[DF:WK6] CHAMPIONSHIP : .:Pain:. vs Vern Acular vs Atheist (Vote!)

Lucifa · 08-11-2008, 07:43 AM

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Down To Business.
This Match-Up is between:
In Rank Order

.:Pain:.
Active Worth: 020pts
Vs.
Vern Acular
Active Worth: 015pts
Vs.
Atheist
Active Worth: 010pts

Good Luck Ladies.
Prove Your Worth

Atheist · 08-11-2008, 10:09 AM

hello, fellas.

in.

i'll be posting around the deadline probably.

votes:
1. Contendership: Got Life? vs. nom de plume
2. BaySick vs. Atreyu
3. Jimmy Eles vs. Oneiric
4. Cormier vs. Scatterbox
5. Khoi vs. M-16 vs. L Kross

Vern Acular · 08-11-2008, 10:22 AM

yea check...im posting to be champ so good luck to both of ya

alternate even though it wont be needed

.:Pain:. · 08-11-2008, 03:08 PM

Can I get a line length extension per favore?

.:Pain:. · 08-12-2008, 02:15 PM

Vern sent me a pm granting me the extension, Atheist isn't a dick and should grant it to me.

Beat: Nas - Undying Love

Meet Your Maker

I've seen demons and angels, the reaper, the painful,
The evil, the graceful, I'm see-see-seekin' the fateful,
Lookin' for a reason to wait for
death to come to me, every weekend I'm eatin' the same floor,
So as I was breachin' through faith's door,
The surprise that he replied was never equaled, never seen through
the pain, sure, I was blind most of the time,
Because I kept the sunshine close to my eyes,
I'd watch it rise, fall when it fell outta the sky,
Asleep, I would dream of the power he rides,
As the hours would climb, I found in my mind, a shower of shine,
Displayed it, most angels would cower and hide...

Everything we see originated in another place,
Everything we are was simulated under grace,
So every time that you sit in a cell,
And every time that you think you're livin' hell,
It was practiced on the angels that turned to demons,
And the ones that never turned, never learned to teach us,
He said, "Remember the one with the head of wool,
You put us all high up on that pedestal,
Angels make mistakes, that don't make 'em a demon,
We simply offer assistance; you can take it or leave it,
And if you, decide to take it, we don't promise it works,
Our advice always leads to puttin' consciousness first..."

I gotta stop dreamin', I'm sweatin', I'm breathin',
I'm stressin', I'm grievin', a festering, bleeding
wound, I'm depressed, and it's leading me to,
Another session of rest, thus speaking to you...

Demons are only so because of resentment,
All they did was question what they fuck they were blessed with,
They were the most intelligent, they sense these things,
Every single one started with a set of wings,
So when one came to me with thoughts to share,
I felt every feeling, but would not be scared,
He said, "Think about your government, son,
Do you follow it and swallow shit and love what it does?
Do you never question, never oppose, what they choose?
Or have you said it's better if they left the folks to make rules?
What makes us any different than those on the earth?
Why can't the president be one of those chosen to work?"

I awoke, and looked up at the sky,
I cried for every mind as crumbled as mine,
And with the thunder up high, I laid my head back down,
Fuckin' dreams, I wish I coulda left that out...

"Son, I've gone by many names in the past,
The ones that man gave me change too fast,
I heard you speaking with the angels and demons,
I woulda stopped it, if just to spare you the season,
But the winter's here and we have the demons livin' near,
And with the earth spinnin' weird, you have enough shit to fear,
But the fact is, your chosen, by me and the choirs,
I didn't even see it, but your dreams have reminded,
The time is drawin' near, it's judgement day,
And the world needs a leader to the wondrous gates,
And that, my son, is you,
And these dreams are just the prelude to another tune,
You're the one I chose to unite the people,
Into a conglomerate of consciousness to fight the evils,
The path was laid over millions of years,
The silence you hear now, I will fill it in with cheers,"

A student of theology, I'm lost in the scene,
That was all the advice I would probably need,
But it’s hard to believe, God was talkin' to me,
I'll fall asleep, and maybe get lost in my dreams...

"Son, I've gone by many names in the past,
The ones that man gave me change too fast,
I heard you speaking with the angels and demons,
I woulda stopped it, if just to spare you the season,
Now you understand how important you are,
In leading the masses on forward to stars,
Lots will die, but it's for the greater good,
You haven't, lost your mind; you just weren't scared to take a look,
And as you, splayed the book, you saw your name on the page,
Under revelations, said the angels named you that day,
You'll unite the world; you'll bring light and health,
So long as you try to help, n bring life to hell,
And then soon the earth will slow,
The frozen skies will rain the purest snow,
When you see the end from the means, it sure will show,
That the end was well worth the cold..."

And as the heavens and Hades battled over the soul,
They didn't notice the shackles that were holdin' 'em close,
They didn't notice the strings, and the puppeteer stuck to ears,
Speakin' to everyone everyday of every fuckin' year,
It goes angels, demons, God, then the devil himself,
Takin' us through each level of hell,
But none of them know, that they're puppets and pawns,
God is neither good nor evil; he's just lovin' what's on,
He sits on the throne, and he smiles a lot,
As he watches the movie, while writin' the plot,
Us, on the ground, we sit and pray and look high,
Not knowin' the anti Christ is a manipulated good guy,
And every piece of evil is a conflict in the plot,
God grins; he don't want shit to stop,
We're approaching the climax, the top of the flight,
His hand holding the strings in this drama of life,
And the poor young soul, gets played with a lot,
Unaware that this is just entertainment for God,
He doesn't understand that the fact is, we're fucked,
Those angels and demons were just actors like us...

Atheist · 08-13-2008, 06:20 AM

Sarah had such a sanguine expression,
hair weaved in platted perfection;
she was a normal child…a bit of a handful, a blessing.
Her shape was very svelte, her tiny frame oh-so delicate.
Her age was barely twelve;
life contained such hopeful elegance.
She was the type who’d never show a glimpse of malice;
always looked at the world through rise-tinted glasses.

