[DF:WK3] nom de plume. vs. tbone (VOTE NOW!)

TheReturn · 07-21-2008, 10:23 AM

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Down To Business.
This Match-Up is between:
In Rank Order

nom de plume.
Active Worth: 003pts
Vs.
tbone
Active Worth: 001pts

Good Luck Ladies.
Prove Your Worth

nom de camus. · 07-23-2008, 05:50 PM

in rah rah.
in rah rah.
alternate rah rah.
alternate rah rah.

nom de plume. · 07-24-2008, 08:36 PM

She was the rose on my grave
A token display
Of hope as it fades

I spoke in scattershot phrases
My foot tapping the pavement
I was happy and ancient
When she spoke
It was impassioned and aimless
I spent whole days
Racking my brain with
A stereo’d play list
Playing my favourites
Happiness is as close as the tape gets
To replacing my frayed wit
It was all faces and names split
God never informed me
That there was a change in arrangements
I hear they prayed for the day which
To stake my engagement
They couldn’t see in my eyes
That I was patiently waiting
I knew this face wasn’t saving
Her date with a sadist
Who keeps Christians crucified
Until they’re plagued by a brave sin
No shame in those wasting
Lost in the flame we’re encased in
Shedding layers as snakeskin
Lost in tales of great men
She heard words she couldn’t use
Left pale and shaken
We could see
That her frame couldn’t take it
So frail and ageless
The pain spoke in strange whims
She thought this body
Was the grave she’d been placed in
All arthritic framed limbs
She has gutter ball vision
Her arms are the ones
I would’ve stayed in
For days frustrating the situation
That we were placed in
I could look past the greyed skin
She could see I was fading
Her dreams are in paintings
They’re seemingly weightless
Now I’m singing her praises
We hoped for nothing
As ambitious as greatness
We never experienced
A prisoner’s hatred
Alzheimer’s shaking our bones
We were a vision as sages
But now I’m dead
I’m condemned to be free
With her as my bravest
Makeshift hold onto grace
They say we live
Through those we love
Now my stay has been ageless

"I am condemned to be free."
-sartre

tbone · 07-24-2008, 09:22 PM

ran miles give a fuck if haters wanna reconcile
since birth I've been known as a blessed child
from the blocks where being common is wild
wake up mornings cause the atmosphere loud
not worry bout a thing but the shyt thats foul
cats yell to windows its just how we get down
pop forties crack dutches get ghost wit shawties
part a growing up bitches wanting to be around
come off fresh as the host of house parties
city life keep ya grip close and ya circle tight
move like hands on clocks getting shyt right
so when hoes holla respect I sleep em wit pipe
not a pimp a G bout be fitting to ryde tonight
High like a kite bent like handle bars on bikes
swag got flow so I aint interest in hype
can fall in the pits or play the game for what it is
aint got time to bullshyt i'm bout handling biz
i'm as real as it gets they weak like twigs
they wanna ball but act like rupaul in wigs
how ya come in the game than be out in a flat
drop a hot album than ya struggle to double back
ask the jazzman
i'm even hustling crumbs from scrapes
you lames wack
all that bullshyt ya need to just scratch
fuck gold and going plat
i'm bringing that hip hop back
that B-Boy shyt dices, pen and a pad
Strapped inside my back pack

g/l had to rush this

Strike2 · 07-24-2008, 11:22 PM

Pretty nice battle... hardly flawless but enjoyable nonetheless

nom...
Rhymescheme flow perfect... reads like a sage francis spoken word great metaphores only part this is underdevelopped is the actual story line hinting at what you wanna say more then actually sayin it.. still that does give it a nice twist..
overall enjoyable piece to read...

