10. LDogg v. 15. Got Life? (VOTE NOW!)

[Quriosity]

VERSE DUE FRIDAY @ 11:59 PM EST
VOTES DUE SUNDAY @ 11:59 PM EST

RSTL Official Rules & Regulations

[Quriosity]

Notice deadline changes.

[Lord Drama]

say no to cheaters, liars, and/or flaky faggots

votes:

[Got Life?]

yawn...desperation is cute.

and you can keep your extra 3 lines...lol.

votes:
1. Q vs Pent: 5. Eye-Rime v. 13. Pent Up (VOTE NOW!)
2. Nahsy vs IT: 1. nah son v. 9. Infinite Truth (VOTE NOW!)
3. Vern vs Dolla: 14. Vada v. 11. DaAlmightyDolla (VOTE NOW!)

oh and jook...i don't write like IT...

I love my short bars...

that's been my style for a hot minute now.

[Lord Drama]

Life Is Beautiful

Never thought this was it, this path I’ve followed
Must be from god as a gift, this magic role model
Who else could change a persons ways the way it did me
An fill my heart with hope again, after it felt betrayed an empty
Its simply a miracle I didn’t get time for items I stole
at a time before my growing mind could define all my goals
Walked the path looking behind the road, now seeing progress
From the hardships, to understanding the meaning of being honest
An I’m being honest when I say that every obstacle in my way
Helped the audience do a standing ovay, when they praised.
I pray, and my life’s not a show for display,
unless you are like me
an it feels good to know we're the same…

Hello rstl, I can't tell you what my life has waitin
but this verse is what lead to my college graduation
Infatuation with school? I never had in the past
took math 90 twice, and still am glad that I passed
it was that hard, yea… other than add an subtract
I sucked ass, one that sat on a bad toilet seat, that is a fact
After that class, I thrashed grades with a teenage behavior
My ass avoided taking math by being an English major
Which is weird in its own way, since I thought as a crook
An never read shit, always forgot all my books
That was back in high school, where I had the calls
That lead to drug exchanges in the bathroom stalls
If not there at lunch, where dudes liked to smoke
By the oak tree outside with crews an fights that broke
My life was like a joke, online, with all these ignorant folks
Now ashamed I fucked my girl for the RM internet shows
Letting it go in her throat, and knowing others watched
later made me sad, so I smoked on her mother’s pot
With my girl I was smothered, it got to the point we split
Slept alone in the covers missing fun times an joints we hit
Its tough to get over a bitch when she joined to your hip
eventually we re'equipped literally by a coin that was flipped
But the heads or tails shit lasted well into school
And when she cheated on me I really felt like a fool
But how could I hate her when at times I was it, the blame
And looking back at the shit... wish I could rid the pain
Will never forget her name, memories last for centuries
Specially when me an this person were meant to be
She’s forever a friend to me, hope to see her when I walk
On June 14th, when I speak, hope she’ll be there when I talk
And all of this means a lot, use to dream of many things
When I was a boy, I dreamed of being anything
From an NFL Receiver, to shootin 3’s in the NBA
from far away, pretending to be Penny Hardaway
Played them all, soccer, football, basketball
In middle school, back when I felt I had it all
Things were different then, a boy who never strayed
From opportunist ways, all while the music played
On the radio, on my way to school if I got a ride
From my father with a lot of pride, who lived a lot of life
And told me the day I grew up that I’d survive
Because he raised me to never let it pass me by
This life we decide to live In and die
The feelings inside we bring when we're sent in the sky
And when it’s time for me to pass my kids the tradition
It wont be a glass half empty, simply a glass worth sippin
since its as real to me as Jesus is to the Christian religion
Dreams are meant to be achieved an its within our system
To pay attention to our morals… now let me light this reefer
An spend these last lines to tell you to despise a cheater
A biter, a liar, a person who ruins the name of an achiever
A person like Gotlife is not the same as a believer
he's bit my verse and probably yours, will never be the best around
so before you vote, Be Sure to ask yourself if He Deserves the next round

[Got Life?]

"Heaven Can Wait"



Jasmine stood muddied and scathed,
Feet bloodied, she bathed-
And basked in a pool of her tears,
Wool; pulled over her eyes and her ears,
Her ship capsized…brooding fears,
A youth renamed as “eluding years”.

She’s all alone in this vicious world,
Once ambitious, now she furled-
Into a ball of anger, tears, frustration,
The manger, the jeers, the nation,
It all crumbled, brick by fucking brick,
And she too fell to her knees…
Sucking dick…someone quick…
It’s a vicious disease,
Don’t let poverty enslave her,
Judge not her behavior,
For how would you feed a family?
Amidst all this calamity,
The utter insanity of never-ending war,
Only to bring in the impending gore,
Watching hope float away,
Left to promote naught but dismay,
Oh hopeless day,
Closing her eyes to be whisked away.

