[DF:WK5] Blue Contenders : Cormier vs nom de plume. (Vote!)

[Lucifa]

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Down To Business.
This Match-Up is between:
In Rank Order

Cormier
Active Worth: 010pts
Vs.
nom de plume.
Active Worth: 007pts

Good Luck Ladies.
Prove Your Worth

[Cormier]

hello ma'am.

alternate for the fuck of it

[nom de plume.]

'ello precious.

alternate i guess?

[Cormier]

may i pretty please with sugar on top have an extension?

[nom de plume.]

eh.
i need the extension as well eh.
if granted.
i'll edit my verse here.

[Cormier]

Tapping into the style of Douglas Adams a little here. TOPIC= How can you expect to be rescued if you don’t put first things first and act proper? - William Golding


It was a sunny afternoon; another lazy day
A warm and bright end to another hazy May
Well, what we would call May, but back then
They really didn’t have months, in fact when
This story takes place, there wasn’t even spoken words
No chance to hear a noun and certainly no hope for verbs
There’s no humans; not a single girl or guy exists
Only animals, and dinosaurs ruled with an iron fist
Well, to be honest their fists in truth were scales
Or leathery skin, so we’ll say they ruled with tooth and nail
Yes, that sounds better, but now I’m getting side-tracked
Let’s rewind back to the start, before I let my mind lapse

Now, where was I before my mind strayed away?
Ah yes: Its was a sunny afternoon; another lazy day
As Luther, a T-Rex, snacked on leftover brachiosaurus
He saw something black fall with a crack in the forest
He thought nothing of it; he just ignored the rustle
And went back to his breakfast of pectoral muscle
Then from the forest emerged some tiny creatures
Who were garnered with some of the finest features
Luther had ever seen; they were gray and bipedal
With bulging black eyes; all in all it was 5 people
He didn’t know what aliens were, that is really true
So of course he just saw them as an easy meal or two
He charged at them with all of his monstrous weight
A light flashed and he fell into an unconscious state
(Now of course this was completely unknown to Luther
But he’d been hit with a halt ray from their photon shooter)
They drugged Luther before he started getting hostile
Nomian drugs that kept him lethargic and quite docile
They performed tests on him over the next several months
Hoping to see his intelligence improve, but never once
Did his little IQ exhibit even the most faint raise
They used the Wigmar bug, which fed on brain waves
And they were all left in a state of tired wonder
When three days later, the bug just died of hunger
Every second Luther was watched and observed
Daily they flashed images right to his ocular nerve
Then tested to see if he could predict what he’d see next
Which he would always fail because he was a T Rex
The Nomians ran these tests on many beasts
For twenty weeks, and not once received any piece
Of data that could be seen as the fruit of their labor
Every specimen just acted with a clueless behavior
Stupid by nature, the animals of Earth were useless
Our visitors found no genius; no worthy muses
But the aliens were the truly stupid ones in my mind
They tried to turn a T Rex into the next, well first, Einstein
But they knew nothing about our insignificant planet
So the mistake can be contributed to ignorance, can’t it?
They built a bomb to kill the Earth’s plant and meat-eaters
(Look it up, it was an alien bomb, not a meteor)
They left the explosive and bests and flew back to Nom
Leaving Luther curious about the crudely fashioned bomb
When he reached it the short countdown had just begun
Unsure what it was, something told him it was nothing fun
The timer said 4 seconds, which of course was truly bad
But this fired up brain synapses he never knew he had
At 2 seconds, for the first time in his life he clearly thought
And reached an enlightenment the Nomians so dearly sought
At 1 second, his mouth actually opened up and muttered
What sounded like Nomian word for “Motherfucker…….”

The bomb blew, and the Nomians didn’t find it worth running
Back until pharaohs wanted to compensate for shortcomings……….

[nom de plume.]

