[DF:WK3] prophetional vs. Cormier (VOTE NOW!)

[TheReturn]

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Down To Business.
This Match-Up is between:
In Rank Order

prophetional
Active Worth: 002pts
Vs.
Cormier
Active Worth: 001pts

Good Luck Ladies.
Prove Your Worth

[Cormier]

hello

i'll do that alternate jazz if need be

[prophetional]

yup... i'm hur ya hurd... i'll be back. and sure why not - "...alternate..."
1

http://board.rapmusic.com/rapmusics-...mc-guttso.html
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[DF:WK3] Scatterboxx vs. Lucifa (VOTE NOW!)
[DF:WK3] nom de plume. vs. tbone (VOTE NOW!)

[prophetional]

Ghosts of Gethsemane
Let me begin by saying “a gezunt dir in pupik” Which means, “good health to your belly button,”
For in the womb and in birth your life began in your belly button, so may your whole life be in good health even in death.

“HELP US!!!! PLEASE SAVE US FROM THIS WRETCHED PLACE!!!”

Mother of god, OH GOD! Please Have mercy on me…
If you can be where I can be and see the things that I see!
“AAAAGHHH!”
Blood spilling out as much as waves from the sea
Their Ignorance it desecrated tombs and made ‘em latrines!
“A BROCH,” oh god of Israel, “a shtuken nisht in harts,”
Took since birth the curse oh Israel, its ripped you apart!
Roman legions came besieging leaving corpses in carts
torso’s heads legs and arms severed leaving their marks
Persian armies from the east spurned more bleeding t’start!
Brutal rapes, taking innocence and turned ‘em to sharks
The covenant upon the arc since moses made it embarked
Then Babylonians and others came and plundered the arts
Nations one by one have raped the culture based on a spark
Of Lord your vengence wrath and anger, since the arc’d depart.
“OH MAKE IT STOP!”
“Lord please…”
“a vue shtet geschreiber”
Tombs of avshalom and mary;
2hundred thousand more beside her
Seen your sons tears, purest holy water stain the earth
Seen betrayel by his closest friend for naught what it’s worth
thirty pieces, 30 PIECES!!! Sent the lamb on the cross
But generations long before have been devoured and lost!
“Ahf mir gezogt”
for me it’s naught for lo I’m stuck in this place
“Ahfen ganef brent dos hittel” wear my sins on my face.
Triple peaks upon the summit, plummet, falling from grace
But Saw muhammed rise above transcending all we embrace!
“bashert” my agony it tastes like olive oil - my race?
A bunch of “chutzpah” bastards proudly claiming disgrace-
Upon their faith, upon their face a true deplorable hate-red
Rum naught for fun but now I’m trapped in this waste-
Land long gone, sons hung from trees till they’d break.
Along with countless “draykop” others as we’d pray and we’d wait…
OH ISRAEL!
Blow your trumpet for on that day we shall rise!
“du zol nicht vissen frum tsores!”
Everything else is lies!
For we despise, we devise, and in the end we demise
Get “farputst” to make impressions, hiding tears of our cries
They’d freeze upon a cold heart before they’d reach to our eyes
“frum dein moil tzu got’s erin” still in search for the prize
Oh zechariah - god remembered, let messiah be wise!
For on that day upon the mount then we can rise to the skies,
And leave this sacred -cursed prison of gethsemane behind.
j.e.w. and “goyim” live together, dine and drinking fine wines.
drinking right from the vines, So May Messiah be kind.
And Bless the God to be inclined to come and free us in time…
Bless the god to be inclined to come and free us….
Oh adonai!

Barukh ata Adonai Eloheinu melekh ha-olam...

