EAST: 07- MC4Sight vs 15- Everkleer

[Vern Acular]

ROUND 2



:: TOPICS ::

http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...02#post8856002


:: BAR/LINE LIMITS ::

min = 24
max = 48

:: VOTING ::

voting is mandatory, you must vote and post links on ( 5 ) battles, you will be deducted if you dont, if you cant vote on time, aim me and tell me why and maybe i'll let you slide, but im an asshole so you better have a good reason

:: DUE DATES ::

verses = thursday @ midnight eastern time
votes = sunday @ noon eastern time

*NO EXTENTIONS THIS WEEK FOR ANY REASON*

good luck

[MC4SiGHT]

checkin in.....good luck

votes:
http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...07#post8880607
http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...80#post8880680
EAST: 04- Sequel vs 05- Dmetrius
http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...14#post8888214
http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...87#post8888287

[TeKneeK]

i have to speak to both of u on AIM... so when u see me .. get at me.

[Everkleer]

checkin in, though ideas are lacking this week

http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...41#post8883641
http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...32#post8886132
http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...24#post8892624
http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...60#post8898560

[Everkleer]

TOPIC: we've all heard of envy and what it can do to a person, but what can it do to a person, really, if you envy'd someone to the point that you'd do anything to get rid of that person, or maybe anything to take that persons place, how would you do it, or what would you do


I fight with a vengeance, every night my interests
Consist of brutatlity, and hopes that I might make an entrance
Into this reality, but the media tightens the tension
Holdin me back, no slack as I can feel my right fist clenchin
Fightin anger and envy which starts ignitin suspision
And I find myself inches from a truth too tough for me to face
Ive had enough of this place, seen too much of this hate
When recognition aint given, aint that enough of a disgrace?
Hate the fans, as I watch a man bluff for their praise
But Ill show them all one day, when I rough up his face
He must suck up to Fate, cause he got all the luck in his days
Buyin trucks and estates, but he took the easy road to his riches
I put opponents in stitches while he got roadsters and bitches
Pampered with maids, while I did my own clothing and dishes
And for many days I kept my envy closed and suspended
Until the day I realized even his lifestyle couldnt open his interest
Hopin to end this, I knew I had to call him out now
Tell the fans all about how, growin up hed never fall or go down
How he fought with a passion, and gave it his all in a round
Talk of the town, back in Florida during our younger days
When we would kill for a break, back in our hunger phase
Hungry for titles, belts, anything for an ounce of respect
Pounce or get wrecked, the thrill of bein announced as the best
Now is my test, makin Roy Jr. pay the dues his dad owes
Six of my punches connect, as I scream "Take that, Jones"
Left hook,"Now hows it feel lookin up to me from the shadows?"


.

[MC4SiGHT]

GOOD LUCK

They say what’s broken, is only open to be forever broke…
Though I sit and I hope, visualizing a clever antidote…
To soap and cleanse this fence, I been climbing all my life…
So if true these sights…let me be 1/3rd of the blind mice…
For the sights I’ve saw, appall, and surely shock & awe…
Damn man I’d love to sock it all, just sit back and withdraw…
But I sit drawn, for some days now…just split in two…
It’s almost like I’m high, it’s like something’s lifting you…
You feel lifted too? I’m high rising with a gap in the middle…
You ever feel like your life just been caught in the middle?
Fiddling away like the notes of an instrument, I’m sick of it…
Splitting with the flick of instruments, two sides departed…
I remember the day I was brought up, the day this all started…
I felt retarded…you know with all my parents staring…
All six-hundred and something, showing they caring…
Bout how I’m brought to life….that was thirteen years…
And today’s my birthday, I’m raining cement like tears..
See the fears is I’ma fall apart, so they taking precautions..
Last few days, I been hearing rumors I’m a lost kid…
And I think it’s true, cuz I’m starting to wonder not why, but who…
Who am I…my eyes search my mind but come empty solid..
Feels like the titanic been crawling, driving thru me on in…
Between my love and my hate, that’s searching to find face…
Wasted projection, saying claiming my life expectancy ran short..
I’m scared, it’s like dangling steel strings in me are about to abort..
And I’ma fall apart, and my heart will fall to a higher force…
As I see in the source of my past, the rage that played over me…
The accidents, the death that spontaneously happened randomly…
The pain just grabs at me, then I remember my fostered times..
See I haven’t seen all my parents since that night…
They cut the ribbon and I was pulled up into this world…
A pearly division, reaching for the heavens…
Was eleven when I started to feel parts of me breaking inside…
I was crumbling, or was I missing something too deep to find…
Today’s my birthday…yes I’m thirteen years old…
The winds flow the drift bellows upon me like an open window..
I’m cold, and I know I’ll never see them all again…
The sun downs, and the shadows over earth bend…
When I see nine-or-ten of my parents for the first time since..
I was entered into this world as the newest news event…
And they stand and they stare, and they sadly look on…
The smiles I once saw, turned grimace as they fixate on…
I want to reach and hug em, but the truth is I can’t move solely..
It’s always been that way, my parents babysitters controlled me..
Then lonely and still unknown of who I truly am…
I saw their pens scribble and they walked away once again…..


