[DF:WK6] -Atreyu- vs BaySick (Vote!)

Lucifa · 08-11-2008, 07:55 AM

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Down To Business.
This Match-Up is between:
In Rank Order

3-Planes
Active Worth: -02pts
Vs.
-Atreyu-
Active Worth: -02pts
Vs.
Baysick
Active Worth: -02pts

Good Luck Ladies.
Prove Your Worth

3-Planes · 08-11-2008, 08:40 AM

i predict this will be the worst match in RSTL history

-Atreyu- · 08-12-2008, 02:35 AM

draw your sword.

BaySick · 08-12-2008, 01:31 PM

so they dont rank you anymore how gay is that........

3-Planes · 08-13-2008, 11:16 AM

sorry i lost my verse when i accidentally hit the power button on my comp.

i actually had a *serious* verse written, but i just don't feel like doing it again (in short: i will no-show)... sign me out too

BaySick · 08-13-2008, 01:32 PM

Soul of the dollar
The dollar in my pocket holds meaning like a gun when you cock it..
I took this bullet to the heart never will I start to rock it..
If I do too much blood could spill out to much love could spill out..
I got this dollar from my dad, in is will it was to my hands it filled out..
I wonder why I got this dollar why me and not his daughter..
But none the less I wont be dumb with it ill carry it to be smarter..
30yrs prior….
Liquor store quicker score the fix is more as they pour in..
His father stands there before them as they swarm within..
He feels each bullet torch him like a lighter to a cigarette..
But she stands there handing the cashier a dollar to cover it..
He falls to the ground they rob the store as he lies helpless..
She fails to withstand the bullets into here head dies self-less..
The dollar fell from the clerk’s hand to the floor beneath them..
As the robbers flee I see the dollar next to me I weez and grim..
Reach out slowly grab the dollar as blood flows out of my stomach..
I feel my heart is about to plummet I feel my soul without love in it..
As my wife dies with her eyes staring at me the last thing is money..
A dollar bill to remember my wife by as she’s carried to the emergency..
Place in extensive care slim hope of my boy being saved I pray to god..
As the doctor comes out head down I feel death approachin, he begins a nod..
But it’s not side to side its up and down mostly up meaning he did survive..
I feel this dollar is a token of what’s left of my family im happy to be alive..
Present time
As blood spills from my heart I write a note to salvage this dollar..
I was shot in the field of battle in Iran I held this dollar from my father..
Not sure why but as I die I want this to go to my son in hopes he gets it..
I lie about to cry about to sigh my last breath I see help hope they fix it..
They see the note in my hand but my plus isn’t there..
To god I begin to stare hoping I have a home there…
My son will get this dollar I have no fear of this..
But to my father I go now I will finally know what I missed..
I tell you what this dollar has a lot of soul some how..
I guess in god we do trust that so means much more now..

-Atreyu- · 08-14-2008, 08:37 PM

Win or lOsE...
Spin Or ooze...
Care I do not...
for these are true thoughts...
spoken from heart...

Someone Give me a Knife.Right now.My hearts pounds...
No. Not the literal one that pumps blood and makes sounds.
But the figurative one,the derivative of misinterpretation
that've gotten my friends into whirlwind lust relations
With the blade,Ill slice my chest apart and watch heart skydive
I must be falling for her...In purgatory I thrive...
The dilemna?Masochistic visions,predatory vicious
instincts,in sync with past experiences pernicious
Yeah.Shes told me everything?...
Her past and what shes done with other dudes
I say it bothers me,but who am I to judge and be rude?
See,We build reality,and should you choose to lie
I wouldnt know it,it would be forever bandaged in disguise
But look here.Surprise,Im stuck as fuck!WHAT THE FUCK!
Emperical evidence,of a fruit in a big bunch
Its like some magic dust erupted,what I feels more than a crush
Or some dumb lust,puppy lick shit,holding hands N such...

The truth Is...