I sold stolen stones as polished pebbles
Lived life as an honoured rebel
A rotten petal in a forgotten hotel
The masses bought it as this rose fell
They didn’t know that they owned hell
Every hero lives a choked tale
Pennies lost and traded whole sale
Another comic whose jokes fail
A dreams so frail, to behold from a distance
A cheap tart wearing red lipstick
Another miss-print on their time lines
Blanked out with a white lie
A good bye to their life and love
Only weeks until the time’s up
A blind lust for new beginnings
Sea shanties stung my ears
A clear villain

We left London with heavy hearts
The sun shone as a lepers scar
A heaven starred with no angels
A past with no halo
I asked for no fables
We raze sharks with no sails broke
They mailed hope home with tied fingers
Discussing new lives as time lingers
I spoke in shy whispers
A trite sinner
Reviled killer
A tired pillar for the poor and rich
Their life fabric, so flawed a stitch
Coarse and ripped
A thwarted kiss
On mother natures tortured lips

My lies lay at their feet
The obvious traitor to see
You’ve got to pay for your dream
Rough sewn forests replacing the scenes
Where my passengers’ utopia lay
Eyes shone wary as they froze in the bay
Every penny a token of shame
Another rose in the drain
I was berated for most of the day
While my heart sung a hopeful refrain
Heads hung long, I was posing the same
I was regarded with a broken dismay
But they signed up and I lead true
Every illusion is successful
I turn with a smile, a shrug
Tell my passengers I’ve filled a void
Welcome to Poyais

Nothing is more sad than the death of an illusion - Arthur Koestler.

[Vern Acular]

comier...

this was actually one of the better verses i've read in a while the rhyme scheme was good and the story flowed well from beginning to end, it just kept me interested, i liked the fact you took what happened to the prehistoric age and put a creative twist on it, the end wasn't that good but it worked, i think it's funny you named t-rex luther but other than that this was a very solid creative verse, good job


nom...


well let me be the first to say i honestly had no idea what Poyais was so I had to look it up reread your verse and was like,.....ohhhh ok, now i get it, basically with that statement i just wanna say it may not have been smart to do a verse about poyais because i doubt a lot of people will know much about it or even who McGregor was...anyway as for the verse i think the poetic vibe to it was great, the short bar style with the multi-syllabic rhyme gave it character and it was just a good read, i like verses that are pretty much an analogy throughout the body leading to the end when you get a little twist describing what the hell you were talking about, so with that said without the ending the verse would've been just ok honestly, but after researching and re-rading, i tip my hat to you sir


overall...

well i felt it was only fair to re-read cormiers verse again considering i did the same with nom, and after further review, i have to VOTE - NOM...it was a tough decision because Cormier had an excellent verse and this was evenly match as i said above i liked the creativity and it was a nice verse but i just appreciated nom's verse slightly better, the little things like the alliteration at the beginning set it off, but props to both, this will go either way and i see this coming down to the last vote...good job

[.:Pain:.]

Cormier - This was probably the most creative well-executed piece I've read in a good long while. The rhyme scheme and flow were pretty simple, but at the same were really perfect for the story. The progression is what I liked the most, you have a way of explaining things but leaving certain things out that would help the reader predict what's gonna happen, so the reader tends to be very into it and kept interested the whole time. I really liked how this piece ended, I really thought it would end and the dinosaurs would all be dead which would've been cool, but the last two lines were the perfect cap to your verse, and really added to how enjoyable this read was.

Nom - No idea what Poyois is, you shoulda included a link for it, cuz that woulda made your piece a lot more enjoyable. I've never really liked your flow, but I've always liked your rhyme scheme, and honestly that was what made reading your verse so smooth. I would like to see your lines be a little longer, just to add to the fluidity of the read. Overall the story was pretty good, I just related it to the conquistadors n other european settlers in America and it seemed to work pretty well. Overall a good verse, but I would've like more explanation, more detail, and I would've liked you to make the theme a little bit heavier and more prevalent throughout the piece.

Vote - Cormier...

