[DF:WK4] basic|s|kill vs. Pharaohe Def (Vote!)

[TheReturn]

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Down To Business.
This Match-Up is between:
In Rank Order

basic|s|kill
Active Worth: 000pts
Vs.
Pharaohe Def
Active Worth: 000pts

Good Luck Ladies.
Prove Your Worth

[Pharaohe Def]

Im here. Best of luck

[basic|s|kill]

Here aswell. Good luck too.

[Pharaohe Def]

extension will be needed

[basic|s|kill]

me too

[basic|s|kill]

The Umbilical Noose

in the womb I was healthy, but at birth that got changed
the cord round my neck, cut off the blood to my brain
the oxygen drained, they say it was terrible for me
choked by an Umbilical Noose, I developed cerebral palsy
.
and so my life progressed, I know no less than yourself
yet when I try to move, it looks like I'm wrestling myself
I've got a normal mind, and if you look at me hard
you'll see the healthy brain underneath, trapped inside a retard
so i was sent to a school, where they didn't stare or abuse ya
and where every classroom was built for a wheelchair user
but I hated it there, everyone else was a spastic
I couldn't hack it, I needed more to interact with
so I convinced my parents, that I should join real school
now I drool at the back of hall, but don't feel like a fool
cus I 'm where I belong, I can study at last
I love it so much, I always hurry to class
if the others kids laugh, I just show them my back
or at least I try - but instead I just moan, like the spak..
..that I am, but still this bliss makes me swirl
cus I'm happy with life - I wouldn't change this for the world
.
now its five years later, I'm still in bliss as I speak
when out of the blue I'm approached by a scientist geek
says he's been seeking a cure, aimed to quell my hurts
and now he's found it, by the name of stem cell research
turns out he can end this disease, that i've grown to adore
he'll cure me using the cells sown in my umbilical cord
and so it turns full circle, the idea rifles my brain
because that Umbilical Noose, is gonna start my life again


note: Cerebal Palsy continues to be caused by umbilical complications, whilst stem cell research, using the umbilical cord, is cited as the most likely cure of the disease

[Pharaohe Def]

"Why must you make things so complicated?"
- nom de plume.

Kip was sitting on his bed, just contemplating life
Thinking about past girls that he would’ve liked to have made his wife
See falling in love is not the issue that he would like to change
It’s just that every time he does something always remains the same
He needs somewhere to put the blame, cause if it’s not the girls & isn’t him
Then what is responsible for his relationships reaching a bitter end?
It was then, during this thought, he went to his desk beside his bed
Grabbed his pen and began to write ‘til there nothing that could be said…

“I partially write this letter about this girl that awaits my heart
The only problem is – we lives cities, actually states apart
I met her at a fair, and I remember it very vividly
Cause no other girl could ever duplicate what she did to me
I spotted her, she spotted me, introduced myself to her properly
“My name is Kip, you must be beautiful” – immediately she smiled at me
She replied to me, “I’m Sicily, don’t usually let guys get to me,
But there’s something about you, boy I dunno, I’m not too sure what you did to me”
I knew there, at that moment, although I couldn’t show it
That she was one I could share my life and eventually grow old with
Perhaps it was the way she smiled that had me from the start
That must be what’s responsible for our romantic spark.
Or perhaps it was her perfect scent – like a rose about to bloom
That had me falling for this girl that I just met so soon
But it was not all good news, cause just as I learned her name..
She told me she was in town visiting – & she goes to school at Duquesne
Suddenly it became not so clear to me…
How could we ever be if she lives no where near to me?

The second part of this letter goes to someone who isn’t real,
But is most certainly responsible for the love that I often feel
For girls that I can never be with because of a multitude of reasons..
Such as they live too far away or they commit the ultimate act of treason
I refer to it as cheating, which results in my heart bleedin
For a time period of 10 months, consuming me for every season
There is no valid reason, cupid, so your excuses, you can save it
Because you could never justify making love so complicated
It’s apparent you have never been shot, with an arrow through the skin
Into your heart… cause if you had, you would never shoot again!
Cause love just always fails, like a boat without the sail…
Or a blind person attempting to read a book without the Braille
And this suffering is caused from the arrow, which always ends my joy…
Always caused by this flying boy…
With a bow & arrow, bringing joy…
To only himself…& the proof that he cannot be stopped…
Is it’s a tad bit obvious he has never been shot.
Fuck you cupid."

[SacriFICE]

Hehe, ok..

Vote: Basic

Pharoahe, I think you have a very clear way of writing but the simplistic cliche' filled love-scenarios were a bit too much for me to handle. I applaud your effort and I take nothing away from you as a writer outside of your piece... That said, I'd say the best thing for you to work on would be adding a few more rhythmic syllables into your rhyme structure, it's a natural way to sort out flow and to alleviate from that repetitive flow.

