57 Penitence vs 58 PHD Jr

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57 Penitence vs 58 PHD Jr 57 Penitence vs 58 PHD Jr
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Old 02-14-2004, 07:10 PM   #1 (permalink)
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57 Penitence vs 58 PHD Jr




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Old 02-18-2004, 03:06 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Penitence takes it up the butt!
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Old 02-19-2004, 11:36 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Penitence takes it up the butt!
2. Anaphora
You're an innocent child witnessing domestic abuse...



Blue = Pops
Pink = Moms

Green = Police



It's bout time to get some shut eye, Gotta be Roun' ten thirty now -
Ears open to my Parents voices, What.. Why...., Calm down we took wordy vows? -
We wouldn't argue with children present, You fucked up big time on the rill' tip -
Moms started weepin' an' that's when.., Her tone increased, Now you rilly trip'in -
Me?, You got shit really twisted, How could you do that to one your own -
Don't front, You know i'm correct on this, We'd be better off alone -
Ten seconds later I heard the glasses exploding, Like every night it stay's constant -
Shit was getting crazy roun' my door, Contemplating should i come to a stance -
The sound of cold steel cocked back, A little frightend i've reached my decison -
Stood up quick, Walked to the door, In my leg led began to form incisions -
My voice began to scream out, Cry's of pain... Hit wit bullets not intended for me -
Son i'm sorry, That wasn't intended for flesh, He walked out instead of standing by me -
The police arrived around ten minutes after, Asking questions like where has he gone -
2 days pass and no sign of my father, He showed looking raggy and his face was long -
I'm sorry son, You need to believe me, I didnt intend on shooting either of you -
The gun just went off, Don't do this to me, Just believe in me dude -
The police arrive taking my father in cuffs, You have the right to remain silent.... -
The police told me what my father told them, Your parents argued untill things got violent -
Your father said your mother planned on murdering you, So they can live more peacefull -
I soon started to realize the truth between words, The story is getting easier to see through -
My mother said "we would be better off alone", I didnt understand what this meant -
But it's coming together now, My father wasn't lying, Can we prove this on trial? -
When I got shot, My father cryed, But i thought i saw my mom smile -
The jury Reached a decison, My father would serve 3 years, But my mother was missing -
I was sent to a group home Untill my father got out, So I wasn't bitching -
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Old 02-20-2004, 01:56 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Your girlfriend tell you she's pregnant


it was magic when it happened shit she's my best friend...
well this is where the test begins and well the rest ends...
parents were home we went to hers to fuck I got the worst luck...
it's not just a nut but now people sayin oh this girl's a slut...
she was on the pill I'm heartbroken but tryin to have strong will...
but a baby I'm 15 so now I'm thinkin is it really wrong to kill..
I guess it's her choice my family disowned me lookin for advice...
thinkin maybe there right so I have to admit tried suicide twice...
havin talks with my pastor cryin inside but showin the laughter...
what about me I'm not all the matters will it be happily ever after..
but no kisses and hugs instead were gettin hisses and shrugs...
we stuck disenfectin the tub noone helpin us missin the love...
time has come to make a decision should she take the incision..
blamin the system but this is no time for complainin or bitchin...
decided to keep it can't hide it not like it's our little secret...
now we go to the hospital every week for a Dr. to meet with...
almost at her complete term can't believe I'm sayin these words....
I mean shit maybe it's my fault mabye i got athlete's sperm...
it's now the day of delivery we gonna have to stay in emergency..
can't play with a surgery somethin's wrong theres a way of urgency...
hang on a minute where she bleedin from I see my seed's a son..
why are they feelin her lungs pumpin oxygen is her breathin done..
can't be dead can she I didn't think pregnancy was supposed to be deadly...
Not her ahead of me now all I have is me and a baby to carry on her legacy...
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Old 02-20-2004, 03:04 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Old 02-20-2004, 03:40 AM   #6 (permalink)
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voting links

http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...53#post8346053
http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...70#post8346070
http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...22#post8347222
http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...52#post8347252
http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...73#post8347273
http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...21#post8347821
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Old 02-20-2004, 06:32 AM   #7 (permalink)
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again close battle..

Penitence:

a bit crazy story (or i didn't understand it correctly)..i felt ending..it was dope..and your verse wasn't too bad..

PHD Jr:

look at PHD's age and Penitence's..7 years difference..it's pretty obvious why PHD's verse is more difficult, has nice plot and strong idea..very realistic story...damn i liked it..i guess he felt those feelings in his verse by his own..

so i gotta go with PHD Jr
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Old 02-20-2004, 03:38 PM   #8 (permalink)
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up up up vote vote vote
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Old 02-20-2004, 03:45 PM   #9 (permalink)
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vote- PHD

This was a really close battle, because I didn't think either piece had enough flaws to be edged out by the other. I'm giving this to PHD because I think the piece was more emotional, had a better flow, and the ending was actually pretty touching. I'm going to peep more from both in the future.
 
