[DF:WK3] T.a.C vs. -Atreyu- (VOTE NOW!)

TheReturn · 07-21-2008, 10:16 AM

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Down To Business.
This Match-Up is between:
In Rank Order

T.a.C
Active Worth: 003pts
Vs.
-Atreyu-
Active Worth: -002pts

Good Luck Ladies.
Prove Your Worth

T.a.C · 07-22-2008, 04:13 PM

im in.. good luck bro

T.a.C · 07-24-2008, 02:51 AM

Right now I’m all alone my kids are grown
My wife has left me here in our home
Or what was our place, the years fly by
I’m not 75 an I don’t know how long before I die
My back is bad my hair is gray
I long for my past to this day
Cuz when my kids were growing up I was always away
I’m alone walking down the hallways, amazed
Looking at stuff living life through memories
I’m calling everyone I know to see who remembers me
But friends became enemies, my own fault
Cuz I was too pre-occupied filling my gold vault
Stories of untold assault it was all trying to balance my default
Trying to make ends so I over looked friends
So I know when my stories up an my book ends
I know no one will be there when I get buried
Ill be thought of as nothing but a fly or the maggot it carried
I was looking through pictures when I found this note
From a child, I don’t know where it came from the kid wrote
“Don’t forget me don’t forget what I’ve felt
The pain, the total lack of funds
The bros are rich while I’m stacking ones
But its ok life is better this way
Cuz it means I have nothing to maintain
I’m 12 years old, family matters most
But as my mind scatters I’m engrossed
By this girl sitting next to me, Sherri
I know that one day she and I will be married”
I thought Sherri, that’s strange that was my wife’s name
But I stayed focus on what this kid had wrotten
Cuz these words seem familiar that he’s spoken
He said “I wanna row up and have my own crib
My own kid, laughing as he spills food on his bib
Me and Sherri growing old, a family that loves me
And me dying on my death bed as my wife and I are hugging”
I rose to my feet with one thing on my mind
I got some time, I gotta make it right
I call my kids and beg for forgiveness
And invite them over next week to celebrate Christmas
I call my ex wife and tell her to come back
I’d do anything for you, baby, unpack
Called u my friends invited them too
We got like 80 people crammed in just one room
Everything was cool again, which made me happy
And I re-read that letter when I feel crappy
One day I noticed something that before I didn’t see
Sincerely,
A letter from me

-Atreyu- · 07-24-2008, 06:24 PM

yo im not gonna be anywhere near a computer today to drop this verse,i need an extension.

-Atreyu- · 07-24-2008, 08:41 PM

Lovers & Demons

My existence has existed for eons and eons explicit
Once a physical vessil simmers down, I rekindle visits
Spindles I summon,with pencils I draw a physical form
Combine, divine thoughts and ,within a sand storm swarms
The makings of the latest vessil ive decided to live In
To live amongst the creatures ive ignited lifes wind in,when
The completed specimen is ready for inhabitance
I take a chunk of my omnipotence and add it as an additive
I have practiced this,from galaxy to galaxy plentifully
To test out,the molecular structure of infinity
This is a little game,the one me and my father play
Hes the God of A God,this universe is mines to say
which should be kept and which should be deleted
which beings have conceded,
which sphere in a galaxy has been depleted
Ive taken the form of over a thousand different beings
And lived amongst them in secrecy in over a thousand precincts
my instincts,are honed and I learn a lot every time
and every being has a distinct,innate frame of mind
but this one,according to the manuscripts contain blood
meaning,they constantly confuse lust...with love...
my vessil is ready,I shall conduct an experiment
try to live as a human and understand, loves experience...

*Doorbell Rings*
Natashas' her name,a dame with the "frame of a goddess"
human slang terms are methodic,I called her she bought it
flowers i brought her,my senses mixed with neurotic toxins
that night,we at the height of "love making", erotic nonsense...
my human conscious just couldnt stop it,my middle capsized
I Had to meditate and remind, thy...eyes...why....I ....
Am here,as the years passed and passed
Natasha And I,soon,married in a place with stained glass
(the very temple these beings seek to worhip me
even though theyve never heard of me,but thats another story y'see)
Anyway,
it felt as if only 20 minutes had passed
wede been together for 30 yrs...wow how fast!
She was excited,but i felt as if i didnt know her
then remembered that humans live lesser,so i didnt disown her
I forced myself to believe,
she was my main squeeze,
and we were in love, indeed...
a monogamous one....
until...