ONE…



..:key to j.e.wish phrases:..
just in case anyone was curious as to what the j.e.wish/hebrew phrases and words mentioned in the story actually mean in translation.
*a broch - (ah-brookh); a term used to express disgurst, misery, disaster/ like yelling out "DAMNIT!" or "FUCK!" when shit goes wrong
*a shtuken nisht in harts - "a stab in the heart"; used to describe painful experience or miserable memory.
*a vue shtet geschreiber - "where is it written?" or who says it's so?
*Ahf mir gezogt - "it should only happen to me" or why can't i be so lucky?
*Ahfen ganef brent dos hittel - "on the head of a theif burns his hat" a phrase used in terms of the guilt we carry with us when we commit wrong doings.
*bashert -"fate"
*chutzpah - (hkchootz-pah) a brazen, brash, rude individual who has the gall to tell you off even when you've done no wrong... basically a rude asshole.
*draykop - someone who talks and talks and talks about nothing and gives you a headache. a bullshitter.
*du zol nicht vissen frum tsores - "you should never know from human suffering" meaning we should not have to learn from our troubles... (even though it is how we often do).
*farputst - to get dressed up, prettied up, before you go to the club you get farputst.
*frum dein moil tzu got’s erin - "from your mouth to God's ears"; hoping God hears what is being said and that he is listening and answers the request.
*goyim - gentile, anyone not •••ish... non-derrogatory.

[Cormier]

interesting, TOPIC= "Prepare your mind to receive the best that life has to offer."

Raymond said, “Grandpa, it’s raining out, and I’m so very bored!”
“Well, I can remedy that; you know I have so many chores….”
“NOOOO! There’s nothing to do in this city”
“Well then gather round and listen kiddy
Old grandpa will tell you a story of the golden days”
He stroked his gray beard and here is what he told to Ray:

“Back when I was younger, a little older than you
I quickly learned one of man’s golden truths:”
He then said the next part without as much as a blink,
“Get yours, no matter what the others may think.
Believe me, other people will try to make fun of you
But, you'll only get shit if you look out for number two
Much ado will be made, but please believe me
Get yours, even if you have to act a bit seedy
As a teen, I was living in the fastest scene
No one believed I could have been clean
You see Ray, I had just a little bit of a rep
As a kid who would do anything to get me some sex
Man, I was pulling out some extremely ugly women
The type that one look sent lesser men’s stomachs spinnin’
My boys made fun of me, but I bet in time
They prayed their dicks could be as wet as mine
There was Christine, who always brandished a good scowl
When she showed up she made all the dogs in the hood howl
She told me she wanted to come through my spot, so
I ate her out; didn’t care if she smelt like a tuna taco
There were so many ugly girls that I had in my bed
I’d tape a photo of Betty Page to the back of their head
Treat them like Dr. King: close my eyes and have a dream
To this day, Ray, I still don’t know what standards mean
And I loved the fat girls; if you were round, I’m down
I was a pimp…. if you count my girls pound for pound
Now these girls never held a special place in my heart
Straight from the start, after sex I couldn’t wait to depart
Yeah, your ol’ granddad was a little bit of a hound
And non-discriminating; I’d take any chick that I found
Sitting around; an equal-opportunity sex addict
And those slam pigs all agreed I was the best at it
But for this I was made fun of during my haphazard youth
Laughed at when Linda blew me because of her snaggle tooth
They died when I said Lucy’s stache tickled when we kissed
Oh, man, I could sit here all day and just reminisce
But I’ll tell ya, my lack of standards did once come in handy
One night I had gone home with this plumper, Mandy
Now when I say plump, I am really being so damn nice
After sex I was still on top when I rolled over twice
But I didn’t care; Your grandpa was still glad to do
Her even if her panties looked like a parachute
But I loved it; just went at it when I took hold of her skin
I didn’t even know, nor did I care what fold I was in
Afterwards, I began to smell smoke as we lay in bed
I sat for a moment, never thinking that we may be dead
Then the fire alarm went off and I ran to the door
Opened it, saw flames and screamed, ‘Damn it, get your
Fat ass out of bed’ I was not up for playing around
But it was too late, the flames cut off our way to the ground
We were on the 5th floor; we were going to burn to death
The flames were getting closer and they yearned for flesh
She screamed, “What now? We’re going to cease to exist!”
I grabbed her panties and yelled, “Peace ya fat bitch!”
I jumped out the window, holding the huge panties up in the air
And floated down when an updraft caught the huge underwear.”

“Grandpa are you telling me some more bullshit, or….”
"All that matters is the moral, Ray: always get yours…”

[Atheist]

Prophetional:
This was an enjoyable piece. However, the constant use of j.ewish phrases was a bit of a hassle for me as a reader; I continuously had to look down to the bottom of your verse to find out what they meant. As a result, your piece didn’t run as smoothly as it should have done, and overall it just made your verse appear very stagnant. Apart from that though, the actual substance was good and enjoyable to read. You can form sentences and execute them in rhyme very well, and I think with a little more practice and work you’ll be a more polished writer. The message of freedom and peace between the j.ews and the gentiles was strong and a nice touch for the piece as well. Overall, I’m impressed with what I read here.