Tbone...
eehm well without wantin to be an asshole as far as an rstl verse goes that was next to not much....The flow was some parts really nice and smoothe in others somewhat choppy... but you still get points for that...was still pretty good... when I compare content tho... nom blew you out of the water homey..Im sorry good luck in yer next week

vote nom

Scatterboxx · 07-25-2008, 02:55 AM

nom.
your best work in weeks. flow was consistent, rarely choppy - though it points it was. the poetry was gorgeous as always - your usage of linguistics never fails to impress me. as far as poetics are concerned, you very possibly top the league. not only where your poetics impressive, tho, but your mechanics were above average for you. usually, you've got decent mechanics... your multis tend to be awkwardly worded by my standard... but i'm sure it's your accent. anywho, that case didn't come up at all in this piece. the rhyme scheme never stuttered the flow once. the content was worthwhile, though thematically, is the same as your usual shit. write something about someone other than "her". nahhhh mean? still good... i thoroughly enjoyed the read due to its beautiful writing laced with vivid, poetic imagery & very solid mechanics. as i said, kinda looking for something new content-wise, but still enjoyable.

tbone.
uh. i dunno. flow was okay. but was also horrendous at parts. it was dead on, then awful at points... what was up with that? & obviously... this had to be a no-show verse of sorts, as there was no consistent vibe to your piece. it was just a topical that could turn into a shitty, cliche audio that some amateur would produce. i was mildly entertained, only by how poorly this was written. your rhyme scheme was blah, your linguistics were elementary, & overall this verse just sucked. sorry son... come again.

v-nom.
he delivered higher quality in literally every aspect possible in this battle.

Atheist · 07-25-2008, 05:29 AM

Nom de plume:
This was a very interesting read. Your multiple rhyming was incredibly impressive and the flow never faltered once. I also really enjoyed how well you wrote to the topic. There’s not really much else to say, because this verse was an exceptional read. However, I did find it rather ironic how you wrote to the topic ‘I am condemned to be free’ even though your decision to restrict yourself to one multiple rhyming style throughout contradicted that sense of freedom. If this was intentional, then bravo.

Favourite lines:
Lost in the flame we’re encased in
Shedding layers as snakeskin
Lost in tales of great men
She heard words she couldn’t use
Left pale and shaken
We could see
That her frame couldn’t take it
So frail and ageless
The pain spoke in strange whims
She thought this body
Was the grave she’d been placed in

tbone:
This piece, simple as, was crap. The idea of being a back packer is a good one; it’s unoriginal as fuck though so you really have to bring fire to the table. Your verse, however, was incredibly lacking in both substance, descriptions, imagery, and flow. The word choice was also simplistic as hell, and actually made the verse incredibly dull to read. I’m sorry to come across so harshly, but you really must be in a little more effort into your future RSTL verses. I appreciate that you had to rush your verse, and therefore am prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt this time around.

--------------------------------------------------------

Vote: Nom de plume.

Had a better verse in every aspect.

Lucifa · 07-25-2008, 05:53 AM

nom - nice man .. I was really feeling this piece .. back on track with this poetry shit after a disappointment for me last week .. but this had a lot going for it .. nice wording .. good multi-count .. the content held my interest .. the flow was nice .. overall this was a very enjoyable verse to read and one of the better I've read from you in recent weeks .. *thumbs up* ..

tbone - I know this was to the Mr Jazzman topic .. but in future remember to include the title as a title/footnote .. you said you rushed it in and we appreciate you showing for this .. shame it lacked the spit and polish it needed to compete with a strong showing from your opponent .. it was a decent read for what it was but under-par in this match-up ..

Vote = nom ..

Got Life? · 07-25-2008, 10:18 AM

Tbone - I actually read your verse first because it's a lot shorter and wow...I feel dumber for having read this...it was like...cliche bullshit for about 20 lines...then a completely ignorant statement about bringing real hip hop back and being on some back pack shit when the first part couldn't have been more "commercial bullshit" unless you throw some dipset ad-libs in there...worst verse I read this week.

Nom - this was quite enjoyable...it was just really refreshing to read after tbone and tac's verses which made me want to just punch a baby in the face...I like how your wording comes together and your writing seems rather fluid. Well versed and well phrased.

vote = Nom.

