[DF:WK5] CHAMPIONSHIP : Scatterboxx vs .:Pain:. (Vote!)

[Lucifa]

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Down To Business.
This Match-Up is between:
In Rank Order

Scatterboxx
Active Worth: 020pts
Vs.
.:Pain:.
Active Worth: 013pts

Good Luck Ladies.
Prove Your Worth

[Scatterboxx]

alternate.

p to the a-i-n, son i'll make 'em doubt'cha name.
i'm like solid snake, yo i'm takin' out the pain.

UGH.

glad to finally face you.
best of luck.

also.
line extension if possible.

i'm bringing back the broken up bars again.

or like to at least.


pwetty pwease?

[.:Pain:.]

^lol you know I don't give a fuck bro, write a novel if you want, just make sure that ass shows up!!!

[Scatterboxx]

{“you want emotional, pain? okay. here’s a true story about yours truly… daniel sheils, a.k.a. scatterboxx, infinite truth, scatt, scatter, scatty, boxx, box, s-box, i.t., it, inf, infy, truth, inf. truth, big bad mother d money what motherfucker.”}

the ride is hell.
i’m strapped in –
constrained – manic -
stripped to the sorry fact i’m fucked –
it’s brain damage.
a very fucked euphoria –
it criss-crossed my mind,
& left me a lost cause –
empty & starry-eyed.
like,
“quick…!
doc…!
a heart attack! urgently,
this patient needs repair.
he needs cardiac surgery.
he hardly has nurture weaved
& woven love - he’s lost his brain!
& there exists a razorblade
that’s made its way
across his veins!”

i rock a whole head of
once lush, now dead love –
yes. plus,
“redrum!”
echoes moaned by ex-fucks.
angels rose swiftly,
but right then they fall from grace.
pain – it grows quickly…
plus it’s smeared across my face…

i lay upon the stretcher.
the day - it dawned forever.
the razor haunts with pressure,
i’m crazy - gone - i’m ember…
dust…
rust…
crust…
lust…
duck…
…motherfucking bloody knuckles.
what.
cyber sons…
you read into the songs that i write?
i stared my father in the eye,
long gone, palming a knife…
you do the math, kid.
i’m unusually tragic….
a crucible’s madness,
yet truly in fashion
beautiful magic.

a couple days before
xmas in the suburbs,
i threw a butcher knife at pops -
missing - now i suffer.

i’m on my way
to a psychiatric hospital
with a mind of static obstacled -
the kind whose path’s impossible.
illogical? prolly…
but my father won’t harm me.
now, i peep a plastic evergreen
in the hospital’s lobby.
i’m all over the place…
can’t you fucking tell?
but what do you expect from a brain
that demands you fucking hell.

people say the hospital…
it made me much better….
i’ve grown into man…?
i’m lately just clever…
but, don’t blame me…
blame the treasure of pride…
you think i’m normal…?
well, you’ve surrendered to lies.









Nothing is more sad than the death of an illusion - Arthur Koestler.

[.:Pain:.]

I decided to take the voter's advice this week as well Scatt, I wrote me a little story NOT about an abused woman...




Beat: Jae Keeps - Begin Anew (in the myspace link in my sig).

Lost Horizens

He was sixteen, head full of them dreams,
In his mind every girl was lookin' at me,
But his eyes were full of sights that he shouldn't have seen,
He washed them away with the love he took from the breeze...

...Another day of class, he walks down the halls,
People screamin', he doesn't hear the shoutin' at all,
He's got weight on his mind, so he's takin' his time,
Cuz he barely can carry it, and take it in stride,
Every face he sees is unchanging, bleak,
No soul in the faces that chase his grief,
Any other day, he'd flow, "Yo!"'s like water,
And entrap a girls heart, when he'd close his locker,
But with what's on his mind, he's cloaked his bother,
Thinkin' of the child he's suppose to father,
"I'm still a kid," as he's thinkin' aloud,
His eyes close and see it's mother linger around,
This one night stand here just might land
a man in the circumstance of gun fight hands,
It's weird, he feels like his life is over,
But it's only begun, soon he'll know only his love...

...The screams in the delivery room turn the winter to June,
For Jesse as he sits in his gloom,
But that's because he's yet to know what it's like,
To look at your child the first time she opens her eyes...