Practically...
I want to build You a galaxie as a foundation
YOU beautiful fountain...sprouting constellations...
youll make it complete...make me complete?
im constant pacing, changing my seat
my brain speaks of how to stay on my feet-
I take it as deceit...
build a galaxie!?Id rather build a heart shaped Universe
my struggle for perfection must be some stupid curse!
And to make it worse,I cant decide,But i can describe
The feeling that shakes foundations,making my size rise
Those beautiful brown eyes,Egyptian magical majesty
Suck me in towards calamity,Beyond belief?Indeed.
Shes too sweet...HA!and Its only been 3 weeks
Honestly? I doubt Id be lying saying eternity...
Eternally burning,like a neverending sun core
Im sure weve existed forever and then more
together as protons in the middle of a sun star
we clashed,scattered neutrinos and landed afar
In the space dust that made this very planet
Our molecules mustve erupted from granite
later on,liberated and flew to the Ozone
manifested in the physical vessils our souls own
not at the same time,mine was a year before you
my gravity attracted your ascension thru soil
and you were born,for us to meet 20 yrs later
I give grace,to the both of your physical creators...

Ill never be happy,as long as youre around...
If what I think is the truth and I love you now....
Im a fucking clown,the truth spills through throats
Especially If I take heed to this quote:

"A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her." - Oscar Wilde

Atheist · 08-15-2008, 06:19 AM

BaySick:
This was an okay read. The story was decent enough, but was just poorly executed. You really need to think over what you’re writing and proofread your verse once you’ve completed it, because the punctuation etc, etc was all over the fucking joint. It really made your verse read sluggishly and staggered, and as a result of poor grammatical use, the flow was hindered as well.

I liked the substance of your verse and the importance of the dollar your father gave you in his will; it showed the relationship between father and son symbolically. And then for you yourself to pass the dollar on, I don’t know, it kind of represented the passage of time, one generation to the next. That’s my opinion anyway. So overall, I enjoyed how you approached the topic, but I just feel you need to have more polished writing, and really focus on using commas, full stops, and all that other stuff. It would make your verse so much easier to read.

Favourite lines:
They see the note in my hand but my plus isn’t there..
To god I begin to stare hoping I have a home there…
My son will get this dollar I have no fear of this..
But to my father I go now I will finally know what I missed..
I tell you what this dollar has a lot of soul some how..
I guess in god we do trust that so means much more now..

Atreyu:
This was a well written verse, and because it was so, I think you have edged the battle. The story itself wasn’t anything spectacular, but the way you wrote it made it so much more interesting to read. The flow was very off in some areas, and I would like to see some consistency with that regard. And I also feel that sometimes you tried to be too complex with your rhyme scheme, using bigger words in order to give your verse that extra edge. I’m all for that approach, but sometimes it seemed very forced. It is therefore important you find the correct balance. But, as I said, the way you wrote this verse was, overall, of a high standard, and as I was reading it, I could easily tell it was better than BaySick’s.

Favourite Lines:
Practically...
I want to build You a galaxie as a foundation
YOU beautiful fountain...sprouting constellations...
youll make it complete...make me complete?
im constant pacing, changing my seat
my brain speaks of how to stay on my feet-
I take it as deceit...
build a galaxie!?Id rather build a heart shaped Universe
my struggle for perfection must be some stupid curse!

--------------------------------------------------------

Vote: Atreyu.
Generally, the overall writing style was much better in his verse. BaySick had a good idea as the foundation to his piece, but it was just executed so poorly, and the writing style didn’t really help it at all. The flow in each verse was nothing spectacular, and neither was the rhyme scheme, and I feel that these are two areas you can both dramatically improve in. However, you both came with good substance, but Atreyu’s was just that much more polished. I think BaySick will be one to watch though in the upcoming weeks if he can focus on his writing style and perfect it, because he clearly has good content to be expressed.

Got Life? · 08-15-2008, 08:41 AM

Bay - ok this was slightly more coherent then last week, but still a jumbled mess...the concept of the family heirloom being passed from generation to generation of dying fathers to their sons is not bad, but your transitions were terrible and for the most part non-existant...the imagery wasn't very well displayed and the story never really developed from the start with the meaning of the dollar and why it became this prized dollar...also why a dollar, why not pick something practical like a watch or a talisman...using something so everyday and mundane takes away from the piece even more. This was decent in thought, but terrible execution made this piece suffer.

Atreyu - this was a decent approach to the topic, but I feel the end was rather a cop out of how you played the quote in...it was apparent that was the quote you were using, but the ending was weak...tbh...so was most of the piece...the whole figurative heart and cutting it out, it was so dreadfully emo that I really couldn't care for this verse at all...it was a notch down from your usual level of writing and I don't know if that's because you read Bay's verse and knew you could come with some mediocre shit or if you just suffered from a week of bad writing...none the less I continue to remain rather unimpressed by the pieces you've put forward.

vote = Atreyu, slightly better mechanics.