MC Guttso · 07-25-2008, 02:13 PM

nom de plume - I can see your famous for your poetic flair. I don't reeally seem to connect with these kinda pieces very often. I dunno why. Dabbled in a bit of poetry myself, but I just can't handle it. BUT - I did really like this piece actually. Real good flow to it and a fun easy read mechanically. The metaphorical stance and the way you described the turmoil of Alzheimer's was excellent. At least I think that was what you were trying to paint. And if you were, it was wicked. I appreciated this verse to a high extent and connected with it due to being close to dementia - not myself, but in my past job endeavors. Excellent read all in all me reckons.

tbone - I couldn't really connect with the verse, because most of it I didn't even reaaally understand the words used to convey your ideas etc...I can appreciate that might be ignorant and perhaps we have different grasps on language. But I did read all of it and could understand some things - and I thought the flow of the read was pretty smooth, and the rhyming technique was fairly intricate in my opinion. I guess my favourite lines were:
"...how ya come in the game than be out in a flat,
drop a hot album that ya struggle to double back," and
"that B-boy shyt dies, pen and a pad
strapped inside my back pack"
I kinda get these lines. lol. Forgive me for my complete retarded English cluelessness. If anybody wants to PM me with a condensed version of some U.S. slang and it's meaning then feel free.

v - nom de plume - I just found it easier to connect with and appreciated almost all aspects of his verse to a greater extent than tbones.

Cormier · 07-25-2008, 04:31 PM

well yea, this is an easy battle to vote on:

Tbone- either you're not a very good writer or you just posted a really rushed and/or a no-show verse. since this is the first verse i have ever read from you and you do claim that you were rushed i'm going to hope and assume it's the second possibility and not the first one. anyway. this verse did almost nothing for me. the flow and rhyme were so choppy that it was almost a chore to finish reading this whole thing. and the content really was nothing original or exciting. it didn't really grab me. i am however interested to read more from you just to see if this week was a fluke so please stay and post again next week.

nom- pretty nice. this moved at a good pace. made the read go fast and the flow was smooth pretty much throughout.the rhyme scheme was pretty nice too. not just a basic scheme that some writers (myself sometimes included) get bogged down in. pretty good use of imagery throughout and some really nice lines in this.
"Lost in the flame we’re encased in
Shedding layers as snakeskin"
^^^really dug those lines. flowed nice, good rhyme and imagery, just a dope couplet. nice verse

VOTE= Nom

Saga · 07-25-2008, 06:28 PM

this seemed like a match with an easyer winner tbone - the verse was alittle too simple and common as far as theme goes. I personally am not a huge fan on reading basic ideals of how thug life is.. it just wasnt very interesting and the flow could be upped a bit.

nom - this was a pretty nice drop.. the way you broke the lines up really helped me get into the flow and you have some creative ideas and thoughts in your words.. it was just more of an advanced story than tbone in almost every way..

vote nom

3-Planes · 07-26-2008, 06:20 PM

nom

the flow was just above mediocre; decent, with a few highs as well as a few lows.. conceptually.. pretty well-measured wording with a few really forced/awkward spots - stretched to fit the rhyme scheme.. i also think i saw some words repeated and that is just meh.. overall i liked the tie in with the topic and this was a fairly enjoyable read, far from flawless though

tbone

meh, just horrible man - generic bullshit that was poorly written, lacked imagery and was mechanically very choppy.. the only thing that you had going for you was that i saw some expression of self in this verse but that was just a hint at something that could've brought this verse up from 'unreadable' to 'terrible'..

vote: nom de plume.

Vern Acular · 07-26-2008, 06:41 PM

nom de plume...

very poetic, loved this verse man beginning to end, smooth read, nice writers voice, overall this is one of the better verses i've read so far, nice play on the topic, not really much i can say as a flaw to this verse, good job

tbone...

totally different here, i just didn't get into this verse, the mechanics were simplistic and it's clear you didn't put much effort into this verse, all and all this was just average with me and the clich of the topic and substance of your verse didn't help much either

overall...

vote - nom ... pretty much one side, nom outshined t bone in every aspect, not much more to say

.:Pain:. · 07-27-2008, 04:44 PM

Nom - I really dug this piece. Honestly, this is probably my favorite piece I've read by you, it was really relatable, it worked on top of a beat, and your rhyme scheme, while simple, was incredibly difficult to pull off without much repetition, and you managed to do it. The descriptions were great, I mean, I really can't say anything negative about this piece. Only advice I would give would be to polish up the flow just a little bit and you'll be gravy.

