EAST: 02- Awedishin vs 15- Everklear

This is a discussion on EAST: 02- Awedishin vs 15- Everklear within the RapMusic's Storytelling League forums, part of the Text Battle Leagues category; 2004 RSTL TOURNEY topics http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?t=739537 bar limit 24 bars min 48 bars max due dates verses due thursday 11:59 pm ...


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Old 05-09-2004, 11:38 PM   #1 (permalink)
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EAST: 02- Awedishin vs 15- Everklear

2004 RSTL TOURNEY


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48 bars max

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verses due thursday 11:59 pm eastern
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Old 05-10-2004, 01:03 AM   #2 (permalink)
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checkin in...havent picked a topic yet

Edit: good luck to you too, these topics are shit
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Old 05-10-2004, 05:43 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Awedishin takes it up the butt!
word I got no idea on a topic either..good luck though
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Old 05-11-2004, 12:04 AM   #4 (permalink)
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TOPIC: One of your family members dies while in Iraq, and the body is shown getting dragged through the steets.. Expand


Pulled through the city, the body lies limp and lifeless
Bloody and battered, skin exposed like a skimpy wife is
I look on as men carry away the life of a fallen fighter,
The background being lit up by exploding balls of fire
His soul rose to Heaven, making his body all the lighter
And when the stars and stripes are hoisted up into the air
His voice that had whispered in fear, not afraid of death,
But rather losing the boys that he missed having near
I could feel the mourning as all of the tears had tumbled
A family alone at home, each of their spirits crumbled
But all fear was muffled by the witness' weary mumbles
It was here I stumbled on people who die for this honor
To serve a country, as I myself would cry for this goner,
Sargeant Bryan O'Connor, who will be missed and woed
Sacrificing his life, and all the time with his kids at home
He left with a wave to his wife, as his last kiss was blown
Now hes being carried through the sandy streets of Iraq
Lifted by four soldiers, a floor under this merryman's back
Walkin the streets, the casket covered in an American flag
Carried up brick steps, into a cathedral inside the city
A twenty-one gun salute, as citizens cried with pity
And men of honor speak, never a word of pride or envy
Rather, they mentioned a new found hero instead
Saying a hero ain't a hero unless the hero is dead
Dead fighting for honor, and fighting for freedom of foes
Tears fall with every new hero who comes and goes
And on my son's face, I saw one final tear had froze
It was a mental picture of love, curing all of my woes
And I saved it for Heaven as my casket was closed



TOPIC: you attend your own funeral...

I havent seen much free time lately, so I worked this up in an hour or so :/
Good luck Awe, let's make it a good one
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Old 05-12-2004, 12:59 AM   #5 (permalink)
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this was pretty good...awe may have his work cut out for him...i'll be back to vote...
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Old 05-13-2004, 10:01 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Awedishin takes it up the butt!
You are the biggest asshole in the world, what makes you such a big asshole, and how did you get that way...

"Hey fuck you too bitch!" - I shot her another middle finger~
All she did was cut me off but the hate still wants to linger~
Swerving in and out of traffic - rush hour but I don't care~
As soon as I catch this fucking whore I'll yank her out by the hair~
Kick her in the ribs and the face - right there in the middle of the street~
Make these motherfuckers think twice before ever fucking with me....

See Doc I tried to tell you - the hate just won't fade away~
Day after Day my anger seems to gain in weight~
Around my “family” I can’t show face - no longer fit in the space~
Dedicated to love and laughter that were originally in the place~
my asshole-ish ways have taken over and the deceit now resides~
There’s not a single sober moment in the days of my life~
Whether Gin or Genocide I live to watch the masses die~
And a fifth of liquor on the side always helps the guilt subside~
See my heart died in ’85 - I was barely 7 years old~
Picture perfect family ties ‘til that bitch broke the mold~
Now my heart has collected dust and the icewater is cold~
And my soul is immortal cuz to the devil I sold~
So on and on my hatred grows - gaining foes and losing friends~
It just seems this downward spiral is a vicious trend to the end~
And now you see where it’s going and the hell that I’ve been~
Through these last 2 decades so tell me how I reverse the spin~

The Doctor :
“Well it’s a good time for a break, let me grab a new pen~
Do me a favor and tell me about your Mother again~”


you are a 7-10 year old child and your mom wakes you up in the middle of the night to send you away... expand/explain what happened...
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Old 05-13-2004, 11:41 PM   #7 (permalink)
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you too man, let's get some votes
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Old 05-14-2004, 01:47 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Awedishin takes it up the butt!
word

I got a feeling the voting is gonna suck a hairy pair

but I could be wrong
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Old 05-14-2004, 08:28 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Awedishin
word

I got a feeling the voting is gonna suck a hairy pair

but I could be wrong
I wish you idiots would more faith in the mods... Ill be back to vote when im home, just looking over battles, thanks for showing on time regaurdless... and UPPING
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Old 05-14-2004, 09:31 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Everklear...this was a really nice verse...first time that i ever read anything from you...good poetic sense of writing...stayed on topic very well and the flow was really nice...even though the topic was played i did indeed feel the topic...