But I guess that made her a little innocent, a little naïve,
cause this is where shit gets intricate; her spirited dreams
were finished when Ryan insisted he unbutton her jeans.
She tried to resist him…
but her resistance was troubled and weak. (10)

So now she struggles to sleep.
And when she does slumber, she sees
his hold, his bitterness,
the force he entered with;
that cumbersome thief who stole her innocence.

* * * * *

So Sarah fills her glass with tears; pissed at lady luck.
It’s been half a year; she cradles her six-month baby bump.
The drink makes her hazy.
But the sick taste of pain is numbed
when she gets shit-faced and crazy drunk
off of daddy’s gin, ale, and dated rum.
But she doesn’t drink to harm her child…No sir.
She drinks to forget Ryan; his arms pulling her closer.
His entangled legs.
His frantic sex.
His heart beating with hers.
And now it’s crazy, she’s got a baby breathing in her. (20)

Suddenly…swarthy liquid pools form and stain her jeans.
The fluid’s warmth begins to move;
she can’t contain her screams.
“WHAT’S WRONG!?” mommy yells in panicked haste,
only to find Sarah hunched over, howling in frantic pain.
“Get an ambulance!” she cries in encumbered tones,
as she holds her six-month baby bump;
“I think my water’s broke.”

* * * * *

The hospital doors fly open; the gurney bobs and swerves
as a nurse clutches Sarah’s hand, hoping to calm her nerves;
“How far are you?” she asks with a smile that’s felt,
even though her eyes have noted she’s just a child herself. (30)
“I’m only six months,” Sarah replies, consumed by dread,
“What’s wrong with me!?
My baby shouldn’t be droppin’ yet!”

Suddenly, the gurney stopped. Sarah was awfully scared
as two nurses lifted her and placed her on the hospital chair.
A doctor knelt by her feet; spread and prepped her legs,
while another grabbed a pillow to rest her delicate head.
“D’ya remember your exercises?” the doctor briefly smiled
as Sarah’s chest bulged in rhythmic movements, heaving high.

But suddenly, a rush of copper blood crept her inner thighs,
and the doctor turned to the parents,
a hint of fear in his timid eyes; (40)
“I think it would be best for you to go to the waiting room,”
And as they left, Sarah’s screams became faint and mute.

* * * * *

The doctor approached them, removing his plastic gloves,
“We’ve got some bad news.”
That’s when anguish struck.
Mommy was inconsolable, daddy was uncontrollable,
they just wanted to run in there and grab a hold of her;
to tell her, “It’ll be alright,” when they know it won’t.
Jesus Christ…they just want to hold her close.

So as they pour another cup of the hospital’s terrible coffee,
they try to accept their grandchild has cerebral palsy. (50)

* * * * *

Two years have passed and the house is full of vivid hues;
mommy, daddy, Sarah, Baby David in the living room.
The radio’s blasting, the parents are singing merrily,
as Sarah watches David undergo his physical therapy.
Observing his playful smile as he holds his standing frame;
it’s been two whole years since they’ve been at this game.
And not once has Sarah regretted it,
not once has Sarah neglected him.
They’ve grown together,
built hope together;
they’re the best of friends.
And she’s been earning, saving, as she has a plan in mind,
a program in Thailand…it’ll give David a chance in life. (60)
And she’s not alone; family and friends don’t ask a price,
they simply hand her money and tell her to “Hang on tight.”
And now she’s got the £30,000 she can cop that flight…
but as Baby David lay in his cot that night,
his body seized,
his breathing stopped.
He died.

Now…in the church’s empty hall lays David’s tiny coffin,
as Sarah rests her hand on the polished wood, crying softly.
She wanted a moment to herself before the funeral started.
I don’t blame her;
she wanted to keep her beautiful armour.
Cause she’s still a lil teenager in a grown woman’s body,
but I like to think that she wasn’t alone in her sobbing. (70)

Cause I swear that the heavy lid of his venerable coffin
lifted so gently, and out David stepped; his cerebral palsy
no longer inflicting his body. He moved ever so quiet
as he approached Sarah and held her to stop her from crying.
And although she couldn’t see him, she could feel him,
standing beside her. So as she sat there, kneeling
beside his coffin, he’d wait and guard her from danger.
Cause from that day forth,
Baby David was her guardian angel.

* * * * *

Now…
y’all know me as Atheist, a storyteller with vivid images,
I write about rape, murder, and death;
but what I’m living is different. (80)
Cause my verses aren’t always fiction or the goriest tunes,
sometimes I’ll bare my soul for you with a story that’s true.

You see, Baby David was a blessing in disguise,
his glowing essence will forever be etched in the skies.
So I write this for him,
and the lively lives he touched,
for the years he missed, those times he’d like to clutch.
For the joy he brought; who knew I could smile so much?
But most of all…
for the memories he made with life’s vibrant brush.

Cause his two little years were too-little years;
they’d gone in swiftly.
So I dedicate this to death,
because thanks to you…

David will always be with me. (90)

This is probably the most personal piece I’ve ever written.

