51- Sequel vs 52- Tactics

[6th_plague]

Topical Week

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[SeQueL]

I'll be here ta cock slap you on the topical note.
Chizecking In

[_tactics]

Kick. Good luck.

[SeQueL]

(TOPICS)
Paedophilia, Pandora's Box, Depression, Suicide, Re-Incarnation

Title: (The Immoral Cycle)

Doubts bout enjoyed derangements are void when makin`..
Ploy arrangements; To scout out coy boys as toys ta play with..
The regression ta be, sexually deviants`, a blessin apeased..
That a child neglected, has found acceptance with me..
Its sucha really deceptive feeling posin` a friendly doctor..
I intently got ta get touchy feely with Jimmy chimmy chongas..
He regulars my touch factor and trusts that I done right..
But after one fright; He nor comes by or the doors rung twice..
^Thats a secret sneak in code only he should know..
Not breathed ta souls or bes believe I'd go leave em` cold..
If the slightest drothe he might've told, I'm scared for em`..
Its fair ta warn ya, I cant bare the boredom of paranoia..
Its been awhile since I seen em` ta touch pubics..
So finally when the door does ring twice, I rushed to it..
Got me going out on a limb, like he's here at last this time..
I thought it was him, just ta find, he left a package mine..
I took it in and of course I got more than shocked..
How'd he afford ta cop wha looks like Pandora's Box..
So I read the note and it said an quoted this..
"In lies your world of hurt, it'll surely curse if you open it"..
I opened it but hold it, its a ring of a newer commodity..
This lil girl I'm hittin got my full attention ta do her properly..
Forgot the box ta knock the socks off fresh meat here..
Gawd its hot got her propped ta watch an see tears..
I started rippin`– but my conscience said listen you fuck..
Its sickenin` ta touch on someone's whose daughters missin`..
Now my heart is trippin`– gettin` a rush as I'm fixin` ta bust..
A small part is wishin` givin` this up and all convictions..
Shes bleedin`, making me more depressed when seeing it..
It hit in pain staking form, Me molested by a sexual deviant..
The hurt an anguish certainly left me with cursed deranges..
That impersonable stranger that went forth ta burst my anus..
What I been through to become, I cant be accepting it..
I'll fly my brains, wont die in vain, I got death ta reckon with..
Pulled the gun out the drawer, died draped over the girl..
Her fearful screams echoed, I escaped hurt in the world..
Darkness seiged each part of me into nothingness..
My heart is free until I start ta see something.., its..
That same lil girl I died over after wild fucking..
Came back the same cat missionary style humping..
This cant be I was damn free of choosing sin..
But I died right?, my brains'll fly twice, I'll do it again..
But the same result occured, me being an unlawful curr..
Got off of her, then remembered a notes awful curse..
I stare at the open box, inside, I'm shook ta see..
The girl on the bed, me at the box, like I'm lookin` at me!!..
I slam it shut, damn its fucked, and I'm really scared..
I hear a ring twice, tentatively went, ta find Jimmy there..
"Listen up you little fuck, what have you done?" I plea..
More I push, then notice he surely looks like a younger me..
So I asked him, "Was there a stranger that molested you?
Not me but someone else and I expect just the truth"
But he won't speak, an impersonable stranger said not to..
^That I also told em`, but as a child, witholded I got cock too..
The younger me faded, Then I understood my lust was foul
I'm the stranger who fucked me by growing up into now
Drop ta my knees in remorseful sorrow of my tortured curse..
By opening Pandora's box I unleashed my own world of hurt..
Cant believe I'm stuck in this horrid life to..........
Fuck myself over and over through this immoral cycle..

[_tactics]

Days pass by, I wait, ask "why." Hate cradles me in shade of night.
Been played by eyes wonder's supplied, I ably sense when break-up's nigh.
Way too shy to approach fairer, in deep fear I'll make an error,
I despair where some men thrive, I mix up words. My tongue's a terror.
I ache, ensnared. Her easily being the bearer of my soul.
Bridges we trust fell to pieces, she didn't care to pay the toll.
I may just hold out, wait for her, but basically she dates a jerk.
He plays and lurks the hallways, fates cruel in the sick way it works.

A goddess in exterior, the world's merely inferior.
But her mind's a plague, hate to say... we speak and I grow wearier.
We'd been friends since back when boys and girls together didn't happen.
We opened up, the lighter side. Now I hide, my life is blackened.
In shackles now, at her command, I'd drop my life clenched in my hand.
In a fell sweep supreme, she opens hell on dreams and what I'd planned.
A life together quite quickly severed, I must endeavor
to size up her boyfriend, and beat him by any measure.

Relatively clever, I concoct a creative plot to pounce.
Got amounts of ideas...and so I want to wow and shock the crowds.
But I kill with kindness, I'm quite blind to using my fists,
I'll buy her heart... I need it. However true the price is.
So I began to write this, and other sorts of courtly sonnets,
She's so angelic at first glance, why do I feel so demonic?
...want it bad, to embrace her, embellishing myself in her face.
I'd climb to Heaven and pull her up, I'd burn through hell in her place.

I plan to be her fantasy, to be the best man I can be.
I know how sweet those lips can be, she represents epiphany.
Buy some chocolate, some roses, in growing hopes she'll notice.
And all the poems I've noted... she's been the muse, the focus.
My friends all know my plans to blow her away with surprise,
and catch her in a vast array of "thank you"s and "oh my"s
Hope its enough to impress her - so this pressure won't get too rough...
to cope with her love, she's pandora's box, and I opened her up.


