copywritten]

5. Your a straight man in a gay mans closet. expand


As I got through the door, I hopped in n' locked it
In a shitty house, why's this queer got a walk in closet?
I stopped and paused quick, took a look around
Saw a pink shirt took down, as the collar & the hook unbound
A sign on the door, 'no mismatching or bad looks allowed'
I shook it around, picked it up and placed next to a toy Ken
And noticed a picture, of what looked to be his boyfriend
Boy-when I saw that I wanted to destroy him
Shit's annoyin' n',
Next I came to the section of leather n' spare clothes
God damn, give me a million bucks and I still wouldn't wear those
Sandals and bare toes, next to high heels and square toes?
Are you shitting me? Wouldn't dare to-touch-those pants
Cuz after cheerin' practice, homo was gettin' mushroom-stamped
Touched and clamped, by his man's fudged up hands
I rushed to stand, seen a condom on the shelf, it was citrus limon
Underneath it was a book, entitled Richard Simmons
Kid was kissin' women, tryin' to put on a disguise
Pretended to want ladies, when all he wanted was rich guys
But shit, why? I never seen so much clothes, wasn't ill though
I tripped over a shoebox and it rattled
Uncovered the top and discovered a dildo

N' screamed into a pillow, bein' in there dawg I almost lost it
Like a gay turned straight, I jumped outta the closet..

[Copywritten]

http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...24#post8978124
43- Ticker Vs 44- Vember

[ErykahCaine]

cool battle

Copy:

Ok, this was OK. The overall concept was too vague and pretty boring, I say that because there was no background story that explained why you ran in the closet or anything that led up to that conclusion. IMO it just seemed like you began from the middle gave a little bit of imagery then ended it. So there was really nothing to catch the readers attention or keep their attention. The flow was cool, had some comedic spots, but for the most parts it was just lacking. Ok drop though.

Dr. C.
THis was cool. The overall concept though done before was real poetic, this could've been nice if you would've put some more effort into it. Your flow was cool, but the spelling errors in just about everyline threw me off, cuz I had to go back at times and try to figure out what word u meant to be there. You expressed your emotion pretty nicely, IMO it just felt like u didn't put any effort into this, but its obvious you have some real potential..keep writing

with that said vote=Dr. Cause

[Fraud Hukstable]

bwahahahahahahaha my vote:copywritten his shit was dope and funny dr.cause shit was boring

[phatkid]

while copys verse wasnt touching on any grounf breaking concepts I was loving the multis and word choices, the rhymes fit together perfectly the way i read it.

it seemed dr c tried to put more feeling into his verse but it read with out to much of a flow to it and there wasnt anything new here it all, how many people gonna talk about slittin wrists when depressed, shits getting real old.

I liked both of the closings alot

Im voting for coppywritten due to the fact that I never got bored reading his verse

[Anaphora]

Cause: Man, ok, one thing to always do with a story, always go somewhere... at least half of this verse is just saying how you loved a girl and you broke up or whatever... just going on and on, which I admit, some people do, but as far as art/writing goes, you need to keep the piece moving or it gets boring... some of the shit was out of place, the wording that is... the last 2 lines though you stuffed it with inner rhymes... that's just it... honestly you need to stretch to get meaning from it, besides being long as shit... just because shit rhymes doesn't mean it fits know what I mean? If you have to think about a connection between neglected in your crescents for more than a few seconds (now I'm rhyming)... then you should find a different way to say it.

Copywritten: Yea, you didn't explain why you were in the closet... then the ending, almost did, but backed away... you could've gone on with some shit about it being you and like, coming to the fact that you've been acting gay and realizing it and being like 'what the fuck' and straightening your life out (yes, I know, puns are so fun though)... I dunno... there were some good laughs in there... but for the future, this type of verse normally won't win without more explanation.

Vote: Copywritten

[Everkleer]

There was somethin I liked about Dr. Clauses, i think it was the emotion or imagery, but i cant quite put my finger on it...it seemed that at some points it was dope like with the "bloody fist" part and the "dont shed a tear" part...i liked those, but the topic is extremely played and didnt offer anything new really.

Copywrittens verse flowed perfectly the way I read it, i thought the ending was aight, and there were comedic parts as well. i feel that its harder to pull off comedy than emotion or imagery, and while it may not be as powerful or as moving it still takes a more skillful writer IMO to portray comedy in an appealing way.

VOTE=Copywritten

return the favor please...
http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...24#post8978124

[Dr.Cause]

Bleh its not about which topic was played
its who played the topci the best lol


erg

[Copywritten]

good battle cause, 4-1 me..uppin'

[Verbatimental]

unimpressed, uninspired and unamused...



both were very blah... and quickly written.... only thing that sparked me was copy's attempt to creatively make the laugh factor work... which was only thing that got him thru higher...


vote. copy.

[Vern Acular]

winner copywrite