[DF:WK1] 10. Saga v 13. Bonnie Bathory (VOTE NOW!)

[Lucifa]

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Down To Business.
This Match-Up is between:
In Rank Order

Saga
Active Worth: 002pts
Vs.
Bonnie Bathory
Active Worth: 001pts

Good Luck Ladies.
Prove Your Worth

[Saga]

alternate...

good luck too rico

[DF:WK1] 3. TheReturn v 12. MC Guttso (VOTE NOW!)
[DF:WK1] 7. Chin Kwon v 8. tbone (VOTE NOW!)
[DF:WK1] 2. .:Pain:. v 13. SpeedyCalhoun (VOTE NOW!)
[DF:WK1] 3. Lucifa v 12. MetaSin (VOTE NOW!)
[DF:WK1] 5. 3-Planes v 10. NOBLE SOLDIER (VOTE NOW!)
[DF:WK1] 4. Scatterboxx v 11. sfsportsfan (VOTE NOW!)

[Saga]

Head In The Clouds

im traveling motionless
over bridges
beyond ocean crests
where hope, that’s blessed
those once alive,
who now know of death--
goes inside them,
as they coincide in
the sky’s holy anger..
though alive,
no soul surprise,
were only strangers,
brought together by the night life
and its lonely undertaker

who took from above,
each look of a grudge
each nook an cranny searched
for this dirt of the earth
absorbing worth
and turning nerves
as steering stirs lessions,
shifting past perspectives,
a last perception,
of blind lies, fine lines,
and devised deception
crime cries of recession,
disguised aggression,
oh the prize of these weapons!
and using them freely,
abusing these weaklings
who used to speak weekly,
from office landscapes
overlooking the lands grace,
who now watch this land break
their plan to escape, is a ...

the face of fate a grave mistake?
they pray to make it better
they just take the bait
the long awaited death awaits
it never stops to think
about this thing called love
its rug roll of mechanical traits
the hands of the maker making mysteries magical
flashes of light reflect off dark history candles
an each drip of the wax
showcases the past
and acts as memories we hope to one day grasp
my stash of thoughts
is like hash to bongs
eyelids closing with eyelashes long,
shading…
the view of the life as we know it fading

[Bonnie Bathory]

Checking in...

*ALTERNATE*

Votes:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

[Bonnie Bathory]

Black Rose

He gave her a yellow rose for her birthday
Just to show her he loved her
Gave her a hug and he told her
There’s no prettier girl above her
She’s 16 today; she looks just like her mother
And he wondered secretly
If she was just as good a lover
He knows she’s been with men before
But still she’s not a little whore
She’s just explored a little bit
And he’d bet they all had little dicks
And she’s just been with little kids
And they don’t know how to touch her
How he’s sure that she’d love it
Damn, he’d love to fuck her
Just how he’s sure she’d love it
But today he’ll keep his distance
She’s too young to know what’s good for her
She’d put up too much resistance

He gave her a pink rose for her birthday
Her favorite color now, and she’s a woman now,
She’s 18 and wow
She makes his dick so hard it’s hard to hide it now
She’s really filling out at a curvy 5 foot 7
125, legs from heaven, damn, he’d love to spread ‘em
And she’s at least a “C”
Damn, he’d love to lick her
He’d love to lap up all her cream
Before he’d give the dick to her
She’s had a little more experience
With her high school experiments
But he’d still bet they’re merely kids
And still grossed out by periods
But he’d lick even that, damn, he’d make her nasty
Slap her ass and really make his baby call him daddy
But not yet, not today, he’ll still keep his distance
She’s still too young, she’d still put up too much resistance

He gave her a red rose for her birthday
She’s 21, he’s chose this as the day
He’s gotta be smooth makin his move
He’s gotta have his way
He’s gotta touch those thighs
He’s gotta ease himself between them
She’s got a ease yourself between them
Heated twinkle in her eyes
All his demons, all his passion in his mind
Are all aligned, ready, waiting for the time
He slides up close beside her, Damn, he could die in her
She smells like heaven, she’s an angel, he’s gotta be inside her
His fingers untangle a few entangled hairs
He rubs her neck, whispers in her ear
You’re my love, I get so hard when you’re near
She hates what she hears, she tries to walk away
He won’t let her go, she’s not gonna get away
Daddy’s little girl will be daddy’s naughty lover
If she wants or not, he’s gotta have her like her Mother
If she wants or not… he gives her all hes got
And leaves her like her mother crying, balled up in a knot

She gave him a black rose for his birthday
As she stood over his grave, enraged…
Remembering the days he held her, he took her
Like she was daddy’s dirty slave
Remembering the .45 she aimed at his dark face
He thought she’d shoot a blank
But she shot him in daze
Praying for the last day he’d touch her like he loved her
Tired of the rape
She brings him a black rose today though mad, not sad
Cuz tho he was a fucked up dad, he's the only one she had

[Bonnie Bathory]

word well... i know yall were expecting better, and honestly so was I, LOL... sorry! Maybe next time

=]

[Lucifa]

Bonnie wins via no-show ..
Saga wins via no-show ..

Alternated.

