[DF:WK6] CONTENDERSHIP : Got Life? vs nom de plume. (Vote!)

[Lucifa]

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Down To Business.
This Match-Up is between:
In Rank Order

Got Life?
Active Worth: 015pts
Vs.
nom de plume.
Active Worth: 008pts

Good Luck Ladies.
Prove Your Worth

[Got Life?]

I'm here nomsy.

vote:
1. [DF:WK6] CHAMPIONSHIP : .:Pain:. vs Vern Acular vs Atheist (Vote!)
2. [DF:WK6] -Atreyu- vs BaySick (Vote!)
3. [DF:WK6] Jimmy Eles vs oNeiRiC (Vote!)
4. [DF:WK6] Red Contenders : Lucifa vs Bonnie Bathory (Vote!)
5. [DF:WK6] Chin Kwon vs Restproof (Vote!)
6. [DF:WK6] Blue Contenders : Cormier vs Scatterboxx (Vote!)

[nom de plume.]

oh.
alternate?

[Got Life?]

Meet Your Maker

Abe sat mumbling...juggling a lamp fixture,
Fingers fat and fumbling over damned scripture,
And in his mind he’d paint a picture,
Of pain and stricture, slowly draining-
Life from the unholy, pertaining-
Mostly to crafts of magic and mystics,
This hatred unleashed tragic statistics,
And so Abe remained in the church,
Self-sustained… smply unrestrained on his perch,
A servant…he obeyed and he searched-
For a sign of his grand destiny,
Often so clandestine he - wondered…
When will it be that God may beckon me?

It happened in the near twilight hours,
Abe was guided by skylight showers,
As light poured forth from the heavens,
A sequence spun from red rum and sevens,
Numb and possessed by a divine calling,
He sensed a fire inside and a swine falling,
Acknowledging his God’s superiority,
No more phony facades, he feared priority-
Became to instill the fear of God within,
Those out of ordinary and very odd to him,
And so far gone was his obsession,
That he killed with the most solemn of expressions,
In succession…
It gave his meandering life a purpose, God?
He’s answering...
Though hollow right at the surface,
he’s steady & never nervous,
ready to forever service-
heavy-set, he’s severed, hurting.
His deity the unreasonably supreme being,
Sweat sweetly gleaming, he stayed guaranteeing-
An unwavering devotion…
he rid his skin of grimly thin sinner’s blood,
Like razors in the ocean, welcoming the flood.

Things changed one’s essence like dead end life,
As he was guided by the moon’s crescent light,
Towards Lisa, a psychic extraordinaire,
His plan, to end her career and thwart her here,
But Lisa sensed the coming danger,
A summoned stranger that runs in ugly manger.
Needed to learn…a lesson in life,
Dropping her cresson robe, she took to his knife.
And as the blade pierced her flesh,
She sighed, Abe when will you appear refreshed-
A joy for life that you once possessed,
Before you became obsessed at God’s request,
When only love could hold you in arrest,
Remember your love, it was her dieing request.

Abe dropped the blade and shook and it shocked,
Grasping onto his holy book he began to rock-
Back and forth...back and forth...quoting his precious bible…

“ For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers,
and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.”

no answer… gone was God’s blessed recital,
As he took Lisa in his arms checked her vital,
He knew that she was gone and he finally wept,
And there he remained as the sunlight swept-
Over blood drenched scorned skimming stones,
A sad sorry spectacle of worn skin and bones.

[nom de plume.]

I walk rain slick streets while my brain flicks beats
In a framed sick speech with a trained kids needs
My bruised ribs bleed under this crayon night
Spirits in my pocket hold me to a séance plight
Leave love letters by train tracks, lost in a neon glow
Her mouth danced tipsy tangos, spoke in creole slow
Feeling low, Halloween lit lanterns lost in a ghost glance
Hold fast, dull eyes cast from a dolls mask
Tip toed love songs with slurred steps in figure eight
She makes sketches of her life on this villain face
My fate a village game, this timid frames missing weight
Straight lines with Spiro graphs, move a pigeon pace
Shifting hate from one knuckle, Tin Pan Alley pianist
Skid row prophet, compulsive secret admirer specialist
I’ve got gin rot as skin knots tie my stomach in a slim box
Hoping I’m with the saints heavens got a list of
My lips caused the fungus growth on my family tree
Broken blue eyes lost with a passengers needs
Shackle my feet and keep me afraid of the day
I’m a barefooted hoodlum with a prayer for the brave

