[DF:WK5] Eye-Rime vs SacriFICE (Vote!)

[Lucifa]

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Down To Business.
This Match-Up is between:
In Rank Order

Eye-Rime
Active Worth: 004pts
Vs.
SacriFICE
Active Worth: 005pts

Good Luck Ladies.
Prove Your Worth

[Quriosity]

here, alternate.

1] [DF:WK5] basic|s|kill vs 3-Planes (Vote!)
2] [DF:WK5] Saga vs Lucifa (Vote!)
3] [DF:WK5] Red Contenders : Got Life? vs Bonnie Bathory (Vote!)
4]
5]http://board.rapmusic.com/rapmusics-storytelling-league/1110374-df-wk5-championship-scatterboxx-vs-pain-vote.html

[SacriFICE]

[DF:WK5] Chin Kwon vs Khoi NguJin (Vote!)
[DF:WK5] MC Guttso vs Sound (Vote!)
[DF:WK5] CHAMPIONSHIP : Scatterboxx vs .:Pain:. (Vote!)
[DF:WK5] CONTENDERSHIP : Vern Acular vs Atheist (Vote!)

Vote, please.

[SacriFICE]

Ah, fuck it... if I don't post it now, I'll forget. Stoners unite.

Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I can't be sure. - Albert Camus

|

I just entered a place, exit of space, separate tastes,
better for never expecting the pace, pressure and haste;
meant to escape. Whenever the place is ready for change,
get ready to play, forever and stay:

A message encrypted with letters and diction,
became what we call intellectualism.
The space that we saw, we collected and listed;
in basics and flaws, and metals and prisms,
and better opinions, cleverly written.
It takes me too long: an 'expert's' decision.
Pathetic submissive attempts at a quicker success,
and the different attempts gave missions to enter division.
And central to this, is never admitting
your efforts for winning are deadly and menacing.
Genesis tendencies; then belief enters me,
then its free membership, benefits, betterment,
separate-agendas get shredded and targeted:
skin of the "Heavens," embedded in Art and Myth.

I bet it was hard to miss.

The efforts for pleasure and Martyr's-script,
extended apart and ripped, a harder hit, a larger ship.
Technology following marksmanship;
now I can press the buttons.
Red and lush with men and bloodless henchmen trusting
the rest of the bunches of headless and blunted
extensions of us: get entered and much of the stress
is bludgeoned to death, "What a success!"
What if the son of another son, of another Sun,
appeared, in front of a nest of years?
Another one here, the glisten and shine.
Another reality: minute of time.
A 'jiffy,' and split of a fine, mineral, twined
within a design so intricate my,
description of this isn't finished but, fine.
Just think of the matrix, think of the changes,
think of the mazes, dangers and famous,
saviors and crazy neighbors and flavors you've tasted.
The way it arranges, the sameness, explain this:

The aim is to chain your fate to your...

hatred?

Nothing is more sad than the death of an illusion - Arthur Koestler

| |

The yin and the yang... the click and the BANG,
the stinging, the pain that rings in your brain.
And you know that all it takes is a singular change,
but you sit in your cage, sing to your 'faves',
dreaming for a minimum wage, a couple more shifts then a raise,
so maybe you can sit in the rays.
You touch the floor, committed to change,
the sun claws your back, your finger tips in the waves.
It comes crawling back, "fuck falling flat",
the rush when the lust or the surge of emotion,
veins ripple like turbulent, potent, circuit explosions.
The circus is open! Please begin turning your focus,
see the kids! Surf to the solstice,
watch your face cripple beneath the weight.
The Earth and it's oceans. Ascend the bonds,
of reality and as God you can tend the ponds.
But no, they say to "Get a job!
So you get a job,
now we have rent-a-cops and, and better pot.

See the brain, in your brain... See it's pain?

There you are!

I see you in the station!