Jimmy Eles · 08-15-2008, 02:50 PM

okay...

bay - this idea was a good one...i just dont think executed it right....maybe you didn't proof read or something but alot of the sentances didn't make much sense ..which really fucked up the flow of the story..it was a chore to read..trying to think exactly wtf you are talking bout...here an ex..
If I do too much blood could spill out to much love could spill out..
I got this dollar from my dad, in is will it was to my hands it filled out................iunno what you where trying to say here...scheme was simple..not many multi's or midbars...but the thought was creative..and you did well with the emotional aspect of your charecter...

atr- it seems to me like you where trying to hard to make this complx..and come up with poetic wording and shit like that...which kinda had the oppisit effect because some of it was nice n descriptive and other times it didn't...kinda hit or miss..again a simple scheme ..not many multi's..flow was there though and i could gt through your story in coherant thought...so thats a plus...mechanics weren't great but the sotry itself was an interesting read..

vote - atreayu ......his story was better told....bay you had a good idea..it just seems you didn't go back threw and check simple errors...which really hurt you..and messed up the whole story for me....you mighta edged this out if the story was more on point because niether of your mechanics were up to snuff...

-Atreyu- · 08-15-2008, 03:34 PM

Im actually going to record this...it flowed perfectly for me on RENEGADE instruemental.

Votes:
[DF:WK6] CHAMPIONSHIP : .:Pain:. vs Vern Acular vs Atheist (Vote!)
[DF:WK6] Jimmy Eles vs oNeiRiC (Vote!)
http://board.rapmusic.com/rapmusics-...lotus-ext.html
[DF:WK6] Blue Contenders : Cormier vs Scatterboxx (Vote!)
http://board.rapmusic.com/rapmusics-...proof-ext.html

Chin Kwon · 08-16-2008, 12:11 PM

Baysick

Decent read. But i gotta echo Lucifer's inquiry on why a dollar? Surely it can't be value as 1 dollar bill isn't much. oh well, with that aside, i thought the choice of wording were a bit subpar as i noticed many words used twice or more within the span of a few lines. You have to work on ur flow also cause ur rhymes on even for some reason. It changes pace and direction far to frequently and it disrupt the reading. As far as the content of the story, beside the whole dollar thing, i thought it was pretty cool how u stretch ur story beyond space and time giving it a very epic feel. Pretty cool, bruh.

VS

Atreyu

My first impression was: WOW, this was painfully emo. But u did held my interest throughout. And you did put some thoughts into this so that's definitely points for effort, as well. The execution was ok; u really try to incorporate poetic elements, however, it read more like a redundant ramble. I thought u could've shortened the piece a bit. As far as content, it was a well told story that did what it was supposed to do, and that's entertain. Cool shit.

Vote = Atreyu. His verse was more technically advance. Also, his story was pretty easy to get into despite redundancy (sp?). Anywayz, good showings fellas. Peace.

oNeiRiC · 08-17-2008, 12:46 AM

ok i see atreyu is taking this strong so far, but im going to go against the grain here and give it to baysick, although i should vote against you for making me read that freaking color font. lol

i see atreyu doing what i get a lot of shit for, bouncing all over the place, yes its emotional and real, but the spontinaeity should not over do what you could of done with it

baysick, your shit was thought out, the flow was not spectacular because you had not spontinaeity, it didnt branch out much, it wasnt much, however i still give it to you because it was solid, and everyone knows a solid dollar is better than a colorful one that might or might not even be real.

what makes a good verse is combining both of yalls skills

ive been getting my ass kicked every week, and i look foward to battling both of you because i think i can get more votes against yall unless yall do a tad bit of buildilng

good stuff yall

vote bay

Vern Acular · 08-17-2008, 11:48 AM

Baysick

Well this was better than last week story wise u had better depth the 30 year jump in time gave me mixed feelings but overall the story was ok the mechanics is what u need to work on your rhyme scheme was all over the place and your lines were stretched in areas which made it a choir to follow along it was a lot of stop and go if you know what I mean

Atreyu:

This was a nice ode to the one you don't live lol. Anyway the flow of the read made this appealing your choice of word was good and your mechanics were nice some grammatical errors and shaky end rhyme but other than that good job just do me a favor and spell galaxy right next time lol

Overall:

VOTE ATREYU

Better overall verse baysick had a good story but the mechanics were lackluster

Cormier · 08-17-2008, 03:50 PM

Bay- alright, the whole dollar thing as a symbol of passing life on from generation to generation was cool. a nice concept for sure. however, this verse was written horribly. the flow was off, the rhyming wasn't very crisp and there were a lot of bad grammatical errors and poor word choices that really made it difficult to read this.