TBone - Wasn't diggin' your shit son. The rhyme scheme needs a lot of work. You hafta make better use of your poetic devices too, I mean, I think saw some of the most cliche similes I've ever seen in your verse. It almost seems like your just tryin' to hard, write in whatever style comes natural to you, this verse honestly didn't seem very natural. Not very good use of the topic either.

Vote - Nom...

nom de plume. · 07-27-2008, 07:04 PM

[DF:WK3] Scatterboxx vs. Lucifa (VOTE NOW!)
[DF:WK3] Saga vs. Jimmy Eles (VOTE NOW!)
[DF:WK3] DaAlmightyDolla vs. TheReturn (VOTE NOW!)
[DF:WK3] Got Life? vs. Bonnie Bathory (VOTE NOW!)
[DF:WK3] DeadKing vs. Vern Acular (VOTE NOW!)

07-21-2008, 10:23 AM	#1 (permalink)
TheReturn Life of the Party Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Memph-10 Posts: 4,531	[DF:WK3] nom de plume. vs. tbone (VOTE NOW!) Welcome to your match-up thread. Click Here For Rules & Regulations Quick Over-View: 12-64 lines to a topic provided in the [TOPICS] thread of the sticky area. Do not post more than 3 times within your own match-up thread. ^No more than once in anyone elses either!^ Stay fresh, no recycling. Opt-In to the "Alternate" scheme before posting a verse. This will increase your chances of obtaining feedback and votes via another opponent. Just check in and state you wish to alternate, should you suffer a no-show. Down To Business. This Match-Up is between: In Rank Order nom de plume. Active Worth: 003pts Vs. tbone Active Worth: 001pts Good Luck Ladies. Prove Your Worth __________________ The Republican Party Since the start of the Iraq war, 7 million Americans have died from ABORTION. [.txt] MASTERS/ the universe Yes, as in the entire universe.

07-24-2008, 08:36 PM	#3 (permalink)
nom de plume. rumbrave. Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: portsmouth. Posts: 6,148	She was the rose on my grave A token display Of hope as it fades I spoke in scattershot phrases My foot tapping the pavement I was happy and ancient When she spoke It was impassioned and aimless I spent whole days Racking my brain with A stereo’d play list Playing my favourites Happiness is as close as the tape gets To replacing my frayed wit It was all faces and names split God never informed me That there was a change in arrangements I hear they prayed for the day which To stake my engagement They couldn’t see in my eyes That I was patiently waiting I knew this face wasn’t saving Her date with a sadist Who keeps Christians crucified Until they’re plagued by a brave sin No shame in those wasting Lost in the flame we’re encased in Shedding layers as snakeskin Lost in tales of great men She heard words she couldn’t use Left pale and shaken We could see That her frame couldn’t take it So frail and ageless The pain spoke in strange whims She thought this body Was the grave she’d been placed in All arthritic framed limbs She has gutter ball vision Her arms are the ones I would’ve stayed in For days frustrating the situation That we were placed in I could look past the greyed skin She could see I was fading Her dreams are in paintings They’re seemingly weightless Now I’m singing her praises We hoped for nothing As ambitious as greatness We never experienced A prisoner’s hatred Alzheimer’s shaking our bones We were a vision as sages But now I’m dead I’m condemned to be free With her as my bravest Makeshift hold onto grace They say we live Through those we love Now my stay has been ageless "I am condemned to be free." -sartre __________________ been down so long it looks like up to me. Last edited by nom de plume.; 07-24-2008 at 08:38 PM.