Come be the train!

aim: sacrificemcee

[Quriosity]

“ Ma’... ”

Miss Emily Jane, she was a stallion to most
A pinup gal that whole battalions would boast
Yet stunningly simple, without a bag or a tote
Unfamiliar with cities and their factory smoke
Just happy and so she'd laugh as she spoke
Since smiling is the only craft she promotes
Thick curly locks, gold as medallions on coats
Of decorated Marines, all that magically hoped
To grab the girl for which they'd gladly elope
But only one would get to pass and encroach
A dimpled boy, soft as the ass that he groped
My Dad, according to the past that she wrote

They were just kids, kissing on park benches
Under the stars, making wishes as dark inches
Their lustful eyes wandered and parts stiffened
While warm bodies pondered with stark senses
And sparked interests soon led to a bare back
A rare pact, with legs spread as he stared back
Grappling tight as she straddled her knight
Gushing from deep within, a fanatical night
And I spat at the sight of Ma’ caressing a male
Cos soon, I saw my own depression prevail
As obsession unveiled a deepened attraction
For Ma’, through a steepened detachment

Naked in amber waves, creeping through ashes
Cheek against the heat, seeping from gashes
My soul concealing feelings of a secretive passion
Watching him burn alive, frequently laughing
If she knew, she’d think I must be mad or insane
Or deranged, but Ma's is all I ever had to sustain
Plus, my mind had drew attached to her frame
So my brain considered every facet to blame
But no casket would claim the life of her man
No. I had planned for several nights in my van
So, before I burned him by igniting the cans
I ripped off his skin with my knife and my hands
Leaving red smears on the side of my pants
Mixed with chunks from slicing his glands
Without sliding, I stand to admire my work
As his pink muscles bled, so exciting at first
Next, I ripped his meat fast with my tweezers
Body convulsing like he’s having a seizure
Then, I broke it up in halves with my beater
And put ‘em in labeled Ziploc bags for the freezer
Finally, I broke his bones and for the fatal attack
I gouged his eyes and then I ate ‘em for snacks

Years later and still her heart was distressed
So often, we’d walked the park where they met
And I’d talk and always start to confess
But never finished, cos I’m partly possessed
And she was mute since the day that she heard
Now all she’d ever do was play with the birds
By feeding them crumbs, flavored with herbs
With a look of disgust and disfavor, disturbed
From the fact that I was ecstatic at times
Even after he suffered the most tragic of crimes
But I grinned, laying the picnic cloth on the grass
Holding the basket I brought with the stash
Force feeding sandwiches with mayo to please
Packed with his pink meat, tomato and cheese
“A family again,” I thought, cracking a smile
“I hope the crumbs of skin'll last for awhile.”



Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday; I can't be sure.
ALBERT CAMUS

[Got Life?]

I'll break down Q's verse first since I'm reading it now being that I read Sac's earlier this week...

Q - umm...wow I hate you...this entire verse could do w/o most of this...it's so rigid...so forced...god damn...so much of the wording here is just damn near awful and unnecessary...instead of getting into the character i'm sitting here wondering why the fuck you used this word or that...also break out of this mold where your verse fits in this perfect rectangle...it makes the flow so monotonous that it's unbearable...I felt like a drone reading this...the gore was vivid, the concept towards the end not bad...but the whole verse was overshadowed with the fact that everything building up to the conclusion was a muck...you could have done the same verse in 40-50 bars with more natural wording and probably won over some voters being that they wont necessarily get sac's piece...instead you fucked it up...blah, maybe i'm being over the top, but that's just how I feel about this, I really felt this to be a chore.

Sac - it's a pleasure to be reading your verses again...your mechanics/flow/scheme are so fucking smooth and yet you never sacrifice it for content...well lets say that you didn't this time around as i've seen you do it before...but this piece was great...there was a lot of similar debate this week ironically and I think that'll help people be in the mindset to appreciate this piece...the changes in man and what I got from it is really to be the change you want to see in the world...don't fall for the globalized trap where we're farming cubicle drones...I share similar philosophies with you on this point and that makes this a more enjoyable read for me as well...or maybe that's just what i'm pulling from this piece as what I really love about it is everyone can pull away something different from it, great job.