[3-Planes]

Saga

pretty decent - if not original then pretty personal and easy to get into on that tip.. there's not much to say about this piece: it didn't really present any new thoughts but had a decent amount of nice imagery and well-crafted lines.. flow started out good but fell off a little as this progressed, if you can't handle the half-bar structure don't use it

Bonnie Bathory

ugh. i saw that revelation coming when i started reading the first stanza, as well as this ending in gruesome rape/violent death. this piece dragged on for too long, repeating the same shit over and over without much variation.. mechanics were decent, no major hiccups - but on the same note there was no flair to it either

vote: Saga

although he(she?) didn't exactly wow me, bonnie dropped a piece that triggered a minor allergic reaction

[Got Life?]

Saga - obviously what carried this piece was your flow though it tended to falter at parts towards the end, your piece was very easy to get through though it did not offer much as far as subject matter goes. Kind of dull for my tastes as nothing was really offered.

Bonnie - part of me liked this idea and part of me didn't...I guess I've delved so much into rape/gore/death in my time as a writer that to me this piece left something to be desired...his death while recanted isn't one filled with emotion and struggle on her part...you don't feel the way she feels and you don't really connect to her, nor the father really...I think it was the way you presented your piece through the narrator that led me astray towards a more detached read and lets face it...this is not a topic that goes over well if detached.

On the other hand I still think Bonnie's piece had more to offer than Saga's who tried to ride the wave of smooth rhyming while saying a few things here and there, but never delving into them.

vote = BB.

...TR, quit editting posts homo.

[TheReturn]

Saga - I liked this, but I didn't. I thought the flow was good, and the rhyming was done pretty well, but the fact that you didn't really tell me anything, and the fact that you went extremely predictable with the topic kind of let me down here. Really reminded me of IT's piece this week.

Bonnie - I saw the ending coming from about halfway through the first stanza, and even though it was a stereotypical gore/rape piece it still had a nice flow and some good descriptions. I guess I'm giving you the vote because I got more substance out of your piece as opposed to Saga, but neither really brought much to the table in this one.

VOTE = Bonnie Bathory

[MC Guttso]

Saga: I liked your tight flow and solid ryhme scheme. Thought the piece was excellent in that respect. The content was good, with a strong message attached to it. An enjoyable read all in all, I particularly enjoyed the last four lines. "My stash of thoughts is like hash bongs" lol

Bonnie Bathory: As I kept reading, it was like the verse felt robotically constructed and seemed really boring, with yellow roses here, and red roses there. However, after finishing it I understood why you had to do that, with the rose colour representing the father's increasing love and sexual attraction for his daughter, as the years passed. Despite the weaker rhyme scheme of the two, I thought your piece was quite emotive and quite fucked-up, leaving a bigger impact on the reader...i.e. ME. lol.

v - Bonnie Bathory

[NOBLE SOLDIER]

Saga- The flow was on point.. The story was aight.. It started out kinda boring, but I enjoyed it more towards the end.. I think you could have done better with a different topic, or if you could have found some way to flip that topic and give us a totally different look at it.. I just think you were kind of handicapped by the topic..

BB- The repetition in your scheme kinda of made me think I was reading a nasty nursery rhyme.. lol... This isnt quite what I enjoy reading but thats not the purpose.. I think your piece was the more descriptive peice and IMO the scheme worked.. The flow was choppy, but it wasnt enough to detract my interest...

Vote BB.. Even though he had the weaker of the two in flow, The story kept my interest more.. Which makes me feel dirty.. lol...

[DeadKing]

saga - i wasnt feeling it at first but it started to pick up and it grew on me, i liked the modest tone to it and the non-complexity of the rhyme scheme brought more to the piece, the message conveyed in the piece didnt do a lot for me but it was an enjoyable read none the less

bonnie - your verse was much longer but your story really didnt do much for me here. kind of a simple verse in form of mechanics and flow but so was sagas really. both of these verses here are good verses intheir own right but for some reason i just couldnt get into your story-wasnt interesting to me and the simpleness to yours, where it brought more out of sagas piece, i think hindered you more. not a bad verse, but i gotta go with what i prefer here

vote - saga

[RICO]

saga-good shit sorry i couldnt post a verse. madd busy went to a concert. anyway flow was smoth for such short bars...content was kinda missing tho. seemed to never really say anything...just kinda ramble

bb-flow was supppper choppy, but the story and repetivness really kept me reading....everything saga did go with you lacked and vise versa. but for me my vote always goes to whos story was more entertainging.

so, vote-bb

[Scatterboxx]

saga: i liked this piece a lot. it was INCREDIBLY well written, & the content was unique & strong. but when it ended i was just like... well... uh... okay. blah ending after a very strong piece. while it was less than a "story" than bb's, it certainly wasn't a topical. there were some incredible subtleties that a lot of people probably won't pick up on, which is a shame.

bb: very cool story. the black rose concept & take on the topic was great. a more entertaining "story" than saga's, but certainly not as detailed. the story was told with incredible clarity, but lacked imagery & uniqueness in perspective. the emotion was stronger than saga's for sure. the mechanics were not. the flow was on point for the most part, but the structure was less creative & the rhyme scheme certainly wasn't as strong as saga's.s


v- saga. when i really took a look at the subtleties of his piece, there's a certain element of brilliance behind it the take on the topic. & his wordplay, mechanics, & creativity were dope as fuck.