[DF:WK4] Jimmy Eles vs. RICO (Vote!)

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Old 07-28-2008, 12:05 PM   #1 (permalink)
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[DF:WK4] Jimmy Eles vs. RICO (Vote!)




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This Match-Up is between:

In Rank Order

Jimmy Eles
Active Worth: -001pts

Vs.
RICO
Active Worth: -006pts


Good Luck Ladies.
Prove Your Worth
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Old 07-28-2008, 04:04 PM   #2 (permalink)
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good luck man.....and alternate.. whatever that means .. i see everyone else doing it .......be posted soon...



check check...1 2 3 4 .....can you hear me now.........good....






The Dead Of Night

What is unseen seems to be nothing more then a black hole...
While lighting my nicotine tobacco, i deem i am the last soul....
Alive and lean,i dream the sun cant swallow the night whole...
Its where i come alive no words just a steady snap...
And also where i thrive inside the lenthy cracks...
Of pavements that i continue to fall threw...
Love and hatered murderous patientence its all true...
A monster is what they call me...responsible they call you....
I talk to the danceing shadows whenever there is a chance...
Except they hate the steady flash of the camera in my hands...
I dig up dirt that can bury those still among the living..
They say its sickning..but its how i make my living...
When the next great star does rails and becomes a fien..
He'll be graced with a front page pic on our magizine...
They say i can ruin careers with one focus of the my lens....
Men with men...trend to trend...then more money to spend...
A picture speaks more words then a thousand stokes of a pen....
So you despise me for what i find..what is true with white lies..
But i realize that you keep your eyes glued to whatever i might find..
My soul gets deep fried each time i creep at night time...
In the dead of the night i am every celebrity's fright.....
Responsible for bringing your darkest secrets to light..
Consumer's could care less about hotel rowanda...
All they wanna know is if a-rod fucked maddona..
So i cause trauma with the film in my dark room...
The sun went down so you know ima start soon...
From the blocks named in digits to roof tops with the pigeons..
Summer days where heat is livid to winter nights cold n frigid...
To a mixture, just know i will be there when you kiss her...
Envelop'ed in the endless dark, just another fixture...
And I will travel to the ends of the earth..for a better picture.....



now gimme my earley point bitches........naw just playin....no but i really do want it....
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Last edited by Jimmy Eles; 07-28-2008 at 05:15 PM. Reason: double checking spelling n shit cause im iliterate <--- see
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Old 07-29-2008, 03:34 AM   #4 (permalink)
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.....wow.....way to post early....although thats never my thing.....i will undoubtably...be very close to the deadline.....smh

but im in like sin though.


and uh.....alternate...hahahahaha
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Old 07-31-2008, 08:01 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Entrance music plays*

so with my head bowwed. hood on and im ready,
im walking through the crowd, music's loud and im steady.
im so focused,
my minds in a different place, and im anxious,
thousands of people are all here to see me...
...the main event at this sanction.
with a record untarnished, all of my oppenets was harmless,
i dont ever get hit, you'd think all the fighters were armless,
its just that im too sly and too quick, to be hit in the face,
you should see me in the ring, im all over the place.


Anouncments*

In this corner, """"""", """"""" , """"""""""", """""""""
and in this corner, """"""""","""""""""",""""""","" """"
Fighters come out swinging,"""""""""",""""""""",""""" """"


Ding Ding*


I come out of the corner and touch gloves.
dude checks me with a jab "like whats up"
i knuckle up, and jab back and catch mug,
follow with a left cross he gets no love,
he staggers back and hits rope,
i press the attack like lets go,
he covers up cause he's getting smashed,
i wont give up ima make it last,
ima get his ass, let em know why ya boy is champ,
put him down for the count cause i know hes trash.
i circle left and take it down stairs,
body shots crowds going crazy while the ref stares,
just then the ref goes to step in,
i feel a pain in my chin, and i dont know what it is,
but my view starts to suddenly spin,
im trying to stay up but my legs give in
my mouth piece on the ground, i cant seem to catch breath
i hear the ref counting down and i aint got much time left,

.
.
.
4 ! and im eyes blurry
5 ! and im trying hurry,
6 ! and im on my knees,
7 ! and i cant believe,
8 ! and im kneeling now,
9 ! and im standing now,
10 ! But im falling down.......






Ding Ding Ding****


topic: Bloody Knuckles
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I got the Timbalands in steel toe,
Cause rap is a hobby I got a 9 to 5, thats how life goes"-RICO


Last edited by RICO; 08-01-2008 at 03:57 PM.
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Old 08-01-2008, 03:58 PM   #6 (permalink)
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posted...good shit jimmy......off to werk see you guys later.
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Cause rap is a hobby I got a 9 to 5, thats how life goes"-RICO

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Old 08-01-2008, 05:56 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Vote=Jimmy Eles

Overall both were nice and what it came down to for me was the overall "flow" of the verses....content was good BUT jimmys verse was easier to read in a sense that it didnt seem forced...
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Old 08-01-2008, 06:22 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Jimmy Eles - Much better step up from last week. Really enjoyed it actually. What the hell was that other shit compared to this?? Rhyme scheme was good, flow was excellent, and the story substance was quality, although again it could have been developed more. Kinda made me think how the paparazzi together with society make celebrities into commodities rather than human beings - good stuff.