Atreyu- your content itself didn't do a whole lot for me and there were some spots in your writing where i thought you tried too hard to rhyme and thigns sounded a bit forced. however, overall, this piece was written sooooooo much better than Bay's verse and for that alone you easily won this battle.

VOTE= Atreyu

Lucifa · 08-17-2008, 04:42 PM

Bay - hmm .. decent concept and had it been executed better this would have been a harder choice .. but the issues with your spelling and grammar were far too obvious to skip over .. the flow was also not up to much as lines were stretched out .. there was the odd nice line when you used some inner rhymes but overall this wasn't a pretty read .. but the positive is that the idea for an interesting and entaining piece was there .. shame it wasn't followed through in the writing itself ..

Atreyu - ok .. this was a better showing by way of writing .. but you'd have had to have screwed up quite badly not to have won on that scale .. the content was straight I guess .. I didn't really take to it myself but the mechanics were holding the verse up enough for me to take some entertainment value from it .. so yeah .. not a great verse in my humble opinion .. but enough ..

Vote = Atreyu ..

08-11-2008, 07:55 AM	#1 (permalink)
Lucifa Viva La Eva Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: United Kingdom Status: Rumba Raving Posts: 16,787	[DF:WK6] -Atreyu- vs BaySick (Vote!) Welcome to your match-up thread. Click Here For Rules & Regulations Quick Over-View: 12-64 lines to a topic provided in the [TOPICS] thread of the sticky area. Do not post more than 3 times within your own match-up thread. ^No more than once in anyone elses either!^ Stay fresh, no recycling. Opt-In to the "Alternate" scheme before posting a verse. This will increase your chances of obtaining feedback and votes via another opponent. Just check in and state you wish to alternate, should you suffer a no-show. Down To Business. This Match-Up is between: In Rank Order 3-Planes Active Worth: -02pts Vs. -Atreyu- Active Worth: -02pts Vs. Baysick Active Worth: -02pts Good Luck Ladies. Prove Your Worth __________________ Boy Better Know TMU Na Na Nai RSTL Ironman Tournament is up & running

08-11-2008, 08:40 AM	#2 (permalink)
3-Planes the assman Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: sweden Posts: 517	i predict this will be the worst match in RSTL history __________________ Three Planes Aligned

08-12-2008, 02:35 AM	#3 (permalink)
-Atreyu- Zulu Warrior Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Lost Angels-Destroying The Illusions Designed To Decieve Us. Posts: 6,079	draw your sword. __________________ [b]Rstls' Beatse. Black Gods.

08-12-2008, 01:31 PM	#4 (permalink)
BaySick ill. Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: SZFFlowsSOONice: i respect you because you try sooo damn hard..its impressive Posts: 6,546	so they dont rank you anymore how gay is that........ __________________ Unavailable.

08-13-2008, 11:16 AM	#5 (permalink)
3-Planes the assman Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: sweden Posts: 517	sorry i lost my verse when i accidentally hit the power button on my comp. i actually had a serious verse written, but i just don't feel like doing it again (in short: i will no-show)... sign me out too __________________ Three Planes Aligned