Coming into this wooden box she calls a house
from doing what humans do to pay the rent and keep a spouse
I heard noises...the one she makes when she has kissy face
i opened the door,another male on top of her,my place
She screamed,he ran and tripped over the trash can
I used to sit on when she gave me a lap dance...

My human emotion swelled up,ive never felt this before!
Immediately,my spirit energy cracked a door
swung open it soared!
Through the top of this wooden building the roof
the earth shook aloof! and all i could hear,was WHOOSH!
My eyes lit up,red as blood within this vessils frame
I levitated through the hole in the roof above the terrain
I couldnt control it,this earth, it deserved it,my purpose
exited my lips,like a blimp,whirlwinds of F-6 twists
tornadoes lifted oceans and porpoises,fish and squids
Whales and turtles hurdled and plummeted tops of lids

Fire and blood,the same color I discovered As I muttered...
Love's of no purpose, every humans a demon,not lovers

Lucifa · 07-25-2008, 06:49 AM

not half as bad as some may have predicted ..

TaC - progressing really well with your writing and yet again you've produced the best verse you're written in the league so far .. but lol @ "wrotten" .. wtf? .. I didn't fine tooth comb the verse for errors in grammar and the "wrotten" thing was the only mistake that stood out in the read .. the story was straight .. however .. although your mechanics are pretty basic and simple in general .. this time the story and how you worked it was a bit simple .. hard to explain what I mean by that but just how the transitions hit and where the story went had no impact and the verse had no real point of interest .. it was a well written piece in contrast to your previous verses .. and deserves more props than the verse you wrote last week did .. so well done on that front ..

Atreyu - I remember your screen-name from before I took time off from RM .. for some reason I link it with Baysick but I dunno .. this was written a little better than shit I've read of Baysick in recent months though so if you are him then you're improving some .. if not .. it's irrelevant and ignore this first bit lol .. but yeah .. I quite liked this piece .. it was untidy and not really asthetically pleasing .. but the story was alright and I liked the demon bit at the end and the images that followed .. just fitted in with the mood you'd set pretty well .. overall it was a straight verse that would have lacked against some opponents but in this match-up it stood up pretty well ..

Vote = -Atreyu- .. for me he had the better story by way of entertaining the reader ..

Scatterboxx · 07-25-2008, 07:35 AM

clear winner in this battle.

tac.
last week, you stepped your game up quite a bit... not so much this week. obviously a much better verse than your very early stuff, but still nothing great. the stylistics of the writing were sloppy - overly elementary & lacked poetics of kind as far too basic linguistics. the mechanics were poor. the idea was cliche as all hell & bored me to death. every so often you ••••ed the writing up with a multi or something of the sort, but still overall a very generic verse. you can do better. you sure did last week. oh well.

atreyu.
cool verse. got that abstract poetic vibe. some of it literally made no sense, but maybe that's just me. the linguistics were nice at points, & then forced as hell at others, which frustrated the fuck out of me. it was a much more enjoyable read than tac's, due to its complexity & conceptualistic artistry. you painted the canvas like a lyrical picasso who has yet to learn all the tricks of the trade, but it still turned out decent. you'll do well in the league once you polish up your weak areas. still, your verse was sufficient this week.

v- atreyu.
just a far better read.

Strike2 · 07-25-2008, 08:08 AM

decent match...

Tac its like luci said yer gettin better definitely but a lot of stuff is to standard like the words you tend to rhyme together.. try not usin the first word that comes to mind to make a rhyme and go with second or thirds...
either way back to yer piece. I liked the way the piece in itself flowed you kept a decent story line altho it lacked depth you need to make a piece come alive a little more

Treyu
cool piece content wise it was real good I felt the story line nice build up the metaphores word choice n everything...but the flow seemed a bit forced at times and came to me at least somewhat unnatural at times... still it was a nice piece

vote treyu

Got Life? · 07-25-2008, 10:00 AM

tac - i really can't be bothered to read your pieces anymore...this is the same garbage to me really...bad idea meets the mechanics of a 3rd grader with terribly elementry writing...it's just something that I feel as a chore to read and well...I have no desire to be burdened to have to read things...step your game up drastically.

treyu - the only problem with this piece as stated was when you forced things that didn't need to be forced...the piece almost felt a little robotic because of it as if you sacrificed a natural vibe in order to provide better mechanics to an extent. at the same time though I really enjoyed the read as there were some really stand out parts to it.

vote = Atreyu.

