[DF:WK6] Khoi NguJin vs MC M-16 vs Lotus (Vote!)

[Lucifa]

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Down To Business.
This Match-Up is between:
In Rank Order

Khoi NguJin
Active Worth: 000pts
Vs.
MC M-16
Active Worth: 000pts
Vs.
Lotus
Active Worth: -02pts

Good Luck Ladies.
Prove Your Worth

[Khôi NguJin]

check & alternate & votes..

1 - [DF:WK6] CHAMPIONSHIP : .:Pain:. vs Vern Acular vs Atheist (Vote!)
2 - [DF:WK6] Blue Contenders : Cormier vs Scatterboxx (Vote!)
3 - [DF:WK6] CONTENDERSHIP : Got Life? vs nom de plume. (Vote!)
4 - [DF:WK6] Red Contenders : Lucifa vs Bonnie Bathory (Vote!)
5 - [DF:WK6] Chin Kwon vs Restproof (Vote!)

[L. Kross]

^What he said.

[MC M-16]

Gift, i mean present. and no alternate thankyou.

[MC M-16]

you know what? i hate to ask for an ext. but im def gonna need one. my car just took a shit and needs my attention asap. i will have time tomorrow or maybe some time after mid night.

see you soon and thank you.

[Khôi NguJin]

okay..i'm cool with it, seeing how lotus hasn't posted yet, i'm assuming he'd be cool with it too...

good luck u 2.

[L. Kross]

Yeah, I don't care. Lol, I'm not out to DQ people. I just wanna write.

The Savage Diaries

First entry:

Dear Diary,

Why are we even havin this talk?
When Im right, I see, entirely for havin the heart
Over population's a problem they aint even tackled the start
But after I kill a couple hundred, I'm the savage thats dark
You think it's stupid? I disagree, it's all a matter of smarts
Thats why Im mannin my part, killin babies that cant even walk
I'm not a mad man, I'm not cold hearted an cynical
I'm a problem solver, this is art at its pinnacle
Pardon the interval, this is hardly offendable,
A conversations how it starts, then it's partly a interview
Kill em young as they come, take em straight off the umbilical
Even if I gotta reach in the cervix. Why these people is nervous?
I do clean work, all my tools, I keep em suberged in
alcohol an clean em after each that I murdered
I do such a good job, people seekin my service
I'm just a paid killer, so your screamin is worthless
But theyre swarmin my district, awardin these misfits.
Makin sure that my clients havin tormented vists
It's a war when you in it, no sure way to win it
Makes em think twice before comin to the abortionist clinic

Signed,

The young Jack K.

[Khôi NguJin]

..the door opens slowly with no one to greet
i place my foot foward, knowing defeat
supposed to be, my stepping stone of success
, i'm left to be consoled, drowning in a pool of regrets
and see what makes me upset is-
all the pressures I'm left with
let alone my only pleasure, you guessed it
one hand, my flesh- don't ask how the sex is
twenty something reasons why I'm always breathless
cos with the sudden rise, my demise is unexpected
yet it always comes like the adrenaline rushes
and the gentle winds brushing-
persuading me to be deading these dutches
cos they were no good to begin with
addictive drugs, got me hooked- so I'm winded
and another twenty up
so that's forty stories I'm above..

..rising, the temperature boils my wants
forty plus the portrayal of something I'm not
twenty more, cos these burdens are shiftin'-
my whole world, it'd hurt Jesus to lift em'
i'm still, as I gaze arduously, '100' it reads
one hundred more reasons for me harness thee
strapped on a string, I'm ready to cut loose
and be released to a finish to rid of these dumb moves
ten Commandments, I've broken all of them
ten more stories traversed
one hundred ten offerings-
hurrying to grasp the worst..

..the top isn't at all what it seems
things become deceiving and blurred-
when you're like me
flashy yatchs and diamond rings
drop-top Benz' and childish things
i thought I had everything
i realize that the top isn't anything
just a scenic blueprint to your fateful death
so make the best of your quest to the top
and when you get knocked, just know
There is no saftey net.

the top is a lonely place,
the top is where you meet your maker

-dedicated to death.

[MC M-16]

A Walk Home With Many Decisions.


