[DF:WK5] MC Guttso vs Sound (Vote!)

[Lucifa]

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Down To Business.
This Match-Up is between:
In Rank Order

MC Guttso
Active Worth: 008pts
Vs.
Sound
Active Worth: 005pts

Good Luck Ladies.
Prove Your Worth

[MC Guttso]

check/alternate...is it tuesday already!?

votage:
[DF:WK5] CHAMPIONSHIP : Scatterboxx vs .:Pain:. (Vote!)

[MC Guttso]

The Comeback

The body remembers a past whilst the mind can’t remember itself,
But the memories blast and you become aware of yourself,
Obese an' overwhelmed as she takes a peek at ‘er realm,
Un-eased, twisted; dreamy under that antiqued English Elm.
She cries out to be healed; she wants to be helped,
Yelped at the pain sealed in a bent spine from hell
Disempowered, painted into a corner and trapped
Devoured in a marriage, lost an’ unmapped
Soured by her child, eyes criss-crossed an’ inapt,
Cracked up, smacked as the disease attacked her back
Her son jack hummed “knick-knack, paddy, whack,”
Ran tracks through the field, shaking and hating the ice-pack,
She kept her eye sacks peeled, but the drugs made her mind black.
She felt squeezed from responsibilities and unable to breathe,
She took a long drag of the green, and drifted off in a dream…

He was frail for nineteen; the scenes were darkly obscene,
Jumbled in a serene jungle whilst scoffing tangerines
Humbled by a crumbled dish of beans, rice n peas,
Suddenly, the villagers scream, it seems a machine
Dashes through the sea, full of merchant marines…
An American slave ship for convened African captivity
Firing their clips and other fiendish offensive activity
Scared like shit, dropped his bean dish, obeyed them timidly
He became drowned in the crowd of bodies in the cargo hold
Cowered in the shroud of serfs, he got shoved against the hull,
Clouded, bounded by fear - nudged into a nail through the skull,
Flapped like a goose to get loose, his blood cruised an' oozed like apple juice,
He tried to ensue; it proved no use with all the hustle bustle and scary abuse
He was young and terror he consumed, took an eternity to die from his wound.

Impaled in utter agony, why the fuck did this happen to me?
It was agreed; his small figure killed him sadly so tragically
Back was twisted, compressed, deformed to conform to the curved hull
She pre-existed, she assessed she was the boy of nineteen years old
That’s why she was fat with a fucked back, always felt squeezed and trapped,
She lets out a gasp and awakes for the comeback…

Fresh breeze under the elm tree she felt pleased and
At peace with what she had dreamed and perceived
Her body was beautifully slender with no curved spine,
She lovingly saw her son’s intelligent splendorous mind,
Her marriage was fine, husband sublime, so kind,
He sung sweet sensual rhymes in fields of thyme,
Bells chimed, as you rewind the transmission of time
To resolve conflict its key to let the past remind -
Of not the strife and the sad crimes - but of
WHAT MATTERS IN PRESENT LIFE.

[Sound]

droppin now, won't be able to later.

The Comeback

Joe, from birth, nigga that loved women
big cars, rims, dude was dub wheelin'
glamourous life, asked himself, whats missin'?
perfection - so he stuck to drug dealin'
said "cash is like ass.. I just have to grab"
ro a rich mindstate is what he had to have
"fuckn a family, only thing I'm makin is money
the world is mine, & ain't nobody takin it from me"
his entire future, is evident - impaired
turned a clear vision of heaven to a glare
sold that supply from the dawn til night
traded his pride a ride, then pawned his life
made a mistake, cause friends are friendly at most
decided he would just keep his enemies close
a raid - busted, had twelve cops in his place
glock on his waist, so a jake got shot in the face
a downfall amongst all, such a sight to see
said "the others can rat.. but i'll never bite the cheese"
could've had another path, live a life in the burbs
tried to be all he could be.. & put his life on reserve
you know how it is, others are snitchin of course
funny what people will do for a little reward
twenty years in a box which bottled his soul
a pill of disgust, and he had to swallow it whole..

..prison was a breeze, no damage or scars
as if he was a child on a bike, he handled the bars
the years passed, and he had salvaged a plot
earned a trip to the hood, now he's back on the block
promised his mother he'd stay out of trouble
instead in search of who took em' away from the hustle
only pursuing whats in his soul & his heart
but first he had to get himself clothes & a car
its what gangsas do for those gangsta things
fresh haircut, chain, and a gangsta lean
drove by the block, some where slingin' the rock
rollin dice, and even some were drinkin' a lot
a lot of niggas say that they're keepin the peace
and a lot of niggas say that they're keepin the piece
he chose one, no need to be said
"today is the day someone will eat on the lead"
but, he knew that this act won't work
cause for a plan to proceed, you need back up first
cruised down to Rob and Ty's place
two acquaintances with the same mindstate
that was down for whatever, to shoot was their art
birth brought them together, & death would do them apart..

..this was a plan that'd double their dimes
picked up some mac's, & a couple of nines
rolled by the spot, they were firin' gats
not to think the enemy wasn't firin' back
Rob & Ty jumped out, tryin' to show love
for a friend, yet ended up dyin' in cold blood
Joe drove away, & the shit was discrete
"..be damned is a nigga ever snitchin on me
Ty told just so he would only get four
& Rob co-signed just to make his bid short
and, that snitchin gimmick just isn't for me
but I now have the victory, mission complete.

..rest in piece"

[Sound]

links go here.

1. [DF:WK5] Saga vs Lucifa (Vote!)

[Got Life?]

wooh...

more fun times...

lets get to the voting...