Yet as she clicked her shiny red shoes,
She didn’t budge or move,
A little boy ran by bellowing news…
But Jasmine’s stuck in a groove,
Where life seems to lack worth,
She wants to welcome back rebirth,
As a soft breath escapes her lips,
She walks into open view and strips,
Letting the cold world engulf her,
The blood, ash, and sulfur.

There she stood as a beacon forgotten,
Waking the once meek and downtrodden,
A glimmer of light in world war two,
It seemed, this young girl knew-
Just what to do as the bombers approach,
Whispering softly; grasping her broach,
As her water broke into the puddle beneath,
A gasp stretches past her teeth,
In a corner, she sees a pastor weep,
There’s no time, watching disaster creep-
In the form of a Nazi plane,
Her stomach in knots, it’s all in vain,
The hospital’s bombed and to far away,
A stench approaches…of tar; decay,
And the baby crowns.

The deafening sounds…
It’s to late now, the panic ceases,
The pounding heart rate increases,
As mothers grasp their children tight,
Wishing that everything will be alright,
Yet there in the middle of it all,
Was a riddle that’d enthrall-
Even the most hopeless of men,
It was Jasmine…in a moment of zen-
Giving birth to a baby boy,
Whose smile gave her hope and joy,
Kissing his every cuticle,
Life…it seemed so fucking beautiful,
And in that second before the bomb,
The world was finally calm.

"Well, it's not the men in your life that counts, it's the life in your men."
-I'm No Angel

[Quriosity]

l dogg - when i first entered your thread, i naturally began reading your story first being that it was the first story in the thread, only to stop after the first stanza and skip to reading gl's...

gl - dope story, sometimes i feel as though my critique just repeats itself every week as the only part of your formula that seems to change week in/out is the actual story, the flow itself has been consistent damn near since the first gl verse i read, always good enough to read and over time ive actually grown an appreciation for it being that it allows for a more thorough connection/understanding between the reader and plot, aside from the same ol' flow, the story here was very dope, the ending was spot on and i loved the stanza where she stripped in the middle of the street, the whole birthing thing and the idea/plot behind it was beautiful and made for a real enjoyable story, you seem to always impress me as long as your ideas are top notch, good concept and though she still died in the end it was a more meaningful death than usual and really added to the impact here, good stuff

back to l dogg - okay, so i kept reading and wow, this didnt really pick up in entertainment or interest, the whole excerpt about school and then you're a drug dealer and then the brief mention of having sex with your girlfriend for the rm internet show (which ive never heard of and is very lame if true) was unbelievable for me, especially after seeing your picture its like i can predict your life story, you seem like the white nerdy kid who wanted to be "cool" (or the more urbanized cool) so you pulled a pant leg up and cocked your hat to the side and sat in the back of class and pretended to be dumb, you may have sold a nick sack or so in your day but definitely never any real weight or enough to warrant a mention in a "real" verse, and the rm internet show thing is just lame in itself, the whole "i was it - the blame" line was forced to fit into the rhyme scheme and moreso the rhymes were off at times and really felt stretched and inconsistent in rhythm, the "progree/hardships/honest" couplet just werent good rhyming choices for me and a lot of the lines required the reader to change paces in reading certain words/lines in order to make for a better rhythm, the idea/concept/plot behind this was unworthy of being written as well, could have been better had you focused on a subject and as is it was very odd being that you spent so much time explaining your relationship when it really added up to nothing and then you switched to sports and things of that nature and then the weak attempt to sway/campaign for votes, overall i just really didnt feel it as your "life story" was neither interesting nor well written and i really think you could have delivered this much better or something other than this to make for a better match

vote - got life?, seems obvious to me, the better story, idea, concept, mechanics, plot, flow, rhythm, entertainment, imagery, connectivity, everything that can be weighed between verses, l's was corny with a bad concept and an inconsistent flow and a terrible ending and very weak attempt at "being real"

[J o o k]

Originally Posted by Lord Drama

Life Is Beautiful

Never thought this was it, this path I’ve followed
Must be from god as a gift, this magic role model
Who else could change a persons ways the way it did me
An fill my heart with hope again, after it felt betrayed an empty
Its simply a miracle I didn’t get time for items I stole
at a time before my growing mind could define all my goals
Walked the path looking behind the road, now seeing progress
From the hardships, to understanding the meaning of being honest
An I’m being honest when I say that every obstacle in my way
Helped the audience do a standing ovay, when they praised.
I pray, and my life’s not a show for display,
unless you are like me
an it feels good to know we're the same…

Okay, cool lead in, let's see where this takes us.



