[DF:WK4] Shrug vs. Source4Rhymes (Vote!)

[TheReturn]

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Down To Business.
This Match-Up is between:
In Rank Order

Shrug
Active Worth: 000pts
Vs.
Source4Rhymes
Active Worth: 000pts

Good Luck Ladies.
Prove Your Worth

[Shrug]

fantastic

[Source4rhymes]

word im all in...good luck man

[Source4rhymes]

You're an assassin who has just been offered 100 billion dollars to kill the person you love.

as i lose this last night of sleep, im wakein up to me weepin/
thinkin bout my love culminatin to this single moment of creepin/
i weaken, only when i think about the past/
contemplatin on how long that this money gonna last/
thinkin bout the times we shared and enjoyed wit a laugh/
thinkin bout the times you were drunk tryna whoop my ass/
and i stop, relax just lettin my thoughts pass/
thinkin bout how its gonna end as soon as the gun blast/
and i aint grantin you a pass, this the reason why i did it/
the life ive lived is wrong and i dont want my seed to live it/
a fuck is what i give even if you dont want me to give it/
this choice was hard as hell and melted my heart into liquid/
growin up i neva knew, how you really felt/
but i knew that i was comin home to a whoopin wit the belt/
everytime i did wrong, you would think its somethin else/
but i was actin a foo at school and just bein myself/
we never had any wealth, so i hope you understand/
i didnt do this out of hate, i did it to be a man/
provide for what i create and allow to walk this land/
to let my child know its okay everytime i hold his hand/
i didnt plan to take you out, but then along came the offer/
when i couldnt afford food, or send my child to a doctor/
dude in the helicopter offered a hundred billion/
not only was my child well off, but so were alot of children/
i aint greedy wit the money its foundation that im buildin/
ima name it after you just so long as your willin/
im killin you to make it easy,worth it to live life/
although at the final moment ima be deer in the headlights/
paralyzed in the room soon as i cut the lights/
make sure you feel no pain and do it in the middle of the night/
despite, all ive gone through on account of my love for you/
i just wanted you to know that this is somethin i had to do/
not only to better myself but to better you too/
you aint been the same ever since the doctors rolled though/
diagnosed wit disease that make you forget who/
the people you really close to and who really close to you/
which is why ive chose too...end your life wit out a say/
DAD just know that i love you and ima be wit you one DAY/

[Shrug]

The september breeze blows leaves and memorys,
As I remember these lips, the kiss and discrepancies
Missed. I sit with this pensively, to gather the sensory
Pics. The image of us both next to bliss so the center piece
fits. Its a heavenly wish to connect the entities,
But sense is bleak.

Before I’d thought dreams cease at the end of sleep,
But then we meet.

Harmonic resonance in the tendancies; tension was ecstasy,
the stress had peaked intentively; eventually our energy
would get so deep it felt obscenely heavenly when we'd speak

I bend a knee,

“Lady Divinity?”

Listen please,
Maybe tranquility, wont be the peace that you’ll give to me,
But as long as we both live and breathe
I’ll strive to achieve your every wish and need within my reach
of a simple deed, my nimble feet or a pity plea.
Please, dont see this promise as a way to astonish or get you into me
Its just your idiosyncrasies mixed with that wit and those dimpled cheeks
Seem to be the missing piece between my dim beliefs
And the little things I can’t help but think I see.

But my soliloquy ends, as I look up to see you still have yet to descend.

Within a flash we’re rolling under covers
As humble lovers sharing that fun we hunt for.
We run away like summer days under rays
Of a sun displayed above this comfy place
We love to chase to our wits end.

And just like that it was gone, too good to last like a song
What felt like it has to belong in my path had gone wrong.

When you left and the room fell apart I knew I was doomed from the start
Everything soon held her mark as the glow bloomed into dark

Our romance had no chance
from the slow glance through the whole dance

I’m left with nothing but earrings on the bedside
a soul devoid of holding and polariods of our whole exploit unfolding.

Now I just sit with pictures of love, lust, and signature hugs.
But every image of what I’m missing just isn’t enough.
cause when heart strings are so simple to tug
Its hard to not wish for the stuff as a gift from above

[Atheist]

Source4rhymes:
I think this was a difficult topic to write to, so right from the offset I thought that you were going to struggle with this piece. However, I think you pulled off the emotional aspect quite well; the sense of almost ‘enforced’ euthanasia because of your sick father and also the need for the money that would help you look after your own child. I think you portrayed the juxtaposition of a loving father and a loving yet troubled son quite well. The flow was top notch throughout as well. My only complaints are that a.) the topic restricted your ability for ‘expansion’ in that you were restricted to write this story and didn’t really have another option, and that b.) the word choice was simplistic throughout and became very rushed towards the conclusion. Apart from that, I liked how you handled this, and am looking forward to reading your next verse. Hopefully, you will write to a topic instead of a story, as this will allow you more freedom with what you write.

