[DF:WK4] MetaSin vs. -Atreyu- (Vote!)

[TheReturn]

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Down To Business.
This Match-Up is between:
In Rank Order

MetaSin
Active Worth: 002pts
Vs.
-Atreyu-
Active Worth: 000pts

Good Luck Ladies.
Prove Your Worth

[-Atreyu-]

ok you showed....i guess?didnt know extension was granted to YOU but whatever i guess,finished verse is down there since i couldnt post it here for some reason?

[MetaSin]

[DF:WK4] Blue Championship: TheReturn vs. .:Pain:. (Vote!)

[DF:WK4] Red Championship: Scatterboxx vs. Got Life? (Vote!)

[DF:WK4] basic|s|kill vs. Pharaohe Def (Vote!)

[DF:WK4] Bonnie Bathory vs. Lucifa (Vote!)

[Quriosity]

doesn't matter, i believe atreyu asked for an extension
you can't revoke the extension for an easy win

[-Atreyu-]

i didnt know meta asked for an extension...how was i to know if he didnt post in this thread?well anyway,i wont be anywhere near a comp today,so ill finish tonight and post a little bit after 1 pm EST.I thought meta was a NS.

[MetaSin]

I took the shades off n took one last look at her face…
Overcome by emotions, but I put them away…
And looked to the days ahead, before the shot could ring…
Submersed in distraught hope that only great losses bring.
Then sorrow sings,
Past love becomes a hollow fling
My heart collapses before her body feels the solemn sting
I composed myself, or what was left of me…
To compose the last measure of this melody
Taking the last measures, to confirm the kill
Waiting for an answer, my heart hurting still…
I get ready to confirm that I had found the mole
Thoughts on my lost love, and cash I’m about to hold
When I receive a message from headquarters
With a description of the mole and direct orders:
Shoot to Kill…The target is Male, and dangerous
A former technical expert who’s unafraid to bust
My heart dropped, cuz there was nothing left of wifey
And I felt the presence of Bless behind me
I took a breath cuz there was nothing I could do
But succumb to the only mufucka that was blue

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I walked into my house, ready, with my shades on
But the whole place was silent with my dame gone
I could barely see, because the lights were so low
so I hit the switch, and saw a camera n photos.
Evidence of dirty deeds; a few select stills
Of my past work, and prospects for the future’s next kills
As I browsed the pics, my destiny kicked in
When someone approached putting red in my vision
I calmed my nerves, but didn’t know what to do
Cuz I wore the shades all day, and almost no one was blue
I ducked low, pulled my piece unable to wait
Saw her , and reacted before she could make her escape

-------------------------------------------------------------------------


The alarm went off just as I expected it
Same time every day… I never neglected it
Restin with my better half, I got up and dressed
Picked up the phone, n started callin up ‘Bless’-
Mr. GoGo gadget himself, acting in stealth
A digital junkie with contraptions to help
with any hand that is dealt, in the work that I do
-A contract killer, committing murders for loot.-
I asked for my assignment, n he dropped some science
Warning me to test every current alliance
Even the girl that I’m wifin-… he had a new invention…
That could see the truth, providing intervention
Between me n my enemies, and the ‘friends’ I see
In a package that he sent to me, he had a remedy
A pair of spectacles to help refine my vision
They looked normal, and wouldn’t arise su••••ion
but enabled me to see, the traitors who could be
Plotting my downfall, n not faithful to a tee
Color coded in 20/20; Bless called it mood vision
If a guy appeared green, then it means that dudes trippin
With that jealous shit, and that he’s too fake
Blue’s safe, and red meant that it was too late…
He told me to there was a mole with money on his head
And I’d get 100 billion dollars to leave the mufucka dead
He started to leave, but I told him to wait…
“You said I can’t trust anyone, how do I know that ur safe?”
He motioned the shades, told me to look at him first
And I saw he was blue when I put them to work…
I chuckled a bit, and me and Bless parted ways
As I began to look for the rogue agent and start my day

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

A scientist approaches you to test out his brand new invention.

You're an assassin who has just been offered 100 billion dollars to kill the person you love.

[SacriFICE]

Interesting assortment of writing in this battle. I'll start with the ugly, some awkward grammar and what not... however, in a Clockwork Orange sort of sense, Atreyu's bad grammar seemed really... fitting, in a strange way. Either was it was a bit tougher to read. The piece was strange at first and often corny, then you transitioned into the seven thing, a bunch of cool things happened in there for me as a reader... Then the piece sort of fell apart again, but I think you had the foundations of a pretty good piece here.

Meta: I liked this enough to give you the vote. Fairly clever the way you tied the quotes into two simultaneously interacting processes. Folks who don't understand what that means, just focus on the way the images swaying side from quote to quote, the struggle against the idea of his "dame" being gone... Hehe... It was cool.

Vote: Meta.


G'luck my fellows.

[-Atreyu-]

I awoke to the sun gleaming in my trash cans tipi
The heat sinking its teeth in my flesh deeply
and the,Street Sweeper sweeping the trash
n remnants of the glass 40 oz that I smashed
On the concrete,in a drunken rage,im stuck insane!
my pants wreak of rat excrement and piss stains
sick brain,I wish I was,what I used to be
stackin' chips fluidly,till my success fucked the breeze...


To make a long, long story short...
the number 7's been by my side since birth
in 77' on seventeen seventy-six and lennox
The time was seventeen-hundred in military minutes
Growing up...I saw the patterns group up and align
I first read number 7 Goosebumps-RL STINE
The first time i got a major cut? 7 stitches
it took 7 dentists to pull my wisdom from its bridges
and everytime I get a check,you can bet the number Sevens there
In my dreams,its only seven steps to heavens stairs
seven condoms before I really lost my virginity
on the seventh girl I dated 7 months into seventeen
Seven screams,triumphantly trumpeted that very night
In a dream,before at 7a.m. and I hopped on my flight
Destination to wallstreet,I was ready to win it all...
I trusted number 7,overdosed and lost it all...

