[DF:WK4] Lotus vs. SacriFICE (Vote!)

[TheReturn]

Welcome to your match-up thread. Click Here For Rules & Regulations

Quick Over-View:
12-64 lines to a topic provided in the [TOPICS] thread of the sticky area.
Do not post more than 3 times within your own match-up thread.
^No more than once in anyone elses either!^
Stay fresh, no recycling.

Opt-In to the "Alternate" scheme before posting a verse.
This will increase your chances of obtaining feedback and votes via another opponent.
Just check in and state you wish to alternate, should you suffer a no-show.

Down To Business.
This Match-Up is between:
In Rank Order

Lotus
Active Worth: 000pts
Vs.
SacriFICE
Active Worth: 000pts

Good Luck Ladies.
Prove Your Worth

[L. Kross]

Lol... Seriously? I get Sac first week? ugh

In

[L. Kross]

Nothin like a first day 64 line drop to kick the week off right.
Here goes nothin'.

The Morning Star

Lucifers Halo

A polished soldier, yes. A true vet of the war
Lucifers Halo's not as bright as the head of the Lord
He figured with dedication he would get a reward
He wanted to replace Him
Started pacin' thinkin' he ain't gone get belittled no more
A traiterous cloud swept with a thunderous clash
Beware of the false prophets under the mask
Cause conflict, Heaven torn asunder an crashed
An Lucifer leaked through, plundered from cracks
As he fell from grace, and watched the skies close
Flesh ripped from his wings an stopped at dry bones
Burnt skin, brick red, hot as his blood as the fire rose
Lost his Halo in the clouds too proud with his eyes closed
Now he's unseen, can sense death lurkin in the dark
.... searchin for the mark as it's workin to his start
The fears gone, with so much hurt that's in his heart
His shines dulled, walkin on Earth but in our thoughts
Its more worser than its not, fightin a war with mental an wits
Downhill on dwindlin twits, an makin monsters menacin shit
An killin each other for the root of evil to get their dividends in
Cause the Devils greatest trick was to convince us he didnt exist

The Devil In Me

A son of God lost, with too many paths to go
An any one of those could cost you half ya soul
So you take two wrong tuns, and that's the show
A left and a right, that fast, ya trapped below
Sooner or later everybody has to go,
But Im waitin for a answer from my master so
When it's my turn I aint goin fast or slow
Im layin in wait, waitin for my path to show
Hatin the way Satans tryna mask it though
Layin awake prayin I aint pass the road
Everything shinin's not a diamond, an thats not gold
Feels like Im drownin in a jail, no path to go
Surrounded by a Hell that I have to know
Bounded by the nail for my dad in Rome
Tryin to follow ten rules on two slabs of stone
And Ima take em to my grave then *flash* Im gone
Waitin in my hole, fightin Satan for my soul
In an out of jail, on an off probation an parole
Heart is racin an its cold
It feels wrong tryin to work with this at all
Thought I was still strong, guess its worser than I thought

A Crown Of Thorns

Cause Im a sinner, but I bet that I dont die in Hell
Only God can judge me and only time'll tell
But our relationship is tight and the Christ as well
Call me a snitch, cause Ima drop the dime an tell
Tell of you of the good news so you be wise as well
Sheilded from Satans lies thats disguised as help
Ya mind'll shout once you realize yourself
Go and tell the other guys how surprised you felt
Open ya eyes an fell, gasp an praised him
And just cried for no reason cause its that amazing
With the Ghost flowin through you like Patrick Swayze
Thats the way he acts fast to save me
His tracks are cast in pavement, mine rinsed away
If his footprints were fake my heart would instant break
Only one set of prints an Im convinced he stayed
Cause If I wasnt on his back, Id be within the grave
.....
It cant be thought of weather your strong or not
If ya palmin glocks an livin on the block
Or got money to the cielin in bonds an stocks
You dont know Gods all you need til he's all you got
.....
All that could be found after he forcefully fled
Was Lucifers Halo perched on a corpse and it read:
'A message to the mighty that might follow this guy,
You can either swollow your pride or be swollowed by mine.'

[SacriFICE]

"Why must you make things so complicated?"
- nom de plume.

