[DF:WK3] DaAlmightyDolla vs. TheReturn (VOTE NOW!)

[TheReturn]

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Down To Business.
This Match-Up is between:
In Rank Order

DaAlmightyDolla
Active Worth: 008pts
Vs.
TheReturn
Active Worth: 007pts

Good Luck Ladies.
Prove Your Worth

[TheReturn]

Alternate, because DAD may not want to see this happen for the third time.

1 [DF:WK3] Got Life? vs. Bonnie Bathory (VOTE NOW!)
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[DaAlmightyDolla]

3rd times a charm.......
bring the stuff u had last week

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[TheReturn]

.

She looked at the picture of Washington.
Smiling benevolent,
She dreamed of being a diplomat, with a foreign residence
Or making her career out of working for presidents.

Sarah was her birth name, a sight to behold
Often spending plenty of her nights in the cold,
Studying the oldest rights
In every book of cases the law library holds.
It fascinated her, the rulings and dispositions
But her future was uncertain, 'cause this is business,
And her vision ended
As soon as she knew she couldn't afford the rich tuition.
But she was a woman known for accomplishing goals,
Doing not what she's told
And still emboldened on top
Of any problem that may knock or unfold.
She knew she could end up with a seat in the House,
Or helping foreign countries reason it out,
Using her power of speaking
As a diplomat, amazed at how easy it sounds.
But the bills grew with her ambitions too
And Sarah had a friend or two
That introduced stripping
As a way to pay off the tuition dues.
So Sarah looked at the photo she held,
Folded it up 'cause she knows it will help
Between the debt and the shows
When she'd rather be alone with herself.

She looked at the picture of Washington.
Smiling benevolent,
She dreamed of being a diplomat, with a foreign residence
Or making her career out of working for presidents.

Misty is how they knew her on stage,
A name taken from the hue of her gaze
After shades of abuse
Turned her baby blues into grays.
And every night while she was working the pole,
Sarah felt the hurt in her soul
As guys older than dirt
Flirted, with pockets bursting and swole.
Hips moving in circles, she stared at the walls
Back arched, baring it all,
But falling wary
When her breasts married with these animals' paws.
In private rooms their eyes were hopeful,
Hands searching for what other guys' had opened
Stroking her thighs
Yet inside, she still felt denied and broken.
So when her song concluded she'd leave,
Picking up the money that polluted the scene
Every night, repeating delusions
To try to make some truth of her dreams.
Her hopes of a place in Congress,
Kicked back in a spacious office
Were often faded
As she waded through the shit from these vagrant monsters.
Backstage, the regret was the worst,
The only cure that could get her through work
And fix the hurt in her chest
Was to look at the picture that she kept in her purse.

She looked at the picture of Washington.
Smiling benevolent,
On the paper dollar bill that he claimed a his residence,
And realized she'd finally made a career
Out of working for presidents.



She had to laugh at the irony...

.

[DaAlmightyDolla]

Topic:
Lovers & Demons

Do me a favor and reveal your true nature
cuz you my darling,
are no savior nor remedy for a broken heart
no desired taste nor flavor,
just a catalyst playing her part
in a drama not lead by I
so why lay eyes on me , when I...
am not shy to disregard your affection
why try to disguise your intentions
do I look like a fool
or worse yet, a tool to be used..
until I rust and turn a crimson hue
would that appease you,
you devilish entity
you parade around as if we were meant to be
as if your sanity contained any sanctity
I know its thanks to me that you remain alive
but our love is a thing of the past and I...
lost count of the calenders that died before my eyes
I'll only rise for the purest prize
and you my dear ...
are just a conciliation
while others lay in awe,
I look beyond your reputation
for you are no Eve to my Adam
I'm sorry madam, if you are truly saddened
but shit happens ...
and I can clearly careless
cuz as we slowly progress...
I glimpse at every stain on your pail dress
a badge of honor for yourself,
but a red flag for me
and you have the audacity,
to try and headline my marquee

Ha

If anything your name is in fine print...
on the contract that sold my soul
I couldn't rub out the ink...
even if only seconds old
so I'm stuck with you...
as punishment to say the least
its been proven...
the right vagina can slay a beast
but yours bear fangs
each time I make contact with your glans,
your other lips begin to feast
so keep those legs closed,
just like your mouth should be
cuz every time you disrobe,
it greatly angers me,
you whore, wench, horned heathen
may any god strike you down
even the 1's I dont believe in
including the 1 you gave birth to,
that piece of white trash
from the man that never touched you,
yea ok..

virgin my sweet ass



Marriage is not holy nor sacred
and love is not unlimited nor eternal
cuz a flame will always burn out
even in Dante's Inferno

[Got Life?]

lets hope this is better than the others...