07-24-2008, 09:22 PM	#4 (permalink)
tbone Gift Of Gab Join Date: Feb 2000 Location: BADNEWS VA MOTHA FUCKAZ Posts: 3,219	ran miles give a fuck if haters wanna reconcile since birth I've been known as a blessed child from the blocks where being common is wild wake up mornings cause the atmosphere loud not worry bout a thing but the shyt thats foul cats yell to windows its just how we get down pop forties crack dutches get ghost wit shawties part a growing up bitches wanting to be around come off fresh as the host of house parties city life keep ya grip close and ya circle tight move like hands on clocks getting shyt right so when hoes holla respect I sleep em wit pipe not a pimp a G bout be fitting to ryde tonight High like a kite bent like handle bars on bikes swag got flow so I aint interest in hype can fall in the pits or play the game for what it is aint got time to bullshyt i'm bout handling biz i'm as real as it gets they weak like twigs they wanna ball but act like rupaul in wigs how ya come in the game than be out in a flat drop a hot album than ya struggle to double back ask the jazzman i'm even hustling crumbs from scrapes you lames wack all that bullshyt ya need to just scratch fuck gold and going plat i'm bringing that hip hop back that B-Boy shyt dices, pen and a pad Strapped inside my back pack g/l had to rush this __________________ *********aut inveniam viam aut faciam****** **********BLACKWOOL************ *****HIDDEN SKILLZ*******

07-24-2008, 11:22 PM	#5 (permalink)
Strike2 Man Meets Creator Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: its the man nicca..lay down Posts: 15,950	Pretty nice battle... hardly flawless but enjoyable nonetheless nom... Rhymescheme flow perfect... reads like a sage francis spoken word great metaphores only part this is underdevelopped is the actual story line hinting at what you wanna say more then actually sayin it.. still that does give it a nice twist.. overall enjoyable piece to read... Tbone... eehm well without wantin to be an asshole as far as an rstl verse goes that was next to not much....The flow was some parts really nice and smoothe in others somewhat choppy... but you still get points for that...was still pretty good... when I compare content tho... nom blew you out of the water homey..Im sorry good luck in yer next week vote nom __________________ .Infinite. Allumni. M.I.C Resting On My Laurels

07-25-2008, 02:55 AM	#6 (permalink)
Scatterboxx a.k.a. infinite truth. Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: four one three Posts: 363	nom. your best work in weeks. flow was consistent, rarely choppy - though it points it was. the poetry was gorgeous as always - your usage of linguistics never fails to impress me. as far as poetics are concerned, you very possibly top the league. not only where your poetics impressive, tho, but your mechanics were above average for you. usually, you've got decent mechanics... your multis tend to be awkwardly worded by my standard... but i'm sure it's your accent. anywho, that case didn't come up at all in this piece. the rhyme scheme never stuttered the flow once. the content was worthwhile, though thematically, is the same as your usual shit. write something about someone other than "her". nahhhh mean? still good... i thoroughly enjoyed the read due to its beautiful writing laced with vivid, poetic imagery & very solid mechanics. as i said, kinda looking for something new content-wise, but still enjoyable. tbone. uh. i dunno. flow was okay. but was also horrendous at parts. it was dead on, then awful at points... what was up with that? & obviously... this had to be a no-show verse of sorts, as there was no consistent vibe to your piece. it was just a topical that could turn into a shitty, cliche audio that some amateur would produce. i was mildly entertained, only by how poorly this was written. your rhyme scheme was blah, your linguistics were elementary, & overall this verse just sucked. sorry son... come again. v-nom. he delivered higher quality in literally every aspect possible in this battle. __________________ s c a t t e r b o x x ...a.k.a. infinite truth 16-0 rstl debut. 3x rstl champ. 60+ rstl wins. {myspace.} {music.} {instrumentals.}

07-23-2008, 05:50 PM	#2 (permalink)
nom de camus. Registered User Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 57	in rah rah. in rah rah. alternate rah rah. alternate rah rah.

