[S3W3] Pharaohe Def (1-0) vs. Chin Kwon (1-1) (VOTE NOW!)

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[S3W3] Pharaohe Def (1-0) vs. Chin Kwon (1-1) (VOTE NOW!) [S3W3] Pharaohe Def (1-0) vs. Chin Kwon (1-1) (VOTE NOW!)
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Old 06-30-2008, 09:43 AM   #1 (permalink)
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[S3W3] Pharaohe Def (1-0) vs. Chin Kwon (1-1) (VOTE NOW!)



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Old 06-30-2008, 03:36 PM   #2 (permalink)
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in

gl, man.
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Old 07-01-2008, 12:08 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!
you too.

good topics this week.
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Old 07-02-2008, 08:33 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Old 07-02-2008, 10:09 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!
sounds good. i want an extension too. been busy with summer school that just started this week. extension until friday night?
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Old 07-03-2008, 01:18 PM   #6 (permalink)
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**this piece is loosely based on some story i read awhile ago in the newspaper**





The War At Home : Silent Cry


Son, i am saying this as ur lying asleep;
your little hands tucked by ur face, curled in silent retreat
a moment ago when i was alone...trying to sleep,
stifling waves of guilt...made me ill with violent defeat
driving me to weep inside; my mind striving to be
free of this burden that i've stirred up; It's time that we speak..


These were things that haunted me...


I haven't been the best to you.
This morning as u were dressing for school
i was detested by the way you've made a mess of your room
and then at breakfast i was quick to spit my critical views
"you didn't chew", "stop sipping your juice!", i was wickedly cruel
but you forgave me; as i'm out the door racing for work
you said "goodbye daddy!" but I replied with "Straightened ur shirt"


When afternoon came around, i'd continue this trend
as i spot you in the playground with a group of your friends
your shoes were rended, so i began my hurtful jeer
humiliating you, my only son, right in front of ur peers
"Shoes are expensive, you hear!!" I would scream and holler
"you would know that too... if it was you reaping for dollars!!!"
Imagined that, FROM A FATHER...to his six YEAR OLD boy,
who's innocence wasn't into "cents"...just the "simplest joy..."


....but it was this evening that my sole reasoning faltered...


Do you remember, later, as i was reading my book and i spied..
you at the door...with a sort of hurt look in ur eyes?
"What do you want?" i snapped, angered by your abrupt interruption...
yet, you said nothing, but ran in one tempestuous plunge
threw your arms around my neck as to protect me from harm
your tiny arms tightening.....with the affection of God
then you were gone to bed leaving only my thoughts to run
and shortly afterward, it dawned me....GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE??!!


For years, i've only pointed out, in u, the flaws that i see
ignoring the qualities that had made you...a quality being
now i'm ashame, see, you were my seed, my only begotten
the apple of my eye, but yet, i see you as rotten!
I didn't make your life a picnic, looking back over the years..
i didn't just rain on ur parades...dammit...I stormed out of there!!
it's loud and clear, i was selfish with not a heart towards you!
I made you tripped and cried cause i made you walked in my shoes
to follow my footsteps. i've asked too much of you, son...it pains me
as i watch you sleep, i realize...my god, ur only a baby
yesterday you were in your mother's arm, with ur head on her shoulder;
you were upset because you lost one of your small plastic soldier....


....You're still only a baby.....

........i've asked too much of you....


But nothing matters tonight, except a vow to make it all better
tomorrow, when you cry i'll cry with you, we'll face it together
And i promise from this day forward my goal's to see you happy
i will be more than just ur father, tomorrow....i'm gonna be ur daddy...
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Old 07-03-2008, 07:53 PM   #7 (permalink)
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please mind the 3 post rule. chin, one more and you will be docked for votes, technically.
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Old 07-04-2008, 10:48 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!Pharaohe Def will do you doggie style!
i just don't wanna no-show..
“Our enemy is America,” the man says to the crowded room
Holding an AK-47 and speaking in a demonic tune
“We hate the flag and its colors, the red blue and white
And I’m assuming you do too cause you are in this room tonight.”
The room was filled with kids with no concern for guidance
Seeing this as their life’s calling – a chance to turn to violence
“We live our life for Allah, never trying to bring him shame,
And there’s no better way of sacrifice than dying in his name
We already have one plan set up, & after then we’ll see..
But our first attack is in a month at the U.S. Embassy
There’s a flyer posted in the hall for the chosen group…
Of men that will please Allah in a chance that’s known to few
One last final thought that I would like to leave you with
Is no one can know about our plans – they’re extremely secretive.”