Vern Acular · 08-14-2008, 11:25 PM

Meet Your Maker
by Vern Acular

Welcome to Lisa's...
i'll tell your fortune
but a little about me...
i grew up as a helpless orphan
the victim of failed abortion
my mom was murdered
and well endorphins...
gathered up so much
i became a pyschic, tried it...
and thought i could sell endorsements
but it's up to your self absorbents
to gather the strength...
so relax and i'll take
both of us steps back if you may
i sense a lack of good faith
but before i show you the future
lets hit the past for today
i know what happened ok
that's when he happily states

~~~

i've been there and i've done that
i ran away...and i've come back
but before i could unpack....
it starts over....enough crap
i've thumb tacked too many sticky notes
and written many quotes
but any hope i ever had...
never lasted...into smoke...
it just burst..
see i rehearsed...played it over reversed
said it a million times and then i sold it to her
3 simple words...
i know she prefered but note the concern
i poured my heart out in the end
but the only ones heard
slowly adjourned...
it cut her open deep i noticed the burn
my heart broke and it turned colors...
as the torture returned
but the more that i yearned...well
the more that i learned...hell
we divorced and i sure fell
so of course i was hurt...WELL

~~~

i thought i was but i wasn't...
what could make a husband reluctant
catching his wife hugging in public
a man that none of us trusted
i was fucking disgusted...
i didn't even approach her
i laughed a minute then i walked off
i needed the closure
drove home speeding but sober
yea indeed i was over
the limit but when you get pushed to it
it all seems a bit closer
i look at my watch and at this time
i believe that it's over
so i sit and i wait...
one too many drinks on the coaster
playing internet poker
two pieces of wheat in the toaster
what impeeds is an ulcer...
she enters with the same smile
i stay down...ok now...
i see a demon, a vulture

~~~

and so she greets me with a kiss
there's a cheater on my lips
another reason i should flip...
i stay peaceful and i sit
she reaches for my dick...
firmly squeezes it a bit
i punch her in the face...
she starts bleeding on her tits
ok...i dream a little bit
and then...
i breathe a little bit...
and as a man i ask it
who's the man about to have his ass kicked
the fact she's laughing...
well it has me spazzing
i cant hit her though, so
i grab the asprin...
she comes after me with the audacity
to ask what happened
im flabergasted....
i attatch my hand print
to her face...the first case
of spouse abuse...you doubt the truth
but she tried to become a black widow
i turned to a brown recluse
investigators found no proof
but the mirror shouted GUILTY
and repeated how could you?
especially without excuse
especially without a fuse
her timely death was inevitable
something that i was bound to do
im sorry...
but now to you...

