[DF:WK4] Cormier vs. MC Guttso (Vote!)

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Old 07-28-2008, 12:10 PM   #1 (permalink)
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[DF:WK4] Cormier vs. MC Guttso (Vote!)




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This Match-Up is between:

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Cormier
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Vs.
MC Guttso
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Old 07-28-2008, 01:53 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Old 07-28-2008, 07:09 PM   #4 (permalink)
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NON-VERBAL PICTURES OF CULTURE

Our motions in synchrony,
Check ya feelin an’ lovin’ me,
Bodies co-ordinated carefully,
Speech unified in harmony,
Happens naturally like on the street
Or even watchin’ TV,
We get on an’ forever we’ll be
Mimic mirror images,
Whole towns an’ villages,
Fills speech spillages,
Old folk eatin’ spinach,
Playin’ cribbage in the village
Young with salad sandwiches, ego damages,
The mini disc, tappin’ chicks,
Shady remixes, in clouds with the pixies,
Enlisted, getting ballistic,
With unconscious NVB fixes,
Just admit it; we’re all involved in it,

It’s just legit and naturalistic, with…
Stop signs and dope padded shirts,
Top minds fucked with coke and avid flirts,
Experts, a man with a van,
Ladders an’ plans, music bands –
And fun in the sun an’ the sand,
A fucking sad an’ empty romance,
The couple stroll, but don’t even hold hands,
Fucking grim, with her sunshades on in a trance,
Friends eating lunch,
Rosemary lamb an’ vegetables blanched,
Theatre tickets in advance
...Gormless and dumb,
Lets her man take her by the arm,
No qualms, he has charm,
With his west-end recreations,
In control of situations,
As the lovers walk to train stations,
Party sensations, laughin’, lovin’
And hatin’, frustratin’,
Please get what I’m saying…

Non-verbal behaviour, speech slayer,
Human movement conveyer,
Can be a saviour for the layers of love
Or conflict players,
Gives a taste of feeling flavour,
Moving body parts - life art
Can’t depart - stop or start,
It’s part of the heart.

Demonstrations of disco-ordination,
With individuals and nations,
Have patience, for the dance infatuation,
Vibrations, confabulations, of behaviour inflation

We argue, wish to protest,
Messed at best,
Fight what you detest
No less, I confess,
These actions equal stress,
An impossible test to the rest
To even try to detect,
I’m a dead soul alone; I had a cardiac arrest,
I turn my back…but I still got the dance of life, off my chest

It’s a complex scripture of a big odyssey city I’ve told ya...
Check the non-verbal pictures of our pretty old culture:



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Old 07-29-2008, 10:33 PM   #5 (permalink)
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TOPIC= Umbilical Noose

Doug was very close to his mother growing up
Because he had no father to bestow a tough
And wholly rough exterior and attitude
She was alone, so she did what she had to do
In order to raise him and his wayward brother John
That’s why it was hard to accept that his mother’s gone
John was older, and had gotten into the drugs and gangs
Doug would hang, home while he rolled with the thugs and banged
His mother sang gospel praises to save his broken youth
Until he did the exact opposite of what she hoped he’d do
Smoked some dudes one night when he was toking a few
Sent to an early fate as the pearly gates opened for two
His mother relived that often, she’d never forget for sure
At times Doug knelt with her, crying on the kitchen floor
She was always there for him, and he was there for her
To share with her the weight of any evil that dared occur
Together, but they would also share the joys of life
So she enjoyed the nice girl who would be her boy’s new wife
She was angry that at his wedding she could not bear a gift
But Doug didn’t care a bit, as long as she was there to sip
Champagne and maybe even possibly make a toast
Which was the part she knew she would hate the most
Made some boasts about his deeds that were hard to forget
But halfway through she really started to sweat
Not a nervous sweat, but there was something wrong
She collapsed, and suddenly Doug’s mum was gone
She left him the house; so she did have a wedding gift
They moved in; Doug didn’t want to just let it sit
Doug just fell apart and became a bit of a recluse
Had thoughts of using a noose to wring his neck loose
Sam tried to keep him from becoming a waste of space
While Doug just dissipated every lonely day he faced
Dreaming of the safe embrace of his mother’s arms
Intent on keeping him from facing yet another harm
The weeks passed and Doug remained inconsolable
Until strange things that seemed to be uncontrollable
Started to happen around the house; very strange things
There was furniture rearranging, and when changing
Sam felt like there was someone there judging her
When walking downstairs she felt something nudging her
And everyday Doug just became more secluded
While his thoughts became more and more convoluted
Once Sam moved some furniture, then left for an hour
She came home and immediately stepped in the shower
Then she re-entered the room after changing into a blouse
And it was back the way it was when they moved into the house
She needed to get Doug, so she ran up the stairs
But what she saw really gave her such a scare
Doug was in his mom’s old room, just flopped on the bed
A lady in white was next to him, stroking the top of his head
With slit wrists, Doug looked up at Sam in some pain
And said, “My mom’s back,” as the blood ran from his veins
Sam screamed and quickly ran downstairs
And was startled by what she found there
The woman in white, now with a child by her side
Sam knew who it was even if she tried to deny
She recognized Doug from his baby pictures; he was the boy
The child said, “Please leave us now so that we can enjoy
Our time.” Sam quickly took three steps and then turned
And ran out the door screaming, and she never returned
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Old 07-30-2008, 12:16 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Wow, ok... two pieces, both with things that really make me mad in writing, but with two different approaches to two different understandings and topics I come away, after reading both thoroughly that both, in their own way, deserve to win, because both, in their own way have positive structure and balance, based on the infallibilities.