07-25-2008, 05:29 AM	#7 (permalink)
Atheist Storyteller Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 1,700	Nom de plume: This was a very interesting read. Your multiple rhyming was incredibly impressive and the flow never faltered once. I also really enjoyed how well you wrote to the topic. There’s not really much else to say, because this verse was an exceptional read. However, I did find it rather ironic how you wrote to the topic ‘I am condemned to be free’ even though your decision to restrict yourself to one multiple rhyming style throughout contradicted that sense of freedom. If this was intentional, then bravo. Favourite lines: Lost in the flame we’re encased in Shedding layers as snakeskin Lost in tales of great men She heard words she couldn’t use Left pale and shaken We could see That her frame couldn’t take it So frail and ageless The pain spoke in strange whims She thought this body Was the grave she’d been placed in tbone: This piece, simple as, was crap. The idea of being a back packer is a good one; it’s unoriginal as fuck though so you really have to bring fire to the table. Your verse, however, was incredibly lacking in both substance, descriptions, imagery, and flow. The word choice was also simplistic as hell, and actually made the verse incredibly dull to read. I’m sorry to come across so harshly, but you really must be in a little more effort into your future RSTL verses. I appreciate that you had to rush your verse, and therefore am prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt this time around. -------------------------------------------------------- Vote: Nom de plume. Had a better verse in every aspect. __________________ You’ve Got the Fear 4x RSTL Champion.

07-25-2008, 05:53 AM	#8 (permalink)
Lucifa Viva La Eva Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: United Kingdom Status: Rumba Raving Posts: 16,787	nom - nice man .. I was really feeling this piece .. back on track with this poetry shit after a disappointment for me last week .. but this had a lot going for it .. nice wording .. good multi-count .. the content held my interest .. the flow was nice .. overall this was a very enjoyable verse to read and one of the better I've read from you in recent weeks .. thumbs up .. tbone - I know this was to the Mr Jazzman topic .. but in future remember to include the title as a title/footnote .. you said you rushed it in and we appreciate you showing for this .. shame it lacked the spit and polish it needed to compete with a strong showing from your opponent .. it was a decent read for what it was but under-par in this match-up .. Vote = nom .. __________________ Boy Better Know TMU Na Na Nai RSTL Ironman Tournament is up & running

07-25-2008, 02:13 PM	#10 (permalink)
MC Guttso Fingers in Pies Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: England Posts: 173	nom de plume - I can see your famous for your poetic flair. I don't reeally seem to connect with these kinda pieces very often. I dunno why. Dabbled in a bit of poetry myself, but I just can't handle it. BUT - I did really like this piece actually. Real good flow to it and a fun easy read mechanically. The metaphorical stance and the way you described the turmoil of Alzheimer's was excellent. At least I think that was what you were trying to paint. And if you were, it was wicked. I appreciated this verse to a high extent and connected with it due to being close to dementia - not myself, but in my past job endeavors. Excellent read all in all me reckons. tbone - I couldn't really connect with the verse, because most of it I didn't even reaaally understand the words used to convey your ideas etc...I can appreciate that might be ignorant and perhaps we have different grasps on language. But I did read all of it and could understand some things - and I thought the flow of the read was pretty smooth, and the rhyming technique was fairly intricate in my opinion. I guess my favourite lines were: "...how ya come in the game than be out in a flat, drop a hot album that ya struggle to double back," and "that B-boy shyt dies, pen and a pad strapped inside my back pack" I kinda get these lines. lol. Forgive me for my complete retarded English cluelessness. If anybody wants to PM me with a condensed version of some U.S. slang and it's meaning then feel free. v - nom de plume - I just found it easier to connect with and appreciated almost all aspects of his verse to a greater extent than tbones.

07-25-2008, 04:31 PM	#11 (permalink)
Cormier Registered User Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 72	well yea, this is an easy battle to vote on: Tbone- either you're not a very good writer or you just posted a really rushed and/or a no-show verse. since this is the first verse i have ever read from you and you do claim that you were rushed i'm going to hope and assume it's the second possibility and not the first one. anyway. this verse did almost nothing for me. the flow and rhyme were so choppy that it was almost a chore to finish reading this whole thing. and the content really was nothing original or exciting. it didn't really grab me. i am however interested to read more from you just to see if this week was a fluke so please stay and post again next week. nom- pretty nice. this moved at a good pace. made the read go fast and the flow was smooth pretty much throughout.the rhyme scheme was pretty nice too. not just a basic scheme that some writers (myself sometimes included) get bogged down in. pretty good use of imagery throughout and some really nice lines in this. "Lost in the flame we’re encased in Shedding layers as snakeskin" ^^^really dug those lines. flowed nice, good rhyme and imagery, just a dope couplet. nice verse VOTE= Nom