~~~

well i said i'd read you palm
tell you your future and lead you on
i dont need your name
just 5 minutes to see what's wrong
everything was to keep you calm
you know i see it all...
even the body parts of your wife
buried beneath your lawn
the deal you made with the devil
the baby that she would spawn
i saw you sign the adoption papers
while failing to read along
i can see that she was blonde
but it's you that was stupid
the guy you thought she cheated on
was her uncle....
disbelief is strong
and that released the bomb
she introduced her self...
and said your time indeed is gone...
Dad...
you murdered Lisa's mom

~~~

Lucifa · 08-15-2008, 07:51 AM

Pain - lengthy read .. not an all out bad thing but here it was a little over lengthy as some material was simple rehashing stuff you'd already said but in different ways .. the whole religious approach to pieces rarely sits well with me .. this wasn't too bad on that front .. there were some grammar errors that threw the read a little in bits .. I got a RasKass vybe from reading the piece but with lesser mechanics than he spits with .. I don't care to check for the beat to read it to but for me the flow was too solid .. as a text piece it was a little choppy to read smoothly .. the scheme switched about a bit too often for my liking .. the start was a nice solid scheme and it would have been good if you'd stuck with that .. it was a decent piece that was longer than it needed to be .. the content wasn't to my personal tastes but you didn't really bore me or put me off it so I have to say you did a decent job in that regard ..

Atheist - another lengthy piece .. I said it before and I repeat .. your line counting is way off .. the bracket digits are wrong for what the RSTL rules a line .. you really need to keep an eye on that .. the flow to the piece wasn't the smoothest as it wasn't very consistent .. some of the rhyming was pretty nice .. the content was fine and made for an interesting verse to read .. however some of the build-up story was a little long winded IMO .. the imagery and descriptive work was done well enough to lift the piece .. the emotion didn't really hit until the end as you took a step back and gave us your personal narrative on the piece in verse form .. kinda cool to do that and it did add an ingredient of warmth towards the verse for the reader ..

Vern - a mix bag for me here .. the short line tempo of the piece was done well but I feel you're much more comfortable writing to the longer line format .. some of the lines were worded a little awkwardly and others came off as a little too simple considering your caliber .. I think this also fell over in to the concept too as the 'twist' was simple one to do .. it was an entertaining read as you gave a story that was easy to follow .. but it lacked any real creative spark IMO ..

Vote =
1 ~ Atheist
2 ~ .:Pain:.
3 ~ Vern Acular

I feel that Vern fell from contention given how simplistic his verse came across .. especially as we know him as being capable of much better than this .. whilst on a personal level I don't really go for religious pieces I think Pain did a decent job of producing a religiously toned verse that didn't disinterest me .. not many do that for me as I usually switch off as soon as get the 'faith' vybe .. however it was a flawed verse and that allowed Atheist to sneak it for me .. his verse doesn't win this "because it's based on a true story" .. I felt he gave me the most interesting piece to read .. some nice rhyming and imagery just capped the win for me ..

a pretty good 3-way match-up .. could be close in the end .. definitely one that splits on personal pref as far as content goes ..

Got Life? · 08-15-2008, 08:32 AM

Pain - ok first off, the fuck with the fonts homie...I copy and pasted this into word so I could read it without it bothering my vision...the verse itself didn't feel like a 100 bars, which is a very good thing...the read was very smooth because of the way you delivered it and certain repetition was key and I like how you placed it to deliver your message of how people are pawns now, just how the angels once were...the whole clash of good and evil and how you depicted God is along the lines that these feelings resonate with me as well and I like how though this was a topical, it almost felt like a story piece at the same time...everything developed quite well and this was a very enjoyable piece.

Atheist - wow...rusty my ass bro...this is storytelling, pretty much at it's finest...you don't see many writers really delve into pieces the way you do anymore, really focusing on the imagery and displaying such compelling elements while at the same time maintaining top notch mechanics. As Sarah is raped you feel her pain and yet there is some redemption for her suffering in the birth of her baby boy, who though sick seems to bring joy into everyone's life right until his unfortunately yet timely end...I realize you didn't write it that way because it fit better, but rather because this was a personal story for you...but at the same time I think you know what I mean, sometimes in writing certain characters live on because of death...had David made it and been healed/cured it would be more a story of perseverance, but would not fit the piece...I think this was masterfully written and even moreso because of the fact that something so personal is so hard to get off your chest and you displayed it perfectly, the imagery and emotion carrying the piece and putting David there side by side with the audience. You continue to impress me.

Vern - You and I actually used the exact same topics with two different results although by default both of us had fortune tellers named Lisa...great minds think alike I guess...wtf was Lucy reading btw...god damn you made this hard...the pace of this piece was flawless to me with the only snag being that you missed the word "a" before failed abortion...I loved how the man sees his wife hugging another man, the conclusions jump from one thing to the next and in the end she's buried under the lawn...the gore element present but not the lead of the piece...it was the relatability of the character and your writers voice that guided the piece through...I think the fortune teller being the daughter though didn't play out as well as you had hoped though...it needed a little more to it...just her happening to be the daughter being the climatic finish didn't leave me with enough to pull the win out for you.

Vote: Atheist and I can't decide between Pain and Vern's so they tie for second in my book.

I think he presented the most complete story and connected with me the best of all 3, though this was a top notch absolutely phenomenal match.

Jimmy Eles · 08-15-2008, 11:53 AM

wow.....dope ass championship...

atheist - god damn...theres very few times when im reading a verse on here..tht i get so caught up in the content..i forget im reading...like how i would with a fav book..you did that...was very very dope...story content was off the charts..imagery charecter devolpment..ect ect ..all was down...scheme was the usual..not many mids bars...some use of multi's on the end of the rhymes...but the story itself and the emotion pouring out of it can make me look past that...for me this is a race for second after this verse...

The hospital doors fly open; the gurney bobs and swerves
as a nurse clutches Sarah’s hand, hoping to calm her nerves;
“How far are you?” she asks with a smile that’s felt,
even though her eyes have noted she’s just a child herself. <--fav bars,,,