08-13-2008, 01:32 PM	#6 (permalink)
BaySick ill. Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: SZFFlowsSOONice: i respect you because you try sooo damn hard..its impressive Posts: 6,546	Soul of the dollar The dollar in my pocket holds meaning like a gun when you cock it.. I took this bullet to the heart never will I start to rock it.. If I do too much blood could spill out to much love could spill out.. I got this dollar from my dad, in is will it was to my hands it filled out.. I wonder why I got this dollar why me and not his daughter.. But none the less I wont be dumb with it ill carry it to be smarter.. 30yrs prior…. Liquor store quicker score the fix is more as they pour in.. His father stands there before them as they swarm within.. He feels each bullet torch him like a lighter to a cigarette.. But she stands there handing the cashier a dollar to cover it.. He falls to the ground they rob the store as he lies helpless.. She fails to withstand the bullets into here head dies self-less.. The dollar fell from the clerk’s hand to the floor beneath them.. As the robbers flee I see the dollar next to me I weez and grim.. Reach out slowly grab the dollar as blood flows out of my stomach.. I feel my heart is about to plummet I feel my soul without love in it.. As my wife dies with her eyes staring at me the last thing is money.. A dollar bill to remember my wife by as she’s carried to the emergency.. Place in extensive care slim hope of my boy being saved I pray to god.. As the doctor comes out head down I feel death approachin, he begins a nod.. But it’s not side to side its up and down mostly up meaning he did survive.. I feel this dollar is a token of what’s left of my family im happy to be alive.. Present time As blood spills from my heart I write a note to salvage this dollar.. I was shot in the field of battle in Iran I held this dollar from my father.. Not sure why but as I die I want this to go to my son in hopes he gets it.. I lie about to cry about to sigh my last breath I see help hope they fix it.. They see the note in my hand but my plus isn’t there.. To god I begin to stare hoping I have a home there… My son will get this dollar I have no fear of this.. But to my father I go now I will finally know what I missed.. I tell you what this dollar has a lot of soul some how.. I guess in god we do trust that so means much more now.. __________________ Unavailable.

08-14-2008, 08:37 PM	#7 (permalink)
-Atreyu- Zulu Warrior Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Lost Angels-Destroying The Illusions Designed To Decieve Us. Posts: 6,079	Win or lOsE... Spin Or ooze... Care I do not... for these are true thoughts... spoken from heart... Someone Give me a Knife.Right now.My hearts pounds... No. Not the literal one that pumps blood and makes sounds. But the figurative one,the derivative of misinterpretation that've gotten my friends into whirlwind lust relations With the blade,Ill slice my chest apart and watch heart skydive I must be falling for her...In purgatory I thrive... The dilemna?Masochistic visions,predatory vicious instincts,in sync with past experiences pernicious Yeah.Shes told me everything?... Her past and what shes done with other dudes I say it bothers me,but who am I to judge and be rude? See,We build reality,and should you choose to lie I wouldnt know it,it would be forever bandaged in disguise But look here.Surprise,Im stuck as fuck!WHAT THE FUCK! Emperical evidence,of a fruit in a big bunch Its like some magic dust erupted,what I feels more than a crush Or some dumb lust,puppy lick shit,holding hands N such... The truth Is... Practically... I want to build You a galaxie as a foundation YOU beautiful fountain...sprouting constellations... youll make it complete...make me complete? im constant pacing, changing my seat my brain speaks of how to stay on my feet- I take it as deceit... build a galaxie!?Id rather build a heart shaped Universe my struggle for perfection must be some stupid curse! And to make it worse,I cant decide,But i can describe The feeling that shakes foundations,making my size rise Those beautiful brown eyes,Egyptian magical majesty Suck me in towards calamity,Beyond belief?Indeed. Shes too sweet...HA!and Its only been 3 weeks Honestly? I doubt Id be lying saying eternity... Eternally burning,like a neverending sun core Im sure weve existed forever and then more together as protons in the middle of a sun star we clashed,scattered neutrinos and landed afar In the space dust that made this very planet Our molecules mustve erupted from granite later on,liberated and flew to the Ozone manifested in the physical vessils our souls own not at the same time,mine was a year before you my gravity attracted your ascension thru soil and you were born,for us to meet 20 yrs later I give grace,to the both of your physical creators... Ill never be happy,as long as youre around... If what I think is the truth and I love you now.... Im a fucking clown,the truth spills through throats Especially If I take heed to this quote: "A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her." - Oscar Wilde __________________ [b]Rstls' Beatse. Black Gods.

