37- Malosovich (0-1) vs 38- Worst Attitude

This is a discussion on 37- Malosovich (0-1) vs 38- Worst Attitude within the RapMusic's Storytelling League forums, part of the Text Battle Leagues category; Topical Week VERSES DUE Wednesday 10:00pm PACIFIC/1:00am EST/GMT 6:00am London VOTES DUE Saturday 10:00am PACIFIC/1:00pm EST/GMT 6:00am London VOTING RULES ...


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Old 02-09-2004, 05:15 AM   #1 (permalink)
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37- Malosovich (0-1) vs 38- Swipez

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Old 02-09-2004, 01:14 PM   #2 (permalink)
ITS THE TALK OF DUNDEE^
 
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Worst Attitude takes it up the butt!
in'd....
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Old 02-09-2004, 02:01 PM   #3 (permalink)
ITS THE TALK OF DUNDEE^
 
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Worst Attitude takes it up the butt!
gay-adoption


its hard to put into words,but you might find this funny
im straight N' not a girl,but got 2 guys that love me
its been this way for a while,i was adopted at three
N' ive got brother,these gays werent stoppin at me
ive been picked on my whole life,mostly cus my dads thought
that i would look cool in 3rd grade w/ lycra pants & a tank top
kids would make me cry,until my eyes bloched
& have me say "ure mom doesnt have a penis,BUT MINES DOES"
to me everyone was a bully,my body brusied they would punch lots
N' take shots of pissin in my ,my little pony lunch box
i have no male friends if i speak they warn me
to keep my distance ...they dont want the gay diesease from me
they say names should never harm me but in other words
tell me 'sticks & stones' ...is somethin my mother has
its never easy,but the chicks confide
tho they never let me get close enough to get my dick inside
my life shit at times,but works to my adavntage when
i can get into the girls change'n room N' jus 'hang w/ them'
at home its worse i really didnt understand at first
until i was told that a man cant give birth
a bird doesnt bring babys? ...the truth i cant handle
the 'stork' only used as lube for their ass-holes





i have jus scared myself by how quickly i wrote about gayness... i need to go watch some hetrosexual porn ...g/l to malo...
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Old 02-10-2004, 06:00 AM   #4 (permalink)
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bwhahaha... nice verse

Ima try and write a RAP verse this time round lol
 
Old 02-11-2004, 02:20 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Getting there with flow...

My words have importance, To have an everlasting relavance,
I want my words to be centered in life, to be dominant,
People will stare at my words, in doing so holding no discression,
So hard that akin to stareing at the sun it will leave a lasting impression,
Burned on to the back of your eyes deep into your mind,
So when you close them on the back of your eye lids they will be lined,
Their meaning will be too strong, too important to look past,
I want my word to be relative like your last name but means to surpass,
These words will not hamper your outlook, but enhance your sight,
So compelling akin to a clouded consience it will keep you awake at night,
People will look at life through these words and respect them,
All races will see the worlds conflicting colours and accept them,
We wont have to have different churches, we can all unite in saying amen,
It wont just be black, ghetto affiliated crimes, murders we see on CNN,
On black comedies we wont have to see the same old white sterotypes again,
Soon, one day the states will be United like their names sake,
With people fighting for equality no matter what the time takes,
We've come along way from seeing negros scorched on raised stakes,
Hates, faded, like tecnology nothing is black and white no more,
Theres still a way to go before we see blacks walk alone in stores,
Along way until we see Milosovichs carcus degrading 6ft below us all,
Time still remains until we see the ignorance of the Panthers fall,
A group whom further builds the tensions inciting hate,
Among the impressionable Afro youth but when the wait,
Is over, it'll all be over united we stand shoulder to shoulder...

good luck
 
Old 02-11-2004, 04:49 PM   #6 (permalink)
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ok this definitely wasnt the best two pieces i've ever read but i will vote anyways.

Worst: childess story, no flow, poor rhyming. All round it hurt me to read it, you didn't cover your topic even 1/10 of how good you could of done it, all it is is lame gay jokes that arent funny.

1/10

Malo: i didnt like your flow and you didn't really have a story but you had a good concept going there. Political and sort of in your face but your still just only grazing what you could of done with this.

3/10

vote = Malosovich
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Old 02-11-2004, 05:39 PM   #7 (permalink)
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aight

Worst: a pretty poor verse, seems a bit bland to post. Some fo the jokes raised a smile but that was about it, and the imagery wasnt there and vocab didn nothing. JUst keep at it man, you'll get the hang of it after reading more verses

malosovich: not your best man but still wins this hands down. Vocab was nice and your topic was just followed standard. Your flow is better just need to spend more time, but i know you can do a hell of aloot •••••

vote: malosovich

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Old 02-11-2004, 06:09 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Worst:

Your verse was really below average. The rhyme scheme was really simplistic. IMO it just seemed like you posted a 5 minute key which basically consisted of a bunch of really lame gay jokes. There really was no overall plot, or any kind of content. But at least u showed.

Malosovich:

Your verse was also very mediocre..your flow was really sporadic, like 4 lines would flow smooth then the next 4 wouldn't. Your overall concept was nice and you had a cool message in your piece. IMO it seemed like you rushed your piece as well. I say that cuz I peeped you last week and your shit was way better than this as far as flow, imagery and word usage. But you still came off well enough to defeat the competition

vote= malosovich
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Old 02-11-2004, 09:01 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I gotta agree, not much else can be said. Malosovich came better everything, and Worst, you gotta keep improving. I've been where you are, work at it and it'll come sometime. But yeah not much to explain here, no real quotables so...