Hello rstl, I can't tell you what my life has waitin
but this verse is what lead to my college graduation
Infatuation with school? I never had in the past
took math 90 twice, and still am glad that I passed
it was that hard, yea… other than add an subtract
I sucked ass, one that sat on a bad toilet seat, that is a fact
After that class, I thrashed grades with a teenage behavior
My ass avoided taking math by being an English major

Lmao, man I avoided some lab sciences by being a criminal justice major, I know exactly what you're talking about.

Which is weird in its own way, since I thought as a crook
An never read shit, always forgot all my books
That was back in high school, where I had the calls
That lead to drug exchanges in the bathroom stalls
If not there at lunch, where dudes liked to smoke
By the oak tree outside with crews an fights that broke
My life was like a joke, online, with all these ignorant folks
Now ashamed I fucked my girl for the RM internet shows
Letting it go in her throat, and knowing others watched
later made me sad, so I smoked on her mother’s pot
With my girl I was smothered, it got to the point we split
Slept alone in the covers missing fun times an joints we hit
Its tough to get over a bitch when she joined to your hip
eventually we re'equipped literally by a coin that was flipped
But the heads or tails shit lasted well into school
And when she cheated on me I really felt like a fool
But how could I hate her when at times I was it, the blame
And looking back at the shit... wish I could rid the pain
Will never forget her name, memories last for centuries
Specially when me an this person were meant to be
She’s forever a friend to me, hope to see her when I walk
On June 14th, when I speak, hope she’ll be there when I talk

Son, the emotion in this piece is reaching down my throat into my heart. Good fucking work.This has a subtle sadness that's killing me.

And all of this means a lot, use to dream of many things
When I was a boy, I dreamed of being anything
From an NFL Receiver, to shootin 3’s in the NBA
from far away, pretending to be Penny Hardaway
Played them all, soccer, football, basketball
In middle school, back when I felt I had it all
Things were different then, a boy who never strayed
From opportunist ways, all while the music played
On the radio, on my way to school if I got a ride
From my father with a lot of pride, who lived a lot of life
And told me the day I grew up that I’d survive
Because he raised me to never let it pass me by
This life we decide to live In and die
The feelings inside we bring when we're sent in the sky
And when it’s time for me to pass my kids the tradition
It wont be a glass half empty, simply a glass worth sippin

Lol @ the last line, pretty slick. You totally went off track from where you were taking me previously though man.

since its as real to me as Jesus is to the Christian religion
Dreams are meant to be achieved an its within our system
To pay attention to our morals… now let me light this reefer
An spend these last lines to tell you to despise a cheater
A biter, a liar, a person who ruins the name of an achiever
A person like Gotlife is not the same as a believer

Ah man, come on, why didn't you stay with it. This might not be a good turn man.

he's bit my verse and probably yours, will never be the best around
so before you vote, Be Sure to ask yourself if He Deserves the next round

Lol wtf? L Dizzle. You killed me man. This story was something great up to that emotion filled stanza, everything after that slowly fell off. I thought this was going to be a masterpiece bro. I don't know what made you decide to go off in another direction, but I didn't like where you took me fam.

[J o o k]

Originally Posted by Got Life?

"Heaven Can Wait"



Jasmine stood muddied and scathed,
Feet bloodied, she bathed-
And basked in a pool of her tears,
Wool; pulled over her eyes and her ears,
Her ship capsized…brooding fears,
A youth renamed as “eluding years”.

Good opening stanza, let's get going.

She’s all alone in this vicious world,
Once ambitious, now she furled-
Into a ball of anger, tears, frustration,
The manger, the jeers, the nation,
It all crumbled, brick by fucking brick,
And she too fell to her knees…
Sucking dick…someone quick…
It’s a vicious disease,
Don’t let poverty enslave her,
Judge not her behavior,
For how would you feed a family?
Amidst all this calamity,
The utter insanity of never-ending war,
Only to bring in the impending gore,
Watching hope float away,
Left to promote naught but dismay,
Oh hopeless day,
Closing her eyes to be whisked away.

Just as Vern, your first stanza was very well written but you failed to follow up. Are you trying to write like IT? Don't he's garbage. Just keep your own style man. You're good at what you do. No insecurities needed.


Yet as she clicked her shiny red shoes,
She didn’t budge or move,
A little boy ran by bellowing news…
But Jasmine’s stuck in a groove,
Where life seems to lack worth,
She wants to welcome back rebirth,
As a soft breath escapes her lips,
She walks into open view and strips,
Letting the cold world engulf her,
The blood, ash, and sulfur.

Word, now we're getting somewhere, let's see where this buildup takes us.