08-15-2008, 06:19 AM	#8 (permalink)
Atheist Storyteller Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 1,700	BaySick: This was an okay read. The story was decent enough, but was just poorly executed. You really need to think over what you’re writing and proofread your verse once you’ve completed it, because the punctuation etc, etc was all over the fucking joint. It really made your verse read sluggishly and staggered, and as a result of poor grammatical use, the flow was hindered as well. I liked the substance of your verse and the importance of the dollar your father gave you in his will; it showed the relationship between father and son symbolically. And then for you yourself to pass the dollar on, I don’t know, it kind of represented the passage of time, one generation to the next. That’s my opinion anyway. So overall, I enjoyed how you approached the topic, but I just feel you need to have more polished writing, and really focus on using commas, full stops, and all that other stuff. It would make your verse so much easier to read. Favourite lines: They see the note in my hand but my plus isn’t there.. To god I begin to stare hoping I have a home there… My son will get this dollar I have no fear of this.. But to my father I go now I will finally know what I missed.. I tell you what this dollar has a lot of soul some how.. I guess in god we do trust that so means much more now.. Atreyu: This was a well written verse, and because it was so, I think you have edged the battle. The story itself wasn’t anything spectacular, but the way you wrote it made it so much more interesting to read. The flow was very off in some areas, and I would like to see some consistency with that regard. And I also feel that sometimes you tried to be too complex with your rhyme scheme, using bigger words in order to give your verse that extra edge. I’m all for that approach, but sometimes it seemed very forced. It is therefore important you find the correct balance. But, as I said, the way you wrote this verse was, overall, of a high standard, and as I was reading it, I could easily tell it was better than BaySick’s. Favourite Lines: Practically... I want to build You a galaxie as a foundation YOU beautiful fountain...sprouting constellations... youll make it complete...make me complete? im constant pacing, changing my seat my brain speaks of how to stay on my feet- I take it as deceit... build a galaxie!?Id rather build a heart shaped Universe my struggle for perfection must be some stupid curse! -------------------------------------------------------- Vote: Atreyu. Generally, the overall writing style was much better in his verse. BaySick had a good idea as the foundation to his piece, but it was just executed so poorly, and the writing style didn’t really help it at all. The flow in each verse was nothing spectacular, and neither was the rhyme scheme, and I feel that these are two areas you can both dramatically improve in. However, you both came with good substance, but Atreyu’s was just that much more polished. I think BaySick will be one to watch though in the upcoming weeks if he can focus on his writing style and perfect it, because he clearly has good content to be expressed. __________________ You’ve Got the Fear 4x RSTL Champion.

08-15-2008, 02:50 PM	#10 (permalink)
Jimmy Eles UNREGISTERED USER... Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: moms basement Posts: 429	okay... bay - this idea was a good one...i just dont think executed it right....maybe you didn't proof read or something but alot of the sentances didn't make much sense ..which really fucked up the flow of the story..it was a chore to read..trying to think exactly wtf you are talking bout...here an ex.. If I do too much blood could spill out to much love could spill out.. I got this dollar from my dad, in is will it was to my hands it filled out................iunno what you where trying to say here...scheme was simple..not many multi's or midbars...but the thought was creative..and you did well with the emotional aspect of your charecter... atr- it seems to me like you where trying to hard to make this complx..and come up with poetic wording and shit like that...which kinda had the oppisit effect because some of it was nice n descriptive and other times it didn't...kinda hit or miss..again a simple scheme ..not many multi's..flow was there though and i could gt through your story in coherant thought...so thats a plus...mechanics weren't great but the sotry itself was an interesting read.. vote - atreayu ......his story was better told....bay you had a good idea..it just seems you didn't go back threw and check simple errors...which really hurt you..and messed up the whole story for me....you mighta edged this out if the story was more on point because niether of your mechanics were up to snuff... __________________ NO COMMENT....YOU CAN QUOTE ME ON THAT...

08-15-2008, 03:34 PM	#11 (permalink)
-Atreyu- Zulu Warrior Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Lost Angels-Destroying The Illusions Designed To Decieve Us. Posts: 6,079	Im actually going to record this...it flowed perfectly for me on RENEGADE instruemental. Votes: [DF:WK6] CHAMPIONSHIP : .:Pain:. vs Vern Acular vs Atheist (Vote!) [DF:WK6] Jimmy Eles vs oNeiRiC (Vote!) http://board.rapmusic.com/rapmusics-...lotus-ext.html [DF:WK6] Blue Contenders : Cormier vs Scatterboxx (Vote!) http://board.rapmusic.com/rapmusics-...proof-ext.html __________________ [b]Rstls' Beatse. Black Gods. Last edited by -Atreyu-; 08-16-2008 at 12:14 AM.