[Jimmy Eles]

nom - not gone a lie..like other dudes said a link woulda helped cause it went over my head a lil bit..get the besic concepts and alll.....nicely wriiten...very poetic....pretty much the exzact opposite of cormiers style.....flo was so sos skeme was tight...

cormier- i really enjoy reading your stuff ...cause youwrite very good storys...flow was damn near flawless......skeme was the usual....multis....story was very well thought out n original though...good twist on how the dinosaurs really died....maybe ....lol @ him being luther...


vote cormier...- this is the story telling league..had a better story ....also beter flow

[Cormier]

[DF:WK5] Red Contenders : Got Life? vs Bonnie Bathory (Vote!)
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[DF:WK5] Saga vs Lucifa (Vote!)
[DF:WK5] MC Guttso vs Sound (Vote!)
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[Chin Kwon]

Cormier

A very nice and entertaining story. LOL at the alien bomb! Nice twist on the theory. Flow was dope. However the problem i had with this verse was ironically one of the strength: The POV. You get creative points for managing to speak from the view of a dinosaur but, as stated in ur story, he wasn't that intelligent. I don't know how he was able to assess his situation with that deep of an observation. But at this point, it's just nit picking because this was an enjoyable story.


VS


nom de plume

I was really diggin this story. I'm familiar with Macgregor so i think u did an exceptional job at transferring his claim to fame to text. The flow was ill and i liked how you managed to sort of give reason to why people were so eager to believe Macgregor and his tales...

They mailed hope home with tied fingers

Also this was probably the best interpretation of that specific topic this week, to me. It definitely summed the verse. Even though it's not really you, it did have this appealing introspective feel about it. One that's not forced in any way. Dope.


Vote = This is my pick for battle of the week. I loved Cormier's imageries and overall concept but i thought NDP's verse had all that and more. And the way he played so appropriately to the topic made it that much better. My vote goes to NDP

[Lucifa]

good match-up ..

Corm - this was a pretty entertaining verse .. a light hearted story that showed imagination .. I found the writing to be pretty standard with a mundane flow .. this could be because I just read KDP vs Lotus and SacriFICE vs Eye-Rime who all had really enjoyable mechanics to their writing .. the content was the force behind this verse though (as it should be IMO) and like I said .. it was quite entertaining .. but .. not so interesting for me .. a cool verse in general ..

nom - ok .. so I ran to Wiki cos I'm fick .. lol .. and well .. I can imagine you actually read the same page I just did before you wrote the verse .. I do like how you write your verses based around factual content with your own interpreation of events .. and how you word that shit is a real pleasure to read .. it's a double edged sword though as a fair few voters would not bother doing some quick research to fully grasp the content and you can shoot yourself in the foot by using some slightly obscure historical events/characters .. the verse here suffers from a need to know basis in regards to Poyais and MacGregor .. but after reading what Wiki had to offer I felt you did the subject matter justice ..

kinda tricky to vote on this one .. Corm's was easy going and light heartedly entertaining to read .. whilst Nom's was an elegant read with some nice poetics and once the concept is understood more it shines that bit brighter .. but .. should I have to research a topic to fully appreciate a piece? .. hmmm ..

Vote = nom de plume. .. I do think you need to be careful when your content lends itself to being understood by only those 'in the know' or those willing to go look up something .. but it was cleverly written considering I did take the time to 'research' the subject at hand .. Corm's was a steady and humourous read but I just really liked how nom went about writing his piece .. very close call though ..

[Khôi NguJin]

cormiier...way to introduce your verse with that opener, gave me a feel for the verse...led it in nicely..interesting take on the topic...i was kinda feeling the whole dinosaur and outerworldy creatures take..you wrote a pretty solid verse, with good mechanics and a pretty good flow..i liked what you did here...really creative, unlike a lot of verses we see now a days that just focus on flow and scheme...

nom de plume....i was feelin' the flow, and i was feelin' the scheme...i really liked how the first stanza seemed like a stream of consciousness, and then you went into story mode in the next stanza....it felt different.quite a few cats did this topic this week, and i think you pulled of a pretty good take on it...i'm not sure who to choose here, but it'll be tough.

i first was thinkin' cormier..but then i was thinkin' ndp.....both had fairly equal verses when taking mechanics and flow into account....

i have to go with ndp after thinking a bit more..it think he had the more compelling verse imo.. v. non de plume

[Quriosity]

Nom de plume. wins, 4-2