vern - i also enjoyed this piece...story wasn't up to par with ath's but your mechanics and use of multi's were better..flow was there and i liked the shorten'd bars...story started off good....i liked the twist at the ending...even if it has been done to death the whole im your father thing...i didn't see it coming in this piece...but it did kinda pop up...and wrap up in the last like 5 bars..coulda been more develped..again not many mid bar's.. skeme was the usual..good use of multi's on the end words of the rhymes..overall i enjoyed your verse though ...good use of emotions with the father charecter..how he jumped to conclusion's mind automatically started racing..something anyone with a chick could relate to.

i've been there and i've done that
i ran away...and i've come back
but before i could unpack....
it starts over....enough crap
i've thumb tacked too many sticky notes
and written many quotes
but any hope i ever had...
never lasted...into smoke...<---fav bars..

pain - lool...some of them fonts fucked me up..especially the big bold white verse...i prolly need glasses or something though.....interesting story on how god is telling this guy he is to be the leader after the book of revelations takes place....the end really fucked me up though...i thought i was gonna see the armageden..instead it ended kinda flat with some god just plays games and has fun with our lives type shit...seem'd a lil drawn out to me also....some good imagery though...flow'd nice.some use of multi's...
i liked the first 2 bars alot though...with the whole stuttering in text thing ...see see seeking the faithful...<-- lol that was creative..

I awoke, and looked up at the sky,
I cried for every mind as crumbled as mine,
And with the thunder up high, I laid my head back down,
Fuckin' dreams, I wish I coulda left that out...<--fav ..

votes _

1 atheist--just that story alone really blew me away...much props..
2-vern - also a fairly good story...and better mechanics...but it didn't floor me like ath's did...
3 pain- story was there but i didn't like how it ended..kinda dragged..and your mechanics weren't enough to slide you into second..

.:Pain:. · 08-15-2008, 04:04 PM

Wtf? Well within the year I'm gonna record, and show you exactly how shameful your flows all are compared to mine.

Votes go here...

-Atreyu- · 08-15-2008, 04:13 PM

Insane battle as I stated earlier...here goes nothing:

.:Pain:. -
You bitch!You stole my idea!Nah j/p you didnt steal It, but I was either going to write about such a philosophy this week,or next week,about us being in gods movie...now im gonna have to flip it...
Your verse flowed extremely well with the beat...i read it to a youtube version and it came out dope.The font change would have worked,had you chosen a better font that wasnt so hard on the eyes but besides that a near flawless verse.The flow was off at some points but I suppose thats subjective.The ending drew everything together and really sewed the story up:
"But none of them know, that they're puppets and pawns,
God is neither good nor evil; he's just lovin' what's on,
He sits on the throne, and he smiles a lot,
As he watches the movie, while writin' the plot,"

Pain=A
------------------------------------------------
Atheist-
Usually when I read storys written by folks on here my mind starts to wander,but that was not the case with this story at all...I absolutely could not stop reading until the end.The flow confused me at a lot of points but the substance was great.
Atheist=A
---------------------------------------------------------------
Vern Acular-
Story telling at its best...the twist was the dopest ive read in a very long time.The flow was cool and sort of stumbling at some points but I made it through.I have no beef with this piece except I thought you could have built it up just a little bit more,it needed that extra edge for the calibre of this 3 way battle.
Vern=A-
----------------------------------------------------
Rankings-
Pain/Atheist-A
Vern-A-
Pain and Atheist tie...but for my vote...I have to go with:

Vote-Atheist
His verse was more personal,and although I really felt pains verse...I cant vote for it because Ive thought of the idea and I think i could flip it better.Peace!

Chin Kwon · 08-15-2008, 04:33 PM

WOW....this is what i'm sayin..

Pain

Pain, man, this piece was dope! Nevermind the great character development i want to jump into the story itself. Some provocative ideas here. This story offered a fresh and coloful take on the 'divine plan' idea, made popular by religion. The story definitely took me for a ride. And some of the lines were like woah!

Quote:

Demons are only so because of resentment,
All they did was question what they fuck they were blessed with,

This was really hot. A worthy verse worthy of the Championship. good job my duke.

VS

Atheist

Very, Very moving story here. That exposition at the end gave so much to the verse. The

08-11-2008, 07:43 AM	#1 (permalink)
Lucifa Viva La Eva Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: United Kingdom Status: Rumba Raving Posts: 16,787	[DF:WK6] CHAMPIONSHIP : .:Pain:. vs Vern Acular vs Atheist (Vote!) Welcome to your match-up thread. Click Here For Rules & Regulations Quick Over-View: 12-64 lines to a topic provided in the [TOPICS] thread of the sticky area. Do not post more than 3 times within your own match-up thread. ^No more than once in anyone elses either!^ Stay fresh, no recycling. Opt-In to the "Alternate" scheme before posting a verse. This will increase your chances of obtaining feedback and votes via another opponent. Just check in and state you wish to alternate, should you suffer a no-show. Down To Business. This Match-Up is between: In Rank Order .:Pain:. Active Worth: 020pts Vs. Vern Acular Active Worth: 015pts Vs. Atheist Active Worth: 010pts Good Luck Ladies. Prove Your Worth __________________ Boy Better Know TMU Na Na Nai RSTL Ironman Tournament is up & running Last edited by Lucifa; 08-13-2008 at 06:34 AM. Reason: Early Bird added for Pain

08-11-2008, 10:09 AM	#2 (permalink)
Atheist Storyteller Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 1,700	hello, fellas. in. i'll be posting around the deadline probably. votes: 1. Contendership: Got Life? vs. nom de plume 2. BaySick vs. Atreyu 3. Jimmy Eles vs. Oneiric 4. Cormier vs. Scatterbox 5. Khoi vs. M-16 vs. L Kross __________________ You’ve Got the Fear 4x RSTL Champion. Last edited by Atheist; 08-16-2008 at 12:50 PM.

08-11-2008, 10:22 AM	#3 (permalink)
Vern Acular 12x RSTL Champ Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: NC Posts: 5,027	yea check...im posting to be champ so good luck to both of ya alternate even though it wont be needed __________________ TH3 3LIT3 2005 NO ID TOURNEY WINNER 1x POET TREE CHAMP 12x RSTL CHAMP Yes...I've Beat You Before www.soundclick.com/eulogy www.myspace.com/eulogy46

08-11-2008, 03:08 PM	#4 (permalink)
.:Pain:. Right In Your Ass... Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Upstate, NY Posts: 4,617	Can I get a line length extension per favore? __________________ I don't mind, not bein' known, But bein' an example that will only be cloned, I don't mind, bein' myself, Even if it holds me from possible wealth... O.G. Bad Guy Myspace Still Blazin Bitches...

08-12-2008, 02:15 PM	#5 (permalink)