08-16-2008, 12:11 PM	#12 (permalink)
Chin Kwon The Angkorian Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 635	Baysick Decent read. But i gotta echo Lucifer's inquiry on why a dollar? Surely it can't be value as 1 dollar bill isn't much. oh well, with that aside, i thought the choice of wording were a bit subpar as i noticed many words used twice or more within the span of a few lines. You have to work on ur flow also cause ur rhymes on even for some reason. It changes pace and direction far to frequently and it disrupt the reading. As far as the content of the story, beside the whole dollar thing, i thought it was pretty cool how u stretch ur story beyond space and time giving it a very epic feel. Pretty cool, bruh. VS Atreyu My first impression was: WOW, this was painfully emo. But u did held my interest throughout. And you did put some thoughts into this so that's definitely points for effort, as well. The execution was ok; u really try to incorporate poetic elements, however, it read more like a redundant ramble. I thought u could've shortened the piece a bit. As far as content, it was a well told story that did what it was supposed to do, and that's entertain. Cool shit. Vote = Atreyu. His verse was more technically advance. Also, his story was pretty easy to get into despite redundancy (sp?). Anywayz, good showings fellas. Peace. __________________ Dark Image Chin Kwon - Ace The Prophet

08-17-2008, 12:46 AM	#13 (permalink)
oNeiRiC ADO Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: New Orleans Posts: 111	ok i see atreyu is taking this strong so far, but im going to go against the grain here and give it to baysick, although i should vote against you for making me read that freaking color font. lol i see atreyu doing what i get a lot of shit for, bouncing all over the place, yes its emotional and real, but the spontinaeity should not over do what you could of done with it baysick, your shit was thought out, the flow was not spectacular because you had not spontinaeity, it didnt branch out much, it wasnt much, however i still give it to you because it was solid, and everyone knows a solid dollar is better than a colorful one that might or might not even be real. what makes a good verse is combining both of yalls skills ive been getting my ass kicked every week, and i look foward to battling both of you because i think i can get more votes against yall unless yall do a tad bit of buildilng good stuff yall vote bay

08-17-2008, 11:48 AM	#14 (permalink)
Vern Acular 12x RSTL Champ Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: NC Posts: 5,027	Baysick Well this was better than last week story wise u had better depth the 30 year jump in time gave me mixed feelings but overall the story was ok the mechanics is what u need to work on your rhyme scheme was all over the place and your lines were stretched in areas which made it a choir to follow along it was a lot of stop and go if you know what I mean Atreyu: This was a nice ode to the one you don't live lol. Anyway the flow of the read made this appealing your choice of word was good and your mechanics were nice some grammatical errors and shaky end rhyme but other than that good job just do me a favor and spell galaxy right next time lol Overall: VOTE ATREYU Better overall verse baysick had a good story but the mechanics were lackluster __________________ TH3 3LIT3 2005 NO ID TOURNEY WINNER 1x POET TREE CHAMP 12x RSTL CHAMP Yes...I've Beat You Before www.soundclick.com/eulogy www.myspace.com/eulogy46

08-17-2008, 03:50 PM	#15 (permalink)
Cormier Registered User Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 72	Bay- alright, the whole dollar thing as a symbol of passing life on from generation to generation was cool. a nice concept for sure. however, this verse was written horribly. the flow was off, the rhyming wasn't very crisp and there were a lot of bad grammatical errors and poor word choices that really made it difficult to read this. Atreyu- your content itself didn't do a whole lot for me and there were some spots in your writing where i thought you tried too hard to rhyme and thigns sounded a bit forced. however, overall, this piece was written sooooooo much better than Bay's verse and for that alone you easily won this battle. VOTE= Atreyu

08-17-2008, 04:42 PM	#16 (permalink)
Lucifa Viva La Eva Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: United Kingdom Status: Rumba Raving Posts: 16,787	Bay - hmm .. decent concept and had it been executed better this would have been a harder choice .. but the issues with your spelling and grammar were far too obvious to skip over .. the flow was also not up to much as lines were stretched out .. there was the odd nice line when you used some inner rhymes but overall this wasn't a pretty read .. but the positive is that the idea for an interesting and entaining piece was there .. shame it wasn't followed through in the writing itself .. Atreyu - ok .. this was a better showing by way of writing .. but you'd have had to have screwed up quite badly not to have won on that scale .. the content was straight I guess .. I didn't really take to it myself but the mechanics were holding the verse up enough for me to take some entertainment value from it .. so yeah .. not a great verse in my humble opinion .. but enough .. Vote = Atreyu .. __________________ Boy Better Know TMU Na Na Nai RSTL Ironman Tournament is up & running