Q was outmatched here by far superior mechanics and a verse that captivated more interest.

vote = Sac.

[3-Planes]

'FICE

technical wizardry, subtle vowel shifts, callbacks and some of the most complex rhyme-heavy schemes i've seen in written form (while still maintaining a flow that is razor sharp as well as a superb level of wording).. just navigating through this sparked thoughts and imagery in my hungover brain, very vivid - this piece managed the paradox of being in-your-face and subtle at the same time.. i could point out a questionable word choice here and there but this was, in essence, flawless..

Q

here's the thing, your flow is excellent (top-tier of the current line-up in this league) but it came off as dull in comparison.. won't hold that against you as this was by all means mechanically fluid and well-crafted.. the wording was iffy throughout (then again above verses i've already read and critiqued where didn't nearly as harsh feedback) - another tale of interest (that wasn't very interesting to me) - i'd be lying if i said i liked this piece where a few nice visuals was the only thing to grab my attention

this is an easy vote, i basically see this as a massacre

vote: SacriFICE

[SacriFICE]

I'm sorry, but I have to up this.

[Chin Kwon]

Sacrifice

Man, reading this verse made me feel stupid. Despite the superior flow, i have NO IDEA what ur talking about. It just seems like a bunch of words jumble together to rhyme. There were hints of social commentaries but it wasn't tangible enough for me to grasp. And after reading thru ur comments in threads, i knew you were one of the deeper thinker and i knew there had to be more to this piece; besides everyone else seems to like it. But sorry man, i couldn't get into this because i couldn't really take nothing out of it besides the flow and rhyme schemes. And that's after reading 4 times. That's why i didn't want to vote on this battle, cause it wouldn't really be fair to you. But it needed voting.


VS


Quriosity

Ok, this was definitely easier to follow because of the linear storyline. A visceral tale about a momma's boy. I'm not sure about force rhyming as the other guys have stated as i did move through it rather naturally. The story itself was not the most interesting read, but the motive was pretty provocative; almost close to a taboo as the character displayed borderline sexual desire for his 'Ma'. But with all that aside, again, this was just another murder story that i'm getting really tired of.


Vote = Quriosity. This was a bit unfair as i didn't think i fully understood Sacrifice's verse. Despite his obvious superior flow, Q just gave me more, from a reader's pov. I'm a topical guy so im definitely feelin guilty about this one. Especially when Q's story wasn't all that great to begin with.

[Atheist]

Fuck, I’m really pushed for time for voting this week.

So my votes are going to be a little shorter.

Sacrifice:
This was splendidly written. The mechanics and general flow were outstanding, and the content itself never wavered, even though the strict writing techniques you incorporated put a lot of pressure on you to include substance that may have seemed forced in order to fit the rhyme scheme. I’m glad this did not happen, and your writing is really impressed and has done over the past couple of weeks. Brilliant read.

Favourite lines:
A message encrypted with letters and diction,
became what we call intellectualism.
The space that we saw, we collected and listed;
in basics and flaws, and metals and prisms,
and better opinions, cleverly written.
It takes me too long: an 'expert's' decision.

Eye-Rime:
The mechanics and general writing style were not as good as Sac’s, but what you lacked in those departments you made up for with outstanding content. The way you described each scenario was well done, and you never sacrificed the content to fit the flow or writing style. Everything seemed so easy and really fit together incredibly well. You’ve done an awesome job here.

Favourite Lines:
My soul concealing feelings of a secretive passion
Watching him burn alive, frequently laughing
If she knew, she’d think I must be mad or insane
Or deranged, but Ma's is all I ever had to sustain
Plus, my mind had drew attached to her frame
So my brain considered every facet to blame
But no casket would claim the life of her man
No. I had planned for several nights in my van





Vote: Eye-Rime.