From beneath the surface, believe this earth is an equal circuit.
Let the mind enter the weak and worthless,
see the purpose, and be determined.
Recognize the mind is the weapon, find defeat isn't urgent,
were just the cosmic dream of the person.
The kind of dream to relearn this, time of need is the purpose.
A life to lead, and climb beneath the sky to freedom of churches,
dynasties, and the vermin.
I kind of see it as the flight a phoenix survives.
Clean of decline, convenient and kind. Diseases and crime,
instead the weed is defined illegal and "Hi, this needle is fine!"
Give me the reminder, keepers and finders, leakers, suppliers.
The very demon inside her,
where he needed to find her, a very frequent subscriber.
There he'd keep the recliner, where he'd see from the sky
so very deeply inside her. Scary? Easy, its quite worse.
But this is where I stop believing I'm the demon.
The sickest, the kind the distance defines first. I'm interested,
"hi... LEARN!" Then from something different you find birth.
The image designs and scripts in your mind first,
get rid of them. Listen where the wisdom is,
the differences the limitless description less,
the interested to the citizens who live inside her.
The intertwiner, the energizer, the better fiber.
The treasure, high earth adventure to death, and the heaven
from pleasures. And why hurt, when if ever you're better you're never just there?
There's evidence here, just step in the square
the entrance is there:

the entrance to the heaven I've convinced you is the better affair...

Just fathom the advantage of a gadget manufacturing fire.
The path intertwiner, the fabric of time, the magic's entire labyrinth of dry earth.
The facts of the crime, attached to the eyes that captured the lies.
The backwards disguise, like... that's "dinner time."
Disaster in mind, I keep my back to the sky first. Then after a time
I flip back in the line and re-establish the climb.
Faster than white disaster, and giant actors;
with personal chiropractors that need some chance to survive.
Examine with mindful answers and quite substantials,
something we weren't designed to handle.

Once the eyes adjusted,
the time was brushed with the finest custom design.
Then the void became numbers and lines.
Some of the time the numbers would climb.
Then from the void another choice succumbs to the judgment.
And such a voice is coming from God.
Or something above it, something amongst it.
Or lovingly trusted, discovering, recovering substance.
In front of me my struggle bleeds, cut from tongue to feet.
Quite wonderfully brushed in.
The canvas my planet of granite and plastic.
"Quite the amature practice."
Landing the axe tip, head from body damaging actions.
Instead its probably anaphylaxis...
Candles and match sticks, dangling wax drips,
creating an atlas. Every day a reaction,
to changing the way we blame for what happened.
Negative praxis, in such an insanely massive,
gracefully passive, favoring flavor of savior.
Such a neighborly passion, painfully accurate,
but the pain is a mass effect, and to change it we have to lift
through the planes that the mass exists.
To a different a place but if that suggests, anything its the lack of stress.
But instead we take assault rifles
and gun people down for praying to their false idols.

[L. Kross]

Good show.

[SacriFICE]

Excellent match for my first one back.

Win or lose I look forward to the outcome, best of luck to you, sir.

Votes:

[DF:WK4] Cormier vs. MC Guttso (Vote!)
[DF:WK4] Shrug vs. Source4Rhymes (Vote!)
[DF:WK4] Blue Contendership: Atheist vs. _KDP_ (Vote!)
[DF:WK4] MetaSin vs. -Atreyu- (Vote!)
[DF:WK4] basic|s|kill vs. Pharaohe Def (Vote!)
[DF:WK4] Jimmy Eles vs. RICO (Vote!)

[Narcotics]

sac -- while reading..i really didn't know what ya story was about...after i finished i kinda get it....you jumped around alot though went from drugs n crime..to guns and wars..to a bunch of other shit....i understand what u was going for....but it jumped alot to me instead of following one contuinous topic....rymes skeme was dope for the most part..really like your use of multi's...shit flowd real hot in some parts when i read it aloud to meself..
I kind of see it as the flight a phoenix survives.
Clean of decline, convenient and kind. Diseases and crime,
instead the weed is defined illegal and "Hi, this needle is fine!" <---fav part...

L - wen i first went to read ya verse how you had it set up in three differant headliners threw me off..like you wrote to 3 differant things....once i started to read though it it flowed nice'ly.....nice use of multi's...not much mid bar rymeing...but reading it aloud it really flowed like a rap n i could picture on audio.....i didn't go back n check the topics so i still dont know if this was 3 diff topics or not...but it all went together for the most part...whether it was or wasn't....as far as the story goes....nothing exceptional as far as descriptive and putting me in the moment..but it went together nice and stuck on topic ....


vote - l kross



(sorry i typed it up fast so forgive my retard spelling

[MC Guttso]

Ah good shit: a battle to vote on already....interesting stuff....

L.Kross - The introduction made for a real interesting read/storyline. Your wording of the fallen angel was conveyed well. The flow was ok and the rhyme schemes were fairly good. But after the first paragraph I thought it went really downhill in terms of mechanics, not to mention quite a shaky flow. Nevertheless your linguistic expression was good: I enjoyed the lines:
"Surrounded by a hell that I have to know
Bounded by the nail for my dad in Rome
Tryin to follow ten rules on two slabs of stone"
And what a decent/powerful message at the end. In conclusion: I liked the story and how your wording helped to describe and express what was going on. I didn't think the mechanics were terrible, but average. Nevertheless your story substance made up for that, which left me satisfied with your verse.