...And so, life resumes, Jesse's high at school,
Thinkin' of his child's smile, god's light in bloom
While Amy is at home nursing her wounds,
The grandmother takes to the birth from her womb,
She whispers little things, little whips of opinion,
Like, as long as I'm alive, you won't live with a sinner,
Your father isn't here, your feeling my hold,
And if he was, what's to stop him from stealing your soul,
He'd probably try to get you to smoke weed with him,
He might try molesting, he's a deviant,
But I'm here, so you won't be needing him,
I'd never let you fall to the demons, miss,
And little Erin laughs an ignorant giggle,
As she squeezes her grandmother's finger a little,
The seed has been sewed, and it will linger around,
That is, as long as Jesse never figures it out...

...Skip five years, all the kids are grown,
Amy is Jesse's nemesis at soul,
But Jesse's gotten wiser, he's onto them now,
Cuz of Erin's lost horizens as she unconciously pouts...

...It's two ten in the morning, Jesse's awake,
Anticipating the love he would never forsake,
As long he can get her away,
From the lies that her mother feeds the breath of his brain,
Erin plagues his mind as he enters the house,
Wearing shoes wrapped in socks to censor the sounds,
First, he enters the master bedroom,
Where Amy's mom sleeps, and rehashes dead tunes,
How to make Erin wanna hate him again,
"We'll say what she hasta to say when she's dead,"
He pulls his knife and puts a crease on her neck,
As she drowns in her blood and puts her screams to an end,
He enters Amy's room, still asleep in her bed,
The scene was perfectly serene till she bled,
She struggled so much that the blood was equalled,
Then she lay there, dieing, cussing evil...

As the road grows wide, the murder scene behind 'em,
That place in the world where serpants eat the sirens,
He says, "It's just us now, n we got lots of time kid,
Time for you to find those lost horizens..."

[Got Life?]

oooh...a champ match...yay!

arite lets get into it...

Inf - I was actually not sure why you went this route...someone as seasoned as you should know that personal experience pieces like this don't really carry over well to the reader because not everyone can necessarily relate, moreso then that even is the fact that no one really cares. I felt detached as I read this about what seemed like some childish outburst in which you attempted to kill your father by throwing a knife at him landing yourself in a psych ward...it makes sense because I actually speak to you and know your personality a bit, but you didn't really develop it in the piece so I can't use outside judgement to help your verse along...also the whole suicide thing was drab...suicide pieces are so been there done that 8200 million times...the flow and scheme were really tight...loved the mechanics and your wording was pretty good...one part I could definitely do without though was this

dust…
rust…
crust…
lust…
duck…

then from there, is the death of an illusion supposed to be that we thought you were normal? I doubt anyone really had that illusion...the piece seems kind of detached from the actual quote at the end...seems like something you just tacked on as an afterthought. Definitely not what I expected to see based off the past few weeks and the level you've been writing at.

Pain - It's nice to actually see a developed story from you for a change...I hope you didn't cringe to much while writing it...lol...I think you've definitely written smoother flowing and maybe even more mechanically sound pieces, but this worked for me...the whole becoming a father while still being in high school and trying to go through the motions was something that I'm sure a lot of people can relate to and you portrayed it well especially when Jesse says "I'm still a kid"...the piece felt genuine through and I liked the conflicted you depicted with the little girl Erin's mother Amy and grandmother telling her bad things about the father to turn her away from him and keeping her mind boxed and secluded from the "horizons"...the piece transitioned well from segment to segment, but one line did irk me...

She struggled so much that the blood was equalled,

pretty much outside of that I thought it was a well displayed piece...obviously nothing really over the top creative as far as the actual content, but it was relatable, portrayed well by your writers voice and it made for an enjoyable read.

Personally for me this wasn't a very hard decision...

I think Pain delivered a verse with much better content and "food for though" so to speak.

vote = Pain.

[Lucifa]

I've seen comments in my match-up of a disappointment .. but time is against me right now ..

I felt this was a disappointing read though ..

Scatt - a rare time when I wasn't really feeling your 'writing' .. you can work this structure well .. really well infact .. but this time I think it lacked any real spark .. I just didn't find any real interest in the content and the wording wasn't as active and inspiring as it usually is .. maybe you suffered a spot of complacency with a sprinkle of underestimating Pain .. but this read like it lacked some effort of competitiveness IMO .. I appreciate that the 'story' was based around real life and it wasn't that that turned me off .. I just don't think the writing and expression of your content was as good as it usually is and felt flat .. unusual for you but I really think this was under-par ..