.:Pain:. Right In Your Ass... Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Upstate, NY Posts: 4,617	Vern sent me a pm granting me the extension, Atheist isn't a dick and should grant it to me. Beat: Nas - Undying Love Meet Your Maker I've seen demons and angels, the reaper, the painful, The evil, the graceful, I'm see-see-seekin' the fateful, Lookin' for a reason to wait for death to come to me, every weekend I'm eatin' the same floor, So as I was breachin' through faith's door, The surprise that he replied was never equaled, never seen through the pain, sure, I was blind most of the time, Because I kept the sunshine close to my eyes, I'd watch it rise, fall when it fell outta the sky, Asleep, I would dream of the power he rides, As the hours would climb, I found in my mind, a shower of shine, Displayed it, most angels would cower and hide... Everything we see originated in another place, Everything we are was simulated under grace, So every time that you sit in a cell, And every time that you think you're livin' hell, It was practiced on the angels that turned to demons, And the ones that never turned, never learned to teach us, He said, "Remember the one with the head of wool, You put us all high up on that pedestal, Angels make mistakes, that don't make 'em a demon, We simply offer assistance; you can take it or leave it, And if you, decide to take it, we don't promise it works, Our advice always leads to puttin' consciousness first..." I gotta stop dreamin', I'm sweatin', I'm breathin', I'm stressin', I'm grievin', a festering, bleeding wound, I'm depressed, and it's leading me to, Another session of rest, thus speaking to you... Demons are only so because of resentment, All they did was question what they fuck they were blessed with, They were the most intelligent, they sense these things, Every single one started with a set of wings, So when one came to me with thoughts to share, I felt every feeling, but would not be scared, He said, "Think about your government, son, Do you follow it and swallow shit and love what it does? Do you never question, never oppose, what they choose? Or have you said it's better if they left the folks to make rules? What makes us any different than those on the earth? Why can't the president be one of those chosen to work?" I awoke, and looked up at the sky, I cried for every mind as crumbled as mine, And with the thunder up high, I laid my head back down, Fuckin' dreams, I wish I coulda left that out... "Son, I've gone by many names in the past, The ones that man gave me change too fast, I heard you speaking with the angels and demons, I woulda stopped it, if just to spare you the season, But the winter's here and we have the demons livin' near, And with the earth spinnin' weird, you have enough shit to fear, But the fact is, your chosen, by me and the choirs, I didn't even see it, but your dreams have reminded, The time is drawin' near, it's judgement day, And the world needs a leader to the wondrous gates, And that, my son, is you, And these dreams are just the prelude to another tune, You're the one I chose to unite the people, Into a conglomerate of consciousness to fight the evils, The path was laid over millions of years, The silence you hear now, I will fill it in with cheers," A student of theology, I'm lost in the scene, That was all the advice I would probably need, But it’s hard to believe, God was talkin' to me, I'll fall asleep, and maybe get lost in my dreams... "Son, I've gone by many names in the past, The ones that man gave me change too fast, I heard you speaking with the angels and demons, I woulda stopped it, if just to spare you the season, Now you understand how important you are, In leading the masses on forward to stars, Lots will die, but it's for the greater good, You haven't, lost your mind; you just weren't scared to take a look, And as you, splayed the book, you saw your name on the page, Under revelations, said the angels named you that day, You'll unite the world; you'll bring light and health, So long as you try to help, n bring life to hell, And then soon the earth will slow, The frozen skies will rain the purest snow, When you see the end from the means, it sure will show, That the end was well worth the cold..." And as the heavens and Hades battled over the soul, They didn't notice the shackles that were holdin' 'em close, They didn't notice the strings, and the puppeteer stuck to ears, Speakin' to everyone everyday of every fuckin' year, It goes angels, demons, God, then the devil himself, Takin' us through each level of hell, But none of them know, that they're puppets and pawns, God is neither good nor evil; he's just lovin' what's on, He sits on the throne, and he smiles a lot, As he watches the movie, while writin' the plot, Us, on the ground, we sit and pray and look high, Not knowin' the anti Christ is a manipulated good guy, And every piece of evil is a conflict in the plot, God grins; he don't want shit to stop, We're approaching the climax, the top of the flight, His hand holding the strings in this drama of life, And the poor young soul, gets played with a lot, Unaware that this is just entertainment for God, He doesn't understand that the fact is, we're fucked, Those angels and demons were just actors like us... __________________ I don't mind, not bein' known, But bein' an example that will only be cloned, I don't mind, bein' myself, Even if it holds me from possible wealth... O.G. Bad Guy Myspace Still Blazin Bitches...

08-13-2008, 06:20 AM	#6 (permalink)
Atheist Storyteller Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 1,700	Sarah had such a sanguine expression, hair weaved in platted perfection; she was a normal child…a bit of a handful, a blessing. Her shape was very svelte, her tiny frame oh-so delicate. Her age was barely twelve; life contained such hopeful elegance. She was the type who’d never show a glimpse of malice; always looked at the world through rise-tinted glasses. But I guess that made her a little innocent, a little naïve, cause this is where shit gets intricate; her spirited dreams were finished when Ryan insisted he unbutton her jeans. She tried to resist him… but her resistance was troubled and weak. (10) So now she struggles to sleep. And when she does slumber, she sees his hold, his bitterness, the force he entered with; that cumbersome thief who stole her innocence. * * * * * So Sarah fills her glass with tears; pissed at lady luck. It’s been half a year; she cradles her six-month baby bump. The drink makes her hazy. But the sick taste of pain is numbed when she gets shit-faced and crazy drunk off of daddy’s gin, ale, and dated rum. But she doesn’t drink to harm her child…No sir. She drinks to forget Ryan; his arms pulling her closer. His entangled legs. His frantic sex. His heart beating with hers. And now it’s crazy, she’s got a baby breathing in her. (20) Suddenly…swarthy liquid pools form and stain her jeans. The fluid’s warmth begins to move; she can’t contain her screams. “WHAT’S WRONG!?” mommy yells in panicked haste, only to find Sarah hunched over, howling in frantic pain. “Get an ambulance!” she cries in encumbered tones, as she holds her six-month baby bump; “I think my water’s broke.” * * * * * The hospital doors fly open; the gurney bobs and swerves as a nurse clutches Sarah’s hand, hoping to calm her nerves; “How far are you?” she asks with a smile that’s felt, even though her eyes have noted she’s just a child herself. (30) “I’m only six months,” Sarah replies, consumed by dread, “What’s wrong with me!? My baby shouldn’t be droppin’ yet!” Suddenly, the gurney stopped. Sarah was awfully scared as two nurses lifted her and placed her on the hospital chair. A doctor knelt by her feet; spread and prepped her legs, while another grabbed a pillow to rest her delicate head. “D’ya remember your exercises?” the doctor briefly smiled as Sarah’s chest bulged in rhythmic movements, heaving high. But suddenly, a rush of copper blood crept her inner thighs, and the doctor turned to the parents, a hint of fear in his timid eyes; (40) “I think it would be best for you to go to the waiting room,” And as they left, Sarah’s screams became faint and mute. * * * * * The doctor approached them, removing his plastic gloves, “We’ve got some bad news.” That’s when anguish struck. Mommy was inconsolable, daddy was uncontrollable, they just wanted to run in there and grab a hold of her; to tell her, “It’ll be alright,” when they know it won’t. Jesus Christ…they just want