WEST: 04- Idol Z vs 13- Vember

This is a discussion on WEST: 04- Idol Z vs 13- Vember within the RapMusic's Storytelling League forums, part of the Text Battle Leagues category; 2004 RSTL TOURNEY topics http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=739537 bar limit 24 bars min 48 bars max due dates verses due thursday 11:59 pm ...


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Old 05-09-2004, 11:49 PM   #1 (permalink)
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WEST: 04- Idol Z vs 13- Vember

2004 RSTL TOURNEY


topics

Submit Tourney Topics Here

bar limit

24 bars min
48 bars max

due dates

verses due thursday 11:59 pm eastern
votes due sunday 11:59 am eastern

voting standards

anyone can vote
only broken down votes will count
you must vote on atleast 5 battles
you dont have to post links
but dont expect votes if you dont give them

misc. rules

you may not recycle verses
use only the topics provided
please only post verses, check ins, and votes
no freeposting

Good Luck
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Old 05-10-2004, 09:45 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Vember takes it up the butt!
in.....
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Old 05-14-2004, 12:36 AM   #3 (permalink)
quiet and dangeroussss!!!
 
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idol_z takes it up the butt!
postin in a minute biatches
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Old 05-14-2004, 12:49 AM   #4 (permalink)
quiet and dangeroussss!!!
 
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idol_z takes it up the butt!
vreeland ave, fading signs on the local corner store
where men with desires travel to score for whores
face colorful with makeup the holes in her stockings
and a chance of AIDS; but that wont even stop em
she's leaning thru the window, trying to get by the joking
his face turns pasty white; and eyes wide open
quickly turns around and follows it's direction
to see a young man pointing a smith n wessun
the chinese cooks all had the same look
all knew the ending like we skimmed thru the same book
long brown fingers wrapped arounda metal trigger
wit the barrel aimed point blank at some
the other hand tying to take the chain from the boy
while he had his hand holding back a girl wit a toy
two afro puffs in her hair held together by barettes
holdin loosely her teddy, she was visibly upset
the gunman's index finger gave a squeeze
the boys eyebrows rose as he felt the barrel's breeze
from outside, the whore saw the gun's slight flare
the girl in the pink dress, slowly letgo of her bear
the bullet left the guns head into his, and made a mess
his fresh blood flew onto her sunday service dress
on the floor was the little girl's teddy bear
while the words "take the chain" still rang in her ears


the story tkaing place in a secondm, like how i wrote this in a second.
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Old 05-14-2004, 12:57 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Vember takes it up the butt!
4)Youre in a cage above lava, scheduled to drop in an hour, what are you thinking?

Standing in the moonlight under a blue sky full of confused hype,
As the love of my cruel life asked me to meet her on this cool night.
I watched her walk past the lake admiring her beautiful,magic shape,
But when she got closer all i noticed was a cold look glance her face.
Next to old,dusty pipes...She recited words that left my soul crushed with knives,
Saying that we were over-and from that moment on- so was my life.
She walked away, I headed for the other direction without another question,
Tryin to numb the message and just forget my sunk depression.
In sudden reference I'm kidnapped by 8 thick demons,
And even tho theres no way to see em I can hear their vacant breathin.
Lost without a hope, as tacks attack and surround my throat,
graspin any note to revoke the feeling of grievin that has me choked.
trapped inside my own reflection..spurred from a pond I dont remember,
Free from the basement of happiness, lookin to spawn my broken cellar.
Thoughts circulate in my brain, As I'm thrown into a cage,
Above lava taunting with stakes and a chain lowering me to my fate.
The ceiling above me closes, as do my human emotions,
In a dark, shadowy room filled with doom and hidden motives.
I notice a clock timed for an hour, My tears form to stone and I'm lying in gravel,
Flames deprivin my matter from survivin the capture of 5 knives and a dagger.
Mind has been shattered, An angel confined to gravity trapped from bliss,
And since the only feeling i hav, sadness is..i began to give in and practice it.
As I lower slowly My cage begins to cave in after an endless war it cannot win,
Lava pullin it to the end, posessed by devilish grins attemptin to befriend.
No more laughs to rehearse..I'm drasticly perched on the last wrath of rebirth,
With every breath i feel death rattle my corpse with arrows off an accurate torch.
I have to abort, But i'm lost from myself, a zombie devourin, thoughts suicidal,
A book of decay, and even tho i fought thru tha writer I'm still missin parts of a bible.
the clock reads 0:01, Im feelin im done when im suddenly overcome by a dark stun,
Replaced back to the place I came from, at a loss for love and then some.
I see a vision, the drop completed but i was absent from its reaches,
But internally i was speechless, a spike hit me hard, but a coffin was the deepest.
For the cage was my heart hanged by the chain of my depression,
Which sunk into lava, and became the death of my once vital section.
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Last edited by Vember; 05-14-2004 at 10:04 PM.
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Old 05-15-2004, 11:49 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Vember takes it up the butt!
I guess i hafta up this above noshows since tha mods aint
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Old 05-15-2004, 11:29 PM   #7 (permalink)
The Pain and the Poetry
 
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idolz...i could tell this was rush b/c its not your best work...the flow was good and the imagery was coo but the rushing on the story really hurt it...leaves the reader wanting more and wanting to go more in depth....

vember...nice lil story..the flow was good...and you did a nice job of painting the picture...after you applied the imagery you laid on the emotion of how you feel about the situation and it really all fell into to place...the story was coo..nothing spectacular but good enough to pull out a win on idolz rushed verse..

vote=vember
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Old 05-16-2004, 12:02 AM   #8 (permalink)
³³³³³s and bananas
 
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i'm gonn ahave to go with vember ... but ur original verse was soooooooooo ass ... i dol i liked ur verse ... but it was too short and some of ur diction was so dumbed down jsut to rhyme


the made a mess rhyming with dress in particular


vember ... work on picking a better topic dummy
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Old 05-16-2004, 12:45 AM   #9 (permalink)
quiet and dangeroussss!!!
 
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idol_z takes it up the butt!
i aint know you was gonna wait a fucking day later to post a fucking verse.i wrote my shti in 20 mins and you couldnt throw something togther?
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Old 05-16-2004, 12:54 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Vember takes it up the butt!
I did a noshow verse against u^, like 35 battle lines or somethin jus messin around, then i see u posted, so i edited my real verse in a day later, cus thats the only time i could get around to it, all i had was the ending left.....and i might add, i did my shit in about 30 min. total, so its not like i took that much more time than u
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Old 05-16-2004, 02:49 AM   #11 (permalink)
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this battle was disappointing, you 2 obviously didn't try....

Idol, you verse had better flow to me, but was so short no story was developed...


Vember, you developed a story, but your style I don't really care for... This should've been a better match...


vote=Vember...
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Old 05-16-2004, 02:14 PM   #12 (permalink)
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winner vember
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