RICO - Yeah also another step up. Your flow was good, the rhyme scheme was there, although it didn't read as well as Jimmy's in my opinion. But what I liked about it was the imagery and descriptiveness of the boxing, which helps the reader to picture the scene, which is a cool thing to do...

All in all I was surprisingly impressed by this battle. It was pretty even. But a winner has to be picked:

v - RICO for the imagery.
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Old 08-02-2008, 02:22 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Vote: Jimmy Eles

Spelling dude, just run your stuff through spell check before you post once... (spell-check.net or something works)... Besides that I enjoyed the build of the piece and the message, I'm glad you stopped where you did and didn't allow yourself to make this a RSTL genre-piece of a stalker-murder story...haha, so points for that too.

Rico: The beginning was good, but your description of the fight lacked tremendously, although I did appreciate it's tempo, and that may have saved the piece as a whole... I appreciated the abrupt twist and change in the story, because seemingly getting knocked out would feel that way.

Gotta go with Jimmy here, I think piece for piece it was fairly even though... a better developed fight sequence (better written maybe) and Rico would have taken this.

Cheers.
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Old 08-02-2008, 11:34 AM   #10 (permalink)
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not to bad here for a short little battle

jimmy- i think you did a pretty decvent job of capturing a paparazzi photographer's mindset. kind of like, "i don't give a fuck what my pictures do to you cuz i'm getting paid." props for that. the writing itself was pretty decent too. a couple of spelling and grammatical errors or typos that kind of broke the reading up. but other than that the writing was pretty good. decent flow and rhyme scheme and i thought the verse was well-paced. overall, pretty good job.

Rico- the description of the fight was pretty good. decent imagery and i actually liked the last part where the ref is counting and every second he has a different thought that he doesn't understand because he's never been knocked out. i think the structure of your verse though made it read not quite as smoothly as Jimmy's, but overall it was still a pretty decent piece that was definitely a step up from what i've read of yours.

VOTE= Jimmy
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Old 08-03-2008, 08:09 PM   #11 (permalink)
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jimmy...

liked the whole theme behind this and the way papparazzi exploit peoples lives in the wrong way more so than the good, your mechanics were great, but the were good the rhyme scheme was off in some areas and made the pace of reading a seesaw battle at times, but for the most part this was an ok verse good job

rico...

i did a boxing piece a while back and haven't seen one til now, the imagery was average, would've liked alittle bit more, in some parts it was great in some it wasn't the twist was just ok for me, your mechanics were ok, this seemed like it could've probably gone to a song but in story form, but it was decent

overall...

this was a close and nice little battle here, too close to call actually, but i'm gonna go with jimmy i was just more satisfied with his at the end....so with that said VOTE - JiMMY
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Old 08-03-2008, 10:14 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Jimmy - this was definitely a step up from your last weeks piece as everyone else had noted, the flow and scheme were much better, the piece itself was just better written, but pay more attention to mechanics, get all those un-needed typos out of there and polish it up...nonetheless a well written paparrazi piece.

Rico - i mean...this really didn't offer much, you could do so much with a boxing piece...get the backgrounds, pull some things behind the scenes...maybe borrow a little bit of plot line from pulp fiction, but make it interesting...instead this piece kind of staggered, until the end "but i'm falling down"...I was happy to see this part, because I was happy to get through this verse, you need to stop with the bullshit verses homie.

vote = Jimmy.
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Old 08-03-2008, 10:49 PM   #13 (permalink)
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jimmy

this was up and down 4 me. u started great and then the content just went down a notch but then u regained it at the end. i guess it was the whole sun n dark things. the opposites that got my attention. it flowed well and it was an ok read. i feel if u didnt rush just 4 the points u could have done more with this. overall 6.5/10

rico
damn i was gonna do a boxing verse but mine was gonnabe a lil different. u also could have done more with this. i dunno how much time u spent on this but it felt like a key. the beginniing was ur strong point. the fight could have been a lil more detailed but u had enough imagery. the counting at the end was a nice closer yet u could have added more story to it. implemented some crazy emotion lines after defeat. overall 6.5/10

v- jimmy 4 a more complete verse. keep trying rico. this was urs 4 the taking but u came up short
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Old 08-03-2008, 10:55 PM   #14 (permalink)
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jimmy.
while not a bad verse, not anything special either. a pure clusterfuck of improper grammar, misused linguistics, awkwardly worded line structures, & frequent misspellings, it still retained okay usages of some intelligent vocab that spoke in ways rico's just couldn't. it didn't seem too, too elementary, but the verse definitely could have stepped up, had it more depth. the mechanics were polished for the most part, which was certainly nice, too.

rico.
you're getting better. but, as gl stated, the lack of depth killed you. your content was meaningless & dragged in bland ways. it took awhile to get through your verse due to its awkward mechanics & poor linguistics, &, while the ending was a nice touch, it couldn't save its soul for shit, & thus, i was pleased when it was over. still, you're getting better as i said. up your mechanics, get more intuitive, & add more vivid emotive imagery, & vuala.

vote- jimmy.
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Old 08-03-2008, 11:46 PM   #15 (permalink)
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good battle rico.,..i really liked your verse..much props......but next time ima be sure to write mine in microsoft word...since notepad aint got a spell check.....n its obvious i aint never won a spellin be in my life.........
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Old 08-04-2008, 12:02 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Jimmy Eles wins, 7-1
Source's vote is insufficient
Jimmy Eles still wins, 6-1
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