“Next Day on the Evening News”

“Folks it’s been a part of our daily routes, for thirteen years now…
How we took our children to school, how we got to work in town..
But now sadly it’s end has come, it’s demolition was today…
And so we say goodbye to the worlds largest drawbridge built to date…”

THE END

topics::::i combined these two in mine own way....i kinda twisted them but shit isn't that what creativity about? lol
you've been lost for the past few days, not because you dont where you are, but you dont know who you are, everything you ever held dear to you has been deleted from your life, can you find yourself again and move on, or will you just evaporate in the emptyness

you've been in a foster home all your life, 12 years to be exact, it's your 13th birthday, and your gift from society is your actual parents, how do you feel when you see them, knowing when you get home you find out you would've been better off at the foster home

[TeKneeK]

wow our own team's gunnin it...

damn... ill bbl to peep this out.

[Everkleer]

word, good luck to you 4sight

glad we crew now

let the voting commence

[LDogg The King]

this was actually a dope battle.. everkleer had a hot flow an a great read leading up to be the dude who knocked out roy jones right? thats what i got outta the read.. in this case his oponent 4site came differnt then everkleer.. kleer used more flow the detail.. 4site is all about detail an that bridge shit was just creative shit.. i had no idea until i got to the end .. then i re read it an looked at all the little details that i missed about the bridge shit..

close match but i got mc4site taking this..

good luck to you both.

[6th_plague]

Thanks for showing, Lets up this for some votes!

[Tha Talent]

MC4Sight:
it was fairly obvious to me by around the 20th bar that you were some sort of construction thing...that said, i wasn't really fully satisfied by the worlds largest drawbridge, because you didn't really ever mention anything that would distinguish the structure as a bridge, not just a building...however, it was an odd, yet original outlook...it reminds me a little of the verse you used against me a while back, about a penny...because the whole time the twist was fairly obvious and yet, when i reached the end, i was kinda like "so that's it"...i'm just not feeling the excitement...still, it wasn't bad by any means, because the word choice and flow were nice...it just wasn't entertaining or thought-provoking in really any way.

Everkleer:
i'm going to put my opinion on your verse bluntly...BORING...you did NOTHING...you wrote about a boxer, and the most vivid description of a fight was "left hook"...personally, i feel it would have been much more effective if you had started the verse with Jones dancing over you, as you were knocked out, and in the body of the verse, describe the feelings and training you went through and how you got ready for the new fight, and the in the conclusion vividly described how you beat him...instead you basically wrote a verse about how everyone thinks Roy Jones Jr. is the better boxer and he gets all the press, and then out of no where, you fought him, and in a four bar span you were dancing over his KO'd body...you did nothing to grab my interest, and nothing happened at the end...intro and closure are the KEYS to a good story...it was reasonably well written with a dope flow, but it wasn't nearly as nice a read as last week.

vote=MC4Sight.
the idea was more creative
the writing was better
but both could have done better.

[Everkleer]

Talent, the reason I didnt start out like that is because it was supposed to be from Tarver's point of view, a man who grew up around Jones in Florida and was admittedly jealous that Jones had all the spotlight his whole life. Tarver publicly stated he was gonna give Jones what he deserved, and I couldnt start out with him dancing over me because Jones never knocked Tarver out, and all the jealousy parts and stuff were direct statements from Tarver...and the reason I ended it so sudden was because it only took 7 punches for Tarver to knock him out, which is kinda sudden if you ask me. I dunno if I didnt make it clear that it was Tarver or if it wasnt implied enough in the ending or whatever, hope that kinda clears it up some.

2-0 uppin for votes, thanks for the in depth breakdowns

[DMeTRIUS]

i got mc4sight taking this

everkleer ... i liked ur flow ... it's just that at some points it coulda been extended ... like the aabbcc etc format ... i just wasnt feeling .. as far as story wise it was good ... nothing exceptional ... but good ... i could see where it was going halfway through but u shouldnt get docked anything for that ... u made a good story that was easy to follow

4sight ... really liked this pieces ... flow was a little better ... and the word usage made me question my own writing .... liked the story ... and in the u told a story without making the topic so obvious ... i've seen a lot of people end with a paragraph ... and that's not cool ... finish the rhyme and u did

4sight edged this one .... good luck to both

[FórmÅl LôGíc]

Real close. Alot closer than I thought it'd be.

Everkleer - Great verse. Very original concept and story, and I love how you used the Tarver-Jones envy. Never thought about doing that. Great flow, awesome writer's voice. You really suprised me with this verse.

4sight - Another great verse, very descriptive, emotional and such an original concept. Flow was on point, and really great verse in all aspects. Truthfully I thought your verse was gonna be about some boring ass kid, who was in foster home all his life then commited suicide, def. cought me off guard with that ending.

Overall both really did have great verses, both very original, and both a good read. But in the end 4sight edged this out, with that ending. Great battle guys.

Vote - MC4Sight

[MC4SiGHT]

damn...i need to up my shit for next round...people not feeling my stuff like i'd hope...

i see where your coming from 2 talnat...but i did throw in some foreshadowing that if you read closely can point it as a bridge....

thanks for the votes every1

[Everkleer]

4-0, good luck in the next round fam

[Calhoun Tibbs]

Vote= MC4Sight

I liked Everclears story but the content that came with it was kinda average Nothing that really wowed or amazed but it was still ok. MC4Sight just came along and put everything into his verse. Imagery. Vividness. the whole feel too it was better rounded