[DF:WK1] 3. TheReturn v 12. MC Guttso (VOTE NOW!)

[Lucifa]

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Down To Business.
This Match-Up is between:
In Rank Order

TheReturn
Active Worth: 002pts
Vs.
MC Guttso
Active Worth: 002pts

Good Luck Ladies.
Prove Your Worth

[MC Guttso]

I'm in and declare alternate....
Votes
1. [DF:WK1] 5. 3-Planes v 10. NOBLE SOLDIER (VOTE NOW!)
2. [DF:WK1] 4. nom de plume. v 11. _KDP_ (VOTE NOW!)
3.[DF:WK1] 10. Saga v 13. Bonnie Bathory (VOTE NOW!)
4.[DF:WK1] 2. .:Pain:. v 13. SpeedyCalhoun (VOTE NOW!)
5.[DF:WK1] 4. Scatterboxx v 11. sfsportsfan (VOTE NOW!)
6.[DF:WK1] 2. Vern Acular v 6. Mic-illaH (VOTE NOW!)

[TheReturn]

I'll go alternate too, JP.

1 [DF:WK1] 4. Scatterboxx v 11. sfsportsfan (VOTE NOW!)
2 [DF:WK1] 5. 3-Planes v 10. NOBLE SOLDIER (VOTE NOW!)
3 [DF:WK1] 10. Saga v 13. Bonnie Bathory (VOTE NOW!)
4 [DF:WK1] 4. nom de plume. v 11. _KDP_ (VOTE NOW!)
5 [DF:WK1] 2. Vern Acular v 6. Mic-illaH (VOTE NOW!)
6 [DF:WK1] 1. Got Life? v 14. rocket (VOTE NOW!)
7 [DF:WK1] 2. .:Pain:. v 13. SpeedyCalhoun (VOTE NOW!)
8 [DF:WK1] 3. Lucifa v 12. MetaSin (VOTE NOW!)
9 [DF:WK1] 1. DaAlmightyDolla v 14. Calibre (VOTE NOW!)
10 [DF:WK1] 7. Chin Kwon v 8. tbone (VOTE NOW!)

[MC Guttso]

TOPIC/TITLE: Head in the Clouds.

Darkened couples and broken marriages,
Angels and ogres on a horse and carriage,
Intimacy declines with argumentative damage,
Low libidos spur sex, as lifeless as cabbage,
Leaving our passions hopelessly vanquished,
Some souls are so disgustingly famished,
Divorce can be so destructive and savage,
Remorseless mortals left hollow and ravaged,
Though she and I remain elated with our envious passage…
Family homes enshrouded in gloom and thunder,
Even the crows retreat and decease in number,
Brave faces to cover, the weakened hearts that those lurk under,
The basis of others is to throw insecurities, for lovers to lumber,
Blunder with a rubber, that leaves the kid with a brother,
Pregnancy means the guts rotunda, so husbands find lust with another,
But she and I remain connected in the blanket we’re under,
So right for each-other, living a forever precious, peaceful slumber…

Together for a whole joyous fifty years,
Forever solid through the fears and the tears,
Supportive in our independent, distinctive careers,
We don’t just randomly listen, we actually hear,
She’s my sorceress, in a murky world unclear,
The strongest of men collapse at her beauty, so real and dear,
Gulls in the grey appear with a tweet and a cheer when she’s near,
We’re……so clear in the warm direction that we follow and steer

Encapsulated in a universe so murderous and red,
But we know that when we put our own kids to bed,
No criticism, hate or hurt, but a hug an’ a kiss instead,
The miracle of love, like Jesus turning slices into masses of bread,
Choice of swinging through the happy, fulfilled life that you led,
At peace with the consummation of intertwined heads,
Or follow a life of meaningless ardour, so empty and dead,
Hanging yourself, in the negative values that you preached and read,

Destiny inevitably fails, all the misguided clowns that frowned,
Testimonies of hatred and gruesome, mental breakdown,
Suffocation, jealousy, and spouses crowding around,
Careless over their forgotten vows, whilst taking ashamed bows,
To God as he looks at their pitiful stamp of life now
And I wonder if it’s allowed, that we still have OUR head in the clouds.
…..
….
…
..
.
And whilst her and I look down from heaven above,
We’re proud of The Ones who know true love

[TheReturn]

.

They called her the The Director...
And she sat perched in her chair,
Orchestrating her works of bloodthirsting despair.
The murder and fear her actors showed so fervently clear
Won her all types of awards
For nearly thirty-one years.

She'd gotten her start in the eighties,
Starving, debating
Whether enough strength in her heart was remaining
To continue,
'Cause critics had already named her a paltry replacement
To the studio legend they had lost to derangement.
Her first movie rose to international fame,
And her actor had claimed awards for the dad that he played.
But after that day,
The Director actually stayed under the radar,
Until she mastered a way
To perfect a murder scene, and the passion portrayed.

