27- Cerial Killer (4-3) vs 28- Surface (2-0)

[6th_plague]

Topical Week

VERSES DUE Wednesday 10:00pm PACIFIC/1:00am EST/GMT 6:00am London
VOTES DUE Saturday 10:00am PACIFIC/1:00pm EST/GMT 6:00am London


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http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...22#post8288722

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[Cereal_Killer]

votes

http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...37#post8300637

http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...43#post8300743

http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...62#post8300862

http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...94#post8304594

[Cereal_Killer]

Your words - Suicide.



Rotting like a bone thrown into a dark place.
My fragile skeleton can slowly show.
This cage is my home and my bloods all I taste.
I thought nothing was wrong, shows what I know.

Do you want to hear how I hung myself once?


Lapping up the fierce sun whilst flat on my back,
My senses are well in tuned with the world.
There’s no need to run cause my life’s right on track.
This week Ima have a pup to my girl.
Curled up in a chair there with her potbelly.
I can see I’m truly a lucky dog.
No haste in the air, care only surrounds me.
My eyes are now enlightened through the fog.
Snuggling with her is more then puppy love.
I found a soul mate in a park of flaws.
Not just a friend for life she’s up and above,
With the charm to make me beg on all fours!

My pal just strolled up drunk something must be wrong.

Without Humans like him though I’d be lost.
So I trust.
He pulls the gate shut as he jams a leash on.
He throws me on the Ute. God today’s hot.
My mouth drops down low so that I can cool off,
I’m excited now, today’s looking fine.
A bug hits my throat and I can’t help but cough.
WOOF, WOOF! To stay focused would be sublime.
Signs are flashing past, as the road gets closer.
How come he tied me up with a loose rope?
We’re going to fast, I keep slipping over.
My heads dangling down then the noose chokes.
He slams on the brakes and I fall down the side.
Why doesn’t he see that I can’t touch the ground?
My choking’s not fake it is hard to survive.
Muscles start to tear; now I can’t her sound.

A soft Echo echo’s, Black then white speckles.
Can the pain stop please, tighter it shall squeeze.
I can’t just let go as I near hit the gravel.
No longer I plea.

(Car stops)

Now I am set free.


Damn dog your caught up, you are one well-hung hound.
Now you can’t go and die yet you mangy mutt.

{ARGH rgGGHH arrrRRRGH}


Ouch
You deserve where you’re going, hope you like the pound.
You wouldn’t be here if you kept your mouth shut.

[Surface]

im here

dunno what one Im doin yet

g'luck cereal


http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...60#post8311060

http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...98#post8311098

http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...54#post8311154

http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...72#post8311172

[Surface]

valentine's day


We met on Valentines Day..4 Years ago..on a sunny day downtown
You were shopping for herself..me..I was doing much of nothing..just hangin around.
We bumped into each other in a coffee shop..where I accidently knocked over your purse
Remember that? I was so embaressed..but thats where we met each other first
Remember when you asked to sit down for coffee, 2 Tall Latte's..no foam
Joking to each other about it being a day that people get made fun of for being alone
You told me how you were in school...the more you answered, the more I asked
And it was those eyes..oh yes...those eyes, that made me fall for you fast

A year later..Valentines day again..and were sitting on your moms couch
Joking to each other how were sneaking kisses to each other in your moms house
Remember when she left the room, and I put my hands on your shoulders, and got above you
And I told you for the very first time...that I honestly..deeply..and madly love you?
And you told me that you loved me too..and I asked "are you being fair with me"..
You said "yes"..and I got such a rush that I asked you to marry me.
And you said "no"..remember that? And we both burst out laughing in the light
And it was those eyes..yeah, those eyes..that told me that it was all gonna be alright.

Valentines Day..We've known each other for 2 years,,and were sitting in our own apartment
And youre yelling at me crazily..and Im wondering where exactly your heart went?
I did absolutely nothing..but still you got me trembling in fear
And thats when I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror
On the sink was a pill bottle...and I know you were never on medication
Thats when I realized that you were on a Cloud made of White Aphedra, seeking elevation..
Remember when I confronted you? And you said "baby, I would never decieve you"
And it was those eyes..god,baby..those eyes..that made me believe you

A year later..Valentines Day Again..but this time Im sitting all alone
Watching T.V., smoking ciggarettes and patiently waiting for you to phone
Remember when you told me that you were just out with friends..and you'd be back in a bit?
Its 3:00 AM on Valentines Day..Im alone, while youre out looking for another hit
Yeah, Im throwin a fit..above all else, Im really starting to panic
Why would you form a drug habit, if you cant even support your habit?
You came home 2 days later..you acted like it never happened when you came in the door
And it was those eyes..you junkie..those eyes..that let me know, that I didnt know you anymore

Today is Valentines day..and its undoubtedly the final chapter of my life
This girl..my baby..this goddess that I wanted to one day make my wife..
She's..I cant even say it...but still I couldnt believe the phone call when I got it..
Paramedics rushing around this busy sidewalk..and I cant even acknowledge the problem
Holding you in my arms..cold and limp..I cant stop the tears from pouring out my eyes
Yelling at the Ambulance drivers..cursing at the sky, and asking God "WHY!?"
The storm of my love, is now just a carcas of a denial induced whirlwind..
And those eyes..those eyes..that looked back at me, holding the overdosed corpse of my girlfriend.