Im kicking rocks and humming a tune i her often,
as im walking i imagine my self in a ring, and im boxing,
i got 15 blocks to walk, so i pick up the pace,
starting to jog, and my hearts begining to race,
cars broken down, trash all over the place,
suns going down,
im in the wrong part of town,
you should see the look on my face,
but im getting winded, so i stop to breath,
suddenly a bum, walks up to me,
i'm caught off gaurd, and he starts to speak,
"hey young man, you shouldnt be around these streets"
so night has fallen and its way to dark,
i got two options, stay on the streets, or cut through the park,


if you wanna stay on the streets read the next verse.

if you wanna take the short cut, skip the the next verse.


well the park is so big, i dont wanna get lost,
and after hours its cut off, i dont wanna get stopped,
cause tresspassing is huge, i dont wanna see cops,
plus thugs stay around there, and i dont wanna tossed,
so i turn the corner to a dark street, the lights are all off,
im kinda worried, i keep thinking that im gonna get robbed,
and then i hear a scream, coming from the back of an alley
trash cans rattle, and a voice screaming "help me"
my hearts pounding, im in a pickle what would you do,
shes still screaming, am i dreaming what should i do?

if you wanna help her read the red verse...

if your thinking "Fuck this bitch im out" read theblue verse...


wow the park is nice got a real nice view,
with the moon out, against the trees, who would of knew,
i mean its real dark, and i keep hearing a noise,
im hoping its just a cat but then i keep hearing a voice,
it's only 2 blocks away from home, i keep repeating,
but that noise just came back so my heart is beating,
im so stupid, i shoulda just called for a ride,
just then this dude in a mask steps into the light.
"gimme ya shoes and ya money, if ya treasure ya life"
i make a run through the bushes i wasnt trying to fight
i hear a whistle and five more jump outta the dark,
what a dumb fucking choice, why'd i go through the park...
now im running for my life, i see the gate in far,
street lights a few houses and a couple of cars...
just then a dude grabs me and takes me to the ground...
then the rest of em catch up and start stomping me out.

bad choice....you shoulda stayed on the streets



DAMN SORRY I WISH I COULDA FINISHED.......I HAVE TO GO TO WORK AND MY COMPLUTER IS FUCKING UP ON ME......

[Jimmy Eles]

forget my vote

[-Atreyu-]

L kross-
Short and sweet.I liked this verse a lot but i wish you wouldve given a bit more.
"I'm not a mad man, I'm not cold hearted an cynical
I'm a problem solver, this is art at its pinnacle
Pardon the interval, this is hardly offendable,
A conversations how it starts, then it's partly a interview
Kill em young as they come, take em straight off the umbilical"
Dope,you built the verse up to a short stem but it still worked.The flow was graceful as well.
L Kross=B

Khoi-
I liked the way your verse flowed.Your development was short stemmed as well,but you rocked the topic well.
"i'm left to be consoled, drowning in a pool of regrets
and see what makes me upset is-
all the pressures I'm left with
let alone my only pleasure, you guessed it
one hand, my flesh- don't ask how the sex is
twenty something reasons why I'm always breathless
cos with the sudden rise, my demise is unexpected"
Like I said,your verse was short stemmed,however it gave me a tad bit more than L Kross
Khoi=B+

M-16-
Your color schemes/Matrix blue pill red pill/alternate ending DVD type scheme could have worked well had you finished it.Ive never seen an idea like such,but had you the drive to finish it you probably could have won this battle...
If your mechanics and flow were better.The content was too simplistic,and not a fun read at all.
M-16=C


Vote-Khoi

[L. Kross]

Originally Posted by Jimmy Eles

and why he was writing to his diary in the first place

The RSTL topic I chose was 'A Savages Diary' so uhhhhh.... I thought I might use a diary entry for it.

I'm glad that you casted a vote after completely missing the entire point of my verse. Thanks, homie.

The verse was about the double edged sword of being an abortionist. I built him up to be this intensely crazy baby killer only to find out it's just a doctor. But, yeah, thanks for your feedback (lack of)

[Khôi NguJin]

there's a metaphor in my verse..in the beginning he steps into an elevator, and although it's going up, sort of like celebrity status...he realizes being on top is never what it seems..we all fall in the end.

[Atheist]

L. Kross:
The idea behind this verse was fantastic, but I just feel it wasn’t executed as well as it could have been. You made it too obvious that you were a doctor who deals with abortions, and I would have definitely preferred a little more intrigue and suspense. Your descriptions were good, and the flow was fine, but you just need to work on your writing style a little bit. It’s clear that you have the content and ideas, but you just need to learn how to express them properly and efficiently as a writer. Other than that criticism, I loved how you approached the topic.