07-25-2008, 06:28 PM	#12 (permalink)
Saga All Eyes On Me Join Date: Jan 2000 Location: Queens Posts: 2,749	this seemed like a match with an easyer winner tbone - the verse was alittle too simple and common as far as theme goes. I personally am not a huge fan on reading basic ideals of how thug life is.. it just wasnt very interesting and the flow could be upped a bit. nom - this was a pretty nice drop.. the way you broke the lines up really helped me get into the flow and you have some creative ideas and thoughts in your words.. it was just more of an advanced story than tbone in almost every way.. vote nom __________________ © The saga continues...

07-26-2008, 06:20 PM	#13 (permalink)
3-Planes the assman Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: sweden Posts: 517	nom the flow was just above mediocre; decent, with a few highs as well as a few lows.. conceptually.. pretty well-measured wording with a few really forced/awkward spots - stretched to fit the rhyme scheme.. i also think i saw some words repeated and that is just meh.. overall i liked the tie in with the topic and this was a fairly enjoyable read, far from flawless though tbone meh, just horrible man - generic bullshit that was poorly written, lacked imagery and was mechanically very choppy.. the only thing that you had going for you was that i saw some expression of self in this verse but that was just a hint at something that could've brought this verse up from 'unreadable' to 'terrible'.. vote: nom de plume. __________________ Three Planes Aligned

07-26-2008, 06:41 PM	#14 (permalink)
Vern Acular 12x RSTL Champ Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: NC Posts: 5,027	nom de plume... very poetic, loved this verse man beginning to end, smooth read, nice writers voice, overall this is one of the better verses i've read so far, nice play on the topic, not really much i can say as a flaw to this verse, good job tbone... totally different here, i just didn't get into this verse, the mechanics were simplistic and it's clear you didn't put much effort into this verse, all and all this was just average with me and the clich of the topic and substance of your verse didn't help much either overall... vote - nom ... pretty much one side, nom outshined t bone in every aspect, not much more to say __________________ TH3 3LIT3 2005 NO ID TOURNEY WINNER 1x POET TREE CHAMP 12x RSTL CHAMP Yes...I've Beat You Before www.soundclick.com/eulogy www.myspace.com/eulogy46

07-27-2008, 04:44 PM	#15 (permalink)
.:Pain:. Right In Your Ass... Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Upstate, NY Posts: 4,617	Nom - I really dug this piece. Honestly, this is probably my favorite piece I've read by you, it was really relatable, it worked on top of a beat, and your rhyme scheme, while simple, was incredibly difficult to pull off without much repetition, and you managed to do it. The descriptions were great, I mean, I really can't say anything negative about this piece. Only advice I would give would be to polish up the flow just a little bit and you'll be gravy. TBone - Wasn't diggin' your shit son. The rhyme scheme needs a lot of work. You hafta make better use of your poetic devices too, I mean, I think saw some of the most cliche similes I've ever seen in your verse. It almost seems like your just tryin' to hard, write in whatever style comes natural to you, this verse honestly didn't seem very natural. Not very good use of the topic either. Vote - Nom... __________________ I don't mind, not bein' known, But bein' an example that will only be cloned, I don't mind, bein' myself, Even if it holds me from possible wealth... O.G. Bad Guy Myspace Still Blazin Bitches...

07-27-2008, 07:04 PM	#16 (permalink)
nom de plume. rumbrave. Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: portsmouth. Posts: 6,148	[DF:WK3] Scatterboxx vs. Lucifa (VOTE NOW!) [DF:WK3] Saga vs. Jimmy Eles (VOTE NOW!) [DF:WK3] DaAlmightyDolla vs. TheReturn (VOTE NOW!) [DF:WK3] Got Life? vs. Bonnie Bathory (VOTE NOW!) [DF:WK3] DeadKing vs. Vern Acular (VOTE NOW!) __________________ been down so long it looks like up to me. Last edited by nom de plume.; 07-27-2008 at 08:49 PM.