to hold her close. So as they pour another cup of the hospital’s terrible coffee, they try to accept their grandchild has cerebral palsy. (50) * * * * * Two years have passed and the house is full of vivid hues; mommy, daddy, Sarah, Baby David in the living room. The radio’s blasting, the parents are singing merrily, as Sarah watches David undergo his physical therapy. Observing his playful smile as he holds his standing frame; it’s been two whole years since they’ve been at this game. And not once has Sarah regretted it, not once has Sarah neglected him. They’ve grown together, built hope together; they’re the best of friends. And she’s been earning, saving, as she has a plan in mind, a program in Thailand…it’ll give David a chance in life. (60) And she’s not alone; family and friends don’t ask a price, they simply hand her money and tell her to “Hang on tight.” And now she’s got the £30,000 she can cop that flight… but as Baby David lay in his cot that night, his body seized, his breathing stopped. He died. Now…in the church’s empty hall lays David’s tiny coffin, as Sarah rests her hand on the polished wood, crying softly. She wanted a moment to herself before the funeral started. I don’t blame her; she wanted to keep her beautiful armour. Cause she’s still a lil teenager in a grown woman’s body, but I like to think that she wasn’t alone in her sobbing. (70) Cause I swear that the heavy lid of his venerable coffin lifted so gently, and out David stepped; his cerebral palsy no longer inflicting his body. He moved ever so quiet as he approached Sarah and held her to stop her from crying. And although she couldn’t see him, she could feel him, standing beside her. So as she sat there, kneeling beside his coffin, he’d wait and guard her from danger. Cause from that day forth, Baby David was her guardian angel. * * * * * Now… y’all know me as Atheist, a storyteller with vivid images, I write about rape, murder, and death; but what I’m living is different. (80) Cause my verses aren’t always fiction or the goriest tunes, sometimes I’ll bare my soul for you with a story that’s true. You see, Baby David was a blessing in disguise, his glowing essence will forever be etched in the skies. So I write this for him, and the lively lives he touched, for the years he missed, those times he’d like to clutch. For the joy he brought; who knew I could smile so much? But most of all… for the memories he made with life’s vibrant brush. Cause his two little years were too-little years; they’d gone in swiftly. So I dedicate this to death, because thanks to you… David will always be with me. (90) This is probably the most personal piece I’ve ever written. __________________ You’ve Got the Fear 4x RSTL Champion.

08-14-2008, 11:25 PM	#7 (permalink)
Vern Acular 12x RSTL Champ Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: NC Posts: 5,027	Meet Your Maker by Vern Acular Welcome to Lisa's... i'll tell your fortune but a little about me... i grew up as a helpless orphan the victim of failed abortion my mom was murdered and well endorphins... gathered up so much i became a pyschic, tried it... and thought i could sell endorsements but it's up to your self absorbents to gather the strength... so relax and i'll take both of us steps back if you may i sense a lack of good faith but before i show you the future lets hit the past for today i know what happened ok that's when he happily states ~~~ i've been there and i've done that i ran away...and i've come back but before i could unpack.... it starts over....enough crap i've thumb tacked too many sticky notes and written many quotes but any hope i ever had... never lasted...into smoke... it just burst.. see i rehearsed...played it over reversed said it a million times and then i sold it to her 3 simple words... i know she prefered but note the concern i poured my heart out in the end but the only ones heard slowly adjourned... it cut her open deep i noticed the burn my heart broke and it turned colors... as the torture returned but the more that i yearned...well the more that i learned...hell we divorced and i sure fell so of course i was hurt...WELL ~~~ i thought i was but i wasn't... what could make a husband reluctant catching his wife hugging in public a man that none of us trusted i was fucking disgusted... i didn't even approach her i laughed a minute then i walked off i needed the closure drove home speeding but sober yea indeed i was over the limit but when you get pushed to it it all seems a bit closer i look at my watch and at this time i believe that it's over so i sit and i wait... one too many drinks on the coaster playing internet poker two pieces of wheat in the toaster what impeeds is an ulcer... she enters with the same smile i stay down...ok now... i see a demon, a vulture ~~~ and so she greets me with a kiss there's a cheater on my lips another reason i should flip... i stay peaceful and i sit she reaches for my dick... firmly squeezes it a bit i punch her in the face... she starts bleeding on her tits ok...i dream a little bit and then... i breathe a little bit... and as a man i ask it who's the man about to have his ass kicked the fact she's laughing... well it has me spazzing i cant hit her though, so i grab the asprin... she comes after me with the audacity to ask what happened im flabergasted.... i attatch my hand print to her face...the first case of spouse abuse...you doubt the truth but she tried to become a black widow i turned to a brown recluse investigators found no proof but the mirror shouted GUILTY and repeated how could you? especially without excuse especially without a fuse her timely death was inevitable something that i was bound to do im sorry... but now to you... ~~~ well i said i'd read you palm tell you your future and lead you on i dont need your name just 5 minutes to see what's wrong everything was to keep you calm you know i see it all... even the body parts of your wife buried beneath your lawn the deal you made with the devil the baby that she would spawn i saw you sign the adoption papers while failing to read along i can see that she was blonde but it's you that was stupid the guy you thought she cheated on was her uncle.... disbelief is strong and that released the bomb she introduced her self... and said your time indeed is gone... Dad... you murdered Lisa's mom ~~~ __________________ TH3 3LIT3 2005 NO ID TOURNEY WINNER 1x POET TREE CHAMP 12x RSTL CHAMP Yes...I've Beat You Before www.soundclick.com/eulogy www.myspace.com/eulogy46

08-15-2008, 07:51 AM	#8 (permalink)
Lucifa Viva La Eva Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: United Kingdom Status: Rumba Raving Posts: 16,787	Pain - lengthy read .. not an all out bad thing but here it was a little over lengthy as some material was simple rehashing stuff you'd already said but in different ways .. the whole religious approach to pieces rarely sits well with me .. this wasn't too bad on that front .. there were some grammar errors that threw the read a little in bits .. I got a RasKass vybe from reading the piece but with lesser mechanics than he spits with .. I don't care to check for the beat to read it to but for me the flow was too solid .. as a text piece it was a little choppy to read smoothly .. the scheme switched about a bit too often for my liking .. the start was a nice solid scheme and it would have been good if you'd stuck with that .. it was a decent piece that was longer than it needed to be .. the content wasn't to my personal tastes but you didn't really bore me or put me off it so I have to say you did a decent job in that regard .. Atheist - another lengthy piece .. I said it before and I repeat .. your line counting is way off .. the bracket digits are wrong for what the RSTL rules a line .. you really need to keep an eye on that .. the flow to the piece wasn't the smoothest as it wasn't very consistent .. some of the rhyming was pretty nice .. the content was fine and made for an interesting verse to read .. however some of the build-up story was a little long winded IMO .. the imagery and descriptive work was done well enough to lift the piece .. the emotion didn't really hit until the end as you took a step back and gave us your personal narrative on the piece in verse form .. kinda cool to do that and it did add an ingredient of warmth towards the verse for the reader .. Vern - a mix bag for me here .. the short line tempo of the piece was done well but I feel you're much more comfortable writing to the longer line format .. some of the lines were worded a little awkwardly and others came off as a little too simple considering your caliber .. I think this also fell over in to the concept too as the 'twist' was simple one to do .. it was an entertaining read as you gave a story that was easy to follow .. but it lacked any real creative spark IMO .. Vote = 1 ~ Atheist 2 ~ .:Pain:. 