I thought that Sac came with outstanding mechanics and great content, but Eye-Rime came with the better substance, in my opinion. I think he had a great story that was developed nicely and fully, and it really gripped my attention right to the end. Therefore, I gave Eye-Rime the vote, just for a generally more enjoyable story.

[_KDP_]

lol @ chin kwon... i felt the exact same way. i'm a pretty smart cat, but Sac must be on some ol Steven Hawkings shit because i read that piece a couple times n couldn't make up or down on this piece. obviously the skillset is there, mechanically flawless... but i can't pretend to have liked a verse i didn't get.

eye-rime, the only reason your verse wasn't top notch mechanically were because of what you were up against. any other week i feel you would have been better than your opponent in that regard. i'm not a fan of your concept but i give kudo's for your execution of it. it was a pretty long read, not so much for the amount of bars you used but for the small amount of original content in that many bars.

vote - eye-rime. i knew what he was talking about.

[.:Pain:.]

Sac - Despite being hard to follow, this was a great piece to read. Your cadence and your rhyme scheme really always make for an enjoyable read, but the content really made this enjoyable. I love how subtle and abstract your wording is, I'm not sure if it's because of the rhyme scheme or in spite of it, because they always fit into the rhyme scheme, but are really hard to follow and decipher at times. The topical was great though, a very enjoyable read and really enjoyed the theme of your verse.

Q - A much more linear piece of writing. Flow was on point, real smooth, but I would've liked to see you switch it up inside up verse. Your rhyme scheme was fine, nothin' to say about it, it worked real well for the piece. Content wise I found the lack of emotion portrayed very problematic for my interest level. Your story kinda progressed like this, "First this happened, then this, then this, then this," and so on and so forth. There was little to no flair in your piece to peak my interest level. I thought the plot itself was cool, I really enjoyed it, I just wish you included a lot more imagery, emotion, and maybe an anecdote or two to add more personality to the characters.

Vote - Sacrifice, great battle though fellas...

[Lucifa]

lol .. I've read the votes and have to agree with Chin and KDP to an extent ..

Sac - this was real nice to read .. some great multi use and the flow was fluid as fuck .. a real pleasure to read .. however .. a lot seemed mished mashed purely for the sake of the multi .. I wasn't totally bedazzled by the content as I saw social comment within the fancy tricks .. but I felt it was a little disjointed and as I said .. it felt too much like that is the fault of you pushing the scheme and flow with some random multi rhyming .. impressive writing but the content wasn't so encapsulating ..

Eye - easier to understand for sure .. but then this was a story as opposed to Sac's topical verse .. I'm surprised (yet unsurprised given your opponent's name) that GL? wasn't feeling this verse .. it has his approach to telling this kind of story .. only a different style of writing .. of which I think your mechanics and flow were fine .. but saying that .. some of the read was dragged out at times with some needless lines .. I also think it maybe lacked some elements of storytelling with visuals and such .. but all in all it was a good read and although stretched some .. the content was fairly entertaining ..

Vote = Eye-Rime .. I see reason for both of you to win this match-up but I'm giving my vote to the content .. I just think for me .. Q gave me something I could get my teeth in to .. Sac floored Q as far as the writing goes .. but as nice as it was to read, the content was a little all over the place with the thread of the piece lost too often within the mechanics .. good match ..

[Jimmy Eles]

sac - your mechanics are off the hook...as usual....everything...skeme was dope..use of multi's..and sometime when people use that many multi's they sacrifice the flow but you didn't because it went along nice and smooth and was a enjoyable read...i also got the story...if you can call it that it was more of a topical but i enjoyed it...

q - flow was nice....very continuous...almost to perfect...lol.....use of multi;s was there and skeme was normal....far as the storys goes it was good more of a story the sac real good imagery and use of emotions in a few parts..some good gory parts which i always njoy..in the story aspect you got sac..but he had you in mechanics...

usual i tend to vote for story over mechanics but in this case ima make n exception

vote- sac..