That said, I have to choose, and I have to choose Cormier... not because I feel like he did better, but because I feel as if his piece resonated with me. Both had grammatical faults that pissed me off, both had figurative devices that accelerated me through the piece, and when the end came, Cormier created a concept of human understanding that transcended Guttso. And believe me, I take nothing away from Guttso's verse other than a "Loss" in a "league." Cormier wins because he created a story that captured the humanity of the fear of paranormal existence. Which philosophically makes sense, based on the unknown and the indescribable... FEAR.

Guttso's piece was masterful in it's own right, based on the image. And initially I felt the battle was one sided. And while I think Guttso's piece was great... Cormier's implications on humanity transcend a well written piece based on a picture.


Excellent match.

Vote: Cormier... clear emphasis on human fear of the unknown. Guttso, excellent verse, a few things I hated... (mostly technical), but I appreciate what you did... opinion is a bitch eh?


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Old 07-30-2008, 01:19 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Guttso - I really enjoyed this piece...it flowed quite well and the short bars made for a very easy read to navigate through. I did have a gripe with the small font though, that made it a little harder to read than I would have liked...none the less, I really liked the message you delivered...it was very real and relatable.

Corm - when this piece first started out I wasn't really getting into it...there was just something about it that seemed to generic, but that certainly chaned in the end...the way you flipped the emotion factor with the ghost of the mother and her son becoming a little boy...it was fucking sick...the imagery behind it just really pulled me in.

I think guttso wrote a really cool piece, but Corm's piece just hit home.

vote = Cormier.
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Old 07-30-2008, 02:08 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Guttso - I LOVED how I could find the shit you described in your verse in the picture. Honestly, I thought that was far and away the coolest thing about your verse, lol. How you described the relationships of the people, what their doing, their attitudes. It's one thing to just have imagery, but to be able to compare that imagery to an actual image, and have it fit so perfectly, it's definitely a cool aspect to put your verse (call me a simpleton, but I love shit like that, lol). Mechanics wise the flow was good, the scheme can use some work. I do really love the way you word shit, and I know schemes can take away from that sometimes, but I think you should try to push yourself to add more syllables to your actual rhyme sounds, that would make it much more appealing. Overall, I thought this was a great verse. A bunch of little trivial stories about life in the city intertwined into one topical and wrapped up by that picture at the end. Great stuff Guttso, I really enjoyed this read.

Cormier - Wow. Ok so in the beginning of your verse I thought to myself, Guttso DEFINITELY won this, but as I got closer and closer to the end, I found myself more and more engaged in this story. That ending fucking saved that piece. Your wording could use a little work, a lot of this stuff was worded awkwardly and the whole thing didn't really feel too natural when I was reading it. Rhyme scheme was ok, fairly basic, but not as simple as Guttso's, your flow was just a little better for me too. Honestly, the only thing I really liked about your verse was the last 16 bars, but those bars were so fucking overwhelmingly good that I was blown away by it. Definitely never read a ghost story in rhyme form, at least not a good one. The imagery at the end was so intense (for me at least), I could picture the scene of the mother and the son and it honestly creeped me right the fuck out. Overall, decent verse, OUTSTANDING ending.