Basic: Imagery alone one this battle for you. I was able to connect my knowledge of those who suffer from this disease to your descriptions and not only was this piece serious by nature, there's a light hearted element to it that adds a layer of rhythm to the concept of the piece. Rhyming and writing wasn't the most excellent, with plenty to work on in that department. Overall good enough to grab the "W" in this "competition."

[MC Guttso]

basic - ahh man this verse spoke in volumes. One of my friends has cerebral palsy so I can relate to it on a personal level. He's one of the most down to earth and fun person I know, and it's shit when ignorance creates prejudice. The flow was nice, a short verse, but that didn't matter I don't think. The mechanics were ok. There were many favourite lines in this piece, I liked most of it.

Pharaohe Def - This did seem a bit rushed, I can see that it wasn't to your full potential. The rhyme scheme seemed a bit forced, and the flow was shaky. The story was pretty good in describing the complications of love. Quite a few nice similies and metaphors thrown in there, and I look forward to reading some more of your work next week.

v - basic

[Cormier]

alright,

Pharoahe- this was an alright little simple piece. i must say that the first part of the letter (the second stanza) felt really natural. the wording was nice and the rhymes weren't very complex, but they were pretty smooth and natural.the last part did not seem as smooth, which was unfortunate. i'm sure that is most likely due though to the fact that you rushed this. overall a nice little quaint piece, but nothing special or too creative.

Basic- well i think the writing wasn't that great. it flowed ok, but not great and the rhyming was a little basic. i think you did a good job of displaying cerebral palsy in a rhyme format. i do not personally know anyone afflicted with cerebral palsy, but trying to be a teacher i have interacted with kids who live with the disease and you pretty much captured what i got from them, so props for that. overall not an amazing verse, but enough to get my vote.

VOTE= Basic. i think if Pharoahe's writing didn't faulter in the last stanza and had stayed as smooth and natural as the second stanza read he would have gotten my vote, but it didn't stay as smooth so Basic gets it

[Narcotics]

pharoe - ummm......story was your basic love scene....nothing wrong with that...just that its the same as every other cliche love story...flow was there went along well.......rhyme skeme use of multi's mid bars..there wasn't many of them if there was any....the beging was good enough but i wasn't feelin the end....could of put more work into n it mighta come out alot better but i ges you were rushing or whatever so you keyed up something basic....


basic - i really dug this verse..imagery was real dope ...as was the emotional aspect of your piece...good story and topic something ive never read on before..........some use of multis n mid bars.....ending was kinda abrupt...kinda just added 5-6 linesfor the ending...coulda went into it a bit more...ie - how he was feeling wen he heard this news...the rest of the verse was good with this but the end really wasn't to me.....but all in all a nice verse....


vote - basic

[MetaSin]

P. Def: The story itself isn't something overly new or original, obviously, but i think had you had sufficient time, this piece would've came across a bit better. The flow was on and off for me... some lines just contained too many syllables for the flow you had previously established. Overall it seemed as if your lack of time reflected in the mechanics of your piece. The last part about cupid not gettin shot was not bad, and ended the piece on a decent note.

Basic: Your topic connected well with the direction you took the story in. The full circle aspect/irony of the umbilical cord causing the disease, and having the ability to best cure it brought about a good ending. Although mechanically you weren't the strongest, your story development, and description was overall pretty solid.

Vote: Basic for better development, and connection.

[Got Life?]

Pharaohe - I know you've blamed a lack of time due to summer classes on not being able to really bang out gems, I hope that's behind us...this piece was a little cliche here and there and didn't really offer anything new to the reader which is probably why it faired the way it did...it wasn't a bad piece of writing, but it lacked that gusto.

Basic - I think it was clear cut by the read that this is something you have experienced/are familiar with in one format or another because of the way that you were able to convey this in such a relatable manner that we all connected with it. The imagery and emotion alone won this for you, but definitely polish up your mechanics if you want to be a contender down the road.

vote = basic.

[Scatterboxx]

eh.
okay.

basix.
basic verse. but still good. your name rocks your style well. ha. while the rhyme scheme was incredibly lackluster, you spoke somewhat vibrantly, & your polished flow definitely enhanced the read. you're a stylistically enjoyable writer, as was evident within this verse. still, you could have uncovered more info with more depth, including imagery, entertainment value, & emotion. you had a decent verse. basic, but solid in its own right.

pharaohe.

not a bad verse. not a great one. & certainly not enough to beat basic... but a good verse. a less consistent flow, but a stronger rhyme scheme. a small sacrifice was made in order to achieve that, &, in reality, it was an intelligent decision to make that. while your verse had "more to it", there was less depth... it wasn't as well explored as it could have or should have been, which was a real shame. the writing style was incredibly lackluster. while both yours & basic's styles ARE simple, basic rocked it more properly. &, for that reason...

vote- basix.