Atheist · 07-25-2008, 10:11 AM

T.a.C:
This piece was alright. In all honesty, it seemed incredibly forced. You went from an individual who had nothing and was a bit of a miserable shit, to him finding a letter from himself and immediately turning his life around. It all happened too fast; there was no development, no suspense, nothing. I suppose it was a happy story, but that doesn’t make up for what I believe to be a rushed verse.

Favourite lines:
He said “I wanna row up and have my own crib
My own kid, laughing as he spills food on his bib
Me and Sherri growing old, a family that loves me
And me dying on my death bed as my wife and I are hugging”

Atreyu:
This was a really original approach to a story. I enjoyed how you really built it up, described each sequence and its impact on the overall story. For example, how the God had existed as thousands of different species and then, when He encounters human existence He ends up destroying everything. I liked that, how humans are destroyers through the own actions and behaviours. Good piece.

Favourite lines:
I have practiced this,from galaxy to galaxy plentifully
To test out,the molecular structure of infinity
This is a little game,the one me and my father play
Hes the God of A God,this universe is mines to say
which should be kept and which should be deleted
which beings have conceded,
which sphere in a galaxy has been depleted
Ive taken the form of over a thousand different beings
And lived amongst them in secrecy in over a thousand precincts

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Vote: Atreya.

The overall story and mechanics were much better. Simple as.

MC Guttso · 07-25-2008, 10:33 AM

T.a.C - Yeah this was an ok read, multis were there e.g. always away, hallways, amazed - pretty cool with a few other examples. And this verse was smoother to read than your other stuff. But what the hell with the spelling mistakes, it really annoys me when I'm reading through it. "I'm not 75?" were you meant to say that? Confusing. Flow of the read was pleasing, although a bit bumpy, I thought it was fairly good. The idea of this guy remembering/reminiscing over his values of when he was much younger was a good idea, and the way you portrayed that in the form of him finding a past letter he'd written, was a pretty outstanding idea. However I felt it could have been delved into with much more complexity. Story substance and ideas was satisfactory tho.

Atreyu: First few lines - thought - wow - pretty intricate rhyming which was appealing to me. The first paragraph was quality with expert descriptiveness and was a good introduction of the making of a good, engaging story to follow, i.e. "...conduct an experiment, try to live as a human and understand, loves experience..." Your story substance and ideas were far more imaginative than T.a.C's. Really impressed, kinda felt like the idea was an alien life form critiquing the "simple" experience of human love and betrayal. I find it difficult sometimes to figure out what you are attempting to portray. That's probably my own fault tho. Excellent story dude.

v - Atreyu - excellent story, better mechanics that were more engaging and imaginative.

Cormier · 07-25-2008, 04:43 PM

alright, another easy battle to vote on:

T.a.C.- this wasn't very good. i think the concept was a prattey decent one, but the development and execution just wasn't there. writing was basic, rhyme was simple and the flow was choppy and as i said, the story itself just seemed a little too abrupt and underdeveloped.

Atreyu- nice vocab, i have to give you that. pretty nice imagery too. i think the content of your piece outshone the writing, which is fine by me, i'm more of a content man anyway. i liked the story, not the best story i ever read, but kept me fairly entertained and the ending was cool. good tone throughout the piece. overall, pretty good job.

VOTE= Atreyu

Saga · 07-25-2008, 05:58 PM

tac - I personally think you write really basic and for some reason it seems like you put the same amount of effort into your verses each week - little to none. I still dont know how people thought u beat me.. i guess its an inside joke or something..

atreyu - this was a pretty nice drop i liked the interesting word usage in the beginning of the verse the best, but you carried the story fairly well and it was definitely good enough to beat what tac dropped. so with that said vote atreyu

T.a.C · 07-26-2008, 02:25 PM

dude, GL? go take a nap snorolax

Sound · 07-26-2008, 03:15 PM

T.a.C.- i saw what you said to Got Life?, just beng honest on my feed back. i really wasn't feeling this verse at all. not meaning to bash, but it lacked almost everything that would make a good verse. it was simple, and brought upon a 123, abc type of vibe to me. the story was told in a manner that could have been so much better. sorry man, i didn't enjoy reading this piece. i feel as though if you made it more complex, it would well-round your verse too.