VOTE=Malosovich
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Old 02-11-2004, 09:10 PM   #10 (permalink)
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honestly... i didnt like either piece...

i was very disappointed to say the least, i know you both have the ability to write great pieces cause ive read some, i liked your last week malo, but worst, ive peeped you before... but anyhow... it kinda seems like both of you rushed to post these, sorta like i did last week, just did somethin quick, spur of the moment, not much thought into it, just a one and post.. i have to say that malo came better in more than a few aspects, i felt his topic more, drew me in more, worst, you had a little tiny bit of comedy in there, which was ok, could have def made it funnier after i read your poiece tho, i had ideas flowing ... storys were knida mediocre from both,.... maybe i jwas just over expecting great things and just got let down,.. i dunno... you both def have the potential to do 10x better than this... i know this... but... goluck

vote: malosovich
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Old 02-12-2004, 07:39 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Thanks for the feedback, its helping...

Will vote on all bottom 40 battles and edit some links in here:
 
Old 02-13-2004, 01:04 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Stiffaz takes it up the butt!
I can't rhyme this vote cuz there isn't what to rhyme..Worst's name says that he is really wack or he just need to elevate..practice kid..and that topic - gay adoption..it sucks ass..of course

vote goes to: Malosovich
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Old 02-13-2004, 03:35 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Anaphora takes it up the butt!
Malo: One big thing to avoid in writing with a rhyme scheme, is fucking up your syntax to keep it. Saying shit that just sounds awkward and almost elizabethan or some shit... for instance the line:
So when you close them on the back of your eye lids they will be lined,
Was really awkward. So was:
I want my word to be relative like your last name but means to surpass
Other than that... the flow was a bit stretched... there's more to it than having some internal rhymes, the meter is a big part of it... or, in the hip hop world call it cadence I guess... not just counting syllables, but how the words sound... Topical was... well, a topical, like others have been saying.

Worst: I thought some of this was pretty funny, I don't care what other people are saying. Because some of that shit is bull shit. If it's a comical piece you're not gonna be trying to paint a picture with your words, or say shit about the australopithecines. Vocab's a fucking joke. I'm suprised no-one said they didn't like your writer's voice. But to the verse, the scheme was simple, but it flowed pretty well, and the topic was juvenile (or at least your approach) so I think a complex scheme would've been out of place.

I'm not saying it was a great verse, but in my eyes I think Worst got this. And if Stiffaz's vote counts I'm gonna cry like Nathan Lane at the Tony's...
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Old 02-13-2004, 05:01 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stiffaz
I can't rhyme this vote cuz there isn't what to rhyme..Worst's name says that he is really wack or he just need to elevate..practice kid..and that topic - gay adoption..it sucks ass..of course

vote goes to: Malosovich
dont count...

not detailed...
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Old 02-13-2004, 02:44 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Malo:

I found a lot of yours awkward when reading through it .. the wording was off to me throughout certain sections - especially from the body of your verse onwards, i dont know what possessed you to do that but it REALLY took a lot away from your verse in my opinion. You should on that, along with the flow. Try to get roughly 13-16 syllables per line, cut down on the lengths of them and dont just go for over-usage of internal rhyming just to try getting the flow down - it didnt work well for you in this piece in my opinion. The imagery was ok, could of been better .. but not bad, topic was fairly bland - you should of gave it more of a twist to round it off or something, something unexpected to liven it up, but didnt - and that didnt help you at all.

Worst:

Short verse, no frills, straight to point .. seemed to me like you didnt try all that much - it came off as madd rushed as i read it though - the flow stayed on point for me, read well .. wording could of been better in sections .. topic was pretty original, that helped you actually as not many attempted it this week and it came off fresher.

Not a great battle by all means, neither really impressed me but i felt Worst just came off the better of the two here, not by much, but i liked his verse more as a whole.


Vote - Worst Attitude
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Old 02-13-2004, 04:40 PM   #16 (permalink)
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i actually think worst attitude got this one

malosovich was defianetly good. but it just seemed to go on and on, and not really pullin together a point. More vocab and structure then Worst attitude but it just didnt hit the nail on the head.

worst put together a simple, but intriguing verse that actually kept me reading. Nice ancedote. lol@your ending.

i may be goin against the majority, but

vote=worst attitude
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Old 02-13-2004, 08:58 PM   #17 (permalink)
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malo...

Yoru verse was detailed nicely but the story never unfolded...The ending was okay.... I just wasn't feeling your whole thing... Maybe it was the topic... but i felt it wasnt what I was looking for...

Worst..

Humor...U made me laugh a little bit...the detail was not very great... the imagery was okay.. u sorta jumped around but it was very funny... and I felt you brought your readers into your story better..

My vote Worst
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Old 02-14-2004, 04:36 AM   #18 (permalink)
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wow... this was kind of mediocre.. both actually.

I thought Worst Attitudes structure was basic, but some of the gay jokes got a chuckle here and there but there wasnt much more content other than gay bashin n not being serious


Malo's lines seemed ta drag on a lot. I honestly couldnt get into it all much man,It coulda been way more polished structurely

vote= worst attitude i guess... lesser of two evils
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Old 02-14-2004, 09:57 AM   #19 (permalink)
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5 - a - peice...

votes:
31- Harlequin (1-0) vs 32- Labour pariah (1-0)
43- Knight vs 44- Macabre
29- MadDawk MKN (2-0) vs 30- Everkleer (2-1)
03- Eyrkah Cain (10-2) vs 04- Jowelz (56-13)
09- Wise-Punches (7-1) vs 10- Infinte Truth (30-4)

Last edited by Malosovich; 02-14-2004 at 10:26 AM.
 
Old 02-14-2004, 02:03 PM   #20 (permalink)
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5 A Pieceis correct...

But Worst Didnt Vote Giving Melesovich The Win...
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