Favourite lines:
Everything else is lies!
For we despise, we devise, and in the end we demise
Get “farputst” to make impressions, hiding tears of our cries
They’d freeze upon a cold heart before they’d reach to our eyes
“frum dein moil tzu got’s erin” still in search for the prize
Oh zechariah - god remembered, let messiah be wise!

Cormier:
Bahahahaha, this was a fucking hilarious read. No joke. The story was brilliantly executed, and you had a lot of stand out lines, several of which actually made me chuckle. As a fellow writer, I know how incredibly difficult it is to write a comedic verse, and that it really is a case of hit or miss with it being a miss more often than not. However, you really hit it right on the money here, and the way you described all the fat girls and how you sexed them up was brilliant. And on the plus side, your verse flowed fantastically, and the rhyme scheme was pretty top notch as well.

Favourite lines:
But for this I was made fun of during my haphazard youth
Laughed at when Linda blew me because of her snaggle tooth
They died when I said Lucy’s stache tickled when we kissed
Oh, man, I could sit here all day and just reminisce
But I’ll tell ya, my lack of standards did once come in handy
One night I had gone home with this plumper, Mandy
Now when I say plump, I am really being so damn nice
After sex I was still on top when I rolled over twice
But I didn’t care; Your grandpa was still glad to do
Her even if her panties looked like a parachute


----------------------------------------------------


Vote: Cormier.

Overall, I just found his verse that much more enjoyable to read. I think if Prophetional had of come up against someone else this week, he would’ve clinched it, because it definitely was a decent piece (and the first one I’ve read from him, so it’s an impressive debut as well). But Cormier just outclassed him with a real comedic verse.

[Saga]

Prophetional - I thought this was a great drop. funny how the theme of the verse relates to your name in a way and the actual message of your story was built on issues of historic importance such as isreal and the description mix with your repetitive flow was soothing an interesting to follow ... I didnt like the blue words being in this.. but it showed me that it was important enough for you to include it in the story and take the time to explain what it meant, so I would be a fool to credit u any less for going above an beyond with effort crafting your idea of doing it. but I wouldnt do it in the future lol

Cormier - well, let me start by saying this ended up being a lot better read then I thought it was going to be once I got to the end. The story had a simple appeal to it, and not in a good way, I usually appreciate a nice little story like this but it did lack interesting substance..specially when it's being matched against a verse that clearly has work put into it. I dont feel like that sort of effort was in your piece, but I did laugh at the underwear saving you.. reminded me of road trip when that skinny dude got them fat chicks panties...the message was cool too, but as far as a better written piece I would give it to prophetional

good match though

[Got Life?]

Proph - being jéwish i'm actually pretty familiar with most of those terms and so it didn't snag the read for me, although I can see it annoying most of the readers in the league so I'd shy away from that in the future...it did however add another element to your piece that got me into it more. I would liked to have seen more polished grammar, mechanics, a tighter flow and a better rhyme scheme though. I think this piece showed a lot of potential however it could have been written better. Nice job none the less.

Corm - I've heard of you from PR, but never gave you much thought...this was quite a funny verse though and likewise with Atheist I have to give you daps because it's not easy writing a comedic verse and delivering it successfully. I think the writing could obviously have been more polished and some lines felt a little forced, but none the less...really enjoyable read.

I have to give daps to both writers for giving me a hard battle to vote on.

to me though I will give my vote to Corm for the entertainment value based on the difficulty involved with pulling off a good comedy verse, which I found to be refreshing.

[MC Guttso]

Sometimes it's shit when I think battles are evenly matched, coz it forces me to think, which is a real fucking bug-bear at times..lol.

prophetional - real interesting idea bringing in the historical theme to things. And I predict your probably gonna be the only one who uses that title, I could be wrong but thumbs up for that. Ummm - in some ways the verse was an easy read, multis in there that worked for me, and it flowed quite nicely. Thumbs up to that too. However thumbs down for all the highlighted •••ish phrases, although it was intellectual and enlightening, it made it a chore and an effort to get through. Yeah that probably is ignorant, but it just wasn't reader friendly compared to many others. Leaving on a good point, flow, wording, rhyming...good shit.

