EAST: 04- Sequel vs 13- Sparx

[Vern Acular]

2004 RSTL TOURNEY


topics

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bar limit

24 bars min
48 bars max

due dates

verses due thursday 11:59 pm eastern
votes due sunday 11:59 am eastern

voting standards

anyone can vote
only broken down votes will count
you must vote on atleast 5 battles
you dont have to post links
but dont expect votes if you dont give them

misc. rules

you may not recycle verses
use only the topics provided
please only post verses, check ins, and votes
no freeposting

Good Luck

[sparX]

not sure if your showing or not, but signing in anyway

[Vice Roy]

Check IN

[sparX]

'going to your own funeral'

seein so many, comin out to see me so dearly
little do they know how my soul was controlled by tyranny
the darkest depths of, my personal perception of,
myself could never be fathomed by them; when i coughed
they thought, it was just symptoms of the common cold
soon it'd escalated to, something no bar's could hold
when i was told, that i would continue to exist no more
i fell into reflection sittin by the sycamore
tree and wonderin what i had accomplished in my life
my goals, my struggles, shit that gave me strife
from womb to tomb, and they dont know about the knife
that struck me at night when i least expected a fight
and i was covered in my own blood, with the satin sheets
takin a crimson color, thinkin about it as i sat in grief
the cold summer, lookin at tears crawlin down my mothers eyes
and the murderer sittin there tellin bald faced lies
to everyone from my closest of kin to distant cousins
open the parlor door and im in, see my own body and start jumpin
like it cant be me and-, how the fuck am i in there and-
then i realize to accept what appears in the coffin
cuz nothing i do now can change what happened
that one sad night in the bed, murder and i'm dead
they thought natural causes, but i was severed, from head
to toe, left my body all red and cold, said the Pope:
"no more war", but i gotta take my revenge
so i'll go all out and find him at night, then singe
his body till it burns like acid rain, rapid pain
that he felt, before i injected him, with the syringe
and nevermore would he get up & fly like the raven
cuz s like him just dont, deserve to live
feel like gettin the nearest knife &, disturb his ribs
try to reach the object, perspirin and going crazy
but my hands go right through it like im patrick swayze
in 'ghost', and now i fully comprehend it
you only get what you yourself have rendered
in your life, so once it is finally ended
learn to accept it, dont try to make amends kid
cause though you see the relatives reflectin
on your life all they're doing is dissecting
what you used to be, they dont understand you
your the one lookin thru them, they couldn't stand you
then they show up to ya own funeral like,
"oh he was the jovial type", this surreal plight
standin and staring at your own whitened face
atleast i'll find solace in God's light and grace

----------

first topical battle ever, and i get put against sequel lol...oh well, i wrote this pretty fast, and it was fun doin it, i know i need alotta work, but ill continue writing.. peace

[Vice Roy]

Your a big fan of asian culture Anime
and other classic Cartoons
When one day your watching tv, the screen turns all snowy,
but when you go to adjust the antenne,
a eletrical volt pulls u inside the tv screen
and you have to be a part of numerous cartoon shows
and skip suddenly from being in one cartoon to the next.
Describe your journey from cartoon to cartoon
and how you finally return back to the real world.

Its all about todays shows. You'll see me retired.
As a couch potatoe, slouched, disabled, in an easy recliner.
I'm bout them fables on that fantasy shit.
I'll candidly flip channels and pick an anime flick.
So one track, I front that, I'm really sorry wifey
So far off its likely, I'll disregard her "Bite mes"
She storms out witha storm out stomping heavy.
My eyes fawn the telly, later I'll call on the celly.
Now I'm in the heat man, Being a DBZ fan.
An eletrical serge left settings a blur as Frieza's beam lands.
Damn Damn Shit Shit but I aint Juelz Santana
-Bam Bam- -hit hit- I'm trying to fix thee antenna
This shits the wackest ruse, Hope this slap'll do
But this bastard tube cracked a fuse to zap me through.
I awake, My eyes gaze wide and really stunned
Its like flux capacitors theorize space time continueums
"Absurd". I pause to controlla phrase, I'm so so baffled.
My words is all over the place, like solo scrabble
In this no holds battle - I'm knowing the face fighting
At a pace. lightning - Is Goku, only shown in shadows
He glances my way, I'm standing amazed at this.
By panning away, damage and pain he'll get from blazing fists.
Taking hits from Frieza till I scream over here.
Dat insane villian diverted away grinning wit tha coldest stare.
I run back, forward, Forward and back from forceful attacks
Till his tail got my throat and started pulling my ass
Then Uppercutted me all the way to sky lift
Stomach fluttering, from a mid air blast, ahhh shit.
But I disappeared, am sitting here for I was a damn martyr
Now I'm riding shotgun inside a fucking Transformer.
..Whose fighting Deceptakons, their threats are obvious
Firing rockets and missiles at the chest of Optimus
This is just madness, I was almost left blasted
I barely escaped teleporting from his breadbasket
this flow got me spent and reeling in a spiraling off horror
Went from swimming with Aquaman to The Pirates of Darkwater
Raced with Speed but was not so on course
Spat in the face of the Power Rangers for Voltron Force
I'm spaced out in this Cartoonish worlds fun of things
Piloted a Zoid in battle against a fucking Gundam Wing
Ate pizza with the Turtles until my cell phone rang
Learned the brains behind the operation was that hoe Krang
Broke my concentration, Woke up and then called my chic
But a n!gga picked up saying my hoes lips soft as shit
I cant believe while my eyes stay focused on a station
Anotha n!gga was getting brains behind the operation
Cant trust a hoe but tv will least try ta get the best, picture
So the moral of the story is. REP YO SET N!GGAZZZZ

[Tha Talent]

SparX:
it was alright...you've obviously written open mics before, because you had a decent flow going and some good word choice...really nothing stuck out, and that was your main problem...your other problem was that you didn't go anywhere with the verse...no real creativity shown...you'll get better with time, just read some verses by the better heads, and you'll see how to improve.

SeQueL:
i won't say too much, but to sum it up: great flow, entertaining content with a nice job intertwining the relationship between the husband and wife and the cartoon thing, plus the wording was dope and some of the lines were very quotable...all was very polished and dope.

vote=SeQueL.

[jweaksfromdapike]

sparx...first time seeing your work..but i was impressed...you obviously can write something on topic...but i think you lacked creating a story around that topic and expanding...your flow was nice and emotion and imagery were present...and i actually enjoyed reading it but you just hit a brick wall with the topic...you said a lot of good things but went nowhere with it...just keep working on your creativity and stories and you'll do just fine...

seq...nice verse...the flow was great...another cat picked this topic which i dont like..and he didnt do too well with it..but you did it justice...created a nice story with some very witty lines that kept everything interesting...your imagery was on point...nice job all around..

vote=seq

[Vern Acular]

winner sequel