SacriFICE - The whole mechanical part of this verse I thought was amazing and appealing to read, it seemed to have a real complex rhyme structure to it, which in turn effectively/ironically tied into the quote you were using. Was that intentional? Flow was awesome and very fast paced for the most part. I enjoyed the lines:
"Clean of decline, convenient and kind. Diseases and crime,
Instead the weed is defined illegal and "Hi this needle is fine"
Unfortunately however, I failed to connect and get into the depths of the story you were trying to paint.

So all in all I think this deserves to be a close match up. Could be anyones. L.Kross got beaten on the creativity of mechanics. SacriFICE got beaten on story substance in my opinion.

v - L.Kross for a more enjoyable and creative story.

[SacriFICE]

Appreciate the feed.

[Got Life?]

I disagree completely.

Lotus - I was reading this earlier and had to walk away because while you opened this up quite well this verse really started to irk me...the mechanics got very sloppy and the read went downhill the more and more that it progressed...your scheme changed, your rhyming became more elementry...also each time you used the word "worser" i wanted to slap you...I think there was an abundance of terribly cliché lines drenched through this entire piece...like the whole devil making us believe he never existed line and the whole theme of this is something I'm bored to death with already. All in all this was decently put together, but short of an enjoyable read.

Sac - I can see where people have issues with topicals or they just don't want to think and so they read through this with a quick once over and let that be that. Personally I enjoyed the piece, the scheme and mechanics were put together quite well...the pace was consistent and you touched on a few things here and there...I think this would have been a more powerful piece if you kept it more concise and added more imagery to it, but none the less this was a cool read.

I took a lot more away from Sac's piece than Lotus's and so my vote is for Sacrifice.

also word to the wise, there's a 3 post limit per match and both of you have reached that already.

[.:Pain:.]

L - I usually don't say this, but I feel like this piece could've been made shorter. Brevity is a talent, try to say as much as you can using the smallest amount of words. The concept was real fuckin' cool I though, your flow was reminiscent of mine in some spots so that definitely smoothed things out for me and made this long ass read that much shorter and more enjoyable. Your rhyme scheme was damn good too. Honestly, since this is your first week as far as I know, you definitely surprised me with the skill you showed here. Great shit L, if you keep this up, there's no doubt in my mind you'll be a mainstay in the league.

Sacrafice - Okay I understand that you, Rikoshay, and Pent probably have the best multiples in the history of the league, but I always say it's the words that matter, and the rhymes and flow should be accents, polish for the verse if you will. With that said, you definitely overdid the rhyme scheme here. It definitely took away from your verse. I would get so zoned into the rhyme sounds I wouldn't even compute the words I was reading, and I've hafta re-read what the fuck you just said cuz the past 8 lines all sounded exactly the same. With that said, when I did eventually absorb what the fuck you said, you did have some great content. More of a topical piece I'd say, but definitely worth the read. Despite what GL? I didn't really take much away from your verse, it kinda just ended for me. Despite all this, technically speaking, you are one of the top writers in the league and it definitely showed here.

I had no fucking clue this battle would be this hard to vote on, I didn't give Kross a chance, and if it were up to me this shit would be a draw, but since I can't do that.

Vote - Sacrafice...

[Atheist]

L. Kross:
The first segment (“Lucifer’s Halo”) was a well written story concerning Lucifer’s fall from grace and descent into Hell. As it is a well known story, even to the atheists such as myself, there was no real originality in this segment. However, you seemed to acknowledge that in your own writing, and therefore focused on good descriptions and imagery to get you by. And I think you succeeded in that regard. However, there were some downfalls to your writing, the main one being your wording. Here and there it was incredibly forced and simple (the most obvious example being the ‘worser’ part) and I think you need to improve on that aspect of your writing.

The second segment (“The Devil In Me”) was a good description of the hard times an individual can come across. Similarly to the first segment, you wrote good descriptions and produced the appropriately decent imagery. However, the same problems remained with your wording. You need to make it more complex, and really re-read what you are writing. The main examples to illustrate this are that you used the word ‘worser’ again, which just sounds horrible to read, and the fact that in your multiple lines of rhyming you repeatedly used some words again and again. A bit more complexity, and maybe a thesaurus, are needed to combat this.