- Happy Valentines Day

[_tactics]

I'll put my votes in here. Just trying to get this above the closed threads.

[Mobbs]

tactics= shit was alright... nothin too spectacular but you stated that in the beginning. cant say that i was too impressed dawg

Sequel = definitely ••••• than tac... good use of multiple topics and steady flow... strayed at times but alway came back around... good shit

vote - Sequel

[Muti]

Sequel.. very nice....detailed pretty well and for using all these topics..I thought u handled it well.. Props... imagery...and plenty of descriptions..jumping from detail to detail very nice.. not bad...

Tactics

Not bad story....sorta not as great as I though it would be.. but u didnt really make your story unfold.. I can tell you didn't really put a lot of work into it..but still not bad...I'm sure u will come out better next week...

My vote Sequel...your story was very well told...especially the way u took it and using the topics very well... that gave u an advantage maybe..Props

[ErykahCaine]

nice battle

Tactics:

flow was damn near flawless, it was so smooth that it enhanced the enjoyment of reading your piece. Your piece really had alot of heart-felt emotion. IMO it seemed like you put alot of effort into this verse which showed in how well it was written

"But I kill with kindness, I'm quite blind to using my fists,
I'll buy her heart... I need it. However true the price is.
So I began to write this, and other sorts of courtly sonnets,"
for some reason this part of your piece really stuck out to me

Sequel:
your flow was also on point I was feeling the way you added some old english vocab in your piece..lol..creative. For the first half of the piece I wasnt really feeling it then when you got to the whole plot twist it was off the hook. wanna commend you for murdering all 15 topics u chose..lol..nicely done.

overall tactics had the emotion and a more consistent flow..while sequel came with a better story overall..so with that said I gotta go with Sequel

[Stiffaz]

vote - Sequel

no explanation needed..just look at his verse - he's a poet..

"Fuck myself over and over through this immoral cycle.."

damn nice..i liked your style..

[Atheist]

Pretty obvious...


Vote - Sequel.

What I been through to become, I cant be accepting it..
I'll fly my brains, wont die in vain, I got death ta reckon with..
Pulled the gun out the drawer, died draped over the girl..
Her fearful screams echoed, I escaped hurt in the world..
Darkness seiged each part of me into nothingness..
My heart is free until I start ta see something.., its..
That same lil girl I died over after wild fucking..
Came back the same cat missionary style humping..

Vivid. Well written. Everything you could basically ask for for an above average piece.

Tactics - step up, homie.

[6th_plague]

Originally Posted by Stiffaz

vote - Sequel

no explanation needed..just look at his verse - he's a poet..

"Fuck myself over and over through this immoral cycle.."

damn nice..i liked your style..

VOTE VOID

see the no show votes thread for details...

[Surface]

sequel: confusing as fuck at first with all the topics but you pulled it together. very nice job. very vivid. Seemed like you really put the effort into it. very solid. much props.

tactics: also good. Can tell you kind of rushed it, which sucks cuz I think if you put a little more time into it you could have really made it shine. But not bad at all. Ill definaetly be peepin more from you in the future

but i think sequel got this one

vote=sequel

peace to both

[Richard Corey]

don't worry tactics...we know you can bust'...but honestly, Sequel took this concept wise... He just told the better story.

Now, You don't NEED to tell a story for a topical, but those always seem to please the crowd more... besides, just writing your thoughts out only really works if you have a good use of language and emotion. Otherwise, without a story, it seems like you're rambling.

That's what happened to tactics...it just seemed like he was rambling after awhile, because after the first coupla stanzas we were all kinda like, "okay, we get it. You're in love."

A story will almost always win against that type of topical... especially one as well-written and imaginative as sequel's. A couple of times his language got a lil' wonky...but for the most part, the concept blew me away.

vote: sequel

[Tha Talent]

SeQueL:
doesn't get much stranger than this...but yet, the way you explained it, it all came together perfectly...it was a truly great verse...i really felt it, and it was a truly creative way to approach the topic...not on that, but it was written very well, with the best rhyme scheme i've seen in a while aside from Vern...very dope.

_tactics:
i felt this...it was very well written and the flow was dope...the concept needed work...i mean, not so much the concept by the way you executed it...you just seemed to drop in the twist as a way to end it...but i don't think it really worked that well...i understand the verse, but it coulda been better...you are the same tactics that tagged with Lithix, right?...anyway, nice.

vote=SeQueL
top 10 verse this week.

vote- sequel

I was originally going to vote for tactics, because I liked the ending better. But I think Sequel's wording took this. Tactics wasn't as creative, but that didn't really bother me, because I think if the lines would've been worded better, well...the wording just really bothered me lol. By that I mean some of the lines were too childish:

"My friends all know my plans to blow her away with surprise,
and catch her in a vast array of "thank you"s and "oh my"s"

But I wouldn't just vote against you because of the wording, because Sequel had a very nice verse with wording. So I think that kinda edges it out.

[SeQueL]

8-0 Me


I VOTED ON EVERY OPEN BATTLE ALSO MODS.

[Harlequin]

fuck this is the second time ive tryed to out my vote through

vote-sequel

nice wording,,dame wierd way od writing as its so creative but the vocab was nice and the twist of the plots into made it a good reads. I just found it hard to read in that font, bt thats nothig

good verse but just outmatched in this one. nice vocab but some of the lines seemed imature in there creativity. just spend a little more time on your writers voice in the fute

[Insanevillian]

SequeL wins...