There she stood as a beacon forgotten,
Waking the once meek and downtrodden,
A glimmer of light in world war two,
It seemed, this young girl knew-
Just what to do as the bombers approach,
Whispering softly; grasping her broach,
As her water broke into the puddle beneath,
A gasp stretches past her teeth,
In a corner, she sees a pastor weep,
There’s no time, watching disaster creep-
In the form of a Nazi plane,
Her stomach in knots, it’s all in vain,
The hospital’s bombed and to far away,
A stench approaches…of tar; decay,
And the baby crowns.

Those short lines are driving me crazy man. Takes so much away from your mechanics. Doesn't help at all with description because the lines are too short. This shit is ugly GL.

The deafening sounds…
It’s to late now, the panic ceases,
The pounding heart rate increases,
As mothers grasp their children tight,
Wishing that everything will be alright,
Yet there in the middle of it all,
Was a riddle that’d enthrall-
Even the most hopeless of men,
It was Jasmine…in a moment of zen-
Giving birth to a baby boy,
Whose smile gave her hope and joy,
Kissing his every cuticle,
Life…it seemed so fucking beautiful,
And in that second before the bomb,
The world was finally calm.

"Well, it's not the men in your life that counts, it's the life in your men."
-I'm No Angel

Good ending. See I am at a stalemate here. The substance was okay and it was barely enough, but the idea behind this piece was so powerful it could have been something great. Instead it surely wasn't. It was a piece that seemed premature, mechanics lacked, and it wasn't very detailed.


This is where I am at in regards to voting. L Dizzle's first three stanzas were very well executed. Then after that he went to left field. On top of that he ended with a manuscript on Got Life, which I thought was pretty tasteless.

Then I have Got Life, and maybe it's because I haven't read his stuff in a long time, but this style is hideous. Short, undeveloped lines, bad structure, lack of detail, etc, etc. If the old Got Life had written to this idea, this should would have been amazing. But I don't know if he's trying to follow after IT's structure which is a very bad idea or what.

So this vote is based solely off of the more complete, enjoyable read to me.

VOTE - GOT LIFE

[vada]

l dogg...

i dont really know how to critique this, obviously a personal get some shit off my chest verse, mechanics were ok, rhyme scheme could've been better, i've done a couple pieces like this mainly when i have nothing else to think about, the ending was ehh for me, i dont really like the whole battle feel to it, seemed as if this was an RSTL verse for the RBL just from them 2 lines alone, as for the verse it self the read was smooth to the point and kept me reading although i dont like pieces like this even though i've written a few myself


got life...

good job man, i really enjoyed this beginning to end the flow was fluent, very easy read and the plot was good it played of the picture well kind of...let me explain...she had a baby boy right?...it would've made things a lot easir on me if you just said she had a baby girl, cause IMO that could've played of the picture more and well...you know what i mean, anyway nice read, just being nit picky you were off on some of your multi's lol, that's all i can think of negative, good job...


overall...two totally different pieces here, l dogg was more of an autobiography, an GL had a fictional character that could probably be a true story although i doubt he knows the girl, all in all i liked both pieces but i like GLs more...so VOTE GOT LIFE...props to both

[DaAlmightyDolla]

l dog-
i was hoping u would bring some heat 4 got life but u didnt. i cant really hate on personal stories cuz who am 2 say it sucks without me in some way saying ur life sucks lol. i just never really got into it. the finisher was funny as fuck 2 me cuz i snitched on got life b4 when he recycled. some ppl forget that this is a battle after all but u took a left turn from the rest of the concept. like myself u didnt use complex styles or vocab when going 4 a natural feel and flow. overall ill give u 7/10

gl-
i dont like u but i have 2 respect u.. nvm i dont lol. this was a nice read though. im a sucker 4 mother verses. ur flow was on point and ur verse had sick imagry. the only problem i had with this verse was that i know i would have enjoyed it more if it didnt seem like u wrote it b4. i guess that comes with the territory 4 rstls most consistant. overall 8/10

v- gl the recycler

[Infinite Truth]

L - are you serious with this garbage, you talked all this shit and I was expecting you to come with some fire, but instead you wrote some garbage about prolly some made up bullshit about your poser life and ended it with a plea that people don't vote for gottie...that's just sad man. The mechanics, flow and poetics were just straight up piss poor.

Gottie - haha, you're a sick fuck, scheme was still kinda weak, but the story was pretty dope and the flow and mechanics were all pretty much there. Definitely the more polished and more enjoyable verse. Not much else needed to be said.

vote = Life

[Lucifa]

Got Life? wins 5-0.
LDogg fails to vote/post links.
Got Life? wins 5-(-3).