Favourite lines:
we never had any wealth, so i hope you understand/
i didnt do this out of hate, i did it to be a man/
provide for what i create and allow to walk this land/
to let my child know its okay everytime i hold his hand/

Shrug:
Jesus, this was a beautifully written piece. You have an incredible ability to combine amazing mechanics with brilliant substance. I really loved reading this because it’s the kind of flow, rhyming techniques and writing style that most good piece should have or at least strive to contain. My only complaint is the line breaks you put between every rhyming section. However, this is just me being picky. As for the story itself, you really highlighted the emotional aspects well, from the happiness of the lovers together, to the lonely image of an individual sitting with their photographs and memories. Overall, this was a fantastic piece.

Favourite lines:
I’ll strive to achieve your every wish and need within my reach
of a simple deed, my nimble feet or a pity plea.
Please, dont see this promise as a way to astonish or get you into me
Its just your idiosyncrasies mixed with that wit and those dimpled cheeks
Seem to be the missing piece between my dim beliefs
And the little things I can’t help but think I see.


-------------------------------------------------------


Vote: Shrug.

Overall, just had the far superior verse. I was impressed with the potential that Source4rhymes showed with this piece, and I look forward to his verse next week. However, Shrug really came with the fire this week, and as this is the first match I’m voting on, it has really set the standard in my opinion.

[Got Life?]

Source - for me this piece didn't really resonate with the topic all that well...the character felt more liked a mixed up emotional recluse than an assassin...also the mixed emotions between his need to care for his son and his love for his father make it seem as though it might be his son that he loves more, which then in turn he killed the wrong person...maybe I'm reading to much into it and being to literal, but I unno...this didn't really do it for me.

Shrug - mechanically this piece was really solid and I loved the steady pace and flow you delivered...also the imagery you built was really developed quite well...the piece itself wasn't about anything overly original, but it didn't need to be...you took love and made it your own.

vote = Shrug.

[SacriFICE]

Pretty one-sided match up here. My issue with Source's verse was simply lack of developed writing skills. Negativity aside I thought you did well enough in portraying the personal/internal struggle someone in this position might have. And I think for what the topic allowed you to do you did the safe thing. Which is ok...

Shrug, good to see you writing still. Marked improvement from what you were writing before in the league when we competed. You have the ability of capturing insta-emotional concepts in an instant, on top of the being able to wrap these profound images together with figurative language. Because of this, the piece read like a story, a poem, and a rap verse... Plus you just did way more with your topic.

Vote: Shrug

[Cormier]

pretty easy decision here:

Source- you captured the emotional angst of the narrator pretty well. the struggle between whether or not he should kill his dad was apparent and fairly well-done. however, the writing itself needs to be elevated. the flow was choppy and the rhymes were quite basic. you show some potential as far as story telling goes, but this verse still needs some work.

Shrug- this was dope. a very beautifully written piece that captured the forlorn loneliness of the narrator. i thought the writing became a little less crisp and complex after the soliloquy, but it was still pretty good and better than Source's rhyming. a liked this piece a lot and am looking forward to reading more from you.

VOTE= Shrug

[Narcotics]

source - flow was there ...went along well and was a easy read...skeme was nothing special...i really didn't see many multi's....so it was a basic flow..you did do very well with the emotional aspect of this piece though...i would say flow and that would be the best qualitys of your verse...

shrug - i realy liked your verse........flow really clicked to me went along smoothly and was a easy read even though you incorparated good use of multi's and imagery... but for how devolped it was it was a nice read...read like a bsic flow but was anything but....story was nothing new but for such a used topic you did a nice job..

vote shrug ...

oh and source just so you know when you vote you have to write at least two lines of feedback in my thread your vote wont count and if you did that in anyone else's thread it wont count either n you wont get credit for the votes and wont get the points ....just lettting you know

[MC Guttso]

Source4rhymes - First off your flow was on point and excellent. The rhyming also very good. I just didn't like the story, it seemed far too generic. I thought your vocabulary was poor too. I believe you have an awesome talent for flowing and rhyme - but maybe need to word things a little better. But I enjoyed the read because it's structured rhythm accelerated me through it.

Shrug - Wow. You have a natural flair to your mechanics, the rhyme scheme never felt forced and it had a nice flowing vibe to it. I t was refreshing to read. The story was there, and well developed at that, not to mention packed with emotional depth. A good read.

v - Shrug

[Vern Acular]

source...

this was a very emotional piece...i could see this being a movie of course with a lot more detail and a few more plot twist, but the image to the topic was there and i know this would be hard to write if a true story, end one life help so many more, the fact that he was already pretty much dead considering he didn't remember you made the situation a little easier, i honestly dont know if i would of enjoyed this anymore had he known the situation at hand and you just killed him for the money but you put a good background to this, mechanics wereen't that good but it still read smooth, nice slightly above average verse

shrug...

this was very well written in terms of mechanics although i didn't feel it had the same emotional vibe as source (IMO i feel it could've) i still enjoyed this as much as his the last picture i understand, but the first picture i just didn't get that much of a connection, the first stanza was swarming with multi's and i enjoed that but why stop, my only thought was to keep the soliloquoy in a seperate rhyme scheme than the rest...overall i enjoyed this....good job


overall...

i liked both verses mechanically shrug got it hands down, on the emotional tip i liked source, IMO i think shrug had the better overall verse so for that.... VOTE - SHRUG

[Quriosity]

Shrug wins, 7-0