Awedishin...also the frist time i read something from you...decent verse but u had a really played topic and i really didnt feel you wrote to it as well as i think you could have...some lines i didnt really like...stretched and some didnt make sense to me...

Vote-Everklear, Awedishin didnt come with a good enough verse to take it i think...
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Old 05-14-2004, 10:05 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Mac Flow:
i was expecting more...you wrote it well...really showed the character and his feelings, but it went no where...if you call that a plot, it was dumb...it was like a 3 minute segment of a psychiatrist session...nothing special either.

Everkleer:
i didn't like the ending...i didn't think it was especially creative or dope...but i'll give you this, the sheer power of the descriptions you gave was fucking dope...it made me for a second turn a shade patriotic...well, not quite, but i loved the imagery and the word choice...i think the flow was a little bland, but it worked...it was enough to beat Mac this week, no matter what.

vote=Everkleer.
a shocker.
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Old 05-14-2004, 10:22 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Awedishin takes it up the butt!
man if I lose this match...
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Old 05-15-2004, 01:23 AM   #13 (permalink)
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nice battle

Awe:

This was cool. You could tell you rushed it, but still a cool drop. The overall concept was ehh. You started off on some Eminem type ish. The beginning was a little boring, then towards the end you picked up momentum and started writing fire. Flow was smooth throughout...it just wasn't normal Awe.

Overall: Cool drop

Kleer:

Damn!! nice drop...I had a feeling you were gonna step it up and you did....The overall concept wasn't too creative but you backed it up with some killer content. The flow was on point. But your imagery takes the cake and this battle for you. You had me on the edge of my seat, nicely written

Overall: Nice drop

vote=Kleer
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Old 05-15-2004, 01:55 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Awedishin takes it up the butt!
damn I shouldn't have voted on anything yet, I could have saved myself some time

fuck I broke my own laziness rules
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Old 05-15-2004, 02:22 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Everklear
I got to say man. I wasn't feeling the ending all to much. I feel it could of been more...or just been a little bit more eccentric. But I must say man....I enjoyed reading the verse... the poetic tone and the patriotic symbolism within the piece was nice. I was feeling it...especially being a member of the Army myself. The description given off in the verse was outstanding. The helped to bring the piece to life and give it its character so to speak. You did a real nice job this week.

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I must say Awe...I think you chose a bad topic for this. Your verse was cool and humerous in parts..but it didn't have that usual Awe feel to it. Perhaps Mac should of wrote this week. No offense I think you wrote it nicely and did a good job but it seemed as if you rushed to much and just did a quick Open Mic piece. You expressed the mans feelings well but after that the story itself just kind of froze.

I think EK just kind of edged Awe out this round. Awe is great writer but he just didn't bring is 'A' Game this round.

Vote
Everklear

I must say
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Old 05-15-2004, 02:31 PM   #16 (permalink)
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*sigh*

thanks O

I'm about done with this
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Old 05-15-2004, 07:31 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Well..I could roll with the bandwagon but f**k it. my vote is AWEDISHIN.

Yes it was a close battle but this is the thing..2 matches with 2 intertwined topics and I honestly believe Awe carried it out better. I wasn't feeling how Everkleer tied in his second topic. Detail wise and content Everkleer had it clearly but flow and entertainment...Awe definitely took it. I know my pic is unique but I felt Awedishin's better. Not his best by far but overall...he gets it.
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Old 05-15-2004, 07:40 PM   #18 (permalink)
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..........................
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Old 05-16-2004, 02:55 AM   #19 (permalink)
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um, nice shit from both...


i woulda assumed Awe woulda took this, but Everkleer was pleasantly suprising... Dude you write hella good man... story was descent, but your writing style really appeals...


Awe, you're a better story teller, but you didn't really bring it like you normally do, you didn't write enough to expand I felt, and so I felt your verse was even with Kleer as far as content... Kleer style appealed more though...


vote=Everkleer...
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Old 05-16-2004, 02:10 PM   #20 (permalink)
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winner everkleer
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