[DF:WK4] Red Contendership: Vern Acular vs. Saga (Vote!)

[TheReturn]

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Down To Business.
This Match-Up is between:
In Rank Order

Vern Acular
Active Worth: 010pts
Vs.
Saga
Active Worth: 009pts

Good Luck Ladies.
Prove Your Worth

[Vern Acular]

check....alternate


[DF:WK4] Blue Championship: TheReturn vs. .:Pain:. (Vote!)
[DF:WK4] Sound vs. prophetional (Vote!)
[DF:WK4] Bonnie Bathory vs. Lucifa (Vote!)
[DF:WK4] Shrug vs. Source4Rhymes (Vote!)
[DF:WK4] DaAlmightyDolla vs. nom de plume. (Vote!)

~~~

[DF:WK4] MetaSin vs. -Atreyu- (Vote!)
[DF:WK4] Red Championship: Scatterboxx vs. Got Life? (Vote!)
[DF:WK4] Blue Contendership: Atheist vs. _KDP_ (Vote!)
[DF:WK4] tbone vs. Eye-Rime (Vote!)
[DF:WK4] Jimmy Eles vs. RICO (Vote!)

[Saga]

alternate and am posting soon

[Saga]

A Victimless Crime

+

A scientist approaches to test his brand new invention.

=

Chemist calculations formed to witness liquid
bubble out the tube - to the bottle it mixed with
hunt from devotion - sprinkled over envy and strife;
with blood of emotion - to end his enemies life
(the tip dips into the liquids pain and misery cries)
.
a turned recluse, forced in-to
the ill-usion of seclusion
neglecting social moral with his abusive confusion
.
how it took him overhearing some of his class students
talk about their math teacher and the other that screwed him
.
“how could that man do this? that mathematician
should have told me he was fucking her,
Damit Winston, I would have sat and listened”
.
... But Win didn’t…no, Joe had to pay attention
to his wife with him around, hearing things they mentioned
It was strange how this wisdom - was sensed from visions
Of them talking up close, where under smiles intentions
Was undeniable conviction, definable in the
prisoners eyes inside
craving to escape the blindfold of prison
.
A brain in starvation, filled with anger, and temptation
To destroy the man, that stranger, he pictured in that basement
in the lab, under Joe's lonely house where the lights strobe
Flickering thoughts that reflect images of that life he knows
That long road of knowing someone who grows so astray
Who walks it by your side saying they know they’re the same
Yet in the same situation five years from this day
Winston nor his wife would have betrayed Joe in this way.
Joe never knew what had changed or when it started
What made her flame die out an the candle wax harden
What made his friend of so long, say so long an cheat
but don't believe for a second he needs gods sympathy
.
Joe hated thinking of her face; it showed in his owns expressions
It drove him crazy knowing he couldn’t control the obsession
Those fond memories she stole an changed to aggressive weapons
Surly pulled her soul towards her own pessimistic heaven
Where she could look down an see Joe’s reasons were honest
When he lost it – took the screams off that bloody knife and tossed it
Leaving his life and the energy to live fatigued and exhausted
But see, his logic… was to make this seem like profit
with a scheme of value greater than the green in wallets
she would watch it from above, and see no pity in Joe’s eyes
but she cried, so when it rained quickly, it was no surprise
she would never return like the sun over the city sky in his mind.
.
Joe knew Winston heard him cut her when he kicked the bed
from under it where her arm dangled an dripped in red
above, a strip of death, neck strangled, forget the rest
it was all disassembled and ripped to shreds
Joe left, an when Win fled - it was a win-win bet
that he would Jet to the cops,
but not with Joe on the watch
(his driver window echoed from the noise of the shot)
but not with a bullet to kill, something to change Win's mind
a special dart with the tip dipped in Joe's chem design
.