What the fuck is with all these great match ups? I don't remember a time in the league where I had this much trouble picking a winner on a consistant basis. I feel bad voting, cuz neither writer deserves a loss this week, but I'm gonna go with

Vote - Guttso...
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Old 07-30-2008, 08:38 PM   #9 (permalink)
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guttso -- i peeked in before and seen dude talking about how you wrote off of people in the picture..but didn't get to read it till now...so i give you much props on being that creative with that.....if other dude hadn't of said anything i wouldn't had noticed but now that i see it good job on that..imagry was hot and to be able to read it then look at it was soemthing i enjoyed...kinda like a puzzle..lets see who he's talking bout n try to find em...some multi's not many though ...some of the bars where you threw in that didn't ryme with nothing aroound it threw off you flow for me though..kinda add'd sentances i didn't think you needed..Theatre tickets in advance...Gormless and dumb,Lets her man take her by the arm,No qualms, he has charm,.but for the most part it went well..like that gorless n dumb part..

cor - way it started off aint really grab me ..but the more i red the more i got into it and wanted to see what happened next...nice use of multi's n skeme.....did alot better job then guttso on that ....you had yours in almost everybar..to me his imagery descriptiveness was better but your last few bars were very dope wit that ..i liked your story more then guttso..you verse was more story oriented and all bout telling what happened...ending was reall reall dope...liked how he was laying in bed dyeing his mom there to comfort him...story was pretty much about how the woman a man will most love in life is his own mother...and he would rather be dead with his moms then alive with his girl...so it went deeper then wat was shown if you thoughy bout it.....

cormier had more of a story and a easy flow to follow...ending really took the cake....i wanna give it to you guttso just for being so creative with the picture n all but ....i got more into cormiers verse then yours....so
vote ---cormier

very close fucking battle though ,,
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Old 08-01-2008, 02:19 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Guttso - really well put together, and nice piece if i must add. long in bar,s yet short in saying which at times can be essential.. it was enjoyable. i now wish i had had enough time to write a better piece this week, but anyways.. great story, great content, and a good delivery that sealed it into a piece i really liked reading. i was caught up for a second.


Cormier - i'ma be completely honest. i would've usually said the beginning of this piece was bland, yet i read it multiple times.. and after i read the entire thing twice, the beginning wasn't half bad. you picked it up as i read, and it made me want to continue reading when i really didn't want to.. excuse me my eyes are madd low it's like 2:30 in the AM right now. content was nice, imagery even better..

enjoyed both.. but i gotta go with Cormier just for the more deep concept.. i don't know.. i liked his a little more. great battle boys.

v/ Cormier.
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Old 08-01-2008, 04:11 AM   #11 (permalink)
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MC Guttso:
First of all, I think you wrote to the topic brilliantly. This was an original approach, and your focus on the non-verbal behaviour was excellent considering we were looking at a picture. Furthermore, it reminded me of the phrase “a picture is worth a thousand words” and I feel that is the vibe you were going for. Correct me if I’m wrong. The story itself was good, and I especially enjoyed your focus on the non-verbal actions and behaviours of the romantically involved couple. I also really enjoyed the penultimate segment, especially the line about you still having the “dance of life” (it reminded me of that song by Tiesto and your man from Faithless, Dance4Lyfe). Overall, this was a good piece with an enjoyable story behind it and a consistent flow. I still think that your multiple rhyming and wording in some areas can improve, but that doesn’t take much away from what is a good piece, in my opinion.

Favourite lines:
Theatre tickets in advance
...Gormless and dumb,
Lets her man take her by the arm,
No qualms, he has charm,
With his west-end recreations,
In control of situations,
As the lovers walk to train stations,
Party sensations, laughin’, lovin’
And hatin’, frustratin’,
Please get what I’m saying…


Cormier:
Last week, you really impressed me with your comedic approach to the topic. And this week, you impressed me yet again. This time around you came at the readers with the darker side to your writing, a ghost story of epic proportions. In the beginning, I simply thought it was another generic tale of a son losing someone he loves dearly. It may have been generic, but you still wrote beautiful emotion to accompany it. However, you flipped it incredibly well, and the image of the dead mother and the little boy (who turned out to be Doug) was incredibly creepy. Furthermore, the part where he has slit his wrists and said “My mom’s back” was just disturbing as hell. You didn’t really say much in terms of descriptions and images, but I think that benefited your verse as it left the imagining of the scenes to the reader themselves. And seeing as I have a pretty warped mind myself, the dark images didn’t need much encouragement in surfacing.

Favourite Lines:
Doug was in his mom’s old room, just flopped on the bed
A lady in white was next to him, stroking the top of his head
With slit wrists, Doug looked up at Sam in some pain
And said, “My mom’s back,” as the blood ran from his veins
Sam screamed and quickly ran downstairs
And was startled by what she found there
The woman in white, now with a child by her side
Sam knew who it was even if she tried to deny



-----------------------------------------------------------------


Vote: Cormier.

This was a really enjoyable match up. After reading Guttso’s verse, I thought he had this one in the bag and, in all honesty, if he had have been up against any other competitor I think he would have ended up with the win. However, Cormier keeps impressing, and keeps dropping these really enjoyable verses that just have so much going for them; great mechanics, a top notch flow, incredible substance, etc.

Still, props to you both on an incredible match up.
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Old 08-03-2008, 11:52 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Cormier wins, 5-1
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