WEST: 03- Tekneek vs 14- Krooked K

[Vern Acular]

2004 RSTL TOURNEY


topics

Submit Tourney Topics Here

bar limit

24 bars min
48 bars max

due dates

verses due thursday 11:59 pm eastern
votes due sunday 11:59 am eastern

voting standards

anyone can vote
only broken down votes will count
you must vote on atleast 5 battles
you dont have to post links
but dont expect votes if you dont give them

misc. rules

you may not recycle verses
use only the topics provided
please only post verses, check ins, and votes
no freeposting

Good Luck

[TeKneeK]

k im in.

[Krooked*k]

aight...damn wish ida seen this yesterday

[TeKneeK]

The streets and music…

Explain how these two factors have affected you..



I tap the music stand.. another hundred grand’s snatched
To feel the music in my hand while window glass has been bashed
Its like the pitch of the treble clef, inciting my wisdom
Reciting symphonies in rhyme while I’m evicted in my prison
This victim I’ve become had me clutchin the notes
To find the perfect audience to favor confident votes
Ive conducted for my band… my brothers in struggle
Who sat against the bricks became confused while they was huddled
The factors in my life had become no perfect element
Inside this tragic life – everything was irrelevant
The hate blocks the view, my music softened in sound
Kinda like all the gutterrats livin underground
A floor below the buildings in the murky basements
The place where all the roots of what death is where the hate went
6:23 in the morn… I stood above
Atop the 34th floor to where I had felt the love…
The sun glistened my face… although the streets was polluted
Sudden shots across the block is where I hand touched the unit
The sound that brought the speakers to the drums of my ear
The way the correlated music distilled inside the fears
How life became a factor to the tunes as I listened
To thoroughly be struck within the missin’ intuition
This life within my streets is a troubled past
While the form of music blared inside my silence full blast
My pain grew eternal, the thoughts that have shared
To know the evil and the good of how life and music fared
From the rhythmatic drones to make me sit well content
To the irritating screams that made me sweat hesitant
It was good to the maximum and then it all converted
The keys from my piano in sound had rediverted
To affect this whole depiction of how music was played
To directly root the visions of how it was disarrayed
From the time I was an infant till the day I was done
I stood before the audience… but the music was sung
It all turned evidentally to see that I was found
Livin life without the gift to hear a harmonic sound..



And I died.







edited for errors.

[Krooked*k]

When I started regaining my consiousness
I was intensely greeted by the smell of rotting carcasses
feeling in my legs coming back, but I was stuck from my wrist to my armpit
my clothes were slashed as I was trapped between the slabs of concrete
the horrific impact..past forward and back in my mind as if trying to taunt me
I started to jerk my arm cautiously.. to free from the fallen debris
It's almost pitch black..so I can hardly see all thats around me
pulling and moving I was able to free myself and get loose
as I proceeded to push myself out from a colapsed section of roof
I needed to see proof..got to my feet to look off the pile of wreckage
but I could'nt see a single figure of anything deffinate
everything looked desolate, void and insentient
except where the ground palisaded off beyond measurement
I stood shocked at a loss of sentement at the extent of the destruction
but my impediment of emotion was met with a sharp and sudden interuption
as I realized... I was still alive...........but everything else wasn't
WHAT IN THE HELL HAPPENED
Only I survived? This doesn't make a bit of sense
how could I have lived threw such a catastrophic event
all I could remeber was that I thought it was an earthquake
but after the rumble of the earth, it was more of a burst than a shake
and what? So now I have to live threw an even worse of a case
and be the last of my race, do I even want to live in the first place
I walked to the gapping break in the ground..
and I spit off the edge of the trench as I looked down...
I took a breath as I stepped forward deciding whether to jump
just then I leaped off the cliff with closed eyes as I plunged
I fell threw the darkness knowing soon will be time for me and death meet
my stomach dropped as I coughed.. and awoke in my bed sheets

[Krooked*k]

sorry bout that....

"you live threw the end of the world"

[Tha Talent]

Tekneek:
ghetto beethoven i see...i have to admit, i liked the way you wrote this more than most of your verses...it was simple yet complex, an easy read not convoluded by poor word choice, and yet you still got the full meaning expressed in a powerful form...this is a very nice verse...the one thing i have to say is the rhyme scheme lacked a little, however i liked reading this.

Krooked K:
never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever use the dream ending...for that alone, you lose...but also, the topic was dumb, and you didn't execute it with any creativity...the writing itself was alright, but not on Tek's level...you just have things to work on, but you could end up being a nice writer in the future.

vote=Tekneek
more skill.

[Everkleer]

Krooked - I agree with Talent, the dream ending is played beyond the extreme. You had a pretty nice rhyme structure in the middle there but you started off slow and fell off at the end.

Tekneek - Pretty good all around verse, some improvements on the rhyming could be done, but I liked the flow and the topic was pulled off better than KK's was. Overall just outclassed your opponent here.

VOTE=Tekneek

[Krooked*k]

yea i didn't really have time to get into it like i wanted..but I didn't wanna no-show either
so yea sounds about right

[ErykahCaine]

nice battle

Krooked:

This was cool. The twist of the "waking up from a nightmare" scenario has been done so many times before, that it really took away from your piece. The overall concept was cool. IMO it just lacked something, which prevented me from being able to get into your piece, the flow was ok as well. I feel you picked a real simple topic and dropped a real simple verse, meaning it had no substance or creativity to it.

Overall: cool piece

Tek:

Nice drop. Nicely written, I like how you didn't try to over exaggerate with "big words"...you kept it simple, all the while getting your ideas across nicely. The overall concept was creative and kept me interested. The rhyme scheme wasn't all that but it was nice enough to keep your ideas flowing evenly. I feel you picked a nice topic and executed it well.

Overall: Nice job

vote=Tek

[Vember]

umm

tekneek- pretty nice verse, u wrote it really well, n like talent said, its hard to explain but it was simple yet complex, gave a nice feelin out, overall good verse, summed up well, not a real flaw in it

Krooked- ya shit was ok untill u got near the end, i was thinking u might hav somethin up ya sleeve durin ya verse to take this from tekneek.....then u did the dream ending,lol, at least u wrote it ok

but basically, i have to give this to tekneek......cus he was better, and the dream ending really killed any chance u had of getting close to him

[TeKneeK]

ill vote tonight...

[Noib Da Mutt]

Krooked, I'm disappointed man...

you wrote a descent verse, until your corny ass ending... Shit blew me so much I wouldn't vote for you if Tek dropped crap, which he didn't... No offense man, but you've got alot more creativity than that, I've seen it...


Tek, your verse was descent, easy read, and cool story... You didn't have such a corny ending...


vote= Tekneek...