She was high class, lowered herself to a tired laugh
Claimed it was research roles when caught in a dive bar
Life as shined glass, high heels tapped melodies bored
Then danced to the tune of an unintelligible chord
A peasant when born, she grew with gold in her smile
Grew with a film stars looks never knew of a liar
She wore her hair an autumn red with flashes of brilliance
Nothing perfect, unintelligent, passion was missing
Cashing off winnings of broke men with dirty nails
Sepia celluloid snaps, she hung her hope on curtain rails
A surface failed by imagination, life a looped scratched piano
Barbiturate baby with a truth patched in shadow
Traced grace lines with stone eyes, broke my sky
A lust look lost on a sober hero, her world was poster size
A token guise for a lost soul with nothing to give
Expensive gin in her hand and a cheap cuss on her lips
So cutting a quip, that this movie star wins enemies
A loose tooth style, her arm lost under henna leaves
A simple dream for this low girl with stones in her gut
Trying to escape for a show business love

We met in a backstreet bar, all pastel and damp
Me, a ragged bum, her attractive and damned
I bought her a shot, she refused to a point
While I traced maps in spilt beer, a loser annoyed
I was crude with a vice sin, lost in illuminative lighting
I’d seen her 3 times in accumulative sightings
I’d lose her in June lightning, she caught her soon enough
Lost in a downpour, grain thunder for this abusive love
A gruesome lust for the day end when she leaves work
All caught on film, every second that she breathes dirt
But my teeth hurt, from shooting the breeze
And every gin that I sink is working at bruising my dream
Of that perfect girl, not the one to my right
But the one that we watch in this fumbling night
Because that peasant is a private detective
We’ve been staking out this girl, a diamond who’s reckless
But this scar sealed shark filled bar is a demon
With a thirst for us lowlifes, it’s partial to heathens
I have to stop paying this detective, it’s been one too many
A sunken penny, lost the lustre for being drunk and merry
But my funds are empty; I take the pictures with me
Knowing tomorrow the sun will punch in with me

'One Too Many'

[BaySick]

Well for one this battle is flames:::

GL- your verse was nice short lines nice multies illy flow...

Nom- your flow was nice as well different approach at it but both i liked..

GL- ill story like the way you portrayed it and i liiked the use of that quote..

Nom- your style in this was very poetic and ill how you kept that flow with such ill vocab ill never know, good ass scheme...

GL- i liked you story i felt it was written just as good as noms...

Nom- i liked you story a bit better im sucker for poetic verse..

GL- dont be a ho i feel both verse are equally ill this shit will just come down to voters taste and you know i love you even though you hate...i just like his verse and approach at this poetic style better then your idea...

VOTE=NOM DE PLUME

(holler at mines)
http://board.rapmusic.com/rapmusics-...s-baysick.html

[Atheist]

Got Life:
I love your writing style; you can fit so much expression and imagery into so few words within each rhyming line. It really is exceptional how you can do that, because it would probably take me twice as many words to get across what I am saying. Furthermore, your flow is always on point; short and sweet. Now, onto the content. The aspect I enjoyed most about your verse was the biblical reference. We all know that God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son, Isaac, and just before he actually did he was presented with a ram on the mountain top. Your story seemed to focus loosely around this, with your character, Abe, actually going through with the killing of Lisa, the fortune teller. I liked this, and thought it was a nice twist on a well-known story.

Favourite lines:
It gave his meandering life a purpose, God?
He’s answering...
Though hollow right at the surface,
he’s steady & never nervous,
ready to forever service-
heavy-set, he’s severed, hurting.
His deity the unreasonably supreme being,
Sweat sweetly gleaming, he stayed guaranteeing-
An unwavering devotion…
he rid his skin of grimly thin sinner’s blood,
Like razors in the ocean, welcoming the flood.

Nom de plume:
Similarly to Got Life, you have such a fantastic writing style. And I still can’t shake who it is you remind me of. I once knew this fella on a rap forum, and your writing style and general images are near identical. Your verse was full of beautiful descriptions and comparisons, with complex wording thrown in here and there that was pulled off fantastically. However, the story itself was a little dull, and it really didn’t pick up until the conclusion of the second stanza. Content-wise, I was quite disappointed with your endeavours this week, because so far, everything I have read from you has been pure gold. But this week, something was missing, and I think it’s partially due to the fact that Got Life posted first. He had such an interesting story that yours just seemed bland in comparison.

Favourite Lines:
A surface failed by imagination, life a looped scratched piano
Barbiturate baby with a truth patched in shadow
Traced grace lines with stone eyes, broke my sky
A lust look lost on a sober hero, her world was poster size
A token guise for a lost soul with nothing to give
Expensive gin in her hand and a cheap cuss on her lips
So cutting a quip, that this movie star wins enemies
A loose tooth style, her arm lost under henna leaves
A simple dream for this low girl with stones in her gut
Trying to escape for a show business love


---------------------------------------------------


Vote: Got Life.
This was a nice battle, but to be honest, I was expecting more. Nom had his beautifully written verse, as usual, but the content was a little sub-standard. Got Life, however, had great content in my eyes, and whether intentional or not, the reference to the biblical Abraham was top notch; you developed it well in your own words and your own style, and it really was an interesting read. However, although I feel slightly disappointed at this battle, it is still a great competitive match up.

