[S3W3] Got Life? (0-0) vs. Infinite Truth (0-0) (VOTE NOW!)

[TheReturn]

Verses Due by Thursday @ 11:59pm EST
Votes Due by Sunday @ 11:59pm EST

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Don't forget you must declare "Alternate" to be given an opponent in case of a no-show.

[Got Life?]

twinkle twinkle.

alternate if my bong blazing compadre no-shows.

[S3W3] .:Pain:. (3-0) vs. nom de plume. (8-4) (VOTE NOW!)
[S3W3] Pharaohe Def (1-0) vs. Chin Kwon (1-1) (VOTE NOW!)
[S3W3] Mic-illaH (1-1) vs. sfsportsfan (0-0) (VOTE NOW!)
[S3W3] Rap Antics (0-0) vs. MC Guttso (0-0) (VOTE NOW!)
[S3W3] rocket (0-1) vs. Lucifa (22-9) (VOTE NOW!)

[Infinite Truth]

0-1? lmao.

okay.

it's either 8-3. or 0-0.

pick one faggots.

Luc - done .. my bad .. I went off the spreadsheet and forgot you asked 0-0 .. did same with Eugene

[Got Life?]

"The Point of No Return"

Vince had just come in from a date,
Slamming the door; numb with hate,
Some would wait, but dumb was fate,
Spurring on rum spun debate,
He’d become irate…
Succumb, he’d no longer wait.

Ashley was reading teen magazine,
Something about salad green cuisine,
The latest teen fad upon the scene,
She’d hope it’d help don her queen,
As the prom kept her mind in unrest,
Indeed she was blind in her quest,
She made nothing else matter,
But that’s when…
She’d hear something else shatter.

It was a regular Saturday night,
Away from the Cali bay’s light,
Mom and Dad had left for Vegas,
Vince was on a date at Ortega’s,
So when she heard a sudden bang,
She felt her heart race and pang-
Against her chest, creating unrest,
She crawled out and assessed-
The scene that lay inside the house,
As worlds collide…
She’s torn and pried by her blouse,
By a masked and vicious stranger,
He was clearly malicious,
And she;
Was in clear and present danger.

She lay there weak and sobbing,
While this freak stayed throbbing,
Quenching his unspeakable desire,
To weld their bodies in the fire-
Of his drunken lusting inferno,
Thrusting, watching it burn slow,
As he claimed her as his own,
Deflowered and dethroned…
She never moaned…
Vince finished with a cigarette,
And with the last puff came regret.

Vince would return again hours later,
Expecting to somehow captivate her,
Yet she now lay upon the kitchen floor,
Gone was her charm; her evening décor,
And he had never seen this before,
As she lay there bleeding-
Sobbing and pleading…
By the carved scar-
In her arm that read “whore”,
Her pain, he couldn’t ignore…
Cause she was his unreachable dream,
She made every other girl seem-
Like they didn’t have much worth,
She was a goddess gracing the earth,
And since her birth-
She became his unforgettable love,
That he sent to heaven above.

She was his sister,
And when he kissed her-
The rest of him died,
Wishing it was he,
Who would…in that coffin reside.

In life we all have an unspeakable secret, an irreversible regret, an unreachable dream and an unforgettable love.
- Diego Marchi

[Infinite Truth]

if i can still get an extension, i'll post tomorrow afternoon.

haven't written my verse & won't be able to tonite.

just giving the heads up, in the case i can't get an extension, gl can get his alternate asap.

pz.