-Atreyu- - wait, first of all, isn't your name a rock band? haha, i just noticed.. alright, well, you're use of words helped contribute to your verse being good. you painted a vision that i could see in my head, as i read. you handled this theme well and i didn't have much of a problem reading this. pictures & topic even made it better.

v/ -Artreyu-, just had a much better verse.

T.a.C · 07-26-2008, 03:27 PM

nah, i got no problem with you. its jus regardless of what i post gl?'s gonna hate it. i won last week, people were shocked at the improvement and shit and gl's? still bustin my balls about it. whatever, dudes jus a fatass faggot who lives for this text shit

07-21-2008, 10:16 AM	#1 (permalink)
TheReturn Life of the Party Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Memph-10 Posts: 4,531	[DF:WK3] T.a.C vs. -Atreyu- (VOTE NOW!) Welcome to your match-up thread. Click Here For Rules & Regulations Quick Over-View: 12-64 lines to a topic provided in the [TOPICS] thread of the sticky area. Do not post more than 3 times within your own match-up thread. ^No more than once in anyone elses either!^ Stay fresh, no recycling. Opt-In to the "Alternate" scheme before posting a verse. This will increase your chances of obtaining feedback and votes via another opponent. Just check in and state you wish to alternate, should you suffer a no-show. Down To Business. This Match-Up is between: In Rank Order T.a.C Active Worth: 003pts Vs. -Atreyu- Active Worth: -002pts Good Luck Ladies. Prove Your Worth __________________ The Republican Party Since the start of the Iraq war, 7 million Americans have died from ABORTION. [.txt] MASTERS/ the universe Yes, as in the entire universe.

07-24-2008, 06:24 PM	#4 (permalink)
-Atreyu- Zulu Warrior Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Lost Angels-Destroying The Illusions Designed To Decieve Us. Posts: 6,079	yo im not gonna be anywhere near a computer today to drop this verse,i need an extension. __________________ [b]Rstls' Beatse. Black Gods.

07-24-2008, 08:41 PM	#5 (permalink)
-Atreyu- Zulu Warrior Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Lost Angels-Destroying The Illusions Designed To Decieve Us. Posts: 6,079	Lovers & Demons My existence has existed for eons and eons explicit Once a physical vessil simmers down, I rekindle visits Spindles I summon,with pencils I draw a physical form Combine, divine thoughts and ,within a sand storm swarms The makings of the latest vessil ive decided to live In To live amongst the creatures ive ignited lifes wind in,when The completed specimen is ready for inhabitance I take a chunk of my omnipotence and add it as an additive I have practiced this,from galaxy to galaxy plentifully To test out,the molecular structure of infinity This is a little game,the one me and my father play Hes the God of A God,this universe is mines to say which should be kept and which should be deleted which beings have conceded, which sphere in a galaxy has been depleted Ive taken the form of over a thousand different beings And lived amongst them in secrecy in over a thousand precincts my instincts,are honed and I learn a lot every time and every being has a distinct,innate frame of mind but this one,according to the manuscripts contain blood meaning,they constantly confuse lust...with love... my vessil is ready,I shall conduct an experiment try to live as a human and understand, loves experience... Doorbell Rings Natashas' her name,a dame with the "frame of a goddess" human slang terms are methodic,I called her she bought it flowers i brought her,my senses mixed with neurotic toxins that night,we at the height of "love making", erotic nonsense... my human conscious just couldnt stop it,my middle capsized I Had to meditate and remind, thy...eyes...why....I .... Am here,as the years passed and passed Natasha And I,soon,married in a place with stained glass (the very temple these beings seek to worhip me even though theyve never heard of me,but thats another story y'see) Anyway, it felt as if only 20 minutes had passed wede been together for 30 yrs...wow how fast! She was excited,but i felt as if i didnt know her then remembered that humans live lesser,so i didnt disown her I forced myself to believe, she was my main squeeze, and we were in love, indeed... a monogamous one.... until... Coming into this wooden box she calls a house from doing what humans do to pay the rent and keep a spouse I heard noises...the one she makes when she has kissy face i opened the door,another male on top of her,my place She screamed,he ran and tripped over the trash can I used to sit on when she gave me a lap dance... My human emotion swelled up,ive never felt this before! Immediately,my spirit energy cracked a door swung open it soared! Through the top of this wooden building the roof the earth shook aloof! and all i could hear,was WHOOSH! My eyes lit up,red as blood within this vessils frame I levitated through the hole in the roof above the terrain I couldnt control it,this earth, it deserved it,my purpose exited my lips,like a blimp,whirlwinds of F-6 twists tornadoes lifted oceans and porpoises,fish and squids Whales and turtles hurdled and plummeted tops of lids Fire and blood,the same color I discovered As I muttered... Love's of no purpose, every humans a demon,not lovers __________________ [b]Rstls' Beatse. Black Gods.

