[S3W3] rocket (0-1) vs. Lucifa (22-9) (VOTE NOW!)

[TheReturn]

Verses Due by Thursday @ 11:59pm EST
Votes Due by Sunday @ 11:59pm EST

It is highly recommended that you read and understand all the rules and regulations.

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Don't forget you must declare "Alternate" to be given an opponent in case of a no-show.

[Lucifa]

alternateD


Votes:
1 [S3W3] Pharaohe Def (1-0) vs. Chin Kwon (1-1) (VOTE NOW!)
2 [S3W3] Rap Antics (0-0) vs. MC Guttso (0-0) (VOTE NOW!)
3 [S3W3] Mic-illaH (1-1) vs. sfsportsfan (0-0) (VOTE NOW!)
4 [S3W3] Got Life? (0-0) vs. Infinite Truth (0-0) (VOTE NOW!)
5 [S3W3] .:Pain:. (3-0) vs. nom de plume. (8-4) (VOTE NOW!)

[rocket]

votes here

1. MC Guttso vs. Rap Antics
2. Got Life? Vs. Infinite Truth
3. Mic-illah vs. Sfsportsfan
4. Chin Kwon vs. Pharaohe Def
5. Nom De Plume vs. Pain

[Lucifa]

The War At Home : Silent Screams


..I wonder sometimes..
you know..why?..what if?
..like..
why when I cry..does it tremble my lip?
would I really go blind staring at a solar eclipse?
..you know..that kind of shit..
just wasting the day..thoughts eating my mind
curiosity at play..behind of my eyes
but curiosity moulds us..in to who we are
and I'm curious what will become of my little star
...
..
.
generations pass and hand their world to the youth
that world is fucked up..but do I tell him the truth?
as I wonder what part I played in its decay
I fear for his future..as the blue skies turn grey
..would he really want the world we have today?..
or would he catapult this shit away from his trebuchet?
I've got a thick skin..but fear kicks in
when I pick up a newspaper for a quick skim
..and all I read about is another victim..
they want your attention..not to see you smile
"stabbed thirteen times".."snatched by a peadophile"
"he's dead".."she died".."police accepted our bribe"
..and I'm supposed to allow my son to go outside?..
man fuck this..the world is corrupted
and news only fuels the fear that he'll be abducted
so I'm stuck with the curiosity that ravages me whole
curious as to whether this shit encages my soul
as life's pages burn slow in my petulant stroll
...
..
.
magazine columns like to strike and ignite fears
by asking "where do you see yourself in 5 years?"
forcing self reflection and opening wounds
that sometimes leaves teens hanging in their rooms
they see "dead" as the answer to the question
and you know what?..so does their best friend
gun crime..knife crime
..never safe come night time..
heads bow..hats down
..as another yout gets brap'd down..
...
just cos he's from another part of that town
..
.
that's the weight on my shoulders as a parent
..curious..
would this act as a visual deterrent?
or would it simply glorify the violence?
bringing out the screams hibernating in my silence
as I try to protect my seed
..whilst the viscious circle spins on..
and the heart of every nation bleeds
from the United States, to China, to the United Kingdom
the war at home isn't confined to bricks and mortar
our home is the planet on which we slaughter
with the battlefields the homes on which our kids are brought up

[rocket]

death lives on, on the edge of my blade
it comes with the cold, its excruciating pain
its plain on your face, you're praying for rain
salvation? not likely, let me make it quite plain
you're to be driven to the edge, made insane
victimized is your new name failed to escape

a curse leaves your lips and heads my way
I turn and stare at it with my baleful gaze
it whimpers then cries out in a hideous way,
you're cursed most definitely for all of your days!
dangerous my habits and it serves as my name
rising again I'm beyond the call of the fates
my end was foretold but I rewrote my mortal case

the snow falls slowly and covers me up to my face
its falls and drapes me in a white sparkling cape
closer it comes to extinction written plain as day
white, then grey, my mission takes a new shape
into shades of black the operation fades
a new destiny comes a vivid picture it paints
but where will I end? fiery pits or pearly gates?

the time of questions draws to end as I clean my sword
prepared to suffer an eternity as something less but more
I made a promise to end it but I also made a vow, I swore
First do no harm but as a samurai too I made vows I now court
skirting the issue of what vow to follow and which to ward
do I allow his final request to die with honor or should it abort
should I save his life to be confined to beds forevermore?

these questions I let attack my psyche as I prepare for
my sword of choice the #10 blade from hospital stores
my conscience backed into a corner by things I abhor
my mentor lies on the table dying from dangerous spores
even if I save him he'll never again hold an ancestral sword
bound by 2 oaths I cant satisfy a solution I explore
save him in the theatre but honor his request at its core

recovering good he finally is waking on the other side
I approach his bed to explain his choices in stride
"Sensei, you can recover here or return to the riverside"
"I can provide a nurse or whatever you wish till you die"
"Im sorry but you couldnt leave without saying goodbye"
"I do have one last question for you about your daisho."
His sadness shifts as I ask "Wakizashi or Tanto?"

"My son, a great gift you give when I'd lost all hope,
I was contemplating using several things here as rope,
Please help me into my robes for no longer can I serve
I cant walk, cant breathe, and I hardly think I deserve
to rot away in a bed hooked to machines to preserve
what little remains. Now unhook these things, please,
I deserve at least to die when I choose as I please."