[Lucifa]

E - I didn't find this as interesting as Ath did but I thought it was a pretty decent read .. the flow was steady and the content paced well .. I guess there was motive for him killing Lisa because of the conflict between his heavy in religious belief character and the idea of someone claiming to be (and earning money from being) 'psychic' .. some elements didn't sit so well with me .. like how quickly the actual murder was touched upon .. at the same time I'm glad this wasn't an all out gore-fest but a bit more imagery work would have been good in that section .. it was a cool read and mechanically sound .. just suffered some minor flaws in the plot ..

Nom - as per usual you had me impressed with the wording you used in the piece .. the use of the topic was simple in concept (of drinking) but I think you tackled it in a less than conventional/predictable manner .. as some would have probably gone the drink driving route or something .. I liked how you switched the structure of this piece over previous works with some focus on the mechanics .. more 'over-spill' rhymes would have been nice as those parts made the read more fluid and you had a decent level of multies dotted around too .. the content made for an interesting read but maybe not as entertaining as Got Life?'s storyline ..

hmm .. tough choice .. Got Life?'s story entertained me more than nom's .. whereas nom's writing entertained me more than Got Life?'s .. so I weigh up the negative flip of that .. with nothing really wrong with Got Life?'s writing beyond some word choicing I wasn't over-struck on .. and nom's story wasn't really weak it just didn't make itself totally clear .. but that is also down to how the verse was presented with more descriptive than narrative work going on ..

that didn't really help my decision .. lol .. erm ..

I dunno man .. I (obviously) wanted nom to beat E here lol .. but I think my vote goes to ..

Vote = Got Life? .. by the fucking skin of his teeth I have Got Life? winning this one based around the content aspect of breaking down these verses .. a story that progressed well with a steady pace to the read with good mechanics that just lacked flair IMO .. whilst nom's verse was a well written piece I just couldn't get beyond the writing itself to really sink myself in the content/plot of the verse as easily ..

real coin flip situation IMO .. but I've gone against the grain of expectation in my vote I guess .. as I did enjoy reading nom's verse more .. but not because of the content .. the aspect I feel is more important .. so I nod the other way on this occasion .. a good close competitive match .. g'luck to you both ..

[Jimmy Eles]

nom - you worded this very good..very descriptive..with a nice poetic feel...the story itself was so so ...the first 2 stanza's where more about describing the charecters...so it drug on it that effect..spent a little to much time doing so..even though it was nicely written it those parts...good use of multi's..and a nice skeme....your story was eh..but it was written beautifully..

A token guise for a lost soul with nothing to give
Expensive gin in her hand and a cheap cuss on her lips
So cutting a quip, that this movie star wins enemies
A loose tooth style, her arm lost under henna leaves<--- favorite part

got - i really enjoyed your piece..in the begining i got the feel that it was some old testement religious piece..then the story progressed and i seen what it wa really...a murder story as usual...lol...but nah the scheme was dope..i really liked how you continued the last's line rhyme into the middle of the next.it really helped the flow...which was good...it was also worded nice...though not as good as nom..but your story was more apealing...
It happened in the near twilight hours,
Abe was guided by skylight showers,
As light poured forth from the heavens,
A sequence spun from red rum and sevens<---fav

vote - gotlife ??...nom you verse was beautifully written....as was gots but yours more so... if you would of focused more on the story's plot..then the introduction of the charecters...you would of had this .... imo

[Chin Kwon]

Gotlife???

The thing that stood out most about this piece was the imagery. Very well done, bro. The story was cool also, despite the death climax again lol! Now i'm not sure what drove him mad as i thought the fact that dude was drunk had somthing to do with the murder. So it could've been an alcohol unduced murder or perhaps his ultra conservative fixture on his religion. But i like where u went with this. That ending gave me chills as you describe that the spirit or voice of god abandoned him. It gave the story lots of depth. The only problem i had with this was at times the flow was bouncy. I had to reread to maintain rhythm. But with solid content, i can always overlook slight mechanical flaws. Good showing, as always.


VS

nom de plume

Your verse last week was rediculous so i couldn't wait to read ur verse this week. But rest assure i'm not judging this verse on the merit of last week's verse, as i try to be as fair as i can. First off, the story was not very moving to me. It wasn't as interesting despite the ill character development. However, ur wordings, as other have pointed out, was ill. So many oneliners and it all worked to the overall concept of the verse. But again, i just couldn't get into the story despite the brilliant technical execution. You're becoming one of my favorite writer, however....