Winston now wakes up thinking of things he misses
from his cell where he decays in prison
cuz Joe's dart makes Win think he did it
and sometimes Joe will go an make a visit
smile on his face, knowing the gays have hit it
and it's all thanks to the chemist wisdom
but he lost his own life
in this crime with no victims

[Vern Acular]

The Equation Of Life
by Vern Acular



"There is only one certainty in life, and that is that one day you will die."
- anon


we've heard it all before, you know...life is what you make it
there's christ and then there's satan plus the scientific bang shit
a fight between the ancient phrophecies and vague hypothesis
create a lot of these beliefs of righteousness it's sacred
see life begins in spaceships, and the light became the matrix
you know the one at the end tunnel...heiroglyphics state this
despite the simulations it's a vital stimulation
to the brain obtained by an ordain supply of information

but why is everyday spent in a common hotel
with no room to talk...see i just need to stop and exhale
but im locked in a cell...
while concrete circulates through my veins
a permeation of pain...see im in a coffin in a hell
and it's harder to tell the truth between the false and itself
the tatoo of stigmata postulates the thoughts that im well
see im attatched to a pinata in this ominous shell
the plot it prevails and this is how my confidence failed

I conquered myself, no notch on my belt, my mother cries
cause im consumed in a bunch of lies im through with the lullabies
i've been in tuned with other lives from shrooms to drugs but I
still wait for my dreams to change from cacoons to butterflies
im doomed i suffer why?...well...cause sooner or later
every one of us'll die...it's a rule that we savor
but who is our savior...and where's the clues on the paper
can we atleast know the time god....do us a favor
or should i ask the mutant invaders to explain to you
the blatant truth behind the facts of life and deju vu
cause when you feel you done it you have...you have to face the proof
that's right in front of your ass...in many shapes and hues
from psalms to Langston Hughes there's songs and daily news
morning quotes and horoscopes of course you know what's wrong with you

or do you...
cause often you can see, a movie scene, pollute the meaning quick
and usually it's you that reads a eulogy cause we were sick
we were ripped we were tied....we were stripped of our pride
we were lift to the skies...in other words just sent to the side
we were censored deprived and i can make you a promise
if your alive you'll die...it'll stay in your conscience
from the sidewalks in hollywood placing your palm prints
to an opague stage waiting to state in your offense
that maybe the content of life can be spoken to people
where death is a baloon but hope is the needle
see god if you're there...well i hope that i meet you
and if you were just created by man...i wanna know where they keep you
exposure is evil....see it's cancer to the mind
im alive now, but dying to know...standing in a line
this is my last day...so as i put my hands up to the sky
the equation to life says you'll get the answer when you die

[Got Life?]

Saga - this was a pretty cool story and generally speaking it was definitely a step up from a lot of the things you've done in the past...the story was pretty cool though nothing really spectacular...it's not a terrible way to approach the topic...I think the flow and scheme could have been tighter...the beginning could have been clearer...just mechanical things could have been done better...otherwise, nice job.

Vern - I liked parts of this and then parts of this did nothing for me...you definitely have a better scheme and flow than saga, but your piece really didn't offer much for me. It asked a lot of questions, but only offered that we find out the truth in the end...at the same time, the questions asked weren't really ones that I cared for...maybe it's just my personal detachement to the subject, but I wasn't all about this.

It's hard for me to vote on this, but I think Vern's piece was slightly better due to the lack of clarity/development in Saga's piece.

[Cormier]

hmm

Saga- pretty decent story. the concept is a little played: man's wife is cheating on him with friend so he kills her and frames the friend. however, you were able to flip the concept in a way that made it seem not-so-played, with the whole chemistry experiment and everything. the writing wasn't so great. i think it seemed a little muddled. some lines and somof the rhymes just didn't seem to mesh that well and therefore the flow suffered a little. overall though, a pretty decent story that just could have used a little more development.

Vern- pretty nice. i thought it stard off a little slow, but i loved that third stanza. everything in the stanza just flowed well, the rhymes were crisp and you had a bunch of lines that resonated with me (especially the first four lines of that stanza). that cacoons to butterflies line was really nice. there were quite a few instances of some forced rhymes in this, but there were probably just as many in Saga's verse, so that's not a big deal here. the wording was a little off at times, but for the most part it was pretty good. overall a pretty nice drop with some good writing and some nice, mermorable lines.