TR - I'm going to just note a coulpe things as I read along...this is a business or the business...the extra syllable is needed there imo...rich tuition? I unno...that's kind of forced...claimed as his residence...outside of those 3 little things...great verse...back in the old style that I actually liked from you...a developed character...one that people can relate to...a clever story...the repetition of that "hook" was cleverly placed...I think this is one of the better verses I've read from you in a while. Way to stop being a piece of shit and give me the first verse I actually really enjoyed reading this week so far.

Now lets see what dolla dolla bill gave me...

Dolla - this is actually one of the better verses I've read from you...the piece had a really good pace and the way you built it up was rather effective...the imagery and emotion were definitely there and you made this piece your own...I think the plug at the virgin mary bit at the end was a bit unnecessary although it didn't really take anything away from the piece...all in all, if you wrote like this on a consistent level and just upped your rhyme scheme you'd be someone to watch out for.

As it stands this was actually a better battle than I expected it to be, however TR's writing was just on another level.

vote = TR.

DaD gave him a run for his money as best he could, but TR showed true form this week.

[Sound]

i'm posting this vote as i read so.. it may sound out of place a little, but it'll go over well.

The Return, you're content was really really nice. I enjoyed the read, and the storyline was nearly perfected.. this is my first time actually checking you out, as it is my first week in the league.. i'm digging the style though. the rhyme scheme is set up just right, a few forced, but none-the-less a great verse along with a near perfected content. i read the, what seems to be, 'hook'-like part of your verse.. and what's weird is, i got where you were going, but when i got to the end, it actually stuck out. presidents/presidents.. it's kind of funny how i couldn't pick up the lead until after i finished reading the verse, which overall makes it even better. great verse, and well worded might i add at that.


DaAlmightyDollar.. i liked your verse, but, somethings missing.. it wasn't that it was too simple, just a lot of things didn't do it for me. i'm not one to quote bars and what not, but 'the right vagina can slay a beast' bit actually caught my eye, and i was not surprised to see that picture at the end. i second time i read your verse, i was thinking, maybe if you beat around the bush a little, and made it a little more complex, it'd been much better.. although, i will say, when saying your verse aloud, it rolled off my tongue as if i had written it myself..

when i compare the verses, the better verse is clear to me overall, reason being, a more polished verse is more deserving of a raised hand. great read guys, i'm watching you both.

v/ The Return

[Jimmy Eles]

the return - really liked you story...flowed along really nice.....nice structure and flow...made it a real easy read.. you switchd up from a /b 2 a /a and all liked that not many middle of the bars rymes..but the complexity of the endings made it nicer...some of your ending didn't really ryme with anything that i could see....but it still flowed somehow......liked the hook in the middle....liked the ending alot.. ...good use of the pic...

dolla - liked your verse alot to...how you threw in little comments like it was you talking out loud....reading it out loud i stumbled on the flow from time to time...but i still enjoyd the read....at first it had me...towrds the middle i didn't no if i was gonna make it to the end ..but then it picked back up...
so I'm stuck with you...as punishment to say the leastits been proven...
the right vagina can slay a beastbut yours bear fangseach time I make contact with your glans,your other lips begin to feastso keep those legs closed,just like your mouth should becuz every time you disrobe,it greatly angers me, <-- liked this part the most though


liked em both ......dolla played with words better than tr and was more poetic ......but tr's was more interesting and easyer read....

the return <----- my vote

[MC Guttso]

TheReturn - I really liked this. Thought it was a proper slick verse. Liked the chorus bits, which broke things up a bit and helped the structure and flow of the song/story in my opinion. Real descriptive, bursting with imagery and a fucking dope story.

DaAlmightyDolla - The read seemed real gritty and raw, in a good way. You truly encaptured the title of Lovers and Demons. Felt the flow was a bit shaky, it mighta just been the way I was reading it. But I haven't really got anything to complain about your rhyme technique etc...it was good.

v - TheReturn - although I feel it was a fairly even match-up.

[Saga]

Return- solid drop this week. This one appears more lengthy then the last one I read from u vs planes, and I felt I got more out of this message, although the message is one we all have heard since its a typical bitches everyday story to say she had dreams or a greater like in mind while dancing on polls. the was it was written was what made it cool though.

dolla - I wasnt able to connect to your verse as much in terms of who was writing better lines and having more of an impact on my decision making.. lines were much simpler than returns and not as natural sounding.. like it took longer to get what was being said out while returns went at a rather fast pace, meaning stronger substance.


vote return

[Atheist]

TheReturn:
Up until the final segment, I was thinking how beautifully written but how exceptionally unoriginal this piece was; I didn’t even see the relationship between working for presidents and the presidents’ face on dollar bills coming into play. Probably because I’m Irish so your currency is a whole nother world to me. However, back to your verse. It was delightfully written, the word-choice was consistently first-class and the way you stretched your expressions and messages over three rhyming lines proved helpful. It may have hindered the flow slightly, but I’m an individual who prefers substance over mechanics, and there’s no denying how enjoyable your verse was to read. As I’ve said, the final segment was great to read, so I feel that I don’t need to quote that in my ‘favourite lines’ section. However, there was another part I liked of your verse and I felt that these lines, which will be referenced momentarily, highlighted the enjoyableness I felt while reading your verse.