[6th_plague]

over ns

[Everkleer]

This was pretty one sided IMO...

Cereal:
Your verse was pretty lack-luster, flow was choppy, emotional factor wasn't really there, I just didn't really get into it.

Surface:
You brought some good shit. Good emotion, flow, choice of words. Liked the way you handled the topic, good twist for it. Overall, you just came harder, so yeah...

VOTE=Surface

[Mobbs]

cereal= thought you had a good approach.... just not quite as elegantly put as was surface's... was a good perspective on the dog's eye view

surface= flow was alright, but it created a picture clearly... good rhyme scheme...

good RSTL battle fellas...

VOTE - Surface

[Wise-Punchlines]

cereal you came alright ..didnt really like your rhyme scheme too simple i guess..your story was alright a weird but creative ending

surface-i dunno your bars seemed stretched to me and that though off the flow to me alot but it was manageble..you told your story well more emotion better overall mechanics in writing so you took this pretty easily good showing ya'll

[Stiffaz]

Cerial Killer:

whole verse was a big personification
that's great..it shows your qualification
of course nice idea to tell a suicide of dog
but all other aspects were just deep fog

Surface:

this battle's favourite i think
very emotional..he used lots of ink
this verse makes me forgot life is hectic
cool vocab, decent flow and very poetic

so vote = Surface

[Surface]

thanks to everybody for peepin. especially that dude in rhyme form^^^lol

im gonna start votin on batles now. anybody whos got a battle gettin slept on, lemme know.

peace

[Muti]

Cerial Killer..

good story...detailed nicely...flowed nice... imagery was good....The whole story from the dog was impressive and made me laugh.. I thought you were telling us the way you commitid suicide but u lived at the end...I dunno Props

Surface

Very nice story....detailed ncie and the description of you falling in love and then out of love slowely was nice.. the ending was okay but I figured she would die...Still your story basics was nice and I think that you edged out Cerial in that note..

My vote surface

[ErykahCaine]

nice battle

Surface:

this was a great story..very nicely written, your writers voice was so strong and the repetiton of "your eyes" and the end of each stanza really brought out the emotion of your piece. The twist you put on the topic was kinda obvious but it was still nice. Your flow was ok sometimes it fell off which really killed the story in some parts. But it was still nicely written.

Cerial:

this was a cool..love the extended personification thru the piece, this was a pretty creative way to approach the topic, your flow was mediocre . IMO it seemed a little rushed which resulted in a lack of content, which resulted in a real dull story, ni emotion, mediocre imagery. but the overall idea was great if you would of spent some more time on this my vote would be different

with that said vote=surface for a moore well put together story.

[Doc` Evil]

surface didnt come back, good word choice and flow man, i liked...some of the imagery was coo too, story was decent

surface's verse was just as well written, but with a better, more involving story really, storyline is what this verse came down to

vote - surface

[Cereal_Killer]

good battle surf g/l in later rounds

[SeQueL]

vote= Surface


Daaaamn dude, ur bars long as all hell but atleast u were vivid with your story and actually pulled me in ta wha you were tryin ta say. very descriptive.. work on fixin ya long ass lines tho man, tis kinda a turn off at times but u still pulled it off

Cerial killer... i mean wha can i say.. everything lacked... its like there was no involvement ta try and get the reader into it.

[Atheist]

Vote: Surface.

Everything has already been said, but I think people are being too harsh on Cereal. His verse was dope: a very nice approach to the topic (especially with that unique scheme of ab, ab rhyming). I actually enjoyed your verse a lot, it was very poetic and full of imagery. My complaint with your verse though was the ending. It was poorly worded and not a very BIG twist. Surface took advantage of that, and dropped a bombshell, like these lines:

The storm of my love, is now just a carcas of a denial induced whirlwind..
And those eyes..those eyes..that looked back at me, holding the overdosed corpse of my girlfriend.

Very good imagery. A somewhat unoriginal ending, but the way you built up the piece made it a perfect fit as the closer.

Enjoyable battle.

[Harlequin]

vote-surface

bars are much too long but the vivid description made up for this shit. the twsit was obvious but the writers voice made up for this. good verse man, keep it up
Cereal was ncie as well, and some of the critiscims arnt fair, he had creativity and the appo=riach of the topic was nice. The wording was kind aoutaplace, it just felt surface came above you

cheers

[Insanevillian]

Surface Wins...