The meeting ends…


It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong.
Voltaire


i just didn't wanna no-show... i wasn't motivated to write this week, and the league re-starts next week which only added to my lack of motivation.

sorry for the disappointment. i'll be back strong next week.
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Old 07-04-2008, 11:36 PM   #9 (permalink)
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chin- nice story kept me reading didnt flow as well as Pharaohe but it was far more complete.

pharaohe - honestly duke you started strong and i probably woulda voted for you had this been more complete but as it was good lead up to a peice that probably woulda been top of the charts this week.

vote - chin more complete story.
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Old 07-05-2008, 07:10 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Shame this isn't a full-on match as I thought this would be a good one ..

Chin - ha .. yeah .. similar in approach to the topic as mine in regards to the father and son relationship .. I got a little confused here with how you used the tense of you wording .. reflecting on things in past tense in the same stanzas as using present tense made it a little awkard to read and follow at points .. overall though I felt the emotional undertone to the verse and I can certainly relate to the "shoes" business .. lol .. my son is a terror when it comes to ruining footwear .. cool piece ..

Def - I feel you man .. it's all about next week .. but you know .. the show goes on through the transition and we hoped the motivation of points for division rankings would help with the show:no-show ratio .. it's cool you let chin get some feedback but I'm sure he'd have liked competition still .. this had legs and it's a shame you chucked you into a broken wheelchair ..

Vote = Chin Kwon .. obvious reasons but a good piece still ..
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Old 07-05-2008, 07:13 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Chin Kwon - Nice read. Good depiction of emotional development between a father and son. I liked the lines - "Imagine that, FROM A FATHER" through to "...just the simplest joy"
Mostly flowed well. Well written.

Pharaohe Def - This was also good. I wanted to read on. It flowed and the topic was interesting. It will be cool to see a completed and motivated piece from you sometime in the near future. This is the first piece I've read from you due to myself being new, inexperienced and all...but I see good writing potential.

v - Chin Kwon for more time and effort, resulting in a superior piece.
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Old 07-05-2008, 05:43 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Chin - this piece was kinda heartfelt and it worked though I think you got really lucky pharaohe wasn't up to it this week...btw...if you use "ur" and "u" instead of "you're" and "you" again i'm voting against you...that shit irked me everytime it popped up. It's called mechanics...don't produce sloppy pieces, it shows a lack of effort and makes me want to lack with my voting. All in all I felt this lacked some umph.

P - I was honestly more entertained by your piece than by Chin's but you didn't give me anything else...I would have liked to see this develop and see where you went with this...instead you cock teased me. Come back in full form next week homie.
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Old 07-05-2008, 07:51 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Chin Kwon

too repetitive and too disconnected for a piece that lives and dies with it's "connectivity" - either you need to make it visually outstanding (which you didn't) or hit natural dialog with precision wording (which you didn't), overall everything was solid about this piece from the concept to the exection and flow, but also pretty forgettable

Pharaohe Def

this little intro here drew me in and made me want to read the full piece... a shame you didn't finish this, as this hinted at that intangible quality a story needs to make me want to read it... yeah can't say much else as it only suggested at an interesting piece (for all i know you could've turned this into shit 10 bars later)

vote: Chin Kwon

by default really, his piece was "beatable" but held up easily in this match up
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Old 07-06-2008, 02:31 PM   #14 (permalink)
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chin- wow that story was dope. it was really touching actually, made me realize a lot of stuff. and it was a great read. the rhyme scheme was good. probably one of my favorite verses i read since joining the RSTL. good job dude, keep it up.

pharaohe- damn if you found some motivation this may have been a close battle but whatever, its all restarting next week so it doesnt really matter. the beginning was good, really hooked me in, then it just ended and kinda left a lot of unanswered questions.

vote-chin
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