Guttso - I don't know why you went away from shorter bars, they are more friendly...anyhow, structure aside lets get into the meat of this...the rhyme scheme really lacked this week and was overly simplistic...the other thing that didn't bode with me well about this piece is it never really developed the characters properly...your mechanics failed you...there were some extremely poorly worded metaphors...imagery was really a notch down because of that...you took topics that could have been very emotional and hit on quite well and instead left a sour taste in my mouth...I have to say this is the worst piece I've read from you...and wow how stretched some of those lines got...flow and pace suffered severely from this...the ending also came out of nowhere...this piece was not cohesive at all...I'll stop now as I don't want to rant anymore.

Sound - Normally I hate pieces like this...it's so 50 cent movie...all the gangsta bullshit and what not...I can't stand it really, the thing that saved you was probably the fact that I read guttso's piece first and how broken up and clouded that piece was, yours had a moment of shine...it did flow wel and you kept pretty on point...the whole piece was just so predictable and boring...you offered really nothing to the genre and just kept with cliches...

it's really hard for me to pick a winner here because i didn't like either verse...it comes down to which verse I disliked least I guess and I'll give that to...

vote = Sound.

[Lucifa]

Guttso - argh! @ you not reaching the short term potential I saw a few weeks back .. I'm surprised you haven't got a win yet but this week is the weakest verse I've seen from you .. maybe next week you will get that win under your belt and a platform to build from .. what I've liked about your previous works has been the focus on the storytelling first and the mechanics not too far behind .. this verse however was confusing in both aspects .. the mechanics weren't saying much and the content was a little bland IMO .. didn't really get in to it .. a step back that hopefully you'll bounce back from next week ..

Sound - religious pieces are my pet hate .. behind that is definitely the 'hood' style talk in verses .. however .. this was at least a story with a plotline as opposed to the open mic style hood/gangsta verse (usually about the writer) .. so I can forgive the setting of this story and I did think it was a decent story itself .. I liked the "handle bars" line .. nice .. the story wasn't really creative and definitely not original .. but in this match-up it was enough ..

Vote = Sound ..

[3-Planes]

guttso

this piece was, how shall i put this, clumsy and unfocused.. sloppily written with choppy mechanics (it felt like i stumbled through this piece), overall devoid of grace and flair.. the syntax was unnatural and too wordy, felt like you babbled on and added one syllable inners to try and save the flow, but alas.. conceptually this was straggling and ended with a conclusion that felt pretty random (and forced)

sound

..did just enough to win, but not much more.. to be honest, i thought this was garbage.. but you wrote with just enough clarity and a polished enough flow (good in places, but overall pretty 'meh') to win this match up.. i remember you writing a piece that i thought was pretty good, but this was.. terrible

vote: Sound

[Cormier]

hmmm

Guttso- i actually liked the first 4-6 lines, but it was downhill from there. the first thing that comes to mind is the word "forced." i think it lends itself to both your mechanics and the story itself. i think the rhymes and flow were quite choppy and at times forced, especially when the lines got long and stretched and you tried to force them to flow with little basic inners. i appreciate the attempt at inners because often they get overlooked and left out, but the inners you had just weren't enough to save the forced lines. Also, i think your ending was forced and a bit random. i think if developed more the ending would be a little bit easier to swallow, but with what you have here i didn't like it. last week you posted a pretty nice piece against me that i enjoyed and this week you posted something that was a chore to read all of the way to the end.

Sound- no creativity at all. no creativity in the story and none in the writing. i don't really like when people use street slang in topicals, i think it's a cheap way to force words to rhyme. however, in your case with this story and the point of view it was told from i can let it slide. however, this piece just did nothing for me. the story was boring, the concept was played and the writing was bland. i mean it flowed and rhymed ok for the most part, but it was really just "meh" to me. however, you had a clear and concise story that wasn't as forced as Guttso's, so you barely win this battle.

VOTE= Sound

[SacriFICE]

Mmmhmm...

Vote: Sound

Guttso... I think the idea behind the piece was good and the attempt at developing the story was the best part. Where you seemed to have fallen apart here is a slight breakdown in transition from event to event. Also, the rhyming was a bit flimsy... the single syllable inner thing works but the trick is to add flare and originality to your word choices. That or base the inners around more substantial rhyme-concepts to alleviate the attention that is paid by the reader to the awkward progression from idea to idea. Story wise it was a good idea, and the imagery was vivid. Sound wins this for me, not because his story was excellent, but it was clear, with clear progression and consistent flow. But I have to admit, the story failed to draw me and succeeded in just becoming a comparison in a competition of two seemingly undeveloped ideas. Sound, I'd say this piece would have been more enjoyable had you attempted a bit more originality in it's concept, and molded the cliche' into something with a bit more depth.

Vote: Sound

Good luck.

[Jimmy Eles]

sound - cliche piece on that street thug shit....nothing out of the ordinary that seperate this piece from anything else written about the same subject..ending kinda just popped up...but beside alll that it was well told..good use of multi's..not many mid bars..skeme was regular..

guttso...skeme was simple....no multi use at all...or maybe a little but still not much..and not many mid bars to make up for the lack off multi's..which is something i can understand doing and would still add to the skeme...the story was okay but it wasn't enough to save you from the bad mechanics..

vote sound

[TeKneeK]

woww... shocking turnout...

i preferably wouldve thought SOund's short line scheme would've been a weakness but it seems like the brief, storytelling style really pulled thru in this.. and i honestly believe the way guttso is gettin his critiques is like HUH? ... i thought guttso's wordplay and scheme was pleasing to read... i dont know about it being forced.. i rarely seen it... point being.. from two different approaches in the verse... i dug GUTTSO's wordplay... but also felt this was closer than expected... however i do agree sound's storytelling caught me more and made me appreciate it in higher interest

vote - sound

[Quriosity]

Sound wins, 7-0