07-25-2008, 06:49 AM	#6 (permalink)
Lucifa Viva La Eva Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: United Kingdom Status: Rumba Raving Posts: 16,787	not half as bad as some may have predicted .. TaC - progressing really well with your writing and yet again you've produced the best verse you're written in the league so far .. but lol @ "wrotten" .. wtf? .. I didn't fine tooth comb the verse for errors in grammar and the "wrotten" thing was the only mistake that stood out in the read .. the story was straight .. however .. although your mechanics are pretty basic and simple in general .. this time the story and how you worked it was a bit simple .. hard to explain what I mean by that but just how the transitions hit and where the story went had no impact and the verse had no real point of interest .. it was a well written piece in contrast to your previous verses .. and deserves more props than the verse you wrote last week did .. so well done on that front .. Atreyu - I remember your screen-name from before I took time off from RM .. for some reason I link it with Baysick but I dunno .. this was written a little better than shit I've read of Baysick in recent months though so if you are him then you're improving some .. if not .. it's irrelevant and ignore this first bit lol .. but yeah .. I quite liked this piece .. it was untidy and not really asthetically pleasing .. but the story was alright and I liked the demon bit at the end and the images that followed .. just fitted in with the mood you'd set pretty well .. overall it was a straight verse that would have lacked against some opponents but in this match-up it stood up pretty well .. Vote = -Atreyu- .. for me he had the better story by way of entertaining the reader .. __________________ Boy Better Know TMU Na Na Nai RSTL Ironman Tournament is up & running

07-25-2008, 07:35 AM	#7 (permalink)
Scatterboxx a.k.a. infinite truth. Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: four one three Posts: 363	clear winner in this battle. tac. last week, you stepped your game up quite a bit... not so much this week. obviously a much better verse than your very early stuff, but still nothing great. the stylistics of the writing were sloppy - overly elementary & lacked poetics of kind as far too basic linguistics. the mechanics were poor. the idea was cliche as all hell & bored me to death. every so often you ••••ed the writing up with a multi or something of the sort, but still overall a very generic verse. you can do better. you sure did last week. oh well. atreyu. cool verse. got that abstract poetic vibe. some of it literally made no sense, but maybe that's just me. the linguistics were nice at points, & then forced as hell at others, which frustrated the fuck out of me. it was a much more enjoyable read than tac's, due to its complexity & conceptualistic artistry. you painted the canvas like a lyrical picasso who has yet to learn all the tricks of the trade, but it still turned out decent. you'll do well in the league once you polish up your weak areas. still, your verse was sufficient this week. v- atreyu. just a far better read. __________________ s c a t t e r b o x x ...a.k.a. infinite truth 16-0 rstl debut. 3x rstl champ. 60+ rstl wins. {myspace.} {music.} {instrumentals.}

07-25-2008, 08:08 AM	#8 (permalink)
Strike2 Man Meets Creator Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: its the man nicca..lay down Posts: 15,950	decent match... Tac its like luci said yer gettin better definitely but a lot of stuff is to standard like the words you tend to rhyme together.. try not usin the first word that comes to mind to make a rhyme and go with second or thirds... either way back to yer piece. I liked the way the piece in itself flowed you kept a decent story line altho it lacked depth you need to make a piece come alive a little more Treyu cool piece content wise it was real good I felt the story line nice build up the metaphores word choice n everything...but the flow seemed a bit forced at times and came to me at least somewhat unnatural at times... still it was a nice piece vote treyu __________________ .Infinite. Allumni. M.I.C Resting On My Laurels