Favourite lines:
So when her song concluded she'd leave,
Picking up the money that polluted the scene
Every night, repeating delusions
To try to make some truth of her dreams.
Her hopes of a place in Congress,
Kicked back in a spacious office
Were often faded
As she waded through the shit from these vagrant monsters.

DaAlmightyDolla:
This was also an enjoyable read. Flowed nicely, the word choice was great, the content itself had that colloquial feel to it whereby when it’s executed just right it flows off the tongue so smoothly and easily. However, your verse just didn’t have that extra kick, that slight ‘edge’ to it that TheReturn’s had. In that respect, I feel that if you had have been up against anyone else this week, I feel you would have done enough for the win, DAD. However, it was just unfortunate that you came up against TheReturn.

Favourite lines:
you devilish entity
you parade around as if we were meant to be
as if your sanity contained any sanctity
I know its thanks to me that you remain alive
but our love is a thing of the past and I...
lost count of the calenders that died before my eyes
I'll only rise for the purest prize
and you my dear ...
are just a conciliation
while others lay in awe,
I look beyond your reputation


-------------------------------------------------------


Vote: TheReturn.

In my opinion, any other week and DaAlmightyDolla would have had the victory sewn up. But I really enjoyed the simple yet elegantly executed twist at the end of TheReturn’s verse. It was so simple and yet so unforeseen. That’s why he gets my vote. But regardless of my decision, you both produced splendid verses, and you should both be proud of that.

[Cormier]

Alright...

Dolla- pretty good verse. it moved at a very good pace helped out byt he short line length and some inners thrown in there to keep it moving and flowing well. kudos for that. i really liked the second section of your verse (after the "Ha" part). i thought that the real anger and hatred of the narrator really showed in that second part. the first part i thought dragged on a little, but you picked it up. however, this is no where near an original verse. i've seen many verses that written in an angry tone towards a woman (hell i've written a few myself). however, for that type of piece i must say that this one was done well and kept me reading.

TR- i liked the actual writing of this. the rhyme scheme was dope (i actually liked the little spacer lines before you get hit with another multi) and, for the most part, it flowed pretty well. However, there were a couple word choices and grammatical errors (or typos, whichever the case may be) that kind of caught my eye and detracted from the piece a little. there was also a spot or two where it seemed like you put wording on the bacburner in order to advance the rhyme, which is something i really can't stand (case in point: "Doing not what she's told"- hated that line). if you have to sacrifice a perfect multi for natural wording i say do that. when it comes to content, this piece didn't really do a whole lot fo me. i appreciate the irony at the end, i feel like that's often an underused aspect of writing. i kind of saw the ironic twist coming due to the repetition of your opening lines, but that was no biggie. Overall a very well-written piece that was enjoyable to read.

VOTE= TheReturn because i thought the content of both pieces were about equal, so he gets my vote for a more complex and better written verse in my opinion

[Lucifa]

TR - what can I say outside of what's been said already? .. I have read the votes as I need to find the Top Voter and check the 2 line thing with you .. and I can't disagree with or emphasize more the postives being said about the piece .. that little typo "a = as*" would be my only negative tbh .. I liked how you used the image and crafted a really smooth read with good solid content .. enjoyed it ..

DaD - really liked this too .. solid writing and showing that spark that has me as a fan of your writing when you really put some effort in to the content and mechanics at the same time .. solid read and unlucky to be up against a good showing from TR as this would have beaten most of what I've read and voted on so far ..

Vote = TheReturn .. both pulled a verse from the arse end of their A game .. solid showcasing of writing from both but TR manages to tip the scale on the day .. I don't see this not being MOTW .. nice job fellas .. unlucky DaD ..

[Strike2]

Hmm good match

Return...
good verse simple topic but relayed very well as far as the telling goes... the writing itself was good but I honestly felt you did better last week in that department. Still I liked the tone of the verse bitter dissapointment came trough nicely.

Dolla
great smoothe flow no unneccesary words and perfectly built story line imo
It was less impressive in the poetic sense, but more so in the story department.so this makes for a dificult choice for me...

Honestly after the first read I was goin to vote dad...Returns piece seemed slightly unnatural wich is usually one of yer strong points...and DaD's piece came of better as a verse but then I read again changed my mind...read again and changed again... lol in short
I liked the topic DaD used more and thats what edges it for me.. in the end I think return IS the better writer... but I jus got more out of DaD's verse then with returns this week

vote DaD