Favourite lines:
Even if I gotta reach in the cervix. Why these people is nervous?
I do clean work, all my tools, I keep em suberged in
alcohol an clean em after each that I murdered
I do such a good job, people seekin my service
I'm just a paid killer, so your screamin is worthless

Khoi:
Man, you can clearly tell that your writing style was created at RnR. This was poetically written, vivid in its descriptions, and also had that important, meaningful content that needs to be deciphered. I really enjoyed the inclusion of numbers in your verse; it gave your piece backbone and substance, and its continuous reference was the main focal point for me as I read through.

I really enjoyed how you depicted a character striving for success, and then finished on the loneliness of reaching that pinnacle. You also mentioned God and the Heavens, and it really put a question mark over your verse; why strive so difficult for something when we’re all going to arrive at the same point in the end? That’s the vibe I got from your verse anyway. So, correct me if I’m wrong.

Favourite Lines:
..the top isn't at all what it seems
things become deceiving and blurred-
when you're like me
flashy yatchs and diamond rings
drop-top Benz' and childish things
i thought I had everything
i realize that the top isn't anything
just a scenic blueprint to your fateful death
so make the best of your quest to the top
and when you get knocked, just know
There is no saftey net.

the top is a lonely place,
the top is where you meet your maker

M-16:
The thing I loved most about your verse was your original approach to the topic. It’s just a shame that you couldn’t finish your work, because it really seems ‘empty’ and I was interested in finding out what happened to the girl screaming in the alleyway. You have a great writing style and flow, but I just feel that your wording could be a little more complex. Some things just came across incredibly colloquial, and that really affected the imagery that your words were producing. You just need to find the right balance, and you’ll be an awesome writer.

Favourite Lines:
suddenly a bum, walks up to me,
i'm caught off gaurd, and he starts to speak,
"hey young man, you shouldnt be around these streets"
so night has fallen and its way to dark,
i got two options, stay on the streets, or cut through the park,


------------------------------------------------------------------


Vote: Khoi.
M-16 has a great writing style, but his verse was really hindered by the fact that it was an incomplete piece. If he had have finished it, it may have won the match up, depending on the conclusions and development of the story. But if it had have continued the way it was going, no doubt it would have been a great verse. I also really enjoyed L Kross’ approach to the topic; it was original and something new. The only thing is that it was too obvious what he was trying to do, and the inclusion of some deceptive writing may have been the key. Furthermore, the verse really needed some expansion and development; it just felt slightly rushed in my opinion. Khoi had a short verse as well, but the way it was written was brilliant; kind of reminded me of nom de plume in a way. Also, the deeper writing style, whereby the numbers were included to give the verse more meaning and depth, was an excellent touch, and probably the deciding factor in my vote.

[Restproof]

kross: Short, sweet. flow is decent. Nice slant rhymes.
Favorite part:
"I'm not a mad man, I'm not cold hearted an cynical
I'm a problem solver, this is art at its pinnacle
Pardon the interval, this is hardly offendable,
A conversations how it starts, then it's partly a interview
Kill em young as they come, take em straight off the umbilical"

It's a nice twist on the mass murderer thing. I would like to have seen it a bit longer, you opened the way for a few more short diary entries. It seems like you were in a rush though, and it happens to everyone. At least for being short it was wrapped up cleanly.


khoi: The flow was nice- I like the way it bounced. I liked the first stanza best, but you lost me on the second due to phrasing... The phrasing didn't engage me as well during that section. The third section becomes cliche, with talk of Benzes and such. I did enjoy the escalator parallel and the pacing was alright, which is important in such a topic.

mc m16: Once we hit the break I said "oh shit!" aloud. I read tons of those books as a kid, so I really enjoy this concept.
The flow was alright... It breathed well and the pacing was nice, which is good for stories... I would love to see this finished.


Everyone was about even in flow and cadence. One wavered in consistency of conveyance and two fell short.

Overall, I have to give it to MC-M16. Fuck if his verse wasn't finished, the idea was well thought out and executed better than his opponents. If I weigh everything I liked about each opponents verse with everything I didn't like, M16 comes out on top, incomplete verse or not. Excellent take on his topic choice and the best attempted execution of it.

[Jimmy Eles]

my fault

[L. Kross]

^And you're garbage, so I'm not worried about your opinion. Lmao. Why would I care what you think? All I did was thank you for voting on a verse you didn't understand. Why was he writing in his diary lmao. Why do you?

Side note, newbie: You're not supposed to post in battles that aren't yours unless you're casting a vote, that last post wasn't a vote, it was just a sad exhibit to further display your inability to to grasp my verse that everyone else was feelin.

If you ever vote in one of my battles again, I'm going to make sure that every battle you ever have in the league get's a lot of critisism and votes. You think that's good or bad for someone so average?

Yeah. Stay out of my battles if you don't get it thx bye