[DF:WK4] Red Championship: Scatterboxx vs. Got Life? (Vote!)

[TheReturn]

Welcome to your match-up thread. Click Here For Rules & Regulations

Quick Over-View:
12-64 lines to a topic provided in the [TOPICS] thread of the sticky area.
Do not post more than 3 times within your own match-up thread.
^No more than once in anyone elses either!^
Stay fresh, no recycling.

Opt-In to the "Alternate" scheme before posting a verse.
This will increase your chances of obtaining feedback and votes via another opponent.
Just check in and state you wish to alternate, should you suffer a no-show.

Down To Business.
This Match-Up is between:
In Rank Order

Scatterboxx
Active Worth: 015pts
Vs.
Got Life?
Active Worth: 010pts

Good Luck Ladies.
Prove Your Worth

[Got Life?]

and so we meet again peasant.

go snort coke out of a donkey's asshole.

alternate like it's nobodies business.

[Scatterboxx]

i shall strike thee down like lightning, clown.


p.s. lose some weight, eugene mcgottagut

[Got Life?]

midget say what?

votes:
1. [DF:WK4] Lotus vs. SacriFICE (Vote!)
2. [DF:WK4] Bonnie Bathory vs. Lucifa (Vote!)
3. [DF:WK4] Cormier vs. MC Guttso (Vote!)
4. [DF:WK4] Blue Championship: TheReturn vs. .:Pain:. (Vote!)
5. [DF:WK4] tbone vs. Eye-Rime (Vote!)
6. [DF:WK4] Sound vs. prophetional (Vote!)
7. [DF:WK4] Shrug vs. Source4Rhymes (Vote!)
8. [DF:WK4] Red Contendership: Vern Acular vs. Saga (Vote!)
9. [DF:WK4] basic|s|kill vs. Pharaohe Def (Vote!)
10. [DF:WK4] Jimmy Eles vs. RICO (Vote!)
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.

[Scatterboxx]

topic: phantoms lurk.


{“the junkiez”.}

when dusk dims to darkness, shadows creep in the mansion,
rockin’ blood dripping garments & rotten grudges to pardon.
still the loveliest garden is plush-blushed lush in harvest;
& for reasons unknown we three seek understandin’.
stirring heads, reverberating urban legends circulate.
spurred in seconds, surfaced waiting curtained specters lurk today.
rust chipping chain links keep a killing sworn to secrecy
of blood- dripping, staining sheets of linen- torn, they’re creased & cleaved.
to get there, they say follow the one & only shallow creek
hidden in forest park, cloaked by pioneer valley’s peak.
it’s all hallow’s eve… & we’re heading in to get the truth…
‘cause we’ve been told a tale of terror. now… let’s review:

according to noah’s argument, the horror started when
they packed their duffle bags & moved to forest park’s within.
bored & far from friends, distanced within the town they lived.
it was time for change, but time is strange- an astounding twist…

the first sunday they’d settled, demons paid visits at church…
speaking only to the father, but with wisdom & worth;
like, “eat your wife & the little ones, & god gives in return
an infinite amount of chips, plus all the mystics submerged
beneath the depths of vast black galaxies that’s hidden,
masked by stars that fly like shooting gallery collisions.”
so the father of the family of four there that dwelled within
slaughtered them like amity’s horror & its hellish sin.

they say he got dizzied quick; trashed on seriously trippy shit;
snorting lines like little pissy kids do with pixie sticks…
so maybe it was drugs… but maybe it wasn’t…
& certainly those way-hazy days led to way-crazy ways…
so perhaps the devil came to earth- invading space…
tip toed inside a frat party with spiked bacardi; laced his haze.
‘cause daddy stripped the whole bunch naked, strapped ‘em to the furnace,
doused ‘em all in gas, sparked a match & then he burned ‘em.
& once the deed was done, he lived in regret- weakened,
‘cause wickedness crept, hopelessly hidden & kept secret..
immediately thereafter, the father then hung himself,
fastened to the old oak out back by a buckled belt…

we trudged through the muck of the valley; through thickets & swampland
in search of the mansion beyond, holding wickedness gone damned.
we made our way – way slowly… then we saw it in the distance.
caught up in the minute we arrived- all of us envisioned
blood dripping from the gutter- sly, slithering crimson.
there’s lights- flickering, dimming at random- slivered by shutters.
a grave rests there now standing crooked, yet firm –
wooded with fern – chipped & decayed - it looks to be cursed…

we waited outside, shook to shit for like, forty-five minutes,
like, we’ll each be a mortified witness copping fortified glimpses…
horrifying visions… but, see, there is more to this…
we shut the door - that aura was felt – some real paranormal shit….

intangible phantoms were dancin’ - moving in motions of grace.
it was then that i coughed from the vast amount of smoke in the place.
a hookah burned slowly, but holy shit these demons be yellin’.
wait a minute, yeah they’re screaming, but they be screaming “welcome!”
one passed noah a blunt, then right thereafter one came to me.
damn this is some hardcore shit- straight up blood-draining weed.
not gonna lie, though, we were “the real life” of the party
so we got stoned with goblins, plus drunk off pints of bacardi.