And Steven Dunn was a star...
Some said he was the best actor they'd seen
Since DiCaprio, Sam Jackson, or Dean.
So when The Director named him the actor to be
In her next movie, people backed it with ease.
'Cause the thought of seeing Dunn
In one of The Director's ravaging scenes
Of murder, gore, and blasphemous things
Was really quite lavish indeed.
But one night the reeling was rolling,
In the heat of the moment,
The tension was building, you could feel the emotions.
Steven was stealing the show,
As well as the hopes of his dearly devoted.
Then came the scene of his death...
Which of course the audience agreed was his best
As he screamed from the depths
Of his beaten-in chest.
The weapon of choice was a crow bar,
The scene was a mess,
Intestines were strewn about with no bleeding supressed.
And of course the eating was next
So the crow bar served as a fork
When The Director needed her rest.
Dunn had gone missing shortly after completion,
And The Director told police that she hadn't seen him,
So with no clues and no motive they had to believe it.
And the movie was released,
Garnering more attention after the passing of Steven.

And when she casted the lead
In her next movie, people backed it with ease.
'Cause the thought of seeing the next great actor to be
In one of The Director's ravaging scenes
Of murder, gore, and blasphemous things
Was truly lavish indeed.

The critics always hailed the acting
And murder portrayed in a new fashion,
Unaware that the movie was always a mask,
Covering up her true passion...


...of killing.

.

[Lucifa]

hmm .. interesting ..

Guttso - this was maybe a small case of 'over-kill' on the repetitive style of rhyming .. at first I was enjoying it with the rhyming of "age" words .. then came the "umber" rhyming and it was wearing a little thin .. then it went downhill with the "ed" rhyming .. the problem is that the rhyming distracted from the story in a way .. you left it with that shit being the focal point for any crit which is a shame .. cos the story wasn't too bad .. unoriginal and not really inspiring .. but it was straight .. the images (apart from the woman and maybe the house) weren't really needed or used to great effect .. they just broke up the switch of rhyming word without really influencing the content itself .. not a bad verse .. started of nice and kinda slumped to the end .. had to laugh at "lifeless as a cabbage" line .. lol ..

Return - I dunno about "so cliche you deserve a slap" .. I have read pieces that have used this idea though .. and variations on the approach .. but I think you did pretty well with it .. the flow didn't seem as smooth as usual from you but some parts I did really pick up a very nice flow to .. I do think the imagery could have been better when it was used/needed as the story was more of a narrative tale so needed the 'colour' in the visual elements for me .. overall though this was a decent read and quite entertaining to boot ..

Vote = TheReturn .. unoriginal maybe .. but I found it to be the most enjoyable read both mechanically and content wise .. Guttso shot himself in the foot somewhat with his approach to writing his verse and that really distracted attention from the content .. making this a pretty one sided affair IMO ..

[Got Life?]

Guttso - Obviously this wasn't the most original idea talking about how hard it is for relationships to coexist, but I felt that your writers voice and word choice was spot on and it made the piece carry quite well, your flow was also quite smooth. I like the message that your piece conveyed, that while it's hard there are couples out there doing the damn. It worked for me.

TR - wow this was painfully dull and unoriginal...the only thing that could have saved this piece was if you were completely on point with your mechanics and rhyming and I don't think you were...this piece was just so blah to me...the lack of character build up...the predictable meandering...this was a gore verse with barely any gore...and the love for murder/killing never connected as anything worthwhile.

I think TR is going to win this strictly because of his name, but I found Guttso's piece to be the more enjoyable and the better written piece.

vote = MC Guttso.

[NOBLE SOLDIER]

Guttso- Your story was str8.. Enjoyable at parts.. The middle flow kinda lost me but it picked back up towards the end.. Creativity wise, relationships are kinda a played subject but it was more enjoyable to read then most.. Overall I enjoyd the read as a whole, just not something I would read twice..

TheReturn- I liked your drop.. The flow was on point.. I stayed interested the whole way even though I knew where it was going at the end.. The creativity in both wasnt high.. It had some catchy lines, like the repeated chorus type segments.. It was a nice read IMO... Could have been developed better.. But it was interesteing..

Vote-TheReturn On just keeping me interested throughout and having the better verse.. Both verses lacked the high level of creativity and TR had it on flow... Overall It was kinda close but TR edged Guttso out in the major aspects of the verses..

[Mic-illaH]

Guttso - it was ok for me, I thought that your topic/storyline was good and it kept me interested, but I felt like the flow of it was pretty bad. I liked the topic though and the ''unspoken'' of things that happen in a relationship. Overall not bad, i think multi's could have definitly made the flow a little smoother.