[Infinite Truth]

{“the war at home”.}

danny wore a blank stare, as he peeped the television screen.
if only he could stay there, escape hell & live his dreams.
of course he’s torn from the torturous war at home.
soar in his bones, blood pours forth, & he’s drone.
but when dusk dims to darkness, he wanders a lucid safari.
pondering wonderland, he conjures to sooth his worn body.
he dreams of glory days with them beams of golden rays.
he’s seeking holy ways, ‘cause he’s weak from the whole dismay.
with freckles on his cheeks, he is begging on his knees,
‘cause the pressure of this restless wrestle’s gone too deep.
he traces constellations, as he drifts asleep at night.
it’s like, “chin up danny. trust me, kid you’ll be alright”.
an electric energy exists deep in his dreams
with spirits & demons you can hear smeared in his screams.
he wakes up falling… so, he takes up drawing.
he etches in pencil, claiming he made up all it.
his parents peeped the paper & panic, stressing manic’lly
at what to him’s a vision of euphoria that’s manifested tangibly.
the dreams one is painting portrays machine guns-a-blazin’.
horrified from the gore inside, they keep thumbing pages.
page two display’s a disheveled devil with an axe,
mommy dearest’s head on the floor, a shovel in the back.
on page three they peep pops’ skull popped to null.
& page four shows their whole skeletal’s shocked by volts.
there’s pictures of satan, words from scriptures of ancient,
& the whole fam’s hearts black, depicted as flamin’.
what’s scary is they’re vivid. he’s barely an image
of a birthmark on their body. apparently he’s gifted.
not only that… but very sick & twisted
with a portrait of his sister married to him, grinnin’.
mom & dad were appalled, but knew exactly what to do.
they grabbed him by his hair & called his sister in the room.
pops hit up the garage & grabbed the chainsaw.
he came back, smirked, & put a sharper blade on.
danny kick him in the nuts, stole it, made the trade off.
he sawed ‘em all in half, then slashed his own brains off.

[Mic-illaH]

ok first of all you guys are both crazy lol.....

Got Life...
multi's galore, easy to read. The story, yet disgustingly incestual, was told very good. You portrayed the quote excellent in this story. Obviously the unspeakable secret is being in love with his sister, and the unreachable dream is them being together. I got nothing to say bad about this.....maybe the only thing I would have done different - is try to hide that it was his sister until later in the story...but still dope as hell.

Infinite Truth...
Dope too man. To me your title captured two parts of your piece - The war at home being the crazy shit that this kid has in his head....and then the actual literal war with his parents and family - where he eventually ends up killing them. My favorite part of it was this:

there’s pictures of satan, words from scriptures of ancient,
& the whole fam’s hearts black, depicted as flamin’.
what’s scary is they’re vivid. he’s barely an image
of a birthmark on their body. apparently he’s gifted.
not only that… but very sick & twisted

Also multi's galore in this, and a very nice flow.

Great battle guys, enjoyed reading both of these....but I gotta pick one...

Vote - Got Life?

I really enjoyed how you incorporated every single part of that quote - on something that nobody would really guess. It was so simply put but hit so hard. I thoroughly enjoyed Infinite Truth's, did a great job in depicting this crazy kid with his drawings....yet I found the end of the story to be very predictable. But great drop by both.

[.:Pain:.]

Got Life? - There is somethin' wrong with you. This shit was, wierd. Multi's were on point, the lines were just a little short, which for me, made for a kind of choppy read. The story itself was dope, fucked up, but dope. You used the topic really well, I used the same one actually and came up with a completely different concept. Dope shit.

Inf. Truth - Dope rhyme scheme, flow was a little stretched, but in some parts it was actually spot on. The story itself was pretty good concept, but it felt emotionless, you shoulda told of why the kid was became so crazy and why he started drawin' this shit, you didn't really get into that much. The ending was crazy, predictable in a way, but still pulled off well.

Vote - GL?

[rocket]

gl - you already know where my critique of this lies but other than that little part and the missing rhyme in stanza 3 near the end i have no further bones to pick with you on this peice pretty good story, with a rather sick twist ended unexpectedly too.

Inf- great story but some of the development was lacking you bridged gaps that should have been filled, if those had been filled you might have won. the scheme and mechanics were just a notch above GL this time however your story was several notches below, sorry bro.