I unhooked him, helped him into to his robes then,
gave him what he needed to mark his death while Zen
I prepare the tatami and spread out that white cloth
pick him up and carry him to the mat leave the door locked
just after I pull his Daisho to him then leave the room
a whispered thank you follows my exit and soon
I would be rushing back to surprise at a fatal wound

[MC Guttso]

Lucifa: I liked your piece because the vocab connected well together, and the rhyme scheme was mostly smooth and flowed most of the time. The content is relevant to contemporary issues, which probably makes your piece more appealing to me personally. Over-protective parents are like that for a reason, but the media do scare monger: "magazine coloumns like to strike and ignite your fears...where do u see yourself in 5 years?". So yeah your piece stimulates debate, and the wording in the piece helps to create that.

rocket: It's close. Your rhyming scheme was above average in my opinion. And it was a powerful piece and I liked the way you successfully capture this guys conflict of values: "skirting the issue of what vow to follow and which to ward...do I allow his final request to die with honour, or should it abort" good stuff, although I personally felt Lucifa's piece flowed slightly better, and I related to the material more. Seriously though, thought it was a fucking close call for this match up. Good job

v - Lucifa

[Chin Kwon]

Lucifer

AHHH WTF?! You picked the same two topics i did! haha...ok onto my two cents...

This was an ill piece on social decay. And i like how you were able to comment on it from the perspective of a concern parent; It gave it some freshness. Another factor that i found interesting was how you kind of hinted on medias contributing to society's paranoia. This part here really grabbed me:

magazine columns like to strike and ignite fears
by asking "where do you see yourself in 5 years?"
forcing self reflection and opening wounds
that sometimes leaves teens hanging in their rooms

niceness! My only gripe about this piece was the choppy flow. Some lines were long while others were short it distracted me from an otherwise very insightful piece. But that was minor and i really did enjoyed this piece.


Rocket

You stayed pretty literal to the picture. At first i thought this was going to be a poetic piece because that first 3 stanzas had a heavy poetic presence about it. So the story didn't began until the 4th stanza. The story was interesting enough and the whole ordeal was foreshadowed by ur first line, which gave it a nice flair. My problem with this was the wording. It seemed kind of force somehow.

these questions I let attack my psyche as I prepare for
my sword of choice the #10 blade from hospital stores

It doesn't read normal somehow. Perhaps ur trying to get in tune with the whole samurai way of talking but it really was a problem for me. I like piece that read fluid and natural; liken to a normal conversation. The imagery was ill tho and tho the ending was predictable, it held my attention all the way. kudos.


Vote= Lucifa. Despite the weaker flow of the two, i thought Luc's piece had more substance to it. Social commentary verse are cliche'ish but he put a cool spin on it which made it a shade different from the pack. But rocket verse was very commendable also, he's clearly a talented writer. nice battle guys.

[Mic-illaH]

Lucifa...I liked this....I kind of disagree with the two earlier posts...I believe it only had a choppy flow in one area and other than that, it read pretty smoothely...the short bars you used played part in outlining what you were trying to say. For Example:

gun crime..knife crime
..never safe come night time..
heads bow..hats down
..as another yout gets brap'd down..

But all in all, I enjoyed this. I also liked the view as a parent - and not just discussing your city/town...but the world as a whole.

Rocket...
Had no idea where your piece was going until after the 4th stanza, but then I really got into it....and then when it finishes, it kind of explains the first 3 or 4 stanzas - which is pretty cool in my opinion. Too me it was a good story of allowing your mentor to die in honor...


This is a tough call for me...Lucifa definitly had better vocabulary, a more philosophical point of view about the state of the world we live in. Rocket's started a little slow but told a very nice story that was easy to follow along.

Vote - Lucifa - but very close. Enjoyed both of them a lot and it was a pleasure to read.

[sfsportsfan]

lucifa- your topic was deeper and you killed it. great job. there was emotion behind it, and i could tell you really took time and worked on it. the rhymes were thought out, and the flow was nice. good job man, i look forward to reading more of your drops.


rocket- ill give you props on this... you picked a tough topic. you did good with that topic, lucifa was just that much better. good job to you too. i liked the rhymes, just the story was harder to tell for you because you had a harder topic

vote-lucifa

[3-Planes]

Lucifa

the one thing that immediately struck me when reading this verse was that i thought that this needs more and tighter visuals - if one is to take a simple topic like worrying for the future and how it relates to one's children and the future generation one needs to make it stand out.. this all felt a like a pretty tame stacking of clichés with a pretty obvious conclusion... mechanically this was disconnected and choppy, weird structure... now it was a pretty decent verse, but nothing more than that

rocket

first tip: DO NOT separate couplets like that, DO NOT write in 7-bar segments.. at first i thought you were on the right track capturing that special samurai-atmosphere and codex (what with the relevant vocab and philosophical reflections), but pretty soon this piece started to draaaaaaag (the pouring on of insignificant minor details just overwhelmed my mind and i got completly lost in the plot of this piece, basically stumbling through it as i had to reread several sections over and over)

vote: Lucifa

his piece was coherent and clear enough to grab the win in this match up

[Got Life?]

Lucy - great idea, decent execution...you need to really kill the examples (imagery) for a piece like this to really connect and hit home...as it was you stayed very vague around the actual problems and that made this piece run of the mill.

Rock - I don't see a single reason for why you broke this down this way or way the 7 bar stanzas...it was just not a well structured and a well devised piece when it comes to mechanics...it also feels like the transition between each segment was off and the style made you go on a few tangents making your piece hard to follow.

vote = Lucy.