TheReturn - I really liked this. Original or not (who am I to say its not original) the storyline was perfect for me. The flow was on point and your writing was just way above Guttso. The portrayal of this director...obsessed with killing, and also manipulating the actors to generate more attention to her films and ultimately her. I thought you put it together great. Really good piece man, enjoyable to read.

V/ The Return w/ ease.

[3-Planes]

MC Guttso

frankly i thought the tie-in with the pictures was kind of constipated and forced, the idea behind this piece was 'ok' but i can't say you wow'd me with it... it took me a while to get into this piece, mostly because the disconnected flow made it st-st-studder (and the minute i have reread a piece it's usually not going to be to a positive effect as i am of the opinion that 1 read should be well and enough to get into a piece).. overall i thought this was pretty decent, but nothing outstanding

TheReturn

i wouldn't say cliché or unoriginal i would say underdeveloped - her passion is this blah blah -- BUT IT'S REALLY SOMETHING ELSE!.. i don't think you really make your character's 2 passions stand out enough (movie making/murder) and this just never elevated above a narrative (what i mean by that is that there was no glimpse into her mind, i was very *aware* that i was reading a story throughout.. fuck i seem to have lost my way with words lol).. the mechanics were polished the whole piece and it was a breeze to read much thanks to this, consistent level of wording

vote: TheReturn

he just executed his piece so much better

[tbone]

GUTTSO- I liked ya flow and style on this one, I don't know if it was a reason. For ya words to be bold, but i felt they was for a reason as i read ya verse. I enjoyed reading ya verse, i liked how everything came together.


TR- I liked ya verse as well, if i would of known you was using the same pic. I wouldn't ever used it. But by you doing so ,it gave me a lil buzz kill, its cool though. I think you could of build some type of momentum up, so that the reader could of felt the story more. It did start off slow, it did seem a bit unoriginal, I liked it though. But since i've used the picture as well. It killed my buzz, no harm intended though.



Vote=Guttso


His verse was more spoken worded, other than a drawn out poem.

TR NOTE: Add like 5 words to your Guttso critique so this can be counted, bonez.

[Chin Kwon]

The Return

What i like most about all ur work is that you're able to use normal conversational sentence structure and still deliver a dope and intelligent verse. This verse was entertaining at best....but it lacks the intelligence that i always associate with you. Yeah it's hard to drop an intellectually stimulating piece every week so i understand, but there wasn't really nothing else besides hollow entertainment here. Perhaps ur aiming for a light entertaining piece this week. Overall, this was cool but not the usual TR verse that i've become such a fan of.


Mc Guttso

A story about a broken marriage that never crossed over to 'broken family' as you went and described...

Encapsulated in a universe so murderous and red,
But we know that when we put our own kids to bed,
No criticism, hate or hurt, but a hug an’ a kiss instead,

The flow in the beginning was cool but i felt the word choices were forced. The first pic complemented the first stanza but the last two was kind of out of place and didn't contribute to the overall feel of the verse.


My vote will go to MC Guttso because i thought his verse had more of a point to it. But i thought Mic got VERY lucky with this one. Damn, man.

[.:Pain:.]

Ghuttso - I really liked this piece and where it went. I mean, you executed love very beautifully, and I've always thought that love was the hardest emotion to truly put its essence on paper. Your mechanics were where you fell off. Some of your rhyme words were just terrible, and your flow was off. if you brought it back to basic mechanics, your style would be much doper. Your imagery was on point, and your wording for the most part was damn near perfect, just work on them mechanics, cuz they didn't provide for a smooth read here.

The Return - I honestly would say this was my favorite piece I have ever read from you. Your flow and scheme were ON FUCKING POINT. I also thought the concept, even the there have been similar ones, was absolutely fucking dope and executed to damn near perfection. I really dug that one part of the verse you repeated at the end, and also the ending itself was pretty dope, though it would've been nice to see what became of the director. Overall, like I said, my favorite piece I ever read from you.

Vote - The Return...

[DeadKing]

guttso - alot better than i thought you were, your verse was fairly good and a nice read, i think the main gripe i have with it is the flow, your rhymes dont flow into one another from line to line, instead its like yadda yadda yadda rhyme, and then repeat, almost like its difficult for you to flow, maybe your really good at writing stories and are still transitioning to rhymes or maybe i'm looking to deep into this, none the less, a pretty good verse, lacking in format tho

return - interesting verse, i think your story line was a bit more captivating than guttso and tho your format was a bit more advanced, its odd that i think that took away from your verse, your flow was almost esoteric in the fact that i had to read it slow to make it flow right, all in all a better verse but where guttso was lacking you exceeded the equalibrium and did more damage than good i think


vote - the return

[nom de plume.]

guttso - to be honest, i had a feeling that you were going to be absolute shit. i had no real reason to think this, and thankfully was proved wrong by this piece. i thought this battle was going to be a complete blow out but thankfully you bought something this interesting to the table. the main problem i had with this piece was the repetitive style of rhyming which did get quite