Cormier - Right, basically the mechanics of your verse seemed on par with prophetional, thought the rhyming and multis were weaker but the flow was better. As for the content - real light and funny - I appreciated the way you conveyed the humour - and so my decision is:

v- Cormier for his lighter reader friendly storyline.

[Lucifa]

Proph - this could be an unfair vote of sorts .. I've just sat and read 12 verses and gave them feedback .. then I get to this .. woah @ the effort you expect the mere mortal to put in to reading a verse and understanding it .. DaAlmightyDolla is another head that likes to mess around with idea of extra effort on the reader's part .. but I just couldn't be bothered to keep referencing the blue text .. so I read it as was and just left myself not understanding the highlighted text .. it was ok .. but on a personal level I'm not much in to religion and religious tone is usually a big miss with me when it's full on rather than an undertone .. so you made an uninteresting read (to me personally) even more unappealling by expecting me to then basically Wiki half the content (but atleast you took that effort out by typing it yourself) .. I just didn't care enough about the content of the verse to really want to learn some j.ewish .. sorry ..

Corm - I can see comments about comedy and pulling it off .. but I didn't really smile about much .. the only line I smirked at was the "didn't care which fold" .. but .. when I read it I'd forgotten the topic you wrote to .. so scrolled up .. and that did actually make me smile when I saw the quote again .. so it worked as a link to the topic with a kinda clever take on it .. read was pretty decent as the mechanics were fine on the main .. not bad ..

Vote = Corm .. more interesting by far to me personally .. I think proph asked a bit too much of the reader .. ok so it shows creativity and effort on his part .. but I doubt I'd bother reading it if I saw that in open mic forum .. harsh but just my opinion and personal preference ..

[Scatterboxx]

proph.
okay. not a bad drop necessarily, tho nothing above decent. the mechanics were brutally off. the verse was littered with stretched bars with wording that stutter it, making it twice as poor... plus the rhyme scheme was blah. still, i like what topic you chose & was impressed with the emotionality & depth of your flip on. unfortunately, your writing methods were sloppy, & caused you the loss.

cormier.
tight verse. flow was a bit off, tho not so much as proph's, but the rhyme scheme was very smooth & had somewhat of an element of complexity to it, which i appreciated. you're a good writer, as was displayed with your poetic stylistics. the rhythm of the wording was weird, but the words chosen were often pretty & thoroughly thought through linguistically. the story was more complete than proph's, with quite a bit of more intellect involved & smooth movement. overall, a pretty nice verse. not bad, son. i look forward to more of your drops.

vote- cormier.

[Cormier]

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[3-Planes]

prophetional - since i know german i understood the bulk of those yiddish phrases, but it's super gay to include a crib like that.. content was tired, boring, unappealing, dry and dull.. so was the flow.. overall a pretty horrible reading experience.. not much to connect with here

cormier - horrible flow, can't be flowing like it's an spoken word accapella.. a mood set with that perky type of hearty humor that i just can't connect with.. this piece felt incredibly corny and devoid of content (or message), it felt like a hollowed out and sillyfied RC piece without a moral or the level of wording.. i can't seem to get through these long ass pieces where the flow studders like this novadays

vote: Cormier

garbage as the verse was, it was still better constructed

[_KDP_]

prophetional. i liked what you did here content wise. overall though, the language barrier really kept me from being able to dive into the story side of the verse. it's hard on the train of thought to have to scroll down and read a definition, then keep the pace of the flow once u return to the piece and try to fit the translation in there. imo it's just not worth it, the same way it's not worth me using hood slang like i would loooooooove to do

cormier- obviously i'm a fan of the story piece as opposed to the poetic piece. much props on your execution in this one. it was a intersting piece that you intertwined dialogue in very well. my only drawback is that i dont think you developed the twist until at the very end... there werent any hints that after reading the whole thing you can look back and be like- aaaaaah he tried to tell me right there but i missed it. to me thats the key to writing the stories, or at least what i've keyed on in my couple entries so far. very nice read though and i hope you consider that a nit pick.

vote-cormier

good shit by both yall cats


vote- cormier