VOTE= Vern

[T.a.C]

Saga- Nice story. I found it to be boring however and had a hard time concentrating on it. at first the story didnt make much sense to me. it wasnt really clear. but you pulled that together and started making sense. my favorite part of your peice was the rhymes. the beginning you started off with fire. didnt make sense but the rhymes were nice.

Vern- you had some really nice rhymes in there. the story was boring to me like Saga's was. the flow was better however and i think overall it was just a better story. it was deep, asked a lot of questions, made you think. good job


vote-Vern. he just had a better story

[MC Guttso]

Saga - I can honestly say this is the best verse I've read from you so far. I'm guessin a lot of effort was put into this. Although not perfect at times, and it did falter I enjoyed the flow and overall mechanics that you adapted to your verse. As for the story content it wasn't sooo bad, although not original I thought it was developed to a satisfactory standard and I liked the ending: "and it's all down to the chemical wisdom, but he lost his own life in this crime with no victims.."...mint.

VernAcular: Awesome. Well the first paragraph of this I enjoyed. I liked the heavy philosophical stance to it and your reader friendly rhyme scheme. A guy locked up feeling sorry for himself and thinking a lot...at least that's what I think you were trying to paint and if so it was interesting and you portrayed that part of the piece well. In a lot of your verses I really like reading your metaphors because they're quite clever, e.g: "where death is a balloon and hope is the needle...and "coffin in hell...." This read was refreshing.

In conclusion I enjoyed Saga's verse, it DID have a well developed storyline with more polished mechanics than usual I reckon. I feel it was a close match-up which is good to see. However VernAcular provided a nice, interesting, though envoking read for me. All in all a good match up

v-VernAcular.

[Narcotics]

saga - your story was better then vern's i liked the twist at the end though you came up on it to fast..spent alot of time on joe's feelings and the struggle inside of him ..n while doing this putting in bits and pieces of what was happenin wit the plot... then all of a sudden the last 2 verse you wrap everything up..good use of imagination though wit the end...n a wel written piece..good use of his emotions but i think you spent a little to much time on them...wen you could been devolpeing the story a bit more.....good skeme n multi's..some mid bars ..vern's verse was better in that aspect though...




vern - i enjoyed this read and it was real interesting the way you took your topic...that first verse was very nice....then it kinda went down hill...the rest was dope dont get me wrong...but kinda climaxed to fast...flow was nice ..use of multi's skeme mid bars all used and did it while still makeing it a nice enjoyable read...didnt seem real cluttered and sometimes that happens wen people do what you did in this verse.....the story was more of a topical on beliefs ..stayed there the whole time and didn't go any where .....but i still liked what you did with it...

saga had more of a story n emotional depth.. but vern took it on mechanics and everything else ....ima have to give it to......
vote ----vern ....it was really close...just depends if your more for the story aspect..or rymeing and mechanical aspect...

[Scatterboxx]

dope battle.

first one i've read.

saga... really impressed. a much better verse than what you've been dropping lately. much more polished mechanics, but unfortunately no match for vern's still. the story was cool... could have been told with more excitement & suspense, but none the less gripped me in its own sense. the linguistics were basic, but never forced, which is always nice. some decent multis & a few lines that really stuck out. cool ending, but there were, in technicality, "victims" to the crime[s]. good verse nonetheless.

vern... wow. stepping it the fuck up. the mechanics were solid as fuck... tight flow, & incredible rhymes. that opening stanza had me hooked from the 2nd line in. fantastic job there. some nice linguistics that were legitimate poetry, which is always nice. the topical itself was verrry intellectually provocative, & thus gripping. an intelligent piece with a great ending.

vote- vern.