Pain - slightly different feeling of disappointment in this read .. as far as a story piece goes from you then this held merit as most people would slot you in to the topical writer catergory .. I don't care to open extra windows to listen to a beat to read the verse to .. but unlike last week .. this probably does need the beat to catch the flow as the read without it didn't really strike me as having a rhytmic flow to the text .. it read smooth enough but like I say .. lacked rhythm for me .. this wasn't helped by the content of the piece not being super interesting .. it's relatable and it all made sense etc. .. but it just didn't entertain me as far as a story should .. but like I said .. most would consider you a topical writer more than a storyteller (or atleast a better topical than story writer) ..

with all that said ..

Vote = Pain .. it did lack less for me .. a more standard writing style and presented his story in an easy to understand format whilst not being too basic with it .. Scatt didn't exactly throw in the towel but I think it was too under-written to take this one ..

[MC Guttso]

Scatterboxx:

First off the personal aura surrounding this verse was something that I respected and appreciated. Your mechanics worked to a real unique original standard and the flow rarely faltered. There was a lot of segments that sprung out at me from an emotional standpoint:
"I rock a whole head of
once lush, now dead love...
echos moaned by ex-fucks"
and definitely:
"with a mind of static obstacled -
the kind whose path's impossible.
Illogical?...."
and the whole last part too. I believe it's excellent the way you can convey that much emotional depth in just a few words. In some cases short brief lines can lead to vaguery and underdevelopment, your verse was far from that.

Pain:

Obviously you have a completely different style to Scatterboxx. Which is not really a bad thing at all. I thought the flow of this piece was more superior and that's the first thing that grabbed my attention, it seems a natural thing for you. And the story substance was great. The imagery and emotional development in a lot of parts was nice too and they were backed up by your smooth mechanics - e.g.:
"And entrap a girls heart, when he'd close his locker,
But with what's on his mind, he's cloaked his bother,
Thinking of the child he's supposed to father..."
From then on, after the above lines the story unfolded in a pretty decent way from the caring/interfering/opinionated grandmother, looking after her daughter's baby, entangled with all the different intricacies and complications of the relationships which left the father to resort to a killing spree to finally be with his daughter and protect her from the family that says bad things about him and "warps" her mind so to speak. Ironically he's a killer...lol.

This was a close match up. Pain you had some good flow and good story development whilst coming out of your comfort zone a little. Pretty nice imagery too. Scatterboxx even though you haven't changed my perception of you as a down to earth, talented writer and a dude I talk to sometimes on a rap-board, the personal and emotional depth of your verse was pretty awe-inspiring for me. I can say with no qualms (whether it be a reflection in my votes, is a different matter) that since my short time in the league - in order: I have enjoyed the written work of Pain & Scatterboxx the most, followed by 3PA, Lucifa and GL?, but enough of the babble. I believe this should be a close battle and any bodies game but yet again I'm gonna have to go with:

v - Scatterboxx

[3-Planes]

scatter

nice topic interpretation (something i value) but this ended in a foregone conclusion - because from what little i've seen of you i've concluded that you're pretty fucked up (so turning the concept of normality on it's head and how it relates to you was questionable).. this piece was delivered with a spoken word type cadence that might be rhythmic as far as a cappellas go, but to be honest this came of as pretty choppy to me (don't know, might be the structure).. expression of self is something i always enjoy to read, so yeah overall i liked this (but with some reservations)

pain

i think the ending cheapened this piece - i enjoyed the mood and atmosphere as well as the pyschology and character development of this piece up till the ending, which was really forced.. i think this is a problem in general - people end pieces with deaths/suicides/shoot-outs and what have you just to put an exclamation mark on it instead of just letting the strength of the writing and content speak for itself.. mechanically pretty fluid but a little sloppy and unrefined, the flow was good and so was the wording for the most part.. as i said nice build up but the ending was emotionally disconnected

hmmm, hard to choose again but scatter's piece resonated more with me so he gets my vote

vote: Scatterboxx

[Vern Acular]

truth...

this was definatly written well in terms of mechanics...i love when you write in this poetic form, but, as for the verse in general, i just wasn't a fan this week, the whole theme to your piece was so cliche and being in this league for the time that i have, i've just seened to many, you should know as well as i do there could've been more character development, and just more descriptiveness to the actual situation which led to the end, but with the short bar style that's difficult at time, just wanted more creativity here with the cliched topic, but overall this was still a slightly above average piece from you...


pain...