Old 02-20-2004, 08:37 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Old 02-20-2004, 10:26 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Lokternal takes it up the butt!
Penitence- Wasn't really feeling your flow at all. The story was decent, but I thought your lines were real drawn out. Very long, and I wasnt feeling the flow of it. You had a few good qualities though, and I definitly think you can come better, with more time.

PHD Jr.- Your flow was suspect for awhile there, and I wasnt really feeling your lines much. The story was decent, and you seemed to go through the motions fairly well. You had a nice twist at the end with the mother's death. Overall I feel you had a better flow than Penitence, but you both came with nice verses.

Vote= PHD Jr.
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Old 02-20-2004, 11:30 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Penitence takes it up the butt!
Thx for voting..

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Old 02-21-2004, 07:45 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Penitence nice verse, wasn't really doling much with it though. Found it quite hard to read as the lines were drawn out a lot. standard content and vocab. I think you've shown enough to prove your better than what you just dropped but this verse sotra lacked.

Vote - PHD, hada better verse, good emotive language, didnt like the topic, fel he'd be suited better to summin different but he did enough to pick up a win
 
Old 02-21-2004, 08:17 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Old 02-21-2004, 01:04 PM   #15 (permalink)
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PHD gets my vote


just a better story to me, pentience, had an original story i guess, it was just hard to follow, especially with the change in fonts, PHD didn't really have a great story either, it was just better IMO, niether flow were that good, and both lacked content, stick around though
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Old 02-21-2004, 02:20 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Anaphora takes it up the butt!
Penitence: Goin' from rilly to dude is a bit of a transformation in the americana dialect there... keeping your characters straight as you write is a big thing... don't make 'em change how they talk or act unless you explain why it's so different. Other than that the story was pretty good, nice little twist on the domestic abuse topic... the ending seemed kinda rushed, but it happens... all in all decent verse.

PHD: Not a bad verse either... you kinda spend a lot of time rehashing the same stuff, and in a short verse you can't really do that too much... some details of how your parents didn't help you or some shit would be interesting... like, they refused to throw a baby shower or something... I dunno, flow was decent, story was OK... this is a close match...

But I gotta give it to Penitence... in my opinion, he had a slightly better verse. But as I've said before, this could go either way.
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Old 02-21-2004, 05:48 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Penitence, i cant beleive you wrote a line that actually wouldnt fit within the page's parameters and had to go down a space.....thats a bit too long for me, but the story was nicely developed and interesting, easy to understand and i didnt mind all the speaker switches which usually annoys me..

phd jr, alright verse man, soem parts were sketchy and you had bad grammar throughout which made it a tough read, a comma here or the correct spelling there would make it better, story was bland and a bit boring, ender wasn't anything special, you didnt have a long enough verse to develop love for the characters, taht would make us feel bad for the baby

vote - penitence

close tho
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Old 02-21-2004, 11:51 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Penitence- You picked a hard subject to tackle. You covered the subject well. I feel if you were reading (like poetry) your verse then its very good. I feel if you were trying to rap it then I feel your lines were a little stretched. I didnt like your end so much though

You could have done bettr than :
The jury Reached a decison, My father would serve 3 years, But my mother was missing -
I was sent to a group home Untill my father got out, So I wasn't bitching -


The rest was good. Kinda was hopin for a better ending


PHD Jr.
I havent ever been in a situation where I had a girl who was pregnant. So I thought straight off I wasnt going to feel your verse..I kind of did. It wasnt as deep as it could have been. Like I felt as deep as penitence went. you both had subjects that could have gone as deep as you wanted them to. I think you could have went deeper but I also felt maybe a little stretched on your verse...not nearly as bad as penitence though.

So it was a decent battle. Not bad at all...
Vote: PHD Jr
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Old 02-22-2004, 05:41 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Vote= PHD Jr



I felt the realism behind PHD's topic of childbirth.. you conveyed your feelings very well and I thought it had nice emotion behind it. Really nice drop

Pentinence, ur structure was kind of shaky.. I couldnt follow through your words as clearly as PHD.. in the beginning everything seem kinda bumbled together.. not saying its bad or n e thing but u really shoulda took time ta drop a longer piece. u didnt even enough room to get out everything well enough in da lil ammount u spit
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Old 02-22-2004, 03:42 PM   #20 (permalink)
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I apologize about the voting I was in a hurry I was going away friday morning so I didn't have time to go into detail. for every battle..
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