[Lucifa]

Saga - if you are LDogg then this is up there with one of the better pieces I've read from you .. if not .. then this is the best piece I've read from you .. the writing did fall off a little as some lines began to read stretched (as LDogg's tend to) .. the content at the end held this piece with some level of consistency as the mechanics went downhill from the start whilst the content improved from the start .. some decent multis but also some played vocab in rhymes .. overall though I thought this was a good read and like I say .. your (Saga) most competitive verse I've read ..

Vern - I enjoyed this one .. I liked the 3rd person approach to create an interesting to read topical verse .. some aspects of the content went deeper than others but I think you did well to stray away from too many cliche thoughts and depicted your ideas pretty well .. the mechanics were fine with no real highlights and nothing that put me off the read .. an overall well written piece IMO ..

Vote = Vern .. I enjoyed the verse more .. Saga seems to be building up momentum and progressing his writing in this stint in the rstl .. but it had a lack of 'gel' to really weight a vote in his favour in this instance .. good battle guys ..

[Atheist]

Saga:
I enjoyed the story here, but I must say I’m a little confused as to how it relates to the topic. From what I gathered, the story involves a man named Joe, his wife, and his best friend Winston. His wife has an affair with his best friend, and as a result, Joe kills his wife then injects Winston with some serum that makes him believe that it was actually himself (Winston) that committed the crime. Therefore, in my eyes, there are two victims; the wife, who was murdered, and Winston, who was innocent but actually believes he was guilty.

I think the story needs some clarification; unless I have misinterpreted. Then please, by all means, correct me.

Other than that, I thought the story itself was entertaining. The descriptions of each scene were vivid and well worded, and everything flowed together neatly and easily. I especially enjoyed the scene where you describe the wife being murdered; it was brutal and easy to imagine. The words leapt from the computer screen with such vividness and lucidity. Excellent job in that regard. However, as I’ve said, my only complaint is the actual relationship between the story within your verse and the topic that you have chosen to write to.

Favourite lines:
Joe knew Winston heard him cut her when he kicked the bed
from under it where her arm dangled an dripped in red
above, a strip of death, neck strangled, forget the rest
it was all disassembled and ripped to shreds
Joe left, an when Win fled - it was a win-win bet
that he would Jet to the cops,
but not with Joe on the watch
(his driver window echoed from the noise of the shot)
but not with a bullet to kill, something to change Win's mind
a special dart with the tip dipped in Joe's chem design

Vernacular:
It has been a long, long time since I last read one of your verses; nearly two years in fact. And after all this time, I have only this to say – you have missed a step. The flow and rhyme scheme are excellent as always, and the content remains top notch. I enjoyed your approach here, debating the existence of God or whether He is in fact a manmade creation. It would be a difficult piece to write about, and especially to end, but I enjoyed the note that you finished on here; by basically saying you must be patient as you will find out the truth when you die. You didn’t go along the line of thinking of ‘be good’ and all that shit. You basically said, fuck it, I’m going to die, and that’s when I can find out the truth.

I liked that approach.

Favourite Lines:
but who is our savior...and where's the clues on the paper
can we atleast know the time god....do us a favor
or should i ask the mutant invaders to explain to you
the blatant truth behind the facts of life and deju vu
cause when you feel you done it you have...you have to face the proof
that's right in front of your ass...in many shapes and hues
from psalms to Langston Hughes there's songs and daily news
morning quotes and horoscopes of course you know what's wrong with you


-------------------------------------------------------------------------


Vote: Vernacular.

This was a match of high quality; both competitors brought great verses to the table. Saga’s impressed me right from the start, and I knew that something very good would have to be deployed in order to topple him. However, when you’re up against Vern, that’s always a possibility. I am impressed with both verses here, but I just feel that Vernacular brought more to the table in terms of substance and I was also that little bit more enthralled when reading through his piece. Great match up, fellas.