My feel sorry for self daydream was blown apart
When A man with glasses in a suit ironed with starch
Approached my prescence like a stalking tiger
Pulled a cigarette out, talkin' bout a lighter...
He very quietly started to mumble in a grim voice
Some mumbo-jumbo about me having a choice
He said he was a scientist,from the lab at the university
locally, and mentioned he had sought me out purposely
not as a lab rat guinea pig,but for the environment
by helping an unfortunate get a permanent life again
no more strife in his wind,all one had to was begin...


Id rather be a man that had a chance than no chance at all
SO I decided id try what this 'scientist' had in store...

Day1:
He decided Id live my life normal as everyday passes
and keep a pen to scribble my thoughts in this tablet...
Illl scribble away!,but give a fuck less I do,just gimme money
even though it was weird,when I left the lab feeling funny...
When i arrived i looked at the clock,it was 12 on the dot
It felt like 30 minutes passed,when i left,it was 7 o'clock...


Day2:
Nothing new today,just more headaches and pain
my headshakes when it rains,even though today was a sunny day...
Its strange,however today ive walked more than the usual
it feels as if im looking for something waitin' for clues to spew...

Day3:
Ok, my head hurts,and worse I cant contact the laboratory
with mad spurts,of visions vivid altered reality
practically,all i gotta do is have my eyes closed,second kept
and a roooadmap disperses like open purse thefts...

Day 4:
Insomniac is a bitch!I wish i could stitch my eyes!
But the drive to be rich again, is all that i can surmise!
My pride is put on the hold as these visions try to take hold!
I close my eyes,and witness the bottom of a hole...


Day 5:
The visual map in my head'll lead me to the source
This city is brittle with landmarks,to trace a course...
and once I decide to find the hole I seek ill go back
to the laboratory, but this is my calling for now,in fact.

Day 6:
Traced my steps...back and forth I paced the city
eyes jittery,in a cloud of a forgotten mystery...
I closed em for 2 seconds to refresh my memory
took seventy steps to the left and landed where i need to be...

Day 7:
To be continued...

[MC Guttso]

Metasin - This verse was good. The flow was nice and the story was quite creative by inter-mingling these two quotes together. In fact this piece was constructed well. With the introduction being kind of like the ending in a way. There was a good build up, and an interesting idea with the shades...not bad.

-Atreyu- Intriguing idea of this man's obsession with the number seven. Ut was a pretty cool piece. Creative in its own right, what with the diary entries and the scientist offering a helping hand and the last part being left to the readers imagination. The flow was nice too.

However..

v - Metasin as I believe he had the better story substance and more development there which engaged my interest more in comparison to Atreyu's.

[-Atreyu-]

shouldnt sacrifices vote be changed being that I posted the rest of my verse after he voted?lol,this shit is out of order...

And guttso,the story shall be continued next week.

[Narcotics]

at - you piece was intresting..but i think you could of rocked it alot better ..flow was hit or miss...sometimes i waas zooomin along n other times i got caught up...n certain words you can make ryme in audio...dont go in text...so it threw me off a little..you did good with the emotional aspect though ...simple skeme not many multi's

met - enjoys your piece it was real creative n your flow went along smooth..liked how it first verse he ws talkin bout how he felt after he had killed her....n in the second verse he is killing her...little present back to the past back to the present verse..which u pulled off well...skeme was OK.....some use of multi's


gotta give it to met....overall just enjoyed his story more ....both were very creative though

[Vern Acular]

metasin...

this was an ok piece, average IMO, alot of the end rhyming here was forced making the mechanic part of things just ok for me, I did like how you left the end open to the imagination and never really finalized anything, but i kind of didn't tlike that as well, cause it made wanting more, too many unanswered questions and the whole "special" glasses was pretty abrupt and seemed out of place, but it was creative seems like you could have a part 2 - 6 though, but for the most part this was decent

atreyu...

reminded me of 23 with jim carey, the whole & infactuation was ok but the whole stanza about it dragged a little too much for me, and the twist to the whole science expirement was a nice little addition but as i read leaving it short at day & was very predictable...and well what happens after 7...are you gonna write up to day 77 before we come to a concluse of where you landed after the 77 steps, just really thought the 7s were too much but for the most part it was a decent verse


overall...VOTE - METASIN...just liked his verse better, not much to explain

[Scatterboxx]

eh.

compared to the other shit dropped this week, this was nothing special.


meta's been on a roll lately tho.
that's for sure.

meta.
FINALLY. something with depth. your verses recently have been short & sweet, but still strong. but, finalllllyyy... another story with good narration. tho not as "sweet" as your compressed verses, still good. much more polished mechanics than atreyu, but i think it was stylistically less entertaining than his. the content itself was far more original, due to the fact that the 7 concept was a total rip off of 23. legit. your verse was by no means one of your best, but it's good to see you drop something with more meat on it's bones.

atreyu.
okay. not a bad verse. stylistically, it'd sound dope laced over a beat. originality-wise...? yeeeeah. as vern said, that 23 tidbit kinda threw me off, & i wasn't really feeling it. i got that same vibe he did, & in a negative way. i didn't think the content itself had much creativity to it, but it was still an entertaining read, due to your creativity within the writing style itself. the mechanics were solid... blah @ the rhyme scheme, but impressive flow. overall, good verse. but it wasn't enough.

vote- meta.

[Quriosity]

Metasin wins, 4-0