07-25-2008, 10:11 AM	#10 (permalink)
Atheist Storyteller Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 1,700	T.a.C: This piece was alright. In all honesty, it seemed incredibly forced. You went from an individual who had nothing and was a bit of a miserable shit, to him finding a letter from himself and immediately turning his life around. It all happened too fast; there was no development, no suspense, nothing. I suppose it was a happy story, but that doesn’t make up for what I believe to be a rushed verse. Favourite lines: He said “I wanna row up and have my own crib My own kid, laughing as he spills food on his bib Me and Sherri growing old, a family that loves me And me dying on my death bed as my wife and I are hugging” Atreyu: This was a really original approach to a story. I enjoyed how you really built it up, described each sequence and its impact on the overall story. For example, how the God had existed as thousands of different species and then, when He encounters human existence He ends up destroying everything. I liked that, how humans are destroyers through the own actions and behaviours. Good piece. Favourite lines: I have practiced this,from galaxy to galaxy plentifully To test out,the molecular structure of infinity This is a little game,the one me and my father play Hes the God of A God,this universe is mines to say which should be kept and which should be deleted which beings have conceded, which sphere in a galaxy has been depleted Ive taken the form of over a thousand different beings And lived amongst them in secrecy in over a thousand precincts ----------------------------------------------------------------- Vote: Atreya. The overall story and mechanics were much better. Simple as. __________________ You’ve Got the Fear 4x RSTL Champion.

07-25-2008, 10:33 AM	#11 (permalink)
MC Guttso Fingers in Pies Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: England Posts: 173	T.a.C - Yeah this was an ok read, multis were there e.g. always away, hallways, amazed - pretty cool with a few other examples. And this verse was smoother to read than your other stuff. But what the hell with the spelling mistakes, it really annoys me when I'm reading through it. "I'm not 75?" were you meant to say that? Confusing. Flow of the read was pleasing, although a bit bumpy, I thought it was fairly good. The idea of this guy remembering/reminiscing over his values of when he was much younger was a good idea, and the way you portrayed that in the form of him finding a past letter he'd written, was a pretty outstanding idea. However I felt it could have been delved into with much more complexity. Story substance and ideas was satisfactory tho. Atreyu: First few lines - thought - wow - pretty intricate rhyming which was appealing to me. The first paragraph was quality with expert descriptiveness and was a good introduction of the making of a good, engaging story to follow, i.e. "...conduct an experiment, try to live as a human and understand, loves experience..." Your story substance and ideas were far more imaginative than T.a.C's. Really impressed, kinda felt like the idea was an alien life form critiquing the "simple" experience of human love and betrayal. I find it difficult sometimes to figure out what you are attempting to portray. That's probably my own fault tho. Excellent story dude. v - Atreyu - excellent story, better mechanics that were more engaging and imaginative.

07-25-2008, 04:43 PM	#12 (permalink)
Cormier Registered User Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 72	alright, another easy battle to vote on: T.a.C.- this wasn't very good. i think the concept was a prattey decent one, but the development and execution just wasn't there. writing was basic, rhyme was simple and the flow was choppy and as i said, the story itself just seemed a little too abrupt and underdeveloped. Atreyu- nice vocab, i have to give you that. pretty nice imagery too. i think the content of your piece outshone the writing, which is fine by me, i'm more of a content man anyway. i liked the story, not the best story i ever read, but kept me fairly entertained and the ending was cool. good tone throughout the piece. overall, pretty good job. VOTE= Atreyu

07-25-2008, 05:58 PM	#13 (permalink)
Saga All Eyes On Me Join Date: Jan 2000 Location: Queens Posts: 2,749	tac - I personally think you write really basic and for some reason it seems like you put the same amount of effort into your verses each week - little to none. I still dont know how people thought u beat me.. i guess its an inside joke or something.. atreyu - this was a pretty nice drop i liked the interesting word usage in the beginning of the verse the best, but you carried the story fairly well and it was definitely good enough to beat what tac dropped. so with that said vote atreyu __________________ © The saga continues...

07-26-2008, 03:15 PM	#15 (permalink)
Sound Best Rapper Alive Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: capcity, va. Posts: 63	T.a.C.- i saw what you said to Got Life?, just beng honest on my feed back. i really wasn't feeling this verse at all. not meaning to bash, but it lacked almost everything that would make a good verse. it was simple, and brought upon a 123, abc type of vibe to me. the story was told in a manner that could have been so much better. sorry man, i didn't enjoy reading this piece. i feel as though if you made it more complex, it would well-round your verse too. -Atreyu- - wait, first of all, isn't your name a rock band? haha, i just noticed.. alright, well, you're use of words helped contribute to your verse being good. you painted a vision that i could see in my head, as i read. you handled this theme well and i didn't have much of a problem reading this. pictures & topic even made it better. v/ -Artreyu-, just had a much better verse. __________________ I am the one.