Vote = Gotlife? His verse felt more complete. Every department was about even so i had to go for which verse was more entertaining...and that goes to GL. But good showing fellas. much respect.

[oNeiRiC]

Got Life did something interesting, he brought up the question of, is got only Good, and not both Good and Evil? which leads to how time can be infinite or non existent and also whether God allows evil for good

of course, bringing into question is good, but causing conflict is not, although they are heavily intertwined, following the heart, is the only answer

and this heart, is more where Nom's piece led me, with his ccreative imagery,Nom paints a beautiful picture, with beautiful colors, but he ends up painting something wicked, the struggle

Nom paints the struggle of life, with a dualism of beauty (his creative imagery style) and the destruction (his plot line)

Got Life in his message plot line shows defeatism (his result was a mix up of belief in God and falling to the temptation of this destruction

Nom ended positively, looking towards tomorrow
Got Life ended with no hope, but did he do this because he himself is asking for help, to those who read and can critique? or is it simply to teach us something, no, to teach defeatism is to teach no hope in life, and then in death do we partake, but Nom, did the same thing, so what is the difference?

Nom is on a positive track in this verse, independently, but Got Life screams out his need for friendship and the positivity Nom has, however, with Nom's verse screaming of indulgent diversions from the soul, how can we know which verse to vote for? i believe the imagery by Nom weighs in against got Life's clean cut storyline, leaving it even

vote Nom, for keeping one love hip hop as his message, with the knowledge that others will read and reflect an rejoice ;)

[Cormier]

pretty nice battle

Nom- as usual, the writing was solid. rhyme scheme was more complex than GL's and most of the rhymes weren't that forced. a couple here and there, but nothing too major. i also really liked your use of alliteration in a lot of lines. that seems to be a tool that most writers (including myself) tend to forget about and it's nice to see someone utilizing it. i must say that the first stanza drew me in. the writing was beautiful, but then when you started getting into the meat of the story the writing dipped a little. you picked it back up in the last stanza, but it just wasn't as crisp in the second one. also, i feel as though the content of your piece was just a little too slow moving. it took a while to really get going and shortly after it did, it ended.

GL- this was nice. i really like the overall mood you set in your pieces. your wording has a way of really setting a tone that you carry very well throughout the entirety of your verses. although your writing wasn't quite asd complex as Nom's, i thought it came off more natural and a little smoother, so the writing of your two verses are pretty much even in my eyes. however, your content here is what takes this battle. not that it was an amazing story, but i liked the biblical parallel and it moved along nicely which gets my vote.

VOTE= GL

[Restproof]

GL?: Opens nicely, painting a picture. The rhyme scheme is nice. The pacing works nicely as well, slowly leading you in. This is the second psychic I've read named Lisa this week... Though I guess that's beside the point.... Oh, wait... *reads the window* My bad. Anyhow... The story as a whole, I'm not sure about how it moved me, once we strip away the lovely flow, nice rhyme scheme and all that.

NdP: The flow bounces fantastic. The phrasing was very nice as well... The following lines are on some Tom Waits shit:

Shifting hate from one knuckle, Tin Pan Alley pianist
Skid row prophet,

A lust look lost on a sober hero

Excellent imagery and phrasing throughout the verse, very poetic. Many more quotable lines throughout the verse. Had a a nice film noir aspect that worked for your slant.

In the end, the stories were pretty similar, both protagonists stalk the fortune teller. In both verses I feel that the story could have been more developed, because if you take all of these shiny things away, they're both fairly basic. Nom De Plume did a better job of describing the scene. I know that GL? could have stretched further and length may have edged it... But more well placed words won this out for me. Vote: NdP.

[Khôi NguJin]

Got Life - strong verse in all aspects. the story telling was up there, and the descriptions kept me engaged throughout most of the verse. i felt it started to lose some steam towards the end though. maybe you weren't as into this verse as you continued through to the end. the ending didn't do it for me. but the descriptions were so good that it makes up for that. meet your maker was a popular pick this week. i think u pulled it off as well as the best.

Nom De Plume - Okay, there were times i got tongue tied trying to read through. maybe the way u structured your words was not the best because some of the alliteration did not do it for me. but that's about the only negatives i have. the strength of this piece was how complex you can make it, while not making it absurdly hard to understand where you're coming from. unique writing style to say the least.

vote - Got Life. it was close. i think this could have and should have been better for a contendership matchup. bu i think got life edged this one mainly because i dug his descriptions.