|
MC Guttso:
First of all, I think you wrote to the topic brilliantly. This was an original approach, and your focus on the non-verbal behaviour was excellent considering we were looking at a picture. Furthermore, it reminded me of the phrase “a picture is worth a thousand words” and I feel that is the vibe you were going for. Correct me if I’m wrong. The story itself was good, and I especially enjoyed your focus on the non-verbal actions and behaviours of the romantically involved couple. I also really enjoyed the penultimate segment, especially the line about you still having the “dance of life” (it reminded me of that song by Tiesto and your man from Faithless, Dance4Lyfe). Overall, this was a good piece with an enjoyable story behind it and a consistent flow. I still think that your multiple rhyming and wording in some areas can improve, but that doesn’t take much away from what is a good piece, in my opinion.
Favourite lines:
Theatre tickets in advance
...Gormless and dumb,
Lets her man take her by the arm,
No qualms, he has charm,
With his west-end recreations,
In control of situations,
As the lovers walk to train stations,
Party sensations, laughin’, lovin’
And hatin’, frustratin’,
Please get what I’m saying…
Cormier:
Last week, you really impressed me with your comedic approach to the topic. And this week, you impressed me yet again. This time around you came at the readers with the darker side to your writing, a ghost story of epic proportions. In the beginning, I simply thought it was another generic tale of a son losing someone he loves dearly. It may have been generic, but you still wrote beautiful emotion to accompany it. However, you flipped it incredibly well, and the image of the dead mother and the little boy (who turned out to be Doug) was incredibly creepy. Furthermore, the part where he has slit his wrists and said “My mom’s back” was just disturbing as hell. You didn’t really say much in terms of descriptions and images, but I think that benefited your verse as it left the imagining of the scenes to the reader themselves. And seeing as I have a pretty warped mind myself, the dark images didn’t need much encouragement in surfacing.
Favourite Lines:
Doug was in his mom’s old room, just flopped on the bed
A lady in white was next to him, stroking the top of his head
With slit wrists, Doug looked up at Sam in some pain
And said, “My mom’s back,” as the blood ran from his veins
Sam screamed and quickly ran downstairs
And was startled by what she found there
The woman in white, now with a child by her side
Sam knew who it was even if she tried to deny
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Vote: Cormier.
This was a really enjoyable match up. After reading Guttso’s verse, I thought he had this one in the bag and, in all honesty, if he had have been up against any other competitor I think he would have ended up with the win. However, Cormier keeps impressing, and keeps dropping these really enjoyable verses that just have so much going for them; great mechanics, a top notch flow, incredible substance, etc.
Still, props to you both on an incredible match up.
__________________
You’ve Got the Fear
4x RSTL Champion.
|