[Eye-Rime]

well, i had already broken this down and i am pissed to have to start over, nevertheless this is a good enough match and more than warrants my opinion so i feel its only right to type it all over again, sorry if its shorter than original but i usually write my votes as i read and therefore i tend to point out more stuff

saga, first and foremost this was good, i dug it thoroughly, rhythmic pattern was thorough yet friendly, the descriptions were good, and what i enjoyed most is that you actually delved into the characters and the reasoning behind the events that were to come without losing the attention of the reader, that in itself is impressive, more notable however is that you did this all without seeming too lengthy, though the verse was clearly long it was more than worth it, initially i would have said this started slow and it actually did but only because i was unaware of what was really going on, the entire verse really went under the radar for me and this is mainly why i feel it was so impressive, it wasn't until after i read the entire verse that it clicked and then i re-read the topics and the opener and was literally like, "damn".. dope verse nonetheless, you tackled both topics tremendously well and odd topics they were and though the story itself was somewhat simplistic in concept i don't think i would have thunk it or delivered it the same and in such a good fashion as you did here, i really got into the occurrences and reasons behind them and come the end i was originally thinking, "okay, he lost it" but it actually added up so nicely and you delivered the ending so smoothly and then i thought "well, maybe i missed something" because the story was weird but once i realized the topics chosen this was golden, i think i'm repeating myself and/or giving you too much praise so let me move on to another subject, the tone was spot on and though it was obvious that the narrator was not an actual character it fit perfectly in being very mature but never over the top, it was exactly what you would expect from an educated character going through the pains that he did, overall this was a well mapped story with a good flow and a fitting tone and ending, what more could you ask for?, not the best by far because there have been many great stories but what a good first impression, i could definitely see you champing the league if you could actually stay consistent and interesting in your characters and the events that occur

vern, wow, great to see you back to old fashion, nevertheless you still have numerous typos which is less distracting than that of a RICO or DAD verse meaning that yours are only minor such as misspellings and whatnot, things that don't actually hinder the rhythm of reading because i can glance and know what you meant however my OSD allows me to catch such minimal mistakes, anyway.. the story (well, it was hardly a story) was good nonetheless but i honestly can't see how this would rival that of your opponents, a classic story versus topical here in which the topical is obviously prevailing but honestly while i think you did a great job i did find faults and the largest of them all is the fact that this is only a rehashed subject presented with a flawless flow and in blue fonts, not to be rude or disrespectful to a great because time and time again i have noted that i have always admired your talents but this was literally just an overused concept flipped in a great manner, not great enough to topple an original story though that could almost match your flow and was much more fulfilling and entertaining for a read, i did enjoy this and enjoyed it much but it hardly offered anything new to me, the face the proof line lost it for me which was quite possibly the only hiccup mechanically besides minor flaws in spelling and whatnot, and the topical was delivered with very high standards, but i just wouldn't rate this higher than saga's

overall, this was the best match thus far, i thoroughly enjoyed both sides but saga's just captivated me more and it felt as though i had read a good book, i tend to overprop people when i like a certain story especially the first good piece of the week that i have read so please don't take my ranting to the head, this was good but also beatable (as proven in this thread alone), but the only gripe i found with saga's imo was the fact that it was long (though i think this was actually positive because it didn't see to drag and was never really dull) and while looking back i actually couldn't find the correlation between the victimless crime topic, the only thing i could think of is that the body was somehow chemically disposed of but then i couldn't see Winston in a prison for only believing he killed some woman that hypothetically didn't exist, maybe an insane asylum or some sort of nut house but that part didn't really add up, at the same time Vern's piece was dope but not only do i prefer stories to topicals but i don't feel as though conceptually this was fresh, quite possibly one of the best takes on the topic but i believe i was most captivated by flow rather than content and to me saga's flow was damn near just as good and his content caught my attention, also Vern's piece felt somewhat brief compared to the thoroughness of Saga's, that and Vern just hop scotched through random metaphors and whatnot (which was a good touch, but quit common in topicals), i don't know.. i think i'm rambling so..

saga wins it for me

lol, i had to edit this in.. but i think i'm tripping, this shit was long as fuck but only took me like 10 minutes to type, i think i got carried away because i type at like 80-90 wpm and i had already read the material