Vote GL better story development

[Chin Kwon]

Got Life

lol! iite, ok. NASTY!! I felt dirty after reading this verse lol. I was feeling it.
The story glides along with little turbulence and you've crafted it to compliment the topic well. The only problem with this was that you went the death route again. Dude this could've ill if she was alive and he was forced to be reminded of what he did creating an opportunity to discuss and build his character further. I think that would still hold true to the title and quote that you chose, because, ultimately, this verse was about regret.


Infinite Truth

man first thing that grabbed me was the natural flow of the piece. Like someone mentioned before, it was a two layer story with an internal struggle as far as external struggle which gave the verse some extra umph.

his parents peeped the paper & panic, stressing manic’lly
at what to him’s a vision of euphoria that’s manifested tangibly.

I like what you said here and honestly, i wish the latter part of ur verse became more about the normal logic of the parent vs the psychosis state of the dude instead of the whole cliche ending.


Vote=With all said and done, my vote goes to Got Life. His story had this sense of urgency about it and honestly that ending was really a surprise. So he used that taboo technique to great effect, lol. IT was ill with the flow but when all said and done, it was just another murder/suicide (or in this case, both) story.

[sfsportsfan]

damn, this is my first week in this league and im seeing im really gonna have to step my shit up. i liked this one


got life?- your story was good, i had to read it twice, the first time i didnt catch on. i got it the second read. very nice, deep story. the rhymes were dope. this reminded me of a book, the way the story went. it was like each section of your verse was a chapter. nice job.

infinite- it was deep, almost like you had 2 stories in one. but i think your rhymes let you down, to me got had a better rhyme scheme. your story was dope, and you had a good flow to it. the only thing that let you down in my opinion was being against got life?, he just had the better verse. keep it up.


vote-got life?

[MC Guttso]

Got Life? - Gritty and shockingly controversial. I like the way the story was constructed introducing the characters verse by verse. The bars were fairly short and it worked. The passage from: "Cause he was his unreachable dream" through to "That he sent to heaven above" captured the whole meaning of that quote you chose to base your piece around, but in an effective twisted way. It wasn't a boring read.

Infinte Truth - This also had good story contet. Rhythm of the read was mostly cool...i liked quite a few parts of your passage like: "freckles on his cheek...restless wrestle's gone to deep" and "an electric energy....smeared in his screams"...well put together...

v - GotLife? Just.

[3-Planes]

Got Life?

i thought this was pretty constipated as far as creativity goes.. it's no secret i don't like twist-endings, i feel cheated when i read a verse and it ends on that tip.. high hopes/the world before you - gruesome rape - pointless death.. mechanically i thought this was pretty good and opened with a pretty swift and agile rhyme scheme but then it degenerated a little as this went along

Infinite Truth

that hazy font color annoyed me.. this was very visual, a nice touch and flair to it that seems pretty "you".. though i liked the verse and the progression i absolutely hated the ending and thought it cheapened this whole reading experience.. why does everything have to end in bloody death novadays? mechanically this was smooth, though with a forced sped up rhyme segment or two

vote: Infinite Truth

i just think he portrayed a great atmosphere sans the ending and his verse was the more interesting to me

[Lucifa]

a good battle ..

GL? - mechanically sound .. flowed real smooth and was over pretty quickly .. I like how you went about the quote .. it's obvious afterward rather than during and it was a good idea to put the chosen quote at the end rather than at the start .. a minor detail that actually added to the piece for me .. the thing I liked least about the verse was the final 5 lines .. although they made clear the summing up of the story I felt they didn't have the feel of the rest of the piece and left on a bum note with somewhat forced wording/sentence structuring .. good shit overall though ..

IT - ew @ the colour .. I've had to wait until the sun passes my window to be able to read it as it was almost invisible .. lol .. but yeah .. it was straight .. nice and smooth flow to the read that also seemed to be over quite quickly .. I think the ending was a sore point to the verse and more so than your opponent .. as this felt a bit like a cheap way out of the piece and as a reader left a feeling of being short changed considering my rating of you .. good but aspects hurt the overall feel ..

Vote = Got Life? .. not a massive margin but I do think I took more enjoyment from Eugene's verse myself ..