3 ~ Vern Acular I feel that Vern fell from contention given how simplistic his verse came across .. especially as we know him as being capable of much better than this .. whilst on a personal level I don't really go for religious pieces I think Pain did a decent job of producing a religiously toned verse that didn't disinterest me .. not many do that for me as I usually switch off as soon as get the 'faith' vybe .. however it was a flawed verse and that allowed Atheist to sneak it for me .. his verse doesn't win this "because it's based on a true story" .. I felt he gave me the most interesting piece to read .. some nice rhyming and imagery just capped the win for me .. a pretty good 3-way match-up .. could be close in the end .. definitely one that splits on personal pref as far as content goes .. __________________ Boy Better Know TMU Na Na Nai RSTL Ironman Tournament is up & running

08-15-2008, 11:53 AM	#10 (permalink)
Jimmy Eles UNREGISTERED USER... Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: moms basement Posts: 429	wow.....dope ass championship... atheist - god damn...theres very few times when im reading a verse on here..tht i get so caught up in the content..i forget im reading...like how i would with a fav book..you did that...was very very dope...story content was off the charts..imagery charecter devolpment..ect ect ..all was down...scheme was the usual..not many mids bars...some use of multi's on the end of the rhymes...but the story itself and the emotion pouring out of it can make me look past that...for me this is a race for second after this verse... The hospital doors fly open; the gurney bobs and swerves as a nurse clutches Sarah’s hand, hoping to calm her nerves; “How far are you?” she asks with a smile that’s felt, even though her eyes have noted she’s just a child herself. <--fav bars,,, vern - i also enjoyed this piece...story wasn't up to par with ath's but your mechanics and use of multi's were better..flow was there and i liked the shorten'd bars...story started off good....i liked the twist at the ending...even if it has been done to death the whole im your father thing...i didn't see it coming in this piece...but it did kinda pop up...and wrap up in the last like 5 bars..coulda been more develped..again not many mid bar's.. skeme was the usual..good use of multi's on the end words of the rhymes..overall i enjoyed your verse though ...good use of emotions with the father charecter..how he jumped to conclusion's mind automatically started racing..something anyone with a chick could relate to. i've been there and i've done that i ran away...and i've come back but before i could unpack.... it starts over....enough crap i've thumb tacked too many sticky notes and written many quotes but any hope i ever had... never lasted...into smoke...<---fav bars.. pain - lool...some of them fonts fucked me up..especially the big bold white verse...i prolly need glasses or something though.....interesting story on how god is telling this guy he is to be the leader after the book of revelations takes place....the end really fucked me up though...i thought i was gonna see the armageden..instead it ended kinda flat with some god just plays games and has fun with our lives type shit...seem'd a lil drawn out to me also....some good imagery though...flow'd nice.some use of multi's... i liked the first 2 bars alot though...with the whole stuttering in text thing ...see see seeking the faithful...<-- lol that was creative.. I awoke, and looked up at the sky, I cried for every mind as crumbled as mine, And with the thunder up high, I laid my head back down, Fuckin' dreams, I wish I coulda left that out...<--fav .. votes _ 1 atheist--just that story alone really blew me away...much props.. 2-vern - also a fairly good story...and better mechanics...but it didn't floor me like ath's did... 3 pain- story was there but i didn't like how it ended..kinda dragged..and your mechanics weren't enough to slide you into second.. __________________ NO COMMENT....YOU CAN QUOTE ME ON THAT... Last edited by Jimmy Eles; 08-15-2008 at 11:58 AM.

08-15-2008, 04:04 PM	#11 (permalink)
.:Pain:. Right In Your Ass... Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Upstate, NY Posts: 4,617	Wtf? Well within the year I'm gonna record, and show you exactly how shameful your flows all are compared to mine. Votes go here... __________________ I don't mind, not bein' known, But bein' an example that will only be cloned, I don't mind, bein' myself, Even if it holds me from possible wealth... O.G. Bad Guy Myspace Still Blazin Bitches...

08-15-2008, 04:13 PM	#12 (permalink)
-Atreyu- Zulu Warrior Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Lost Angels-Destroying The Illusions Designed To Decieve Us. Posts: 6,079	Insane battle as I stated earlier...here goes nothing: .:Pain:. - You bitch!You stole my idea!Nah j/p you didnt steal It, but I was either going to write about such a philosophy this week,or next week,about us being in gods movie...now im gonna have to flip it... Your verse flowed extremely well with the beat...i read it to a youtube version and it came out dope.The font change would have worked,had you chosen a better font that wasnt so hard on the eyes but besides that a near flawless verse.The flow was off at some points but I suppose thats subjective.The ending drew everything together and really sewed the story up: "But none of them know, that they're puppets and pawns, God is neither good nor evil; he's just lovin' what's on, He sits on the throne, and he smiles a lot, As he watches the movie, while writin' the plot," Pain=A ------------------------------------------------ Atheist- Usually when I read storys written by folks on here my mind starts to wander,but that was not the case with this story at all...I absolutely could not stop reading until the end.The flow confused me at a lot of points but the substance was great. Atheist=A --------------------------------------------------------------- Vern Acular- Story telling at its best...the twist was the dopest ive read in a very long time.The flow was cool and sort of stumbling at some points but I made it through.I have no beef with this piece except I thought you could have built it up just a little bit more,it needed that extra edge for the calibre of this 3 way battle. Vern=A- ---------------------------------------------------- Rankings- Pain/Atheist-A Vern-A- Pain and Atheist tie...but for my vote...I have to go with: Vote-Atheist His verse was more personal,and although I really felt pains verse...I cant vote for it because Ive thought of the idea and I think i could flip it better.Peace! __________________ [b]Rstls' Beatse. Black Gods.