The final segment (“A Crown Of Thorns”) was probably the best part of your verse. It wrapped up the preceding segments excellently, and really demonstrated your ability to write. As I’ve already said, you need to improve in some areas, but this being the first verse I have read from you, I am thoroughly impressed, and all my criticisms are simply pointers on how to improve, and I hope you don’t take them as insulting etc.

Favourite lines:
You dont know Gods all you need til he's all you got
.....
All that could be found after he forcefully fled
Was Lucifers Halo perched on a corpse and it read:
'A message to the mighty that might follow this guy,
You can either swollow your pride or be swollowed by mine.'

Sacrifice:
Speaking from a mechanics and writing perspective, your verse was a delight to read. The constant rhyming, my god the constant rhyming, was just outstanding. And it wasn’t basic or simplistic either; the rhyming was complex and a little out there, but never to the point that it came across stretched or just absolutely horrible to read. You really put in a fine balance here, concerning the writing style, and I applaud you for a job well done.

Concerning the substance, however, I had to re-read lines here and there to grasp what you were attempting to say, and in the end, I’m still unsure of little bits here and there. However, I loved the clarity of your conclusion, and it was a fantastic way to end your verse. Furthermore, I enjoyed the juxtaposition in the beginning between searching for freedom as well as the demons that haunt and chain us down (i.e. the drugs) and therefore take our freedoms away. I thought that was expertly put together.

Favourite Lines:
Just fathom the advantage of a gadget manufacturing fire.
The path intertwiner, the fabric of time, the magic's entire labyrinth of dry earth.
The facts of the crime, attached to the eyes that captured the lies.
The backwards disguise, like... that's "dinner time."
Disaster in mind, I keep my back to the sky first. Then after a time
I flip back in the line and re-establish the climb.
Faster than white disaster, and giant actors;
with personal chiropractors that need some chance to survive.
Examine with mindful answers and quite substantials,
something we weren't designed to handle.


--------------------------------------------------------------------


Vote: Sacrifice.

I am the first to admit that I had to re-read several sections of Sacrifice’s verse in order to grasp the message he was trying to put across in his verse. But I believe I understand his point, even if many people arrive at different conclusions, and what I really loved was the constant juxtapositions thrown into his piece that really made the text leap from the page, and also helped to provide interesting imagery. Lotus’ verse was great as well, and the way in which he tied everything together was brilliantly done as well. But I just feel that Sacrifice’s verse had that little bit extra

P.S. God damn, this really is a close match up. I just noticed the other votes now.

[Source4rhymes]

VOTE=Sacrifice

Both verses were superb actually. i was impressed with both showings easily the best one ive read so far...i went with Sac because after reading his verse....it made me wanna go back and read again to try and find the deeper meanings of what he was sayin...Lotus verse was nice....but didnt hook me enough to re-read more than twice....

[_KDP_]

this turned out to be the situation from the poll a couple weeks back. content vs mechanics. Lotus' method of presentation is obviously more the style that i favor. if i was to read the entries more than once, i feel that I couldve gotten into the gist of where sacrifice was going, but on first read that didn't come across for me. Sacrifice- your rhyme mechanic skills is obvious, i think you actually dwarfed Lotus in this area. but the umph of the verse suffered because i had to go back and reread through everything. this isn't to say that i don't appreciate depth, but i like the story to develop the depth as opposed to the having to unlock the writer's way of hiding the twist... lotus, your content was cool, but your scheme was pretty basic, but well executed. there was some repeat concepts that seemed to be thrown in because you could make them rhyme imo.

tough call for me...

vote-sacrifice for the more professional piece

[Scatterboxx]

i read this the other day,
& actually was hard pressed to decide on the voter,
as i truly loved both these pieces.

l.
intellectual piece with decent imagery, consistent flow, emotional narration, gripping intrigue, solid [tho not over the top] rhyme scheme, & relatively decent linguistics. it had its ups & downs, but i'd say mainly had its ups. i thought this was a dope verse & you have little to no rust to shake off. however, due to sacrifice's ability to use mechanics so well & his slightly more advance linguistics, his was a little stronger. still, an ill verse in its own right.

ballsac.
sick verse. fucking sick. glad you're back, as you're literally one of few i'm not sure i'll ever beat. hope you stick around long enough for us to meet again. i know you beat me once - it's in the archives, but i don't know if you were one of my other losses. anywho... i was blown back. your mechanics were fucking ridiculous son. wtf @ your talent there. solid ass flow & an absurd, yet seemingly perfect rhyme scheme... vivid, poetic imagery painted throughout the verse with polished linguistics, told intelligently & intuitively... very, very dope.

vote- sacrifice.

tho, this should be verse of the week.