well...let me start by saying your verse definatly fit the verse and wasn't farfetched to any extent...the development of the story progressed well, the rhyme scheme was nice in some ares the slant rhyme urked me....water and father dont rhyme to me especially in text, but from a slant rhyme point of veiw i guess it works with the incorporation of the first part to complete you multi, just saying it was a bit forced, lol...anyway the story itself was ok for me, the ending was way too predictable but i felt the emotions and the fact that this is something that happens in life alot nowadays...sometimes vice versa...made me enjoy it's meaning, nice job


overall...

two pieces with the similarity of realism, two verses with nice rhyme scheme, one more poetic, and one more of a developed story, it's hard to vote on this one for me, you both had some faults but you both brought above average verse, im just going for personal preference and im gonna say the winner is..............VOTE - PAIN ...the picture itself just gave it that extra edge, not saying because scatt didn't have a picture made me vote pain, just saying the picture was a good addition to sum up the verse

[.:Pain:.]

[DF:WK5] Red Contenders : Got Life? vs Bonnie Bathory (Vote!)
[DF:WK5] Blue Contenders : Cormier vs nom de plume. (Vote!)
[DF:WK5] CONTENDERSHIP : Vern Acular vs Atheist (Vote!)
[DF:WK5] Eye-Rime vs SacriFICE (Vote!)
[DF:WK5] Lotus vs _KDP_ (Vote!)

[Jimmy Eles]

pain - liked your verse...well told story....in all aspects...emotions ..imagery...ect...far as the mechanical side.....nice use of multi's and skeme was good...also flowed well n i liked that cause its hard to write a good story and also have good mechanics and not sacrifice the flow..in some areas..


scatt - didn't reall dig the new style and the shortened up bars and watever but everyone likes the experiment ....see what happenes....this was actully one of your better writtin stroys...guess cause it was based on true event's...as usualy you did good with everythings mechanically for the most past...you flow wasn't always there for me though


vote - pain...

[Cormier]

alright

Pain- not too bad. the writing was done pretty well. it flowed and rhymed pretty nicely for the most part and the word choice wasn't too shabby either. there's a spot or two where i could pick out some awkward wording and a choppy flow, but those spots were few and far between and there for not really worth getting too into. i liked the character development in this. you really got into Jesse and his baby mama's mother. the mood you set with the writing was cool too. only real complaint i have with your piece is the lack of creativity. Guy kills baby mama and her spiteful mother and kidnaps his kid. nothing really great there. the ending came a little abruptly i thought and was a bit too cliche. overall, i liked the build up and the writing, but the cliche ending detracted from the piece a good deal.

Scatterbox- i've really liked the few pieces i've read from you, but i have to say this is one of my least favorite verses from you. Now that doesn't mean the piece was trash, because it wasn't at all, just not as good as past verses i've read. Since i read Pain's verse first, it took a little bit to get into your structure and really start catching everything. once i got used to the structure though it read pretty well. moved at a quick pace because of the short lines. the flow and rhyming was a bit choppy though. i must say also that i don't think the emotion you went for really shown through as much as it could have in this piece. maybe because i have not personally gone through what you have so i can't relate to it as well, but i actually thought Pain's verse had just as much emotion in it. i did enjoy the more poetic feel to the verse, but i thought (even though this is a personal thing for you) it still could have used some more development in both the story and character aspect.

VOTE= Pain

[Chin Kwon]

Infinite Truth

Man everybody's lovin that topic this week huh? Ok, I like the pace of this piece. It was very fast and was easy to get into. The first part of the verse was kind of hard to follow; i couldn't catch the flow, but soon enough i would recognize the infinite stylos in effect. The story itself was ok. I guess it's a tale about psychotic tendency and that one can never actually rid of such tendency. I was not clear as to where u were going with this but i did like some of the lines:

rock a whole head of
once lush, now dead love –
yes. plus,
“redrum!”
echoes moaned by ex-fucks.
angels rose swiftly,
but right then they fall from grace.
pain – it grows quickly…
plus it’s smeared across my face…

VS


Pain

Crazy story lol. The logic of this story was definitely off the wall, however, i thought it was executed very well. It glides by very smoothly. I'm not sure if this was another good vs evil verse because i actually found evil and good in both parties, but i like how u went about the plot. I was a bit annoyed by all the "he" and "she" as it ran rampant throughout the verse. But overall an interesting story.


Vote = Pain His verse was more complete somehow. I'm not just talking in term of length but it had a more involving plot as well as motive. But honestly......I've seen MUCH BETTER from both of you.