[Got Life?]

"Why must you make things so complicated?"
- nom de plume.

I saw in her the girl of my dreams,
Flying past on the tilt-a-whirl, oh she seems-
Possibly heaven sent, a symbol of beauty,
Though it’s probably irrelevant as nimble wits elude me,
All I needed was to ask her name,
A simple task, no game, but I couldn’t just ask,
I kept desires cloaked and masked,
In my minds labyrinth I joked and basked,
Thinking of the perfect date, the ideal situation,
Although fate had long bound our relation,
And when I asked, she exhaled “finally”,
Apparently she had long since sighted me,
She’d been sitting there, waiting excitedly-
For me to engage her though I foolishly,
Over complicated and delayed our date,
Oh stupidity, how you almost conned our fate.

We sat watching waves crash beneath stars,
And I thought to myself, if men are from mars-
And women from Venus, how’d she perceive this,
Was I a potential lover, or was it just naïve bliss,
That would lead towards a foolish stammer,
And did she like me or perceive mine to be a ghoulish glamour,
All these thoughts rampaged my mind,
This left my staring blankly as if caged and blind,
In turn, that made the date end in rapid succession,
Oh joy, the first date’s vapid progression-
Which’ll now lead to a nervous game of when to call,
Should it be today, tomorrow, or not at all,
See this is the game that I now have to play,
And I have a feeling it stays the same ‘til we’re old and grey,
Yet all that she needed to say-
Was, “Baby, I want to see you again tomorrow okay?”

Now as dating pursues the table flips,
She’s forced to decide when to let me past her lips,
When fingertips are left to roam and caress,
And is giving me dome a way to express-
The way she starts to feel as she grows to love,
As she loses control, and push leads to shove,
Because she missed her period, yet I’m unaware,
Now that I’m told, I sit with a stare that shows that I care,
But part of me is wishing that I wasn’t there,
But one thing that I wouldn’t dare-
Is to tell her this, it’s to fucking complicated,
So I have to sit back, look cool; real calm sedated,
As we’d conversate about what’s next in line,
Birth or abortion, or dare I even ask “Is it really mine?”
Bated by the devil and his serpentine hiss,
Love finally shows that it’s all hit or miss.

Now you play the game of whether to wed,
Is a condom slip or a drunken romp in the bed-
Enough to ensure that you’ll be happily married,
In truth, the results may be varied,
Just hope you don’t wake up one day,
With an itch at the kitchen table, dying to say,
“Honey can you pass the sugar this way”
But instead what’s actually said is this…
“You fucking bitch you ruined my life.
I’ll fucking kill you for this.”



"There is only one certainty in life, and that is that one day you will die."
- anon

[Atheist]

Scatterbox:
As usual, the way you right is absolutely astounding. The rhyming, the general writing style, the imagery; it’s all top notch and consistently so. I just love how each of your lines is so rich with textual expression, descriptions and vivid images that are brought to the forefront of my mind with a bang. Brilliant. I loved your flip on the story as well; the chilling description of the father of four murdering his family then hanging himself, to the scene at the end of what can only be described as an ‘afterlife’ party. It ended on quite a high note, given the chilling descriptions and brutality that preceded it. I thought the ending could have been better and spread across more lines in order to really express the imagery. But overall, what I really enjoyed was the dark writing in this verse.

Favourite lines:
we trudged through the muck of the valley; through thickets & swampland
in search of the mansion beyond, holding wickedness gone damned.
we made our way – way slowly… then we saw it in the distance.
caught up in the minute we arrived- all of us envisioned
blood dripping from the gutter- sly, slithering crimson.
there’s lights- flickering, dimming at random- slivered by shutters.
a grave rests there now standing crooked, yet firm –
wooded with fern – chipped & decayed - it looks to be cursed…

Got Life:
I have mixed feelings concerning this verse. I loved the build up, the description of the early involvement in a romantic situation; the uncertainty, the nervousness, but also the excitement at the potential prosperity that lies ahead. I thought you captured the emotion very well, regarding this segment. I also enjoyed how you expressed the emotion concerning the unexpected announcement of pregnancy. Yet again you captured the uncertainty (“Is it really mine?”) and nervousness (“part of me is wishing that I wasn’t there”) very well, and you even hit the nail on the head perfectly concerning romance and love (“it’s all hit or miss”). However, what I didn’t enjoy was the ending, mainly because you just seemed to jump into the conclusion so quickly and abruptly. It really came out of nowhere, and not in a good way like a good story twist, but in a bad way that made me think you just plucked the first thing out of the air in order to end this. So in that regard, I think you could have ended the piece on a better note.

Favourite Lines:
We sat watching waves crash beneath stars,
And I thought to myself, if men are from mars-
And women from Venus, how’d she perceive this,
Was I a potential lover, or was it just naïve bliss,
That would lead towards a foolish stammer,
And did she like me or perceive mine to be a ghoulish glamour,
All these thoughts rampaged my mind,
This left my staring blankly as if caged and blind,


----------------------------------------------------


Man, I’m really torn on who to vote for here. Both competitors had great build ups to their verses, but I feel that their endings were anti-climatic. Therefore, I’m going to go with the piece that I enjoyed reading that little bit more, due to its fantastic wording and general descriptions and imagery.

Vote: Scatterbox.

This was an incredibly close match up, and I can see it going either way. Regardless, this was a fantastic exhibition of how a championship match should play out. Congratulations, and best of luck, to the both of you.

[T.a.C]

Wow another match up with you 2, another tough one to vote on.

scatterboxx- you came as you always do. lots of detail, great rhyme, nice flow. nothing i can really knock about this peice. i like how your story went from the murder/hanging and all that depressing shit to a party and the demons are passin out blunts and shit. great story

got life?- your a fat fuck but nice job. you did a good job progressing the story from when the couple first met to calling for the second date to them fucking and her getting pregnant. also the rhymes were nice, flow was good. well developed verse

vote- scatterboxx. the story was just better developed and just better overall.

[Narcotics]

scatt - nice as usual...flow jumped a little to me...from 12 to 10 to 8 and back and forth...but a really dope read....the end left me wanting cause the begining was so hot.....dug the chourus....it was a good story but like i said the begining and the middle where wat took the cake......imagary was on point was usual.....shit was real dope





got - nice little love story...you were really good with makeing me the reader feel exzactly wat dude was thinking and anyone who ever tried to hook up with a chick can really relate..same with the finding out she's pregnant part....the story over all was so so for me though you told it well.....but wasn't anything over clever......some multi's....flowed well nuff...ending kinda came outta nowhere for me though.....


vote scatt just for imagary multi n skeme along....but it was also a very interesting and differant type story ...

[Cormier]

Scatterbox- definitely a better written piece. not that there was anything really wrong with GL's writing, yours was just a bit more complex. the rhyming and flow were pretty nice, a bit forced and unnatural sounding in a couple parts, but good for the most part. the imagery is what really did it for me in this piece. each line was just filled with it. really added some great depth to this piece. the story itself was pretty cool. the body of it was nothing i haven't seen done before, but it was told and written very well. the ending though left a lot to be desired in my opinion. it seemed really hokey and like you just didn't know where else to go with it so you just threw that ending in there for the hell of it. it maybe could have been a cool ending if you had developed it a bit more, but just throwing it out there in the last couple of lines put a big damper on an otherwise good piece.

GL- well, not as complex as Scatterbox, but because of that i thought your piece came off a little more natural. the flow was there and the rhyming, although a little more basic, was still there and was crisp too. again, as with Scatterbox, i was digging the build-up of the verse, but the ending seemed a little lackluster. it seemed like both of you just ran out of time or things to sayand decided to just the pieces too abruptly. however, i really dug the progression of your piece throughout the relationship of the two characters and i thought it moved at a very good pace.

VOTE= GL because Scatterbox's ending was just too bogus for me. completely ruined his great build-up in my opinion. GL's ending wasn't great, but it wasn't as bogus as Scatt's, so he gets my vote

[Scatterboxx]

1. [DF:WK4] Red Contendership: Vern Acular vs. Saga (Vote!)
2. [DF:WK4] Blue Championship: TheReturn vs. .:Pain:. (Vote!)
3. [DF:WK4] DaAlmightyDolla vs. nom de plume. (Vote!)
4. [DF:WK4] Lotus vs. SacriFICE (Vote!)
5. [DF:WK4] Bonnie Bathory vs. Lucifa (Vote!)
~~~
1. [DF:WK4] Blue Contendership: Atheist vs. _KDP_ (Vote!)
2. [DF:WK4] MetaSin vs. -Atreyu- (Vote!)
3. [DF:WK4] Jimmy Eles vs. RICO (Vote!)
4. [DF:WK4] basic|s|kill vs. Pharaohe Def (Vote!)
5. [DF:WK4] tbone vs. Eye-Rime (Vote!)

[Eye-Rime]

inf, i was rocking until the lush blushed plush in harvest or whatever you said line, syllabically this threw me off which i thought was a bit unusual for an inf verse, okay.. at first i wasn't fond of the flow because its very sporadic but actually it allows me to read instead of being caught in a traditional rhythmic pattern which allowed me to connect with the actual story better, its also pretty different and still flows fairly well, the introduction here was nice, the tone is dark and fitting and i enjoyed some of the descriptions here, the flow picked back up after the introduction as well which was a nice touch, it kept it fresh but separate from the actual story so as not to throw off too many readers, everything was nice up until i hit the 'trippy shit' part, it really didn't fit the tone here and threw me off for a second, this continued through the pissy kids and way hazy/crazy ways, all of that was a bit too natural for the preceding material that set a different tone in my head, nevertheless this section ended nicely as well, good flow still with good descriptions, the flow carried on through and was nice but inconsistent at times, all in all this seemed good into we reached the overly cliche ending, i don't think i was really feeling this story, the flow was awkward, the content was okay but the tone was confusing, i couldn't quite tell who the narrator was because at times he had a vocabulary as if he was 40 recapping a childhood story and at other times it was like he was an eight year old who got a thrill from cursing when he was away from home with his friends, also the ending was bad in my opinion and not only that but it was somewhat abrupt and when i wasn't ready to finish and was just beginning to really get into it it was like "BAM! i'm just a pothead", you exhibited skills and there were definitely things to like about this piece but as a whole i wasn't really feeling it

GL, okay to begin the flow was good but not good, like i was riding but then you hit me with the one syllable rhythm again, the foolishly line threw me off and the delayed/conned, nevertheless the content was good at this point, overall i dig the tone and the vocabulary behind the piece, good word usage with mature vocab but nothing over the top, it also stayed consistent throughout, overall this wasn't much different than your usual stuff other than no one actually died but only one party longing to kill the other, i think it would have worked slightly better had you excluded the picture and the last quote, the first was more than enough, besides that your only major flaw was your flow which is always a flaw for GL verses, it was inconsistent to say the least, at times you were rhyming 3 syllables and then at other times you were sticking with 1, then sometimes you seemed slightly off syllabically, nevertheless it was only a minor distraction from the content which was fairly believable and i could relate with it though i don't ever feel like killing my wife it was just a more natural happening as opposed to smoking weed with make believe goblins in a haunted house on hallow's eve

overall, i think both came good but had downfalls as well, inf.. i'm sure you know that this wasn't your best so it need not be said but it just seems as though you opt for the drug stories when you're short on time or interest, this hardly worked for me because the flow was inconsistent and when i started to vibe with it you threw out a pretty bad ending imo, GL.. on the other hand i think i dug your story more but your flow was a problem as well, not the same as inf's who just tried to be too complicated and switch things up but yours was too simple and inconsistent at times

nevertheless, GL had the better script to me and the flow hardly hurt, so vote - Got Life?

[Lucifa]

Scatt - this was an enjoyable read but I feel it's more because of the writing than the actual content of the piece .. don't get me wrong .. the content had it's appeal and interest levels but the use of drug induced visions to explain why something is happening is a bit too 'easy' nowadays .. have people feeling a little ripped off like when Dallas decided JR's death and everything after was all just a dream .. but still .. the read was nice as fuck son .. the wording and flow to the text was really well done and made the content more interesting to read for sure .. solid writing but the concept was a little under-par IMO ..

GL? - hmm .. a mix bag of tricks for me .. the read was steady but it didn't really sparkle in any one area .. the writing was sound and pretty competitive but some parts felt quite simple in your approach to what you wanted to portray .. the final few lines left a bit of a sour taste as it didn't hit very well .. I agree the summing up outro was a good approach to take but the effort just seemed to lack at the end .. the story itself was ok and tied to the quote .. it just didn't excite me as I read it ..

Vote = Scatterboxx .. the main reason would be because of the enjoyment from the read itself .. neither really got me enthralled in their content and it was pretty even on that account .. so for me .. my vote goes to the 'best' read IMO ..

[.:Pain:.]

Inf - lol I swore you were gonna end it having the kids be the ghosts and not even knowing it type of shit. I liked this one better, more, "realistic," (relatively speaking). The story itself was cool, just a good short story with some GREAT narraration. Honestly, I feel like that's one of your best aspects, when I read your shit, I really just feels like someone is narrating a story in rhyme, it's just so natural, and the conversational tone really makes for a good read. Some of the rhymes were a little funky, but most of them were really dope